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Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 7:03:09 PM

Mordecai

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

In my search I have tried and succeeded in presenting myself in the best light possible... I am well trained... In my journeys through this life I have learned to anticipate the wishes an desires of any Domme I am in the company of... My skills are many...
The question I have for this forum can be a simple one or it can be difficult... Please I beg of you think the question through from both sides... What I desire is to be able to present myself in the best light possible...

What do you desire in a "sub" one who is well trained in all of the things you desire or one who has potential to be trained in that which will please you? Is the training actually the desire? Or is it the captivation of a new sub which will give you the instant gratification of an already trained plaything?

Thank You for YOUR time...

mordecai

Post #: 1

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 7:13:50 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

I prefer one who is already well trained. Much less work for me.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 2

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 7:19:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I want a submissive who doesn't expect me to be like his former dominant(s) and tries to impose his training on me. (Many do.) I would rather train someone to fit me and come to me open minded without set skills he thinks I am going to require because someone else did. One who doesn't feel he is better because of some training he has had, over those with little or no training.

Most likely I will have to undo some of the training and a mind set if he has some training ingrained and that can be far worse than taking someone new on.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 3

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 7:50:51 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Greetings,

For me training doesn't come into the picture. He can be either well trained or not trained at all, but if we don't 'click' then it really doesn't matter as I'm not interested. If a man and I have a connection I'll take the time to either re-train him or start from scratch. For me it's the person that matters, not the training.

Wickad

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 4

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 7:51:28 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I want a submissive who doesn't expect me to be like his former dominant(s) and tries to impose his training on me. (Many do.) I would rather train someone to fit me and come to me open minded without set skills he thinks I am going to require because someone else did. One who doesn't feel he is better because of some training he has had, over those with little or no training.

Most likely I will have to undo some of the training and a mind set if he has some training ingrained and that can be far worse than taking someone new on.

This makes a lot of sense. Esp the part i bolded.

~kitten~

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 5

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 8:45:48 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

For me, I want a sub who has a realistic understanding of the lifestyle. If they are realistic then they know I am not another Mistress and they should adapt to me.

(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 6

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/28/2010 10:33:09 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

What Lockit and GraciousLady stated resonates with me as well.

I don't care how much training a guy has had so long as he is willing to learn my ways and not gets stuck on how his former did things. I don't want to hear a bunch of "well, my last mistress did this to get me to do this other thing". I really don't care how a former mistress did things, I'm going to do things my way. End of discussion...lol.

Now, I don't mind knowing things that she did that you (general you) enjoyed, or made you feel more submissive, or whatever, and I may even use some of that to my advantage. If one chooses to relay ANY of that information to me, it should be done in a way to just express their enjoyment of that particular activity/dynamic, and not to manipulate me into being like her. Any attempts to manipulate me to become more like 'her' would not go over well at all.

Many I've spoken with try to tell me, "well, I know this works on me, so if you do it, it will work". Whatever that thing may be. While they may believe that it will work if I do it too, it may not work if it's something I don't enjoy. They won't get the same feeling by me doing it because I won't have the same enthusiasm 'she' had. So instead of focusing on the past, be certain to focus on the present and the future, with me in mind. If one is capable of that, then I'm willing to work with them. If they aren't, then I'm not.

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(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 7

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 2:09:30 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

It depends on what you mean by "trained" and in what areas. Someone who is trained in how to do laundry properly (i.e. separate colors and use the appropriate temperature water, etc.etc) who can then adapt that to what We want (i.e. learning how to fold Our T-shirts... don't laugh... it's complicated) is desirable. Someone who is trained in various "slavish" positions in which to pose or whatever, not so much.

In reality, it is going to differ from one person to another. We suggest building a resume, but be very willing to adapt or even completely overhaul what you know.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 8

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 4:09:53 AM

Mordecai

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

Greetings Once Again...

