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i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 4:38:07 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		There's something i don't understand.  i have several Dom and Master friends who are dear and lovely Men and who have been searching for different periods of time, usually years.  These are bright, industrious, creative, attractive, stable, down-to-earth Men.  In different conversations, They have related the same problem: that in searching for a submissive or slave They have similar experiences.  When things get serious, the woman stands Them up or disappears or refuses to communicate further.  i have known these Men well enough to know any woman who honored to be Theirs.  So why are They having this problem?  What do submissives and slaves want?
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 4/2/2006 4:39:01 PM >
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:01:18 PM   
lonely2long


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		i can't speak for anyone else, but for me i want to serve and do anything my master tells me to.  i want someone confident enough in themselves to control me, completely.

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:04:38 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Why are you not in a relationship with one of them if they are so wonderful?

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:05:32 PM   
slavewoman


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think this behavior has much, if anything, to do with being a submissive or  a slave.  Back when I was looking, I had it happen with men identifying as dominants.  
 
Of course there are those who never intend to do anything but play online.   However, I suspect that, in many cases, the person gets cold feet.   Moving from online to real life is just too scary for them.   Sadly, they often also don't have the courage and/or decency to let the other person know that they aren't going to follow through.     
 
So, I don't think it's so much about what they want, or don't want, as it is about what they are able to get themselves to do.   
 

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:09:29 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Well, if you want to find a rare treasure ie, the perfect sub for your needs, its in the rules that you have to undertake a long challenging quest. I think its just the way things are, hun.

However, everyone that comes into ones life teaches you something and ultimately brings you closer to your goal.


_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:13:14 PM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline 		If they are so wonderful.. please feel free to pass on my nic to them.  i myself have found it very difficult to find a Dominant/Master who doesn't bolt when things get a bit difficult.

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:19:54 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Maybe the submissives they're seeing are insecure.  Maybe the attraction is just not there.  Maybe one or both parties are unwilling to up the commitment level.  Maybe those subs just don't want anything further with those masters.  Have you asked them what the reasons were for their subs leaving?  I doubt they'd just disappear into thin air, but it's not unheard of.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 5:31:55 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Where are these Doms/Masters? 

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:00:44 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Why are you not in a relationship with one of them if they are so wonderful?

Knight's kyra


You go girl,  that was my first thought exactly

K

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:02:18 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Why are you not in a relationship with one of them if they are so wonderful?

Knight's kyra


Now, that is funny!   Fastlane also wonders?

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:08:03 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i have known these Men well enough to know any woman who honored to be Theirs. 

Could these gentlemen use you as a reference for the potential subs who may want verification of their sincerity? 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:32:18 PM   
cutiethebomb


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Why are you not in a relationship with one of them if they are so wonderful?

Knight's kyra


Mayhaps the dear candystripper is not looking.  Heaven forbid anyone not be looking.  =P  A fair young submissive woman is out there not desperately trying to find a Dom to complete her incomplete self?   Gasp!  =P  hehe. 

I would agree with the folks who said the subs probably got cold feet... or, maybe they really did just want an easily dropped internet affair that they could avoid actually emotionally risking themselves.  I dont know.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:38:16 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiethebomb
Mayhaps the dear candystripper is not looking.  Heaven forbid anyone not be looking.  =P  A fair young submissive woman is out there not desperately trying to find a Dom to complete her incomplete self?   Gasp!  =P  hehe. 


Ahh, but see candy has been on these boards for some time now under more than one nickname and has stated more than once and made many references to searching for a dominant, so it is a fair question that I asked. 

Knight's kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to cutiethebomb)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:40:06 PM   
cutiethebomb


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:



Ahh, but see candy has been on these boards for some time now under more than one nickname and has stated more than once and made many references to searching for a dominant, so it is a fair question that I asked. 

Knight's kyra 


Aahhh I see.   I missed a bit of the story then, thanks.  =)

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:53:18 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Why are you not in a relationship with one of them if they are so wonderful?

Knight's kyra

Perhaps because she knows some doms as friends with whom she isn't compatible with for anything other than friendship; and as a friend, she feels a bit of concern about some of the problems they wrestle with.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:53:39 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiethebomb
quote:


Ahh, but see candy has been on these boards for some time now under more than one nickname and has stated more than once and made many references to searching for a dominant, so it is a fair question that I asked. 

Knight's kyra 

Aahhh I see.   I missed a bit of the story then, thanks.  =)


My pleasure.  I suspect that the answer to my question and the answer to candy's question are one and the same, not compatible.  No matter how well or poorly that message was conveyed, it is simply a matter of not being compatible.

Knight's kyra

**edited to add - welcome to the boards, cutiethebomb 

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 4/2/2006 6:54:40 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to cutiethebomb)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 6:55:37 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiethebomb

Aahhh I see.   I missed a bit of the story then, thanks.  =)

You've missed rather a lot of the story, but then so has Kyra actually.  I suspect NakedOnMyChain's remarks came closest to the truth.  Though people disappear into thin air rather a lot more than you might think. 

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to cutiethebomb)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 7:12:31 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Why are you not in a relationship with one of them if they are so wonderful?

Knight's kyra

Perhaps because she knows some doms as friends with whom she isn't compatible with for anything other than friendship; and as a friend, she feels a bit of concern about some of the problems they wrestle with.


yes and that is very likely the same answer why these same wonderful doms haven't found what they are looking for.  They just haven't found that one which is compatiable to them.

But, wondering why isn't going to get anything for anyone.  People need to keep taking steps to find what they are looking for.... sometimes it happens quickly sometimes it doesn't ... sometimes it's a wrong step and one has to change directions.  We can wonder why till we are blue in the face...  But, the only one that can answer why... is the person asking for themself... and maybe looking for those answer to good friends but mostly... the answer is going to found within oneself.

These wonderful Doms are just that Wonderful Doms... unknown to anyone here except the OP.  So any answer could be the right answer or the wrong answer... and frankly "asking why"  unknown wonderful doms is a waste of time.  Instead... these caring friends should send these wonderful doms in the direction to find the answer... in themselves!  Help them see themselves... BE a Friend to them!  Instead of seeing the wonderful Dom... see what is not working for them... what doesn't work... the friends will help them best.  I am not talking about some online friendship, which frankly doesn't cut it for this journey.  I am talking a friendship where you are there when something bad happens to them.  That you partners if any, are understanding of your need to support them in times of trouble... a friendship where when things are tough... they are there!  I rather one friend to be there when things are a crisis than a thousand when things are wonderful.  Talk to that kind of friend! Padrig

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 7:15:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		i will try to answer the actual questoin, since my interest is not about why candy or any of her other possible names is not with someone.

Cold feet was stated as one reason, but to add to that, often times the idea for someone to submit is quite appealing, but when when faced with the reality of actually serving, some people think twice.  If it is a consistent problem for a particular Dominant, he/she may want to take a fresh look at how he/she is preparing the submissive for a meeting.  Perhaps more can be done to ensure the seriousness of her submission, and to allay her fears of meeting.

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: i cannot understand this about submissives - 4/2/2006 7:15:47 PM   
SpaceForMore


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Is it the system here, or is it my puter? camdy's profile says, "not found."

(in reply to Padriag)
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