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Swearing at my Dom - 4/3/2010 10:58:43 PM   
lookingforsame


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		Hi.  Well, the other night my Dom and i were sitting on the couch and i said, 'What time do You have to get up in the morning for work?"  He replied, 'five oclock'. The next thing that came out of my mouth was (with a smile of disbelief) oh f-off!  As we kid around alot, i thought he'd take it that way....not so. Oh boy, talk about pushing your limits!!  He told me to ask the other subs on here what they could expect if they told their Dom to f-off.  i of course, said, 'i was only kidding'.  He replied no you were not as you hate getting up early.  He's right, of course, so here i am, asking any others if you have ever said that, joking or not.  i might also put here that i am totally in love with this man and we are considering making this a 'permanent' arrangement in the future.  Sometimes the lines blur between the day to day lives we live and the bdsm aspect of it, and sometimes this sub forgets her place.  So, Sir, i have done what You asked and also again i humbly apologize.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/3/2010 11:03:13 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		I dated a girl once that was fond of saying "If it was up your ass you'd know!"

I bought a butt plug and made her a locking bondage belt with a crotch strap.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to lookingforsame)
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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 12:08:38 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		In a context of relaxed and kidding around, I'd likely burst out laughing. Then give her "the stare" for swearing and catching me off guard - 'cause I'm *without* flaw. Then I'd laugh again for her taking me all seriously....

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Smutmonger)
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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 12:15:42 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		hmmm...without knowing you or your dom...I'd say this. If it was once, and clearly a joke, then I'd expect him to take it in the spirit in which it was intended unless the rules of your relationship dictate that it is clearly unacceptable.

However...if it's becoming a commonplace occurrence and he sees this as something which has moved from occasional joshing to borderline insolence, then yes I'd expect a punishment.

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(in reply to lookingforsame)
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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 12:20:38 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Saying such things as a joking wouldn't make me punish you.
In an other situation....when for exampe I ordered you something...then yes.

Sounded more like he was taking it the wrong way.


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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to lookingforsame)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 3:28:54 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		ive done similar in an unthinking, joking about sort of way, instantly realised what i said and apologised.  the fact that youre relationship crosses over from vanilla to Ds makes settling into a permanently established understanding of respect at all times, even when kidding about, a difficult one to get a hold of -.  this is something that youve now hit on.  its up to him to point out that even in relaxed mode you dont swear at him.  with that now established its up to you to remember that.

at this point it wouldnt be particularly reasonable of him to punish you for something he hadnt yet made clear, allowing for the fact that you were on some sort of down time.  i dont know youre situation, for me, in a relationship there might be downtime but the Ms is always there.  to swear at my Master would not ever be acceptable because the downtime isnt a separation from the dynamic, its simply that we're being mellow.

considering youre dynamic im guessing youve both hit a realisation where he is not comfortable with you speaking to him like that - he has made his point and has set a limit you now need to accept and respect. 

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/4/2010 3:51:33 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 3:42:22 AM   
kadine


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have never sworn at my owner other than when I was bound and there was a festival of cane/whip  welts decorating my body. During times like that,   I can become quite inventive. Although, I must admit, "what a pussy, you hit like a girl!" was one line that was NEVER uttered twice. 

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 4:37:56 AM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good morning!
Well, I would  hope that your Master would have seen it as a slip of a joke and just laughed it off or given you a mild swat or something.  I am sorry that he took it so seriously. Now he has to put up with you going round and round about it in your head (at least that is what i always do) and suffering the consequences of his meltdown. My Daddy knows I do not swear, I had it pounded into me years ago that it is vulgar and crude and does not make a man a man or a woman stronger. It is senseless. When people around me swear, I often dismiss the rest of what they are saying as it is such a turn off. But sometimes I say to Daddy, "No" or "Heck no" like when he asks "Does baby like the crop?" Dumb question cause he knows i hate it (I tell him enough times) but he wants to hear that honest answer of NO so he can say, " What was that?" with his little frown he does. But it is not swearing, it is honest, and he knows hoe to deal with it. Seems the whole situation of yours went totally wrong. Good luck.
Love,
Zechriel


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Sir HighlanderME's little z

(in reply to kadine)
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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 5:19:28 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I would have probibly taken it as a joke, however, I would be more concerned that in your profile you mention a mentor and your search for a Domme, but you don't mention your Dom. Or is he your mentor?