    My profile states probably a couple of times that I am not a doormat... Although my original training was designed to bring me to a point where Obedience and Respect come first to my mind and soul, there is still a sense of self involved... What I am commanded to clean, I clean efficiently and immaculately... Training... If there is a corner I am commanded to stand in I will stand in that spot nose planted not ever dreaming of looking out of the corner to see what the Mistress is doing... Training... I will anticipate when it is time to refill a glass of wine or light a cigarette... Training... I know who I am there to please and I respect the Fact that my pleasure is NOT part of the complex equation known as BDSM/DS... Training... I understand that if in Mistress' judgment I am to be punished there is a good reason for it and I respect her right to punish as she sees fit... It is for my own good that she does so... Training...
    These are the points of training of which I spoke... There will always be differences in the ways that each Domme wants things done with respect to order, method and repetition... These are the things that I will try to anticipate to the best of my ability... If after grocery shopping when I follow her into her house I will wait to set the groceries down so that she may tell me where to set them... But I also have a bad shoulder which was hurt in an accident and will ask if I may set them down so as not to cause further damage... Further damage to the shoulder would preclude me from other chores which she may require of me... But I would never just set the groceries down without first asking... Training...
    Never would I dream of bringing into any new relationship or situation any preconceived expectations... What, When and How things were done in the past are in the past... With the new situation comes an entire set of new rules to follow... And I would strive to follow those rules immediately after I am informed of them... Training...

Thank You for YOUR Time

mordecai

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 4:35:03 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(fast reply)

Greetings,

For me training doesn't come into the picture. He can be either well trained or not trained at all, but if we don't 'click' then it really doesn't matter as I'm not interested. If a man and I have a connection I'll take the time to either re-train him or start from scratch. For me it's the person that matters, not the training.

Wickad

This is what resonates with me. He could be the best trained submissive on the planet, but if I'm not into him, I'm not into him.

Any training will not replace chemistry.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 10

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 6:24:16 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

As Wickad has remarked, I, too, feel it's all about the individual and the chemistry between us. As Lockit mentioned, if a submissive or slave were to have problems with comparisons and expectations, between former training and mine, that would certainly be a problem. Though hopefully, anyone with whom I had good chemistry and shared some feelings wouldn't be too much pining for a previous dominant and viewing theirs as the Right Way. And certainly I'm not likely to gel well with someone with such control issues that he'd try to let me know how we *should* be doing it.

If a submissive or slave is truly into me, then whether trained or not, they will naturally be paying attention to me and my personal desires and needs and ways.

"In heaven and on earth, there is only one of me."
- Miyavi

< Message edited by MadameMarque -- 3/29/2010 6:25:17 AM >

(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 11

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 6:58:51 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mordecai

My profile states probably a couple of times that I am not a doormat...
[clipped]

As an aside, the first thing that strikes me when I read someone protesting that they're not a doormat, isn't that they must have a lot of self respect but that it sounds defensive.

Now in some cases, it may be that the person is inexperienced, and that makes them want to put that out there, because for them it's not to be assumed, 'I'm a submissive/masochist/slave, but..." - ...but I still have self respect; ...but I still don't want to be exploited by someone who has no feelings for me; ...but I'm still capable and have personal power, etc.

My reservations are alerted by 'I am not a doormat,' as maybe predicting that they'll be overly sensitive to, or looking for ways in which their status is challenged. (- if I'm making that clear)

I just find that the confidence to be cool with taking on the submissive role and the free flowing passion of a person is more likely expressed with abandon and openness.

"From the death of the other one within myself, I obtain freedom."
- hyde

(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 12

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 7:31:12 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mordecai

Greetings Once Again...

   My profile states probably a couple of times that I am not a doormat... Although my original training was designed to bring me to a point where Obedience and Respect come first to my mind and soul, there is still a sense of self involved... What I am commanded to clean, I clean efficiently and immaculately... Training... If there is a corner I am commanded to stand in I will stand in that spot nose planted not ever dreaming of looking out of the corner to see what the Mistress is doing... Training... I will anticipate when it is time to refill a glass of wine or light a cigarette... Training... I know who I am there to please and I respect the Fact that my pleasure is NOT part of the complex equation known as BDSM/DS... Training... I understand that if in Mistress' judgment I am to be punished there is a good reason for it and I respect her right to punish as she sees fit... It is for my own good that she does so... Training...
   These are the points of training of which I spoke... There will always be differences in the ways that each Domme wants things done with respect to order, method and repetition... These are the things that I will try to anticipate to the best of my ability... If after grocery shopping when I follow her into her house I will wait to set the groceries down so that she may tell me where to set them... But I also have a bad shoulder which was hurt in an accident and will ask if I may set them down so as not to cause further damage... Further damage to the shoulder would preclude me from other chores which she may require of me... But I would never just set the groceries down without first asking... Training...
   Never would I dream of bringing into any new relationship or situation any preconceived expectations... What, When and How things were done in the past are in the past... With the new situation comes an entire set of new rules to follow... And I would strive to follow those rules immediately after I am informed of them... Training...

