munchkins, time and sub frenzy

munchkins, time and sub frenzy (Full Version)

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beltainefaerie -> munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:07:16 AM)
I am feeling a bit crazy. I need to be beaten and nothing seems to help. It seems that since Master and I had munchkins (with our spouses, not each other) it seems like there is less and less time for play. I adore being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I really miss spending most of the weekend (at least) in subspace and I need to play hard more frequently than we seem to be able to manage. We used to play at least 2 weekends a month and sometimes nearly every weekend, which wasn't bad considering that we live an hour and a half to two hours away and both worked full time. Now there have been stretches of months at a time without play and I feel like I need more. Master does too, it just seems impossible to schedule enough time without the wee ones; even some of the scenes we are having feel rushed. My husband is desperate to start on having a second baby and I am feeling like this will just kill what little time I do have. I am pretty sure that Master feels the same, but has great respect for my relationship with my husband and has not mentioned anything. I am sure that he considers our procreation outside of what he wants to have control over. I want another child too, but I am worried about how I will handle a second pregnancy (during the first pregnancy, we considered some implements and areas off limits, but did not quit playing) and about how having another wee one will impact out time. While I was pregnant, we stopped playing in the third trimester, because Master and I were both being driven crazy by the fact that we couldn't play as rough as we both enjoy. It took me about a year after the birth to get back to where I was in terms of what I could take in play, so it feels like I've just gotten my body back and it is hard to imagine everything changing again. I felt like there were many months where I could not fully be his slave, because there were so many things I could not do. Any advice on how you find time to play after wee ones, what you did in terms of service and play while pregnant and how to reconcile the conflicting emotions would be great! Thanks!

UniqueRaven -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:11:46 AM)
Well, you might not really like this answer.....i waited for her to grow up.

LaTigresse -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:14:18 AM)
Exactly..... when I became a parent, being a parent became more important than my momentary thrills. If I wasn't willing to make the sacrifice, I shouldn't have become a parent. Now, watching my children parent their children........I've no regrets.

beltainefaerie -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:27:24 AM)
I am a really great mom. I stay at home with my son and play with him and teach him every day. It isn't that I am unwilling to sacrifice. In fact, I took a break in my whole career to become a parent and plan to stay home until the wee one(s) go to school. Obviously being a parent is more important than momentary thrills. However, I am also a fairly intense masochist and deeply submissive as a core part of my being. I am finding that I really miss some of what I had before. I am not sure how much your submission or dominance are related to momentary thrills, but they are very much more than that to me. The momentary thrills are nice, though. I was hoping for actual suggestions on how to cope with these needs and feelings. If shut up and deal with it is the only answer I guess I will, but I hope someone has experience beyond that that they would like to share.

antinomy -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:38:21 AM)
It's hard enough to find the time, the energy, and opportunity when the kids are little if you are living with your Master. With both of you having spouses, and seperate sets of kids, it's only going to become more difficult to find time as there are more children and their schedules become more demanding. I don't know if both of your spouses know about your situation and are accepting of it? If so, perhaps they would agree to you two having a weekend away together each month or two- to fan the fires and have your needs met. If they do, though, I suggest you BOTH find a way to show your appreciation, as it would be a hardship for them. If not? I really don't know what to tell you. Many sex lives are hampered when kids come along, lifestyle and vanilla both. When you become a parent, it's sort of just the way it is. It becomes a lot more work to keep things going; and when you are not living under the same roof, it could really take a toll on things.

UniqueRaven -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:52:22 AM)
i am also a slave wired submissive woman with masochistic tendencies. Trust me, it's hard. But when my child has needed me, or there has EVER been a conflict between my "submissive needs" and her, i've immediately chosen her without question and just rode out the submissive and masochistic urges. Yoga helps a lot, hee hee! When they're little, you have a span of about 4 - 5 years where your life revolves exclusively around them. It gets easier as they get older. But until then, yes, often you just have to "suck it up." [;)]

