RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy

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RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy - 4/13/2010 12:09:45 PM

beltainefaerie

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Hi January,
I understand your concerns and this is part of the difficulty with internet forums, helpful though they may be. You can't know me, only what I have posted, which is a very small slice of my world. In turn, I can't know you, only what you have said. I thank you for your suggestions and good wishes, and I want to respond to a few points.

There are things which could make me decide to wean my child myself, rather than waiting for him to quit, but none of them are currently in play. Thus, we are still committed to wee one-led weaning. Just like we are committed to organic food, cosleeping when he was little, and babywearing. I have a very happy, polite, well-adjusted son. We are very practical parents, though don't want to compromise ideals merely for convenience. We understand that being a good parent comes with a good portion of sacrifice. He has passed the point where nursing is primarily for nutrition, though, so we can spend some time apart now.

There are many things which help my anxiety levels, but none of them are as effective as time with my Master (which, as he is a sadist, usually includes some kind of release for my masochistic side). If I go too long without being hurt, especially when I am stressed, nothing else does seem to help. It isn't for lack of trying or due to rigidity in my thinking, but from actually experimenting with many other things and finding them ineffective.

The poster who suggested yoga also subsequently suggested a mommy and me yoga class, which sounds great and I'm looking into it. Certainly good for stress-relief. Incidentally, since you were being funny/snarky about DVDs and TV, we actually don't own a television. Our son never watches media of any kind. (I was a Waldorf teacher and plan to go back to it when kidlets are ready for kindy) There are a number of developmental reasons for that, but I can't just plug him in to the tube to get some alone time. However, if you were suggesting that I try a yoga movie rather than a class, that is potentially doable during a nap time or after my son goes to bed, as I can play them on my computer.

In all honestly, all I wanted was some helpful suggestions on either how to relieve my sub frenzy, what people did when pregnant to ease my fears about a second pregnancy, or how other people work on scheduling time for BDSM stuff when they have wee ones.

Incidentally, I think I was having a common difficulty for subs- trouble asking for what I needed. I have asked my Love to babysit this weekend and he is going to. This weekend my Love and companion are going to watch the wee one so that I can play and if things work out we should have one whole night together without the munchkins, so we won't feel rushed. This weekend we are going to have a bit of a round-table family discussion to see how we can work our schedules so that everyone is getting more of what they need.

Thank you to everyone for the suggestions and/or support. I am sure even the criticizing was well-intentioned. For everything else, I will just continue to try to find solutions within my poly family.

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RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy - 4/13/2010 2:56:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I understand child led weaning, did it myself with the first one. Had to stop weaning the second at two because of health issues and medication coming through the milk.

My only point is that you can't both wean and become pregnant. You'll leach all the calcium out of your bones. The stress on the body from that is overwhelming.

You could probably find child care for two mornings a week. It helps the child develop social skills and allows you to go to the dentist alone. That's why I started putting mine in for a couple of mornings, so I could have some dental work done.

Having a kid who did go to a Waldorf school for a while, there are some wonderful things about them, there are also some less than wonderful things. Just like with any other school.

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RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy - 4/13/2010 6:25:02 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
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Hi Beltane,

Thanks for your response. It's a given that I only know a slice of you.

I am, in no way, implying that you are a bad mother. I don't think even think you're a bad mother. If, at the age of two, your child is happy and polite, good for you. But to think since you've got a well-adjusted two year old, you have this whole parent thing (apart from the problem of lack of beating) licked, is way smug.

Two years of parenting, and you're already crazy with stress, sneering at our suggestions (not MY definition of polite) and you have decades of parenting left to endure... including the teenage years. All your dogma and expectations and rules and baby-wearing and eating organic, might help create a polite two year old, but they have NOT helped your stress levels.

My suggestion to you to take some Mom time for yourself, apart from BDSM, was pretty well dismissed by you. Your anxiety will eventually take a toll on your family. My suggestion about DVDs and TV was not snarky, nor was it intended to be funny. I was merely surprised that renting, or buying, a Yoga DVD, did not even occur to you.

My opinion of your massive rigidity is unchanged. That pretty well means any personal, concrete advice I would offer would be tossed out by you. So I'll stick with general warnings, thanks.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

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RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy - 4/14/2010 2:03:03 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
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i suppose i am quite lucky in the fact that my child sleeps at night so we pretty much have every evening free

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RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy - 4/14/2010 10:12:37 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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DesFIP,
I have known several people that have successfully done tandem nursing, but I will definitely research the calcium issue. It wasn't something I was aware of, so thanks for letting me know. Waldorf is definitely not for everyone, just like any other system, but it fits well with my philosophies, so hopefully it will work for my family when the time comes. If not, we'll try something else.

It is interesting that you mention dental issues. Actually, part of the stress in my world right now is expensive and icky dental stuff! I hope yours is going alright. I am having my mom watch him while I am having procedures and they have a great time together. He loves other children, so they spend some of the time out and about. At least I am catching up on my reading while I'm in the chair. Nothing like rereading a favorite series to make dental work more bearable. Good luck!

January,
I was not dismissing your suggestion that I need me time apart from baby or BDSM, it is simply that we already do make time for that. My stress has way more to do with feeling like my needs aren't quite getting met and a few financial issues we are having currently. We are working on it. We are trying to find time and solutions to whatever problems come up. I was just asking for a bit of help from the many, many experienced parents who have also dealt with being submissive and raising kids, since I am new at this. I'm sorry that you don't feel like I am actually taking any of that advice, but I guess we can disagree.

As for the DVDs, I can and perhaps will do that. It hadn't occurred to me, because we do so little in the way of TV and video, as I mentioned. Until it was suggested, though, yoga hadn't occurred to me at all. I do a few of the stretches anyway, but far from the exercise or centering activities that would probably be very helpful on an ongoing basis. While cleaning, I actually just found an old yoga book of mine that I hadn't actually used in years. Thanks to the suggestions here, I dusted it off and am using it. It is helping.

If I was expecting every other person to adhere to my brand of parenting, I would think that was dogmatic. I guess my comments about other parenting things we do were more to say that I am that kind of granola-type parent, offering a tiny bit more to the picture of who I am. You seemed to be saying that with what you perceive as my flaws I couldn't have a well-adjusted child. I was just offering that, at this stage which is as far as we've gotten, I do. I don't claim to have all parenting problems solved for my kid or anyone else's and certainly don't claim to understand raising children in stages beyond my experience, so I'm sorry if something I said came off that way.

I don't feel that I am being dismissive, as I have thanked people more than once on this thread and included updates on how I am trying to implement some of the suggestions that have been given. I am not intending to sneer at suggestions or to be in any way rude, just to give more information where I think it might help people to understand my situation. I am sorry that you have felt that I have been rude to you or others.

ranja,
That is nice. Ours sleeps through the night too, which could result in playtime of we all lived together, but Master is at least an hour away. Alas. It does make for some nice time to visit, snuggle or get in a bit of sexy time with my honey, though, so that is good.

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