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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to lookingforsame)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 5:30:11 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I swore at my Master -- in joking and not joking especially when i was like oh hell no. How he responded mostly depended on his mood. I am not going to "scold" your Dom as many are fond of doing when they don't think Dom's aren't domming correctly -- its not my place or anyones elses to determine how he should react to something you have done. No one else was there, no one else knows your history, and sorry your one sided story though it gives some of his perspective is just that -- you a person who has a Dom upset with her relaying a story. The point is, he is taking it in the spirit he wishes. My Master did this, even if i were joking and he took it seriously, it wasn't wrong of him it simply was. What he did depended on his mood. Sometimes he laughed, other times he would smack my ass, other times he would simply give me THAT LOOK that had me squirming, etc etc etc. All in all, you swore, he took it a certain way and is giving a heads up, he doesn't like it joking or not. So now, the question is -- what are you going to do? Sometimes you are going to screw up as a sub and do things at the wrong time. This seems to be one of those times. He didn't like it --- deal with it.

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 6:12:13 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I have used that word: one time I asked permission to “punch his fucking lights out.” He looked startled for a moment, then laughingly denied permission and hugged me. Another time in a pain play session I yelled “MotherFuck!” when something really hurt, he tapped me lightly and said “Motherfuck What?” and I replied “Motherfuck! SIR!” He had me giggling when he said “That's better!”
In my opinion, saying 'fuck off” while smiling is a whole lot different than saying “fuck you” with a frown. From your description of the event, it seems to me you were reacting to getting up early and you were not personally attacking ( or being disrespectful) to him.
However, it doesn't really matter what I think or what I am allowed to do/say in my dynamics.
There are some issues that need to be addressed between the two of you.
These are the questions I would ask. Does he object to the word 'fuck' and if so, he needs to make that a clear rule. Or is he upset that you don't like getting up early? How does he expect you to change that, or does he just not want to hear complaints about it? Again, he needs to make his expectations clear. I would also ask for guidelines on what he considers acceptable 'joking around' and what is not.
You are not a mind reader, if something has been okay in the past but isn't now, it is up to him to tell you ahead of time that the rules are changing.


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to lookingforsame)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 6:38:28 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		In my dynamic, it wouldn't fly, even in joking - i'm sure any Owner of mine would choose something to do to deal with it (most likely laughing the whole time, hee hee!). However i tend to be a person who doesn't swear, and tend towards Owners who don't swear (much) either, so for me it is a much more serious thing. i would be very unlikely to swear in jest - just wouldn't happen.

i think it is important that little things don't "chip away" at a relationship dynamic. If swearing in fun strengthens the dynamic and the bond between two people, then i see it as a fun, good thing. If it is constantly undermining the dynamic though, and being used as an underhanded way of pushing back on his Dominance, then no, i don't see it as healthy. Just like anything else, it's up to the two people involved.

Good luck to you, hope you get some answers that help in the way your Dom intended.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to lookingforsame)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 7:25:28 AM   
beej


Posts: 145
Joined: 1/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
Yes I have used that word: one time I asked permission to “punch his fucking lights out.” He looked startled for a moment, then laughingly denied permission and hugged me. Another time in a pain play session I yelled “MotherFuck!” when something really hurt, he tapped me lightly and said “Motherfuck What?” and I replied “Motherfuck! SIR!” He had me giggling when he said “That's better!”


lmao. my ex Dom was like that as well. he didn't swear, but he welcomed me to cuss like a sailor (which i do) as long as it was part of play and a genuine response to whatever he was doing. ah, fun times.

