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A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 1:36:16 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

A question for straight male subs/slaves...I am curious if you would ever tell a Domme you have no respect for her...I consider a sub should have strong character traits and am attracted to strength and intelligence....But there is a fine line and in My view that crosses the line....Would not one expect a negative response from those words????

Post #: 1

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 2:52:05 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Why not? Just because she labels herself as a Domme does not automatically win respect for her.

That said, those words should destroy any existing or impending relationship. But if a Domme is acting like a complete asshole or wanker, why not tell her?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 2

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 4:30:57 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hmmn of course respect is earned and rightly so...

My situation applies more in a sub. friend relationship....

I mean in a friend context, if your friend said they had lost respect for you, wouldn't you feel hurt by those words...

It is pretty hard not to react negatively to that...

I think respecting a friend means cutting them some slack to and not expecting them to be perfect...

I don't know, in My Universe if I were to tell someone I did not respect them I would be expecting Negative

Karma to follow???

Them to react to this negative judgement...

To me it almost seems contrived to garner that response???

Mistress Ree

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 4:39:20 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Gosh never! I know (from experience) that some Dommes are not nice (and not nice in a not nice way. I've been told that I wasn't a 'true' slave because I enjoyed carrying on a two-way conversation with her. She then told the other Dommes in this group that I wasn't a true slave, and I needed to be banned.).

But it goes against every grain in my body to tell a woman such as that I had no respect for her. I would suffer in silence, and choose not to be involved with her.

I would think that on the opposite side, from the Domme side, if someone told that to her, yeah, she would be hurt and feel that would cross the line.

I would think that the sub/slave would be ending the relationship with those words. They are deliberately meant to be cruel and hurtful.

I hope you have better luck with another. There are many of slaves out there would never be that way.

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 4

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 5:45:22 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hmmn trueshadow that is what I thought....

That it was deliberately said to invoke a negative response...

Ohhh it is a long story but we have been friends for over a year on CM..

He is very intelligent and I enjoy reading his ideas, and thoughts on Power Exchange...

We have been writing long letters back and forth for some time now...

Yess they are cruel and hurtful words....

Thank-you for confirming what I thought...

I think it very odd that a Domme barred you from a chat room because you enjoyed carrying on a two-way conversation with her....

As for myself I enjoy mental interactions with My subs/slaves...

How are you going to be an effective Mistress if you do not respect and understand your sub/slave??

Mistress Ree

(in reply to trueshadow)

Post #: 5

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 5:57:09 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

Hmmn trueshadow that is what I thought....

That it was deliberately said to invoke a negative response...

Ohhh it is a long story but we have been friends for over a year on CM..

He is very intelligent and I enjoy reading his ideas, and thoughts on Power Exchange...

We have been writing long letters back and forth for some time now...

Yess they are cruel and hurtful words....

Thank-you for confirming what I thought...

I think it very odd that a Domme barred you from a chat room because you enjoyed carrying on a two-way conversation with her....

As for myself I enjoy mental interactions with My subs/slaves...

How are you going to be an effective Mistress if you do not respect and understand your sub/slave??

Mistress Ree

Actually, she barred me from the local group. The group was large and had many male sub/slaves and many Dommes. It was terribly upsetting to think that this one person could spread rumors about my 'genuineness' as a slave. I enjoy serving a Dominant woman, I enjoy taking pain from her, I am definitely submissive in bed and love to be so. I was banned from parties and thrown out of the group. She used to post here. I guess she liked her subs/slaves to shut up and not utter a peep.

I apologized to her, offered to submit to whatever she wanted, begged her to do what she wanted to me so she would not dislike me. She just turned a cold shoulder to me.

I don't think the group is still active anymore.

Luckily, I knew other people in the scene and was able to attend pan-sexual parties. I've NEVER had a problem with anyone else in the community.

I still can't understand what I did to set her off, except to engage her in conversation. This was at a restaurant after a munch, with two other people, a Domme and a sub. Perhaps I was just too 'equal' to her.

As to the OP, I am glad you agree with me that this was totally uncalled for. It is equally as non-understandable.

BTW I love your photo. And in beautiful black and white!

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 6

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 6:14:17 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hmmn Darksteven....

