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Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:34:40 PM   
SecuLucar


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline 		Hi there. I'm new to being a Dom and I'm looking for my first pet but I am also looking for a Dom/me that can teach me how to be a better Dom. Like I said I am new to BDSM and could use some help.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:41:03 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Pending serious advice. Why don't you just do as you wish?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SecuLucar)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:44:24 PM   
SecuLucar


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline 		Because I'm totally green to all of this. I don't want to scare her off but I don't want her to just do as she wants.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:45:17 PM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		hi,, just follow your instinct ,, and be sensitive to the other reaction

maybe you should join your local munches

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:47:06 PM   
SecuLucar


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline 		I don't know where they are or how to find them...

(in reply to elleX)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:50:23 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecuLucar

I don't know where they are or how to find them...


hmmm... good start is google... BDSM+your town ... is a great search.. beyond that.. there's tons of other places to find folks online and off.. do a little searching

uhmmm.. buddy.. I just looked at your profile.. you're 19, new, in college, collared, and you live with Mom.. don't you have enough to do already?  And if you're collared, why not get your Top/Master whatever.. to help you?

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/30/2010 12:52:11 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to SecuLucar)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 12:50:59 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		www.tes.org & www.soj.org are the two oldest bdsm groups around and should list groups near you. Also look to find a MAsT group if you can.

Buy at least one non fiction bdsm book, look to see if you can find them used on Amazon or something. SM101, Screw the Roses, The Loving Dominant, will give you some overview of what you are looking to do. None of them will "make" you good or a good dominant but it should take the edge off.

(in reply to SecuLucar)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 1:25:41 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecuLucar

I don't know where they are or how to find them...


hmmm... good start is google... BDSM+your town ... is a great search.. beyond that.. there's tons of other places to find folks online and off.. do a little searching

uhmmm.. buddy.. I just looked at your profile.. you're 19, new, in college, collared, and you live with Mom.. don't you have enough to do already?  And if you're collared, why not get your Top/Master whatever.. to help you?


What the good Madam said. your extra time might better be spent studying or sleeping :-)

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 2:19:54 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SecuLucar

Hi there. I'm new to being a Dom and I'm looking for my first pet but I am also looking for a Dom/me that can teach me how to be a better Dom. Like I said I am new to BDSM and could use some help.

Did you need someone to teach you how to date girls or did you just do what came naturally to you?

If someone has to teach/show you basics that don't come naturally from within you, then you're deceiving yourself and likely anyone you practise it with....

However, if there's something specific that needs a "bit of polish", then ask away.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to SecuLucar)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 5:09:51 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Since you're 19, you may find the TNG groups to be more your style.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need Help - 3/30/2010 5:21:59 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Feel your way.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to SecuLucar)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 2:28:08 AM   
adx


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline 		Well it seems to me oh my little droogy that for the basics you should just have it. You either are or aren't. If nothing else trial and error should be real horrorshow.    

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 4:35:42 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Domination is not a fine skill but I would say that certain things have to come naturally and it all needs to feel natural.
Ask yourself, are you decisive? persistent? in charge of your own exhistance? are you confident? methodical? consistent? Do you enjoy leading? and can you lead in an intelligent and perhaps enlightening way? In other words do you find the people you lead positively happy to follow? Are you caring? understanding? fair?

If you struggle with the above then you will struggle with dominance because if 99.9% of those things listed above, don't come naturally, then you will need to pretend and pretending is only fun till you get found out!

Remember that dominance comes from the mind of the person that is dominating and not the skill of a flogger. The submission given to you by another, results from your mindful behavior and not from the flogger. The flogger can be learnt separately but on its own its useless.


_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to adx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 8:32:22 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		The OP is 19, I suggest more gor novels and a blow up doll for the next five to ten years.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 8:44:58 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		You cannot teach someone to be a better dominant, just like you cannot teach someone to be a better person.  Unless you are determined to go down some path of enlightenment or personal betterment.

Just be a better person. (Unless you already rock, which is all cool).
You just need to grow like everyone else does, regardless of age.

If you are asking more about training for activities, like flogging or shibari.  That's a different matter and that's about being a top.  Best thoughts.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SecuLucar)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 8:49:14 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

The OP is 19, I suggest more gor novels and a blow up doll for the next five to ten years.


Why? I have seen some 19 year olds that make far better dominants than 50 year olds!

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 11:31:31 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

You cannot teach someone to be a better dominant, just like you cannot teach someone to be a better person.  Unless you are determined to go down some path of enlightenment or personal betterment.



If you mean you MAKE someone be a better dominant who isn't looking AND ready to grow, I agree wholeheartedly. However, I very much think you can teach someone how to be a better dominant if they are open to the hard work of looking inward and dealing with their own issues, which is what I think you meant by that second sentence.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Need Help - 3/31/2010 11:43:19 AM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		OP......
Suggested reading lists:

"Screw the roses,send me the thorns"

"The loving Dominant."

These are a couple of solid beginner books to consider.

Also look into workshops being given when you are of age for the locales they are being hosted in. There are lots of TNG girls out there looking for competent and careful Guys in your age range. Ignore the cranky old farts who are just pissed because they keep getting shot down by the hot young chicks.

I wish I had started as young as you. You have a long time ahead of you to look forward to. Learn and care-be a mensch. That's all you have to do.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 18
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