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RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/3/2006 6:34:59 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Have any of you said to any of these guys "I feel like I'm the one always planning things and it makes me feel like you aren't very interested in having an active role in our relationship." and allowed them to say their perspective? 

Maybe they don't want anything formalized yet.  Maybe they like the lack of structure.  Maybe they don't really care that much about the situation.  Maybe you're making it easy for them to be lazy and sit back by doing it for them- it makes them happy and since you're doing it they assume it makes you happy, so everyone's happy right?

So talk to them and figure out if it's just a difference in perspective, lack of interest, or overall non-compatibility.  You are the ones dating them, if you keep dating them, why should they think anything's wrong?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cravinspankin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/3/2006 8:36:53 AM   
LoupdeMontagne


Posts: 49
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		The slaves we train or own in this house are all resident: therefore their schedules are determined and any time they may be allowed to utilize has been assigned to them.

We generally know at all times where a particular slave is and what he/she is doing.

Hephaestus
Chambre du Loup de Montagne

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/3/2006 10:34:18 PM   
MLskajira


Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline 		from the beginning if this girl asked for time with her Master, she usually had to wait longer than she would have if she had kept her mouth shut.
"everything" happens in Master's time.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/4/2006 12:43:18 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I have obviously been totally spoiled.
Showered with attention, friendship, (and even gifts) by both of the doms I am close to.
They are smart, funny, thoughtful, sweet (though one tries his best to hide it!), attentive, and just plain wonderful!!
Thanks everyone, for pointing out how lucky a sub/slave can be!
The other night one of them thanked me for 'calling so often' (yes, I was dubious, but he actually meant it!), and when I called the other one later, he told me it was 'happy time'.  Awww....
Oh, and as for the original question; gosh...I want to see them all the more, because they are so attentive and fun.
I am not denigrating anyone else's life, or their style, so, please, respect mine.  I am verrrrrry happy, and so, (I think) are the doms.
And yes...one of these days...I will prolly only have one...as one realllly wants a comittment and the other reallllly doesn't.
But, for now....consider me...content. 

(in reply to MLskajira)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/4/2006 8:37:50 PM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a newbie hoping-to-be submissive, and there have been several doms who I've been varying degrees involved with who did the disappearing act.  I really, really, really wanted to contact them, but I didn't because I felt like they were setting the relationship the way they wanted it.

So, how is a sub supposed to know when it is OK to take initiative and when it isn't?  I assumed if he were interested he would contact me, but it actually went against my natural inclination to just do nothing.  Do you drop hints that you want to be perused?  I'm genuinely confused.

(in reply to BrianSenior)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/4/2006 8:46:13 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I'm assuming you want to be persued...and not perused...(although that has possibilities as well!)

Just be yourself.

Don't go against your nature, especially when no one is asking you to.  (there will be PLENTY of opportunities for that later...trust me!)

Those who are open to being sought after will enjoy it, and those who are not will let you know...or just disappear....either way, you win.

Good luck!

(in reply to ladychatterley)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/4/2006 10:36:27 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladychatterley

I'm a newbie hoping-to-be submissive, and there have been several doms who I've been varying degrees involved with who did the disappearing act.  I really, really, really wanted to contact them, but I didn't because I felt like they were setting the relationship the way they wanted it.

So, how is a sub supposed to know when it is OK to take initiative and when it isn't?  I assumed if he were interested he would contact me, but it actually went against my natural inclination to just do nothing.  Do you drop hints that you want to be perused?  I'm genuinely confused.



Hoping to be? You either are or not, no 'hoping to be'!

If a girl was dropping hints that she wanted to be persued, she wouldn't get very far with me. If she was saying she felt the need for more attention that she was getting either overall or because of some particular event then that would be taken into account. That she has needs is taken into account, but I am the Dom and with me, things are done MY way. Mostly contact is clearly expected to be reciprical and other times either I make contact  or she has been told "Let me know when you have 'x' piece of information" or "I will see you online when you get home" etc. She does seek additional contact outside of that which is fine and she IS learning the times when she isn't to call unless it is something important.