My question was directed to subs/slaves...

The fact that you are a Dom obviously means that your Personna

or Character traits are different than a sub/slave and that is the perspective and opinion I desire....

Thank-you for your truths though...

Mistress Ree

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 6:27:16 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

The fact that you offered a heartfelt apology...

She refused to forgive is pretty cold...

If it was one on one interaction and she felt that you were overstepping the line...

She should tell you...

So you can correct the matter...

The problem was she was not clear on her expectations from the start...

If she would have told you that she demands silence from her subs/slaves and you were her slave and serving her and did not do as requested then I understand a bit of her reaction...

The fact that you were hardly her owned slave and not subservient to her and in no way knew her preferance for slaves to be seen and not heard....

It is totally uncalled for her reaction...you were in a public social situation...not serving her as a slave...

The fact she refused to forgive makes me think she is just on a Power Trip and actually pretty insecure in My view..

Mistress Ree

(in reply to trueshadow)

Post #: 8

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 6:35:43 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

Hmmn Darksteven....

My question was directed to subs/slaves...

The fact that you are a Dom obviously means that your Personna

or Character traits are different than a sub/slave and that is the perspective and opinion I desire....

Thank-you for your truths though...

Mistress Ree

That's too bad, because what he said made a lot of sense. If someone loses respect for you, would you rather they lie about it?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 9

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 6:41:08 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Anytime someone tells you they have no respect for you It is time to take a moment and consider the source.

If you value that persons opinion, it matters little if they are sub, dom or neither. The question is why did they say it.

If you don't value the person, they can fuck off.....no?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 10

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 6:42:04 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

A question for straight male subs/slaves...I am curious if you would ever tell a Domme you have no respect for her.......Would not one expect a negative response from those words????

That is not a "yes" or "no" question, IMO. In general, i tend not to use language that i believe to be rude or hurtful. However, it might be possible for someone to do something that would make me lose respect for them. Depending on what they had done, i might even tell them that i had lost respect for them.

One such example that comes to mind is a situation that we had in a local BDSM group that i belonged to. One particular Domme decided that there were members of the group who had a lot to lose if their participation in the group were exposed. So she decided that blackmail was a reasonable course of action.

When word got out, she was expelled from the group. But still, she crossed a line that should NEVER be crossed. Had i been one of her victims, i might have told her that i had no respect for her. But it would take a very hurtful act by the Domme to elicit a hurtful response from me. In fact, even then i probably wouldn't say anything hurtful to her. i would probably just never speak to her again.

Do you mind sharing what happened that made him tell you that he had no respect for you? It doesn't sound like the thing that a friend and/or sub would say without cause. What elicited that response from him?

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 11

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 6:58:51 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hmmn hello Rochsub2009,

What you describe would cause Me to lose respect for someone low enough to use their Position in the BDSM community and try to exploit it by blackmailing someone....
I don't get this kind of Power Exchange???
This to me is exploitation pure and simple...
When you join a BDSM Club you are joining a community of friends...
You do not blackmail your friends--Pure and simple....
As to what I did???
I don't even know for sure 100%...
We have been friends on CM for over a year...
Writing a lot back and forth....
It has always been just a relationship strictly on correspondence...
Apparently he felt that I made unfair judgements...
Was stubborn...
possesed Character traits he did not like...
yada,yada....
But I was also a caring and good person...
WOW is it Me or is this schzoid???
When I told him he could be an asshole sometimes
I am tired of trying to redeem myself in his eyes...
He blocked Me
Ohhh it has been a long trip on this merry-go-round....
Perhaps it is just as well...
Mistress Ree

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 12

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 7:12:13 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hmmn true if you Love this person as a good friend...

And they tell you they have lost respect for you...

Perhaps rightly sooo I am not perfect...

And never claimed to be...

The problem is we are like fire and ice...

He accuses Me of being too emotional...

I tell him he is cold and hard...

Demanding I live up to his values and character traits...

I feel this is not what friendship is about...

It is about taking the good

With the bad...

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 13

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 7:17:59 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I've tried to be a sub to a Domme in the past.

I told her in no uncertain terms that if she continued on with a unilateral power outlook-I was going to totally lose respect for her as a person,and I would stop seeing her.