beltainefaerie -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 12:19:25 PM)
@UniqueRaven- right now I am pouring my sub energies into taking care of house and child and doing my best to cope. I should mention that I have battled depression and self-injury for many years and part of what freaks me out about not being able to have scenes on a more regular basis is that the desire to self-harm returns. I am battling it alright. Remembering that this body is not mine to hurt helps. Maybe I should take up yoga or something where I can push my body constructively, but that still means I would need someone to watch the munchkin! @antinomy-We are all really good friends, so we spend a good deal of time together. My spouse and companion and his wife are well aware of all situations. His wife frequently has scenes with us, in fact, she just needs it less frequently than than he and I do. Thank you for the suggestion. The problem with a weekend away is that mine is still nursing. He is nearly 2, but we are committed to child-led weaning and he shows no sign of stopping. He can do overnight away from me, (he is just really excited for mama's milk when he sees me again), so perhaps I will inquire if my Love would babysit and let me go up to Master's house overnight some time soon. That might help a lot. Perhaps theirs could visit grandma overnight, too.

UniqueRaven -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 12:38:04 PM)
i totally understand. If you'd like to try yoga (which i always recommend, hee hee!) you can go to a Mother/baby class - there are classes where you bring your baby or toddler to class with you. Good for Mom and baby both. [:)] You're in Hollywood, i'm sure if you check yoga studios in your area you will find a bunch. Hugs, and good luck![:)]

antinomy -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 1:08:14 PM)
I would think, with everyone on board, you will find a way to work it out. Heck, have the spouses and kids go out to dinner together a couple of times a month- while you and your Master stay home and work out your frustrations. I know it's not ideal, but it might get you through this until the little guy is weaned, and since you would not be away that long, it would not be stressful for him.

delicatelydirty -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/29/2010 11:45:28 PM)
I have 4 munchkins aged between 5 and 10, I study full time and I work..... It is just the way it is, it just makes you treasure the time out that you do get...... You can plan and try and work around it and things like that but often life gets in the way, you just have to learn to deal with it and find other outlets for your desires.

takemeforyourown -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/30/2010 5:35:14 AM)
Haha! I totally related to your need to be beaten, like, NOW. My kids are 5 and 7, but they are absolute 'Adult Fun-Killers'. If you figure out how to fix it, let me know. Meanwhile, I sit here with my little one asleep next to me...wishing somebody would take a flogger to me.

GraciousLady -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/30/2010 10:55:35 AM)
If your two spouses were really ok and supportive of your time together they would be babysitting the kids for you two.

DesFIP -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/30/2010 2:47:34 PM)
We try to arrange a morning off once a month during school hours. Perhaps you could find a motel near his place of work and schedule a long lunch without food? Otherwise arrange that one night a month your spouses take the kids and you two meet in a hotel. And in return you take the kids one night a month while your spouses play poker, go to a quilting group, or whatever they are passionate about. When they get older we traded sleepovers with friends with kids the same ages once a month. I had a night off once a month and so did the other couple. But the kids come first. However you must stop nursing for several months before getting pregnant. This is for your health. Ask your ob/gyn.

littlewonder -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/30/2010 6:30:16 PM)
When my child was young we'd make date nights. We'd hire a sitter, drop her off with family members and just go out to places and have fun or get a hotel room for the night. I find that when couples have children they spend so much time being parents they lose sight of their relationships and each other and over time their lives suffer. Don't forget what attracted you to each other. Take time out to be with each other. Do play/date nights. Do something when they're asleep or not home. Surprise each other from time to time. Remind each other that you still find them attractive, sexy, dominant, submissive, etc... And you can still be his slave without having to play. Attend to his needs and desires. At dinner time make sure he's served first. Cook his favorite foods, bring him his coffee, give him a back rub, sit at his feet, etc...be attentive. It doesn't have to be obvious, it doesn't have to be swarming with obvious bdsm stuff. Just be a good partner. Just don't ignore your relationship just because you have children. You're more than just a parent and being a good parent means also being a good partner.

afkarr -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (3/31/2010 5:55:53 AM)
If getting together time doesn't work out, it IS possible to survive without the kink for an extended period- oh, like 16 years- and live to tell about it. It's a matter of finding other outlets and interests, and accepting that it's not the primary theme of this chapter of your life.

