quote:

to tell what they want to do to you, or ask what you'd like done to you, or just search for common ground, and let the Dom/Domme pick and choose from what you've indicated you enjoy in play?
This question is for newly-met persons, say at a play party or some such.

quote:

That post was
When first approached by a Dominant would you prefer the Dominant to either
tell you how the relationship is going to be "That's the way it is" attitude, or ask you what you want.

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ORIGINAL: trueshadow

I was prompted to answer the original question, but had to move it.  I guess it triggered the real question I've had, which is, is it topping from the bottom if you present a Dom/Domme with a 'do-me' list.  Lots of Doms/Dommes complain about that, and I understand that.

However, I don't want to blindly go off with a Domme and have her start going in a direction I'm not really comfortable with. 

It's a VERY common slave/sub trait to go along with a Domme.  As a slave, I want to please and be accepted and liked (yeah, I know most people want that in general, but it's more pronounced in my opinion in a bdsm and/or D/s relationship.  Slaves REALLY want to please and to serve).

One Domme I like said she approaches it this way.  When she meets a new slave, she asks him or her what they like to do, what makes them happy, what presses their buttons.  She said she then chooses from that 'list' and will generally play that way, until they get comfortable (if they ever do).

I like that approach.  I generally don't play at parties except to get flogged or whipped.  There is less of a chance when you both agree that she is going to tie you up and whip you.  You also have the assurance (in general) of a dungeon master who will (hopefully) make sure your play is not frightening the horses or the neighbors.  (The cats usually are frightened by the first lash...)