RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/28/2010 8:14:20 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
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~Fast Reply~
ONCE i considered backing out, but not to go 'nilla.....just be in limbo for awhile. A Dom cropped the living hell outta me in spite of my safewording three times, after which a considerable amount of un-lady-like swear words came out of my mouth directed toward Him and that was the end of that. i am definitely NOT a masochist & i had let Him know that, at the time, i was relatively a newbie too. So much for that. lol

~kitten~

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/28/2010 10:26:09 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

From this lifestyle or BDSM related activities? I have spoken with more than a couple of subs who drift into and out of serving. Some because, of just how submissive they become scares them, and others because they want to try the vanilla life again.

Within this question, what is your meaning/definition of "serving?"

However you define it. What you do to submit or serve as a slave.

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/28/2010 11:18:03 PM

SophiaChan

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/30/2006
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Dear Whiteslavebitch and Unique Raven,

I cannot emphasize enough how much I resonate with what both of you have written and I wonder how many others also feel this way.

I too, once introduced to BDSM, could not not be submissive. To the point of the slow destruction of my marriage (along with some other things of course). I am in a new relationship with a dominant who loves my submissive worship, in and out of the bedroom. Lucky me!

However, I also feel deeply overwhelmed by it at times to the point of questioning: 'Can this be a reality that is healthy and sane?' I know I carry baggage from my experience with my ex and his disregard for the lifestyle, but I sometimes don't know how not to get totally swept up in the 'high' of being submissive to a dominant man.

I know that extreme situations tend to bring out my inner craziness a bit more and it is then that I crave the strength of my dom all the more! I am thankful that he has the strength to keep a firm hand with me emotionally, no matter how much I push. But, I'd truly appreciate some advice, if anyone has some, on how to keep my own inner submissive desires under control better.

Thanks!

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/29/2010 2:31:54 AM

delicatelydirty

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCskitten

~Fast Reply~
ONCE i considered backing out, but not to go 'nilla.....just be in limbo for awhile. A Dom cropped the living hell outta me in spite of my safewording three times, after which a considerable amount of un-lady-like swear words came out of my mouth directed toward Him and that was the end of that. i am definitely NOT a masochist & i had let Him know that, at the time, i was relatively a newbie too. So much for that. lol

~kitten~

having had a similar experience recently... limbo is good..... I am still around, I am still talking to people but my desire to explore on a physical level has diminished dramatically. But I would never go back to vanilla because for me to deny my submission is to deny who I am and that tends to lead to depression.

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/29/2010 11:08:17 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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i have never felt th need to "back away" i was born submissive. I find fulfilment in serving , and great joy in serving my Master. backing away would make me a very sad person i would not be happy in my life . I could never back away from my Master anyway.

Matt's littleone

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/29/2010 11:56:30 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

Greetings

I have backed out and come back, backed out and come back many times. On one side I am submissive by nature, but on the other I have so strong goals in my life and I am so much of a control freak that it is very hard for me to submit to the will of another. This is a struggle inside of me which at times gets very difficult to resolve.

I wish you well

What nephandi said.

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/29/2010 9:09:33 PM

OrpheusAgonistes

Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
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Nabokov once wrote "Not text, but texture." I've never felt the inclination to back away from the texture of power exchange, from the thrill of interplay between sadistic and masochistic personalities. In candor, I agree with those who have said they're skeptical that there is any such thing as "vanilla."

But generally, the more labels and complications become attached, the more enervated and outright bored I get. Personalities at play are sexy, quibbles over labels and titles and "scene etiquette" feel like that 8 AM Philosophy 101 class I was usually too hungover to bother with. Some people enjoy these negotiations and discussions. Hell, for some people, that's what jazzes them the most. God bless 'em and shalom and all that but seriously.

So if it comes down to a point where a partner and I start spending a great deal of time and energy defining roles and arguing about semantics and worrying about how we fit in to "the Lifestyle" then I absolutely will find myself backing away, probably sooner than later.

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 3/29/2010 10:32:42 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCskitten

~Fast Reply~
ONCE i considered backing out, but not to go 'nilla.....just be in limbo for awhile. An asshole cropped the living hell outta me in spite of my safewording three times
~kitten~

Fixed!

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 4/1/2010 4:46:39 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
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Slavery is the reason for my being, so how could I 'back out' of it? So, no, I've never backed out of it. I have yearned to be a slave to a woman since I was seven. So, that makes it almost my entire life.

Have I settled for a vanilla relationship because I couldn't find an Owner? That's a different question, and, yes, that I've done. But I've tried to get them to be as dominant as I could. It can be frustrating, and you have to be prepared for the 'OMG! Are you one of THEM? I like kinky stuff, but the WHIPS AND CHAINS stuff I think is repulsive!'

So sad and embarrassing.

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 4/1/2010 8:46:30 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCskitten

~Fast Reply~
ONCE i considered backing out, but not to go 'nilla.....just be in limbo for awhile. An asshole cropped the living hell outta me in spite of my safewording three times
~kitten~

Fixed!

Love it!

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 4/2/2010 9:30:50 AM

ownedbyPF

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
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I would say never. My entire life was spent moving towards this... even when I didn't know what "this" was exactly. Once I understood "this thing in me" :) I couldn't do anything other than delve deeper and deeper into it. Even when it was hard. Even when it didn't fit into my marriage (read exhusband). Even when I had to figure out how to accept just how far I was capable of going with someone... how many "wrong and sick things" I was not only capable of, but desperately needed! The only time I paused was when I was left utterly heart broken by a former man in my life. I didn't just turn away from "this" though, I turned away from everything. I regrouped, I healed. It took months. Once I could even stomach the word relationship it never occured to me that it would be anything other than one of this variety. Going nilla and trying to be all like equal (omg! ew!

) never entered my mind.
~s

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 4/21/2010 5:54:15 PM

forsaken555

Posts: 39
Joined: 12/2/2009
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I think if I have not met my current master, perhaps I would have gone out and gone back to vanilla for good, it's trust that is difficult.

What scared me was my lack of judgement on whether a dom is genuine about me or not.

I met a dom on here whom earned my trust and I met up with. Thought he was a genuine friend who liked me as a person first, as we had long deep conversations about everything outside bdsm. And we hanged out without play involved and enjoyed each others company with no problems. But guess what? All these while, he was setting me up for gang rape. And it completely shaken me. Some very fortunate circumstances happened that prevents me from turning up on the night he planned the ambush for me, but after his long carefully planned execution was foiled, he went all out to hurt me through other ways. Very vindicative.

I am now suspicious of everybody no matter how nice and genuine they seem, and that will be make it hard for me to go into another bdsm relationship.

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RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the ne... - 4/21/2010 9:00:28 PM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: DWCskitten

~Fast Reply~
~kitten~

Fixed!

Dreamerdreaming Wins.

Before i woke up to the idea that i should work with my follower tendencies rather than against them, i tried doing much like what UniqueRaven did. i'd back out because i thought being overwhelmed meant i should protect myself and put up walls. Hilarity ensued. Since then, i've not backed out and "been vanilla", just gone into limbo like DWCsKitten--with the caveat that most of my D/s situations have not included any slap with it's tickle, just this last ten year or so jaunt.

my instant response to the thread title "how many times have you felt the need to back away?" was "As many times as i've felt the need to back into it." Both, constantly. :P

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