RE: How much of submission is sexual for you?

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/4/2010 8:27:09 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
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To address your question of wanting to emotionally dominate, yet needing a strong partner: I am a capable, strong person. I can handle 30 teenagers in a classroom, run organizations and perform in front of crowds. I have been told I'm intimidating (those of you who know me from this side of my life can giggle now). I am also 4 years into an all-encompassing D/s relationship. He calls us "Mad About You" with a dark side.

As for my sexuality, I am sexual. Period. When I was younger, before getting married, I would say I was more aggressive sexually with both men and women. When I discovered BDSM, after that long, frustrating marriage, I was a kid in a candy store.

Now, being owned long-term by a very Dominant man, I would say that 90% of the time I am submissive in sex and 100% of the time I am submissive in the relationship.

The difference is that while I am naturally submissive in the relationship- needing to please Him is paramount to me- sexually, I enjoy submission (really!), but I am just sexual in all aspects. I enjoy topping and occasionally, I even enjoy vanilla. (I can hear Sir laughing. Ok, I enjoy vanilla if it's rough.)

What I had to learn is that submissive doesn't mean needy or not fully participative in the relationship. I could still be the whole person I am and yet enjoy relaxing in His care and His decisions. So, find yourself a capable, emotionally stable submissive- and own her.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/4/2010 2:45:06 PM

itsmeinLV

Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
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Ever since discovering the "lifestyle", I've always identified myself as being a submissive in the lifestyle. However, since I've entered a vanilla relationship a year ago, I confine my activities as a sub behind closed doors.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/5/2010 10:05:26 PM

QuirkyAnne

Posts: 268
Joined: 9/17/2008
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For me, it's completely sexual. I submit in the bedroom (switching on very rare occasions) and once the sex/scene/play/[whatever anyone else wants to call it] is over then I'm back to my usual self. If my partner ever tried to make me submit somewhere else outside of the bedroom or the context of sex, I'd be having a long talk with him about our relationship dynamic and whether or not it was going to continue.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/6/2010 6:21:06 PM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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My submission is entwined with my sexuality inextricably, but not all aspects of my service are sexual, if that makes sense. Doing the dishes isn't inherently sexual. However, when done in service, many tasks can become sexual for me. I have always been this way as far as I know.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/6/2010 10:24:59 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
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I am submissive in all ways. It goes far beyond sexuality for me. My Master and I just spent our first real-life weekend together, and the entire time? I submitted to him. Whether it was making my body accessible to him sexually whenever he desired it of me, or getting him the remote for the TV, or kneeling for him with a glass of water and waiting patiently when he was enduring a moment of pain concerning a health issue of his? It just felt right to me to always do whatever I could for his pleasure and comfort. It sated me in a way I could not experience in any other kind of dynamic.

The kinky sex is fantastic. But my soul is complete only when I am knelt at his feet during the more mundane moments of life.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/21/2010 5:42:38 PM

forsaken555

Posts: 39
Joined: 12/2/2009
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I think it's 100%. I wouldn't be with a dom who wouldn't use me sexually everyday. I need sex, that's why I'm in this lifestyle, but more than just vanilla sex, I need to smack around and verbally abused and degraded to enjoy the sex. So that's why vanilla is out too. But I couldn't do master and slave thing 24/7, I need days where I can feel like my own person, and have some control and say over my own life.

Emotionally, I think it's more of loving and trusting someone whom you know will never do anything to harm you.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/21/2010 9:06:54 PM

Icarys

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I don't think submission has the first thing to do with sex. At least not for me.

I think people can confuse sex and submission much like people have sex with love.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/21/2010 11:35:36 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
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to me, none of it is sexual

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/22/2010 8:36:56 AM

simply4You

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/5/2006
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i would say that i identify as a submissive who lives the lifestyle as often as she can, which is not near as often as i would like.

That being said, i have been fortunate to be with the same person for just about 4 years now and to quote Her from a couple weekends ago when speaking to a group of people: “and I have never fucked her”.

When i first started, i will admit it was very much about the sexual side of things and i had a hard time finding someone who wanted anything other than ‘bedroom’ type of service. It was not fulfilling for me though, there was always something missing, and i was constantly wanting ‘more’ and it had nothing at all to do with sex … then I was introduced to Ma’am. One of the limits i had in the very beginning was actually no sex because i needed it to be about something other than that and that was the easiest/best way of doing that.

It is very possible to take service, emotions, behavior, and protocol and keep it sensual if not ‘sexual’ and take everything outside of the bedroom. Doesn’t mean that my body doesn’t react, or that i’m not dripping wet (which unfortunately She likes to point out lol) during or after things, it just means that our relationship has not been driven by the sexual side of it all. And because She was able to do that? i find that i am much more comfortable with who i am … and i trust Her a hell of a lot more as well.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/23/2010 11:28:47 AM

subtaylor79

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Joined: 6/30/2009
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Every thing I do for my beloved daddy doms is sexual to me.
My brain is hardwired to my pussy and vice versa.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/23/2010 1:47:00 PM

perfectflaw00

Posts: 96
Joined: 3/3/2010
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Putting my dominants wants/needs/happiness before mine is what drives me to submission and any type of sexual undertones are come secondary to me. Now don't get me wrong there is a time and place for everything but if I can do some task/chore/service to make their life easier than I get infinitely more enjoyment from that than any type of "play".

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/23/2010 2:31:26 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I am not submissive, howeverI find if he is keeping me happy sexually and bdsm wise I am more inclined to take care of him and see to his whims.

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/25/2010 8:20:58 PM

shandra

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Joined: 1/25/2005
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Sex and submission don't meet for me, but D/s and bdsm generally is just one of my potential relationships tho being 24/7 potential other partners have to accept the situation

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RE: How much of submission is sexual for you? - 4/27/2010 7:36:37 AM

daddysprop247

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Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

I don't think submission has the first thing to do with sex. At least not for me.

I think people can confuse sex and submission much like people have sex with love.

i would agree with this. imo submission, or rather being submissive, describes a personality type, the way one naturally interacts with the world around them. i'd describe a submissive person as someone naturally inclined to yield, to give in, to the will of others. like or dislike has nothing to do with it, and what arouses them sexually certainly has nothing to do with it.

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