A good Dom will either keep things on track, or end it early if it isn't working.

That is all IMO of course (My way only OTW for ME and mine.... etc) and there are plenty of folks that do things diffrent. Almost whatever you need, there will be someone, somewhere who does it that way, the trick is in finding them


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to ladychatterley)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/5/2006 12:03:37 AM   
Volcano


Posts: 22
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline 		Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  Try to convince a sub to spend more time with you, and you're "pushy."  Let the sub set the pace, and you "don't care enough." 

Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but that is the type of dilemma a lot of doms face, particularly in the initial stages of getting to know a sub.  Things like whether to do some minor things to assert dominance during the first few meetings.  Some subs will criticize you for trying to rush things.  But if you don't do it, other subs will write you off as "not dom enough." 

We aren't mind readers.  We are trying to feel our way along, looking for the right balance.  Some clear, unequivocal feedback would be really helpful sometimes. 



(in reply to cravinspankin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/5/2006 4:46:45 AM   
ladychatterley


Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline 		Where I got confused was Mr. Disciplines quote: "I tend to make the women pursue me. It shows me those that really are looking for a Dominant from those that are looking for a boyfriend," with which BK concurred.

What I meant to ask (clearly not very well) is--do you let these subs know that they should be doing the pursuing?  Because, for me at least, not pursuing is, in an of itself, an attempt at surrender.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/6/2006 1:38:32 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladychatterley
  Because, for me at least, not pursuing is, in an of itself, an attempt at surrender.


Exactly.

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to ladychatterley)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/7/2006 12:47:32 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mr. Discipline:
"I tend to make the women pursue me. It shows me those that really are looking for a Dominant from those that are looking for a boyfriend,"


I have to chime in, PLEASE!!!!!!! The one reason I love being a sub is that I love, enjoy, need the dominance!  If I met a Dom who would not be Dominant in nature with me, I would be in the same predicament as when in the vanilla courting.  I want dominance, control and in that structure I can feel comfortable in my role as his sub.
 
One thing I know for sure is when things go well it is natural for both parties to want to meet, spend time, explore realms together, commit on whatever level they are comfortable. 
 
If there's one party only wanting to be a player or not looking for a commitment of course your going to get static.  Mr. Discipline is clearly stating he is not interested in a commitment and really just wants fun in his life.  That's ok too.  I however am geared more towards a D/s relationship as my profile states.
 
Just let nature take it's course.  When it fits, it will fit.  No forcing on either end necessary when you're both on the same wave. Different pages never read the same.

(in reply to ladychatterley)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/7/2006 4:52:18 PM   
MLadyODiscipline


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook
If there's one party only wanting to be a player or not looking for a commitment of course your going to get static.  Mr. Discipline is clearly stating he is not interested in a commitment and really just wants fun in his life.  That's ok too.  I however am geared more towards a D/s relationship as my profile states.
 


With all due respect, acctonthelook, I take exception at the implication that just because Mr. Discipline doesn't walk your particular path, or subscribe to your particular views, he is as you state above, a player, or someone who is not seeking a committed relationship. Please understand I'm smiling as I state emphatically for the record that indeed, Mr. Discipline may NOT be seeking "A" committed relationship....he's already in three. His live-in slave, his companion of 2 years, and his slave of 1.5 years who is living outside the home can all attest that his method seems to be working....beautifully for him. 

Be well and walk your path in light, love and laughter.

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/8/2006 12:17:01 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MLadyODiscipline

quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook
If there's one party only wanting to be a player or not looking for a commitment of course your going to get static. 



Mr. Discipline is clearly stating he is not interested in a commitment and really just wants fun in his life.  That's ok too. 



Maybe it falls under the proper english and structuring paragraphs correctly.  Does separating it help?

I again may have worded it as if I meant Mr. Disipline was a player but I did not mean that.  I was coming from that he 'was not seeking commitment'.  Sorry for the confusion.

