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LadyAngelika -> RE: The Difference between Men and Boys (3/28/2010 4:40:29 PM)
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As per usual here, the responses have been thought provoking. Thanks :-)
I'll address each so far with some comments.
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ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo
it's all context for me, i take the words for their meaning by use.
Absolutely. That is why I say there are certain terms like "good boy" which I doubt I'll ever stop using. But there is a bigger picture for me which hopefully I'll manage to convey in the responses to others below.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lockit
I don't respond to boys. I respond to men, therefore the struggle I had with the meaning of the word.
That's pretty much the crux for me too and why I'm struggling with the word boy.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I absolutely do have a preference and that preference is the term boy. The reason for this is it generally allows the reader to avoid any confusion of the power imbalance dynamic that is in place. By calling him My boy, I'm using the term in the easiest way (with the shortest keystrokes) for that understanding to occur.
I totally get this. The bottom line however—and I'm going to make a huge assumption based on what I observed which I think is pretty bang on—is that clip isn't immature like a boy but rather a responsible mature man. You know this, he's proven this, therefore you can safely call him a boy and know that it only refers to the power dynamics.
The difference for me is about what I put out there as an image of what I am seeking. Here's an interesting little comparison I found on this website:
A boy looks good with his shirt off
A man looks good because of the way he looks at you
A boy will smile during the good times
A man will laugh during the bad
A boy goes to work because he has to
A man works because he can
A boy buys a plasma screen television
A man accumulates a library
A boy will hug you in the kitchen
A man will hold your hand anywhere you're together
A boy knows how to load the washing machine
A man knows what doesn't go in the dryer
A boy can read the grocery list you have written
A man will shop it with you, put it away, and cook anything on it
A boy will talk to you about lousy day
A man will ask you about yours, and listen
A boy will read a to do list
A man knows what has to be done
A boy will buy you flowers
A man will plant them with you
A boy will tell you what you want to hear
A man will tell you what he has to say
A boy will share a thought
A man will share his dreams
A boy will tell you he feels good when he is with you
A man will tell you how he feels when he can't be at your side
A boy will share intimate moments with you
A man....will share his life
To me, based solely on the above, I am looking for a man.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
Really interesting question. I must say I respond well to being called a boy, even though I do think of myself as fairly mature, tough-minded, etc. The term makes me feel subservient, but not necessarily immature except in the sense of having a certain youthful energy (which is perhaps a bit of an illusion, as I slide gracefully into my mid-thirties) that is ready to be put at the service of my Mistress. Maybe I'm a boy who happens to be wise and capable beyond his (implied) years. And I agree with Lady Pact that calling a man "boy" is a good way of indicating his place to others.
There we go. You know you are a man, yet there is something that makes you feel subservient about being called a boy. But you acknowledged first and foremost that you are a man. I think that is the key.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lashra
I call them "males" no matter what end of the whip they are on. I don't like the terms "girl or boy" because to me it means a child, we are all adults here therefore I don't use either or them.
Lashra, this is a perfect example of pure preferences. Hearing men referred to as males and women as females is like nails on a chalk board to me. I associate those terms to animals and never to be used with civilised individuals. But that's me. I hear it a lot on American TV and anyone who knows me knows that when I hear it I snarl just a little. ;-) But as we say in French, Vive la différence!
quote:
ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
Within and without BDSM (boys will be boys, what do you boys want), I don't mind being referred to as a boy. I am, however, not drawn to be being address as boy (Come here, boy). It is not that I find it offensive but it sounds a bit redneck to me.
Oh I could totally see how the word boy is so very different in Texas!!
quote:
ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince
While I like the term "boy," to me it is more of a term of endearment than something necessary to remind me of the power imbalance. I never lose sight of that ... well, almost never. giggles
I would see it as this too.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
Interesting.
I don't use 'boy' at all. Although I use canine terms as shorthand for obedience, service and correction as in 'good dog', 'bad dog' and 'pup' for a man in training, possibly I steer away from boy because most of my subs are younger, but they all have to be smart good men; I'm not interested in infantilism or mommy play [except for the breast worship ;-)]. Plus the homonyms for boy also have LGBT definitions, so 'man' all the way for me and mine.
Thanks for sharing that. Once I've established a more intimate relationship with someone, they get their own pet name or names for sure.
quote:
ORIGINAL: madderrose
Well, I look for men who are taller and bigger, with similar qualities as the ones you describe, but I still like to use boy. Though it does depend on when, where and how. I'm bilingual, so if I'm speaking English I use boy, unless someone has a fierce dislike for it or it's a limit. Using boy does emphasize the dynamics, but I've noticed men enjoy it as well, maybe because I'm usually smaller and younger. Words are just as important as actions.
That said there are situations I wouldn't use 'boy', one is if I was with someone younger because it gives me the wrong connotations, and the other is in my native language. It simply means boy, a small child. I might use something else, maybe dear, or dearie, or sweetie, because it implies the same things as boy, and also gives the illusion that I'm being perfectly nice when I'm really not.
Saying "Come here, sweetie," and asking them to kneel, is to me just as nice as saying "Come here, boy."
I'm bilingual as well and in French, boy is garçon which is just a strange thing to call someone other than a waiter. So I use jeune homme sometimes which means young man. That only really works with men younger than me as it is really silly with a man older than me for some reason in French. It might have something to do with one of my first subs' reaction when I called him this. He as 16 years older than me.
I also like the little pet names which will vary from man to man and from moment to moment.
But the bottom line is that I think there is a different protocol about what it is that I put out there in terms of what I want and the little pet names that can come after.
- LA
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