that said, OP, i found that during peaceable personal time together when i was following his lead, i had no inclination to swear even though i enjoy doing so in general and don't really see it as vulgar or as a naughty pleasure. as close as you seem to be to him, i would say search yourself and see if you weren't just holding on to the individual thrill of being a smartie butt. could have been a little shard of egoism surfacing as you are drawing closer to a total immersion in him? just a suggestion to meditate on as you might see the same sort of behavior manifest in other ways. good luck to you. you seem quite happy so i hope you can smooth these things out and find what you seek. :)

(in reply to catize)
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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 7:44:59 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lookingforsame

He told me to ask the other subs on here what they could expect if they told their Dom to f-off. 



Each situation is handled according to the circumstances of that situation. I wouldn’t 'expect'.

However, if it were a similar situation as what is stated in the op, and what I had said really bothered him, I suspect he might say something like, “That’s the time I have to get up, you will be getting up at 4”… or even earlier, depending on just how unhappy he was with my statement.

Otherwise, he could focus on the message behind the words and say something like, "I'm going to go f-off to bed, you can stay here on the couch."

Then again, he might only ask "Really?", at which time I would be adamantly shaking my head, while saying, "No thank you, Sir."

Kim

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Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to lookingforsame)
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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 8:20:27 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

hope you get some answers that help in the way your Dom intended.


My best guess is that his intentions were that we would all tell her she is a 'bad,bad subby' and validate his reaction.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 8:23:41 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Both of us rarely swear so I can't say this has ever really been an issue with us. I may say a curse word when he hurts me just to help me deal with the pain but he's never had a problem with it. I have said something jokingly that he didn't care for but he's just given me a look or a swat, I apologize and we move on. No big deal.


(in reply to cpK69)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 8:29:33 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not sure what exactly you did wrong. Please clarify.

Were you telling him to fuck off because you were angry at him? It doesn't appear so.

Or were you using fuck as an expletive to give stress to how much you dislike having to set the alarm to five? Which is what it seems like to me.

Or are you simply never to use the term fuck in his presence?

I'd ask him to clarify what he wants. It appears as though he just doesn't want you to use the term fuck around him.

However if this is a question about punishment, it is inappropriate to punish someone for breaking a rule that does not exist. He needs to decide now what you should do in the future. But remember that new habits, such as word usage, take about a month to form if they are full time rules.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 8:44:47 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
In a context of relaxed and kidding around, I'd likely burst out laughing. Then give her "the stare" for swearing and catching me off guard - 'cause I'm *without* flaw. Then I'd laugh again for her taking me all seriously....

*nods* yeah that. Nor can I honestly envision Carol saying such a thing seriously not because she's my slave but because she has more respect and courtesy than that.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 9:29:43 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		ive just re-read this thread and i ended up wondering why we go around in circles with these inane questions - hands up ive asked my share - but honestly has it really got to the point where people cant make up their own dynamic all on their own or that they have to come on here and share their dynamic in whatever purile context they can -  here we are a bunch of adults discussing something really quite stupid when you actually look at it.

but whats the question really about:  i think its - do we give him permission to spank her - sure go right ahead, spank her all you like, if you really need an excuse knock youreself out.

you know, in the end its whatever goes whatever floats whatever feels right.

sorry to gripe but ........ never mind........... off to the woods for some meds

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Swearing at my Dom - 4/4/2010 9:40:59 AM   
lookingforsame


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		hi, thank-you all for the replies. i am sure everything will be fine between us, just some 'hurdles' to be overcome for sure. No, i have never said that to him bf and thinking about it, it really is rude. He just caught me off guard, and it was late at night. No, not an excuse, just me. So, i am sure we will talk on this and he will read all of the above and maybe give me a few 'licks' of the whip to
put me in my place if he wishes. Again, thanks for the info, it is appreciated.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 20
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