I expected a negative response-because she was full of herself-and had no humility-it stemmed from a deep insecurity. And insecurity is a relationship killer.

Only damaged people want to hang around with abuse seeking validation.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 14

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 7:23:20 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

I mean in a friend context, if your friend said they had lost respect for you, wouldn't you feel hurt by those words...

It is pretty hard not to react negatively to that...

Mistress Ree

Thanks for explaining. I'd keep my temper, but barely.

I would reexamine whatever caused those words to occur. But unless I had done something absolutely horrible without realizing it, I'd probably tell the sub to go to hell and drop the relationship. If I continue to respect myself and a sub did not, no point continuing.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 15

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 7:57:37 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

I was originally thinking about sub/Domme and if it crosses the line to tell a Domme they have lost respect but it is more difficult because it is in a friendship context, not as in a sub in subservience to Me...
It is kind of a confusing relationship to say the least and I do love him as a good friend...
Respect his opinions, character traits and personality...
I can be emotional and react negatively to negative criticism(oops probably spelled that wrong)
Anyway I do appreciate everyone's opinion...
In truth that is how learning and growth happens...
The point is he blocked the lines of communication and I must accept that...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 16

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 8:12:23 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hmmn well this is kind of complicated because it is a friendship context and not a sub in subservience context...

I don't understand it sometimes Myself...

We just seem to rub each other the wrong way lately and probably it is better to walk away....

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 17

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 8:58:09 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I don't think I've paddled too far downstream with anyone I don't like. So, I don't see me ever getting to the "I don't respect you" point.

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 18

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 9:15:34 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

As a sub where would you draw the line in conversations with a Domme if you did not agree with her ideas...

Would you tell her you did not respect her opinions???

As a friend???

Would there be a distinction to you???

I mean by that would you still respect Her Position as Domme even if you were not in subservience to her??

Curious as to what subs feel about this matter???

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 19

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/4/2010 10:57:01 PM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

I know I am not a submissive male ... but I am a dominant female ...

obviously the word respect is a hot button for you, as well as his behaviour of blocking you .... (we all have our own hot buttons )

But I personaly do not understand why someone who is not in a dynamic with you needs to respect your position? defining yourself as dominant does not make you dominant over someone unless there is an agreement between you ... so there is no position of 'domme' that garners respect, just a self defined prefernce in relationship dynamics and kink activities...

Everyone gets to define how they will allow others to treat them, but there is no automatic rights that come with being anything .. be that dominant .. submissive ... or anything..

I personaly do not want others 'submiting' to me without agreement ....... so why would I assume the same in reverse... indeed I find it annoying that some people try and force dynamics just because I am dominant

For me politeness and common curtesy is always nice, but unless your friendship is based on a D/s interaction, I do not understand the expectation you have which seems to be based purely because he enjoys submission and you enjoy dominance

You know enough about him to know his personality and from what you have shared he is not in submission to you, nor are you dominant over him, so there is nothing D/s about your relationship, and definitly no automatic position of 'Domme'

Now being kind and considerate about how one expresses things is something I value in friends and others .. even those who are happy to tell me quite plainly what they like or do not like about an action or response of mine .... so I choose who my friends are and I use what I know about them to consider and weigh up any good or bad comments they make to me... and some can make me rethink and action or reaction ... but I do not expect them to 'submit' themselves to me just because they identify as submissive, slave or bottom and I identify as Dominant ...

hope you work through why you have reacted as you have .. after all ... you only live your own life and sometimes its the not so pleasent or desired experiences which ultimatly help us to understand ourselves more.

as to what actually happened to cause his reponse.. going by your own explaination of what happened .. some people expect dominants to behave in certain ways and to them, overtly expressed emotional reactions can seem very undominant because they show someone 'reacting' to someone elses actions... rather than being based in your own control of yourself.... that you are shoing some one else's ability to effect your emotions and expressions ius stringer than your own
it could be that your happiness to overtly express things in this way .... to express your reaction as you say you do... is what he sees as something he can not respect... as its opposite to how he views the world

Mz Minx

(edited because not only cant I spell, I cant put in all the little words that should be there either *grins*)

< Message edited by MzMinx -- 4/4/2010 11:39:07 PM >

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 20

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