Thank You for YOUR Time

mordecai

Actually, I don't consider most of the above as training. Some of what you're listing here doesn't go much farther than common sense and good old fashioned manners of a gentleman. Anytime someone wants to bring up the subject of being trained, I go back to one of the literal definitions of the word. That being the skill, knowledge, and experience acquired by one who trains. If the above encompasses that, then many bartenders across the country should be considered properly trained submissives because they know how to fill a glass when it's empty and tend to be tipped better if they are willing to light a woman's cigarette while they are sitting at the bar.

If someone is going to say to Me that they have training, to Me, that means they had better bring some skill to the table. It can be any number of things. Experience with protocol, knowledge of the care of leather, the ability to give a proper manicure/pedicure, proper wine service (those bartenders are starting to look good), be familiar with how to perform a Japanese tea, how to give a skilled massage, set a formal dinner table, etc, etc. In other words, there has to be something over and above the tasks you would perform anyway to maintain your own existence. I'm not saying things like cooking, cleaning, and laundry are not forms of service. They absolutely are and can most certainly be seen as making a Dominant's life easier. At the same time, most single adult males maintaining their own residence should be capable of these things to some degree. If not, somebody failed in 'training' them in the formative years of their life and that was the people who raised them.

To answer your original, while it's of a great convenience to Me to take on a submissive who has experience and some of the skills that I've mentioned, it really doesn't matter that much. What matters more to Me is that he is willing to learn. Being willing to acquire the knowledge and skills of the things that I want done in his service to Me is going to far outweigh anything else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 13

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 8:10:19 AM

CherokeeRose2

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline

So a couple of things to think about....

I read your profile and thought it was a bit too kink-oriented...who are you as a person? Because I agree that it's going to be relationship chemistry that trumps "training" every time.

The other thing that I wonder is why you would hold up the example of standing there holding groceries waiting to be told what to do as an example of "training" (or "submissiveness") - why wouldn't you take the initiative to offer to put them away instead of waiting to be micromanaged?

I also agree that repeated denials about not being a doormat make me wonder...who is he trying to convince of that - others or himself?

"Training" isn't about having participated in kink...it's about having solid skills that you've both been taught AND have gone over and above to extend those skills. It's about a domme's personal protocols (and that means being able to be retrained every time you serve someone new) and learning them thoroughly.

< Message edited by CherokeeRose2 -- 3/29/2010 8:15:04 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 11:22:45 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

What I have found with those who tell me they are trained, most often they have a mind set of how things should be done. Slave naked at all times, slave does only what it's told to do and sits waiting to be told what to do or is constantly jumping out to serve and becomes quite a bother in my opinion. Slave is this or that and mistress is this or that and there are some very rigid guidelines that make them feel like a slave.

I don't go by any guidelines but my own. I can't tell you how many have tried to force their slavery upon me! I didn't feel they actually needed me to be a slave as I would have no actual part in much of anything. They had it all worked out. If I agreed, I would be a slave to their slavery or imagined/trained idea of what slavery should be and believe me, they would be very disappointed in me.

Training can be a complicated word. lol Someone who has lived life knows a number of things that we all deal with day to day. Some variation of those things are wonderful. If he knows things that are important to me, even better. But what matters most is not him thinking like a slave or knowing what a slave does, but him knowing me! How to make me laugh, how to talk to me and what's important to me, how I want my coffee, how I want him to take part in my life and with my family and then we have the kinkier stuff.

I first want to know if we have anything in common to talk about and training wouldn't be one of those things that captivates me. If he can talk to me and make it something I look forward to, that means far more than anything else. He has to excite me for me to want to dominate him.

So far OP, you have talked of what you can or cannot do and only said two things, I believe, about yourself. One that you are trained and what you think is important in being a slave and two, that you aren't a doormat and have some self interest, as well as a shoulder injury.