You be well also!

(in reply to MLadyODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/8/2006 8:41:56 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Any girl of mine knows exactly when and where I expect to see her.... I communicate that quite unequivicaly. If she wants to see me outside of that then of course she can ask. Also if she finds herself with extra time that I was not expecting then I expect to be told ASAP ater she finds out so I can decide wether I require her company.

She is mine, her time is mine and I will manage it to my satisfaction



Without reading any other post in this thread.... Raven... I really liked yours. To me it hit just as it should. Knowing when exctly I will see him again and letting him know I got extra time when it comes available all of a sudden... even if he doesn't use that time... he knows it there should he choose too.

If I feel I have to seek him out each and every time... I got better things to do with my time as well.

...Have to go with Raven and True...If I have to feel like I have to seek out for him every time, then I would feel a lack of initiative, interest,structure and then would ensue a feeling of distance and eventually any closeness or security and trust in the relationship would be at an end....Tempting

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/9/2006 12:53:42 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

quote:

ORIGINAL: MLadyODiscipline

quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook
If there's one party only wanting to be a player or not looking for a commitment of course your going to get static. 







Mr. Discipline is clearly stating he is not interested in a commitment and really just wants fun in his life.  That's ok too. 




Maybe it falls under the proper english and structuring paragraphs correctly.  Does separating it help?

I again may have worded it as if I meant Mr. Disipline was a player but I did not mean that.  I was coming from that he 'was not seeking commitment'.  Sorry for the confusion.

You be well also!

Interesting acctonthelook, you make a huge and asinine assumption about someone you don't know and then get condescending and arrogant to the person that corrected you. So I'll tell you in no uncertain words so there is no confusion (which you seem to be having). I'm in three committed relationships and I am open to having one or two more if the situation arises. But I will not chase the submissive. That is where the power exchange happens. If they want my attention, they will ask me for it, otherwise, I have other things to do. Dominance, to me, isn't chasing skirts of pompous submissives.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/9/2006 5:22:38 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		LOL. True, submissives may be a lot of things, but never would I go with the word pompous.

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/9/2006 9:47:12 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		Update:
In once of these cases, the Dominant she has been seeing a couple times a month for several months noticed recently that something was wrong with her, and asked about it.
She brought out some issues that had been bothering her, Including telling him that she felt He was no longer interested in her because for months now, He has never been the one to seek time with her, it's always been at her initiative.
A few days later, during one of their nightly talks, He suggested they get together that weekend. They did, on Saturday, and had a lovely evening.
So while He never really responded much to her concerns, He did pay attention, and acted upon them.
*smiles*
Communication definitely Is key.


(in reply to cravinspankin)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/10/2006 6:35:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin
So while He never really responded much to her concerns, He did pay attention, and acted upon them.
*smiles*
Communication definitely Is key.

Hopefully next time she'll remember that and try communicating BEFORE getting pouty to try and get his attention, and going around to everyone else for advice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cravinspankin)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/10/2006 12:48:49 PM   
Daddy4Princess4


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		There is a difference between making her pursue you and making her WANT you.  I know she is giving up some control when she begs. I also like knowing that she is feeling a need, knowing she will beg for attention.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is it about making her want to see You? - 4/10/2006 10:58:47 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Hopefully next time she'll remember that and try communicating BEFORE getting pouty to try and get his attention, and going around to everyone else for advice.


Who said she got pouty? She was hurt, by something that had occurred, that He did, that brought up her sense of insecurity over His not ever taking the initiative for them to get together.
And she didn't ask everyone else for advice. She talked to me about it... i was curious what others thought, and asked the question.
Besides... isn't that what these forums are for?
Perhaps you might try some kindness for once, LA. Often I find your posts informative... but more often than not, they've got a serious "bite" to them that i imagine makes people feel unwelcome on these boards.
If you think the questions are inappropriate, then please consider just not responding.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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