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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

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ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Agreed,  I was incredibly stupid the first time around and it´s taken me 15 years to come back. 

That's not the same as being new at something.  Look at it from a smart dom's perspective.  If there are smart women who will go out with me, why on earth would I want to do stupid?  Women -- new or not -- who insist on being idiots, will, on the whole, end up with men who are predatory or clueless.  Why?  Because the guys who know better will choose the women who have their shit together!

It's not the case that 99% of doms are misogynists or wannabes.  If, in your personal frame of experience, 99% of doms have been losers, that says more about who you are attracting into your life than it does about who actually exists in the world.

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ORIGINAL: RealityCheck2010

I take it no one else on this board sends money to Lifestyle rescue shelters.

As for newbies: they are NEW and don't know the difference between what is acceptable Lifestyle behavior and dangerous. Not all vanilla rules of common sense carry over.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

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ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Agreed,  I was incredibly stupid the first time around and it´s taken me 15 years to come back. 

That's not the same as being new at something.  Look at it from a smart dom's perspective.  If there are smart women who will go out with me, why on earth would I want to do stupid?  Women -- new or not -- who insist on being idiots, will, on the whole, end up with men who are predatory or clueless.  Why?  Because the guys who know better will choose the women who have their shit together!

It's not the case that 99% of doms are misogynists or wannabes.  If, in your personal frame of experience, 99% of doms have been losers, that says more about who you are attracting into your life than it does about who actually exists in the world.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Agreed,  I was incredibly stupid the first time around and it´s taken me 15 years to come back. 

That's not the same as being new at something.  Look at it from a smart dom's perspective.  If there are smart women who will go out with me, why on earth would I want to do stupid?  Women -- new or not -- who insist on being idiots, will, on the whole, end up with men who are predatory or clueless.  Why?  Because the guys who know better will choose the women who have their shit together!

It's not the case that 99% of doms are misogynists or wannabes.  If, in your personal frame of experience, 99% of doms have been losers, that says more about who you are attracting into your life than it does about who actually exists in the world.

Red, thats too neat and comfy - but in a way youre right.  the women who have their shit together (negotiated their way around and learnt what gives and goes) are the ones the guys want, because theyve got their shit together and know how it all plays out.

but like no woman knows how to breast feed a baby and has to be shown and no one knows how to drive a car until theyre taught and because there is so much to learn here that isnt instinct, its savvy, it takes time for a smart woman to negotiate and get their shit together.  has it never occurred to you how it is that so many subs and slaves around are pretty smart cookies, they are, invariably the ones who get through.

the subs that are attractive to 'shit together' Dominants are the ones whove learnt their trade so to speak, many take time to learn how to hand it all over, give up complete control, live in absolute trust.  and i would argue many of them have learnt the hard way, myself included.

by the same token, it takes time to learn who to trust, who is safe to hand it all over to and give up complete control.  youll agree those are the hallmarks of a submissive or slave and those are the urges that drive a submissive or slave to find their Master.  the potential, even if youre smarter than a box of monkeys is to put trust in the wrong person, let go and get badly burned.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityCheck2010
As for newbies: they are NEW and don't know the difference between what is acceptable Lifestyle behavior and dangerous. Not all vanilla rules of common sense carry over.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityCheck2010
.......give the good dominants a bad name.

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there was a whole long thread about mysogeny and Ds a while back, you might want to search for that.

a domme said to me once about a small chat room set up by aol ages ago, 'it was like shooting fish in a barrel'. it was the first port of call for many a self-discovering sub, me included and after that i always felt like we were a load of little fish being circled by a load of predatory fish. i learnt an awful lot from that place and for some reason the Domme took me under her wing (cyberly) and prevented me from making a big hash of it all.

but youre right many subs fell to these predators and came back on the board to tell us it was all sick, horrible, foul and they hotfooted it away. dont know if they ever found their way back.

its a shame and it used to make me angry that there really are some selfish people out there who have taken Ds and turned it into a meat market. but in the end its life and submissive doesnt mean stupid - too many leave their common sense at the door and refuse to listen to the warning bells, see the red flags or take a reality check.

i used to go to a munch and i met a woman once who was all set to meet her first Top from on-line. she was really excited and nervous. i heard later, not from her, that the experience put her off and she never came back to the munch. she was in her forties, but somehow she failed to pick up on the fact that he was a wrongun, it happens

truth is you have to go through a certain amount of that to start with. a young friend of mine recently joined a site and was bombarded with emails from these types, i can see them a mile off, but she cant, yet. what ive noticed is that as youre experience grows youre language changes to that of someone who knows who they are, what they want and who theyre looking for and then those types just dont bother to write anymore, they know theres no point and youre out of reach to them.

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ORIGINAL: RealityCheck2010

Please pardon the rant, but I’ve run into an inordinate number of men on this site that claim to be dominant yet under closure examination, turn out to be misogynistic tops at best and more than likely the kind of man that strikes in anger.

Has anyone else had this experience?

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This type of behavior has always concerned me. These are the guys that ruin new comers to the Lifestyle and give the good dominants a bad name. I see them as the male equivalent of the tribute happy dommes this site is littered with.

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

that is the very first time I have agreed with domiguy 100%.

QSM

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ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Agreed,  I was incredibly stupid the first time around and it´s taken me 15 years to come back. 

That's not the same as being new at something.  Look at it from a smart dom's perspective.  If there are smart women who will go out with me, why on earth would I want to do stupid?  Women -- new or not -- who insist on being idiots, will, on the whole, end up with men who are predatory or clueless.  Why?  Because the guys who know better will choose the women who have their shit together!

It's not the case that 99% of doms are misogynists or wannabes.  If, in your personal frame of experience, 99% of doms have been losers, that says more about who you are attracting into your life than it does about who actually exists in the world.

Red, thats too neat and comfy - but in a way youre right.  the women who have their shit together (negotiated their way around and learnt what gives and goes) are the ones the guys want, because theyve got their shit together and know how it all plays out.

but like no woman knows how to breast feed a baby and has to be shown and no one knows how to drive a car until theyre taught and because there is so much to learn here that isnt instinct, its savvy, it takes time for a smart woman to negotiate and get their shit together.  has it never occurred to you how it is that so many subs and slaves around are pretty smart cookies, they are, invariably the ones who get through.

the subs that are attractive to 'shit together' Dominants are the ones whove learnt their trade so to speak, many take time to learn how to hand it all over, give up complete control, live in absolute trust.  and i would argue many of them have learnt the hard way, myself included.

by the same token, it takes time to learn who to trust, who is safe to hand it all over to and give up complete control.  youll agree those are the hallmarks of a submissive or slave and those are the urges that drive a submissive or slave to find their Master.  the potential, even if youre smarter than a box of monkeys is to put trust in the wrong person, let go and get badly burned.

That applies to all everyday garden variety relationships, we are all still looking to create a relationship; we just happen to add a bit of kink into the dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityCheck2010
... turn out to be misogynistic tops at best and more than likely the kind of man that strikes in anger.

quote:


the subs that are attractive to 'shit together' Dominants are the ones whove learnt their trade so to speak, many take time to learn how to hand it all over, give up complete control, live in absolute trust.  and i would argue many of them have learnt the hard way, myself included.