You are trying to impress with the wrong things here. Impress with who you are, the rest comes later.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to CherokeeRose2)

Post #: 15

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 1:28:41 PM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

It depends on what you mean by "trained" and in what areas. Someone who is trained in how to do laundry properly (i.e. separate colors and use the appropriate temperature water, etc.etc) who can then adapt that to what We want (i.e. learning how to fold Our T-shirts... don't laugh... it's complicated) is desirable. Someone who is trained in various "slavish" positions in which to pose or whatever, not so much.

In reality, it is going to differ from one person to another. We suggest building a resume, but be very willing to adapt or even completely overhaul what you know.

Master Fire

It's amazing how hard it is for some people to fold a shirt. I agree, so much!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 5:39:18 PM

Mordecai

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2004
Status: offline

Greetings once again...

    I will start this post with one thing... I can understand that saying one is not a doormat can be seen as trying to convince others that he or she is not one for different reasons other than just a statement of fact... What the statement means to me personally is this, I am a person first and foremost... Above and beyond the dictates of a strictly BDSM relationship I have dreams and visions of me and my life that are important to me... And if those dreams and visions are in opposition to the dreams and visions of anyone I submit to or I am in a relationship with I must sadly remove myself from the situation... I have seen other submissives both male and female who gave up the things that were important to them Just to be in a kink relationship... Those to me are doormats...
    When I stated the holding of the groceries until I was told to put them down that was a mistake on my part... One which I will never make again... On that subject in the words of a generation younger than I, 'nuff said...
    Lockit... Of all of the replies to my original question yours gave me the most to sink my teeth into... You spoke of impressing with the wrong things... I had not seen that when I wrote my profile on the first day I was on this site... You spoke of highlighting my personality just not in so many words... That is advice I can run with... When I originally came to this site I was wrongly under the impression that most here would be more interested in the kink side of that which is me... The non-kink side of me is a lot more interesting... In the future I will run with words of my sense of humor and love of baseball and music.. My sometimes overly ambitious need to please... The joy I get from seeing my sense of humor when it makes some one smile... And should it make that person laugh, all the better... And my ability to shoot pool equal to or better than most...
    I always have been willing to learn the new skills needed to be able to serve in the ways that are required by any particular person... The need to please has always been at the forefront of my mind and body when entering into a Vanilla or BDSM situation... When I originally asked the question it was just to see what kind of response I would get... It has turned into a bit of self evaluation of sorts... But it also gave me some insight as to what a Dominant is truly searching for when they read a profile...

I want to thank each one of you for your time and involvement in the answering of the questions I posed... And hope you keep this thread going with more insight for others who will read it... I will remember that when I state that I am not a doormat to clarify it with my definition of the word...

Thank You
Mordecai

(in reply to Dari)

Post #: 17

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 7:12:04 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I can understand that saying one is not a doormat can be seen as trying to convince others that he or she is not one for different reasons other than just a statement of fact...

As my film teacher used to say, show, don't tell.

Also, I think you can select words in your profile that are positives like "I'm a confident and proud man who wishes to serve" rather than negative statements such as "I'm not a doormat". Can you feel the difference?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Mordecai)

Post #: 18

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/29/2010 10:28:43 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

HMMM... That's what my creative writing teacher used to say.

Hello A/all,

To the OP: Are we confusing training and experience here? When I first started on this journey of mine, I intervied with a Domme who rejected me as too inexperienced (mostly apropos of pain). She was seeking somebody who she didn't have to 'bring along' so to speak. I was, and remain, profoundly disappointed. I really LIKED her. ;-(

I agree with Lady Angelika about the better presentation of positive statements as opposed to negative ones in a profile. However I do belive that great care is needed in crafting them. "I am a confident and secure man..." works better for me. 'Proud' has a different implication. Besides, I am not against the idea of being a lovely lady's doormat. ;-) But that's just me.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

< Message edited by SnowRanger -- 3/29/2010 10:30:17 PM >

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 19

RE: Which do YOU prefer? - 3/30/2010 7:19:20 AM

MistressRoux

Posts: 118
Joined: 2/20/2010
Status: offline

I'd pick a sub who is ready, willing and able to learn to please me. The alernative gives me the impression that I just happen to like the same things as his past Domme. There's some pleasure gained from the process.

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 20

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