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New Dom. - 3/31/2010 10:13:56 AM

thewashingtonian

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

Hello all. I'm new to the board and this is my first time pursuing a D/s relationship. For more about my personality, look at the profile.

Since this is all brand new to me, I'd just like some pointers on how to be a good, firm, but reasonable dominant. Once again, I know I'm a newbie and threads like this come up all the time; but this is a whole 'nother universe than what I'm used to, so your assitance would be appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 10:16:07 AM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

First of welcome enjoy your stay at CM!!

Second I'd lose the hat

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Post #: 2

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 10:31:52 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You start by being a good and reasonable human being.
Which means paying attention to what she will and won't do, and when.

For example, back when we were LDR, I got an email one morning saying he wanted me in a short skirt and high heels all day. I had no trouble ignoring it because my plans for the day included chaperoning a fourth grade trip to a pond, involving hiking and mud. It was obvious he had gotten my schedule screwed up and thought the hiking trip was later in the week.

I sent back an email explaining the mix up and we laughed about it. There was no posturing, no punishment for not obeying no matter what. Had he suggested such a thing, I would have discovered that he wasn't trustworthy and wasn't someone who really meant what he had said when he said our various kids came first.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 3

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 10:53:47 AM

thewashingtonian

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

But, I like my hat! Can't you tell by my screen name that I would sport a Nats cap? :-P

Good and reasonable human being I have down (one of the reasons why I think my relationships have fallen through). I'm not the overbearing, "gets off on punishment" type anyway.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 10:55:49 AM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thewashingtonian

But, I like my hat! Can't you tell by my screen name that I would sport a Nats cap? :-P

Good and reasonable human being I have down (one of the reasons why I think my relationships have fallen through). I'm not the overbearing, "gets off on punishment" type anyway.

that is all fine and dandy but between you and me I would lose the cap or maybe brush your hair ..

adds Yankees Rule

< Message edited by divi -- 3/31/2010 10:59:15 AM >

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Post #: 5

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 11:03:11 AM

thewashingtonian

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

Bah...bolocks to your Yankees

. And my hair is usually a bit more kept...I'll try and find a better picture.

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 6

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 11:04:47 AM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

You should( and I mean that in the nicest way possible )
I mean from an adorable sub like myself its about first impressions.. ya know? You got a cute smile and bad hair

< Message edited by divi -- 3/31/2010 11:06:00 AM >

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Post #: 7

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 11:14:32 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

the thing is you can follow someone elses recipe on how to bake the perfect souffle but it takes practice to really get those sodding things right.

same goes here.

everyone is different and looking for different things.

so my advice really is be youreself and find someone you click with.

its the same rules of engagement here, meet someone, like someone, go from there.

the moment you step out of who you are and into some sort of role then youve stopped being you and become someone you think people want. so many go wrong that way.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 8

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 12:20:23 PM

thewashingtonian

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

Sounds advice from everyone, and I appreciate it. Being myself is really the only thing I know how to do; so that also shouldn't be a problem. I'm not really looking for anything intense, I just want...a bit of assurance. I want to know that the one I'm with isn't going to get bored and just go. Loyalty is all I really want.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 9

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 12:21:20 PM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Will you take my advice about the hat ??? hehe

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Post #: 10

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 2:13:41 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

just have heaps of fun, pick stuff up along the way and remember, subs arent stupid just because theyre sub and theyre not pushovers and you have to earn their trust and once earned you have to keep it because without trust youve got nothing.

and ignore her nagging

, i think youve got a brilliant smile and a bit of individualism and eccentricity is worth way more than suave and smart. well in my book anyway.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 11

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 2:23:00 PM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Oh yes it is more important to be eccentric then smart

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 12

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 3:51:22 PM

thewashingtonian

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

Well, I'd rather be smart than eccentric; but I'll take whatever I can get.
And don't worry, I'm gonna change the picture; though I will still be wearing a hat, more than likely. :-p

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 13

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 4:55:37 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

First you need to figure out what you enjoy. Not everyone likes the same things. Some people like to play with extreme sensation (pain). Others hate pain but like control (Domination / Submission). Some like embarrassment (forced nudity, pictures, etc.)

Don't be upset if some of the people insult you for playing the way you like. There are lots of people that think only they are 'true' or 'real', and anyone that doesn't play the exact same way is fake. Don't listen to them. Keep trying new things till you find out what you like, not what other people like.

(in reply to thewashingtonian)

Post #: 14

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 5:27:04 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

So. you've got a hat thing huh? That's ok, some chicks dig hats. Personally, I don't have that kinda head, but if it's workin' for you, go with it.

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to thewashingtonian)

Post #: 15

RE: New Dom. - 3/31/2010 5:37:55 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Don't rely solely on the internet-go to real life events attended by actual people you can have conversations with in *person*. While you're there, smile enough that people automatically like you, but not so much that it's creepy. (That last bit isn't kink specific but it's *important*, and people sometimes seem to miss it-although judging by your pics you may not be one of those people :P)

Be able to articulate what you want. Then find someone who wants that too, or at least the important bits. Don't worry about them getting bored-you might be amazed at how this stuff spirals :-D

If I were you I'd fix up your profile so that your likes+curiouses greatly outnumber your dislikes+hates+limits. Negativity is (unsurprisingly, perhaps) not a good thing in a profile.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 16

RE: New Dom. - 4/1/2010 8:51:01 AM

SirRussellP

Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline

Your 19 and because of that you still have a lot to learn about yourself so figure out who you are and what you want. Being a Dom is a hard thing because you have to earn then keep the submissive's trust.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 17

RE: New Dom. - 4/1/2010 10:40:32 AM

thewashingtonian

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

This is true. I know I'm still young and though I believe I have a pretty clear idea about my identity, I still have much to learn about myself. I'm not even entirely sure if this kind of lifestyle is for me, but since "vanilla" relationships haven't worked in the past, I thought I might as well give this a chance.

(in reply to SirRussellP)

Post #: 18

RE: New Dom. - 4/1/2010 11:07:52 AM

ishyB

Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline

The first thing I thought when reading your profile was:

19, and his vanilla relationshipS haven't worked out?

I wonder why...

It's a rare person who has enough maturity to make a committed relationship work at such young ages seeing that most teenagers are still too self-centered to be a supportive role in their partner’s life.
If you want to meet a girl here who you can have kinky sex with, experiment, grow to together and learn from each other, because the "open-minded" kinky nature was lacking in the vanilla girls you dated, I'd say go for it.
If you however, want to meet a girl here who you can dominate and boss around in your day to day relationship, because all your vanilla exes didn't do what you wanted them to do enough, I'd say you have a LOT to learn, and coming to collarme likely isn't going to fix the problem you've experienced when dating.

To dominate and guide somebody outside of the bedroom (and even in it) takes a lot of maturity, self-control, self-knowledge, experience and a well established sense of direction.
Something that is usually lacking in people as young as you.

So consider carefully what it is that you actually expect/hope to find here, and what it is that you have to offer to the type of girl you think you are looking for.

I wish you good luck,

ishy

PS: Oh and I agree, a better picture without the hat is defiantly the way to go.

< Message edited by ishyB -- 4/1/2010 11:08:59 AM >

_____________________________

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I wanted to move on
So I'm already gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJFn_RIdkg

(in reply to thewashingtonian)

Post #: 19

RE: New Dom. - 4/1/2010 11:45:21 AM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

grins told ya so.. well said Ishy and please send Bull my best

< Message edited by divi -- 4/1/2010 11:46:12 AM >

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to ishyB)

Post #: 20

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