trueshadow -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (4/3/2010 6:06:32 PM)
Is a local master a possibility, just as a release? Don't know, just asking. I understand your frustration. I've felt it too. I've learned to live with it :(

Acer49 -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (4/4/2010 3:15:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beltainefaerie I am feeling a bit crazy. I need to be beaten and nothing seems to help. It seems that since Master and I had munchkins (with our spouses, not each other) it seems like there is less and less time for play. I adore being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I really miss spending most of the weekend (at least) in subspace and I need to play hard more frequently than we seem to be able to manage. We used to play at least 2 weekends a month and sometimes nearly every weekend, which wasn't bad considering that we live an hour and a half to two hours away and both worked full time. Now there have been stretches of months at a time without play and I feel like I need more. Master does too, it just seems impossible to schedule enough time without the wee ones; even some of the scenes we are having feel rushed. My husband is desperate to start on having a second baby and I am feeling like this will just kill what little time I do have. I am pretty sure that Master feels the same, but has great respect for my relationship with my husband and has not mentioned anything. I am sure that he considers our procreation outside of what he wants to have control over. I want another child too, but I am worried about how I will handle a second pregnancy (during the first pregnancy, we considered some implements and areas off limits, but did not quit playing) and about how having another wee one will impact out time. While I was pregnant, we stopped playing in the third trimester, because Master and I were both being driven crazy by the fact that we couldn't play as rough as we both enjoy. It took me about a year after the birth to get back to where I was in terms of what I could take in play, so it feels like I've just gotten my body back and it is hard to imagine everything changing again. I felt like there were many months where I could not fully be his slave, because there were so many things I could not do. Any advice on how you find time to play after wee ones, what you did in terms of service and play while pregnant and how to reconcile the conflicting emotions would be great! Thanks! I would suggest , grand parents, in-laws, ex spouses or if need be, an professional baby sitting service

beltainefaerie -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (4/6/2010 5:46:54 PM)
Thank you all for your suggestions. I am going to discuss a regularly scheduled night with Master (and possibly his wife) with my poly family and see what we can work out. I think we'd all be less crazy if it could work out that way.

SomethingCatchy -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (4/6/2010 6:36:32 PM)
quote: I need more quote: My husband is desperate to start on having a second baby quote: I am worried about how I will handle a second pregnancy quote: it feels like I've just gotten my body back and it is hard to imagine everything changing again. I'm wondering why your husband is "desperate" and why it sounds like he isn't helping you schedule YOU time. And, because this is a public forum, I'm going to go ahead and ask, even though it's not a popular opinion with a lot of people - Why do you even need a second pregnancy right now? Why not focus on the one beautiful child you already have until you stop feeling stressed over your adult commitments?

January -> RE: munchkins, time and sub frenzy (4/7/2010 6:08:37 AM)
Hi Beltane, I'm thinking your problem isn't really a BDSM thing. It's a mother thing. That's why some of the folks are responding to your post with advice like wait 'til your baby grows up. Though you seem to be annoyed with that advice, the posters are being empathetic. They know being a mom can suck you dry... and they also believe you need to get away from your child--quite apart from getting beaten. I think they are correct. Although I doubt you'll consider this "experience", I've been raising my three kids for the last twenty years. They are children to be proud of--in all respects. But sometimes even sex was impossible--let alone doing something more complex. I breast fed all three kids: To me it was a form of bondage, and one I was eventually eager to be released from. But I've never been a self-injurer, and I'm not a strong masochist, so I don't have much cred there. Nonetheless, here's my concern with your post. You appear to be remarkably rigid in your thinking: You are SWORN to child-lead weaning, no matter what the cost. Your anxiety can ONLY be relieved by a weekend of beating. You CAN'T go to a Yoga class because you have a child (no TV in your part of the world? No DVDs?). Raising a child to be a happy, ethical adult requires enormous flexibility and creativity. In my particular world, BDSM requires the same. You don't seem to be exhibiting either one of those character traits. Demanding weekend-long masochist satisfaction, even considering having another child, not asking for help from your Poly family, and an inability to think outside the box, is a disaster waiting to happen. I do wish you the best, January

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