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How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/5/2010 8:00:43 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Inform the top/dom that in order for you to top from the bottom...they have to...DRUMROLL PLEASE...they have to be bottoming from the top.
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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/5/2010 8:08:15 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Dear Michael,

I luuuuurves you. There-I've said it

I've never really got the whole 'topping from the bottom' paranoia-maybe growing up around the 'Just Say No' campaign has drummed the phrase into my head (although I doubt that was an intended effect of the campaign...).


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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/5/2010 8:16:24 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Silly, silly notion this topping from the bottom is.  I am in charge so much as my partner allows.  If he wishes to make that leash shorter, all he's got to do is yank.

lovingpet

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/5/2010 8:25:24 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Thank you, Captain Obvious!

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/5/2010 8:37:39 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
Silly, silly notion this topping from the bottom is.  I am in charge so much as my partner allows.  If he wishes to make that leash shorter, all he's got to do is yank.

My thoughts exactly. I can tell my Owner what I want or make requests all day long (I don't, but theoretically, I could) but he is free to ignore what I say, tell me to cut it out, or take whatever action he pleases.

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 2:35:31 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Silly, silly notion this topping from the bottom is.  I am in charge so much as my partner allows.  If he wishes to make that leash shorter, all he's got to do is yank.

lovingpet


That's a nice warm fuzzy sentiment but the line in bold generally goes the other way. As far as the OP is concerned - he's right that if the dominant puts his foot down he won't have to topped from the bottom anymore. It may be a while before he is topping anyone at all but he won't have to worry about being topped from the bottom. All chest thumping aside, the submissive is essentially in control.


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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 2:48:31 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Sorry, Michael.  We may be disagreeing on this one.

The issue isn't ending topping from the bottom.  It's not allowing it to ever begin.


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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 2:59:24 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		I am curious to how often a sub is accused of topping from the bottom when in fact they are trying to express themselves?

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 3:11:39 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

As far as the OP is concerned - he's right that if the dominant puts his foot down he won't have to topped from the bottom anymore. It may be a while before he is topping anyone at all but he won't have to worry about being topped from the bottom. All chest thumping aside, the submissive is essentially in control.


There's a difference between refusing to bottom from the top and aggressively 'putting your foot down' to the extent that your partner leaves. Maybe it's not knowing the difference between the two that would leave a theoretical Dom not topping anyone at all...


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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 3:17:13 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Inform the top/dom that in order for you to top from the bottom...they have to...DRUMROLL PLEASE...they have to be bottoming from the top.


youre just trying to get everyone into trouble - 

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 3:46:11 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Inform the top/dom that in order for you to top from the bottom...they have to...DRUMROLL PLEASE...they have to be bottoming from the top.

When topping from the bottom (tftb) comes up, my mind tends to go to people who own cats and an old Oz tv show starring Dr Harry, the celebrity Vet. IE, the show was about animals, mostly pets, and he really is a Vet.

Probably the biggest hassle was with cats and the way they'd take over. You know, jumping up on the kitchen table at mealtime (for eg) expecting to be fed and getting aggressive if you try to just shift it. Time and again, Doc Harry would demonstrate to the cat owners that if you don't own the cat, the cat will take over owning you. In other words, it learns that you'll tolerate bad behaviour; that it can get away with things. More and more things....

A D/s relationship is about control - that *someone* needs to take charge and lead. And when that.... errrrr....., "certain someone" isn't taking charge, it's inevitable that the other partner will get accused of tftb. Sub becomes a brat - and it's ALL the Dom/me's fault for "not owning his cat"....

Seems like rookie stuff for you, Simply.... There's a point or more to come?

Focus.

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 3:52:03 AM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Inform the top/dom that in order for you to top from the bottom...they have to...DRUMROLL PLEASE...they have to be bottoming from the top.

When topping from the bottom (tftb) comes up, my mind tends to go to people who own cats and an old Oz tv show starring Dr Harry, the celebrity Vet. IE, the show was about animals, mostly pets, and he really is a Vet.

Probably the biggest hassle was with cats and the way they'd take over. You know, jumping up on the kitchen table at mealtime (for eg) expecting to be fed and getting aggressive if you try to just shift it. Time and again, Doc Harry would demonstrate to the cat owners that if you don't own the cat, the cat will take over owning you. In other words, it learns that you'll tolerate bad behaviour; that it can get away with things. More and more things....

A D/s relationship is about control - that *someone* needs to take charge and lead. And when that.... errrrr....., "certain someone" isn't taking charge, it's inevitable that the other partner will get accused of tftb. Sub becomes a brat - and it's ALL the Dom/me's fault for "not owning his cat"....

Seems like rookie stuff for you, Simply.... There's a point or more to come?

Focus.


My cat is VERY well trained. She comes when called and fetches and everything.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 4:12:46 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's just information. Anytime the sub is accused of this either there's insecurity on the side of the dominant or there's just a basic incompatibility that should have been hammered out beforehand. I'm free to tell him what I want, in fact I'm encouraged to. But for those dominants who don't want to hear anything until their regular discussion time, I'm just a bad match. Doesn't make me bad nor them, simply incompatible.

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 4:17:16 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

A D/s relationship is about control - that *someone* needs to take charge and lead. And when that.... errrrr....., "certain someone" isn't taking charge, it's inevitable that the other partner will get accused of tftb. Sub becomes a brat - and it's ALL the Dom/me's fault for "not owning his cat"....



Focus.[/font][/size][/color]


YES!!!

The brat is a whole different ball game. Certain men like brats because its a good excuse to get up to some hanky panky. Its topping and bottoming with plenty of topping from the bottom but when we talk about a 'submissive' topping from the bottom
its normally because the Dominant has been unable to take control. The submissive who tops from the bottom is in my opinion an unhappy one.


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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 4:32:50 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

A D/s relationship is about control - that *someone* needs to take charge and lead. And when that.... errrrr....., "certain someone" isn't taking charge, it's inevitable that the other partner will get accused of tftb. Sub becomes a brat - and it's ALL the Dom/me's fault for "not owning his cat"....



Focus.[/font][/size][/color]


YES!!!

The brat is a whole different ball game. Certain men like brats because its a good excuse to get up to some hanky panky. Its topping and bottoming with plenty of topping from the bottom but when we talk about a 'submissive' topping from the bottom
its normally because the Dominant has been unable to take control. The submissive who tops from the bottom is in my opinion an unhappy one.



this is true - but dont you think sometimes its also because a sub or slave has definite ideas sometimes of how she wants to be dominated and when that doesnt happen they end up topping from the bottom.

i knew a sub who just couldnt hand over control, no matter how much she believed she could. in the end it was pretty apparent that she felt she knew more than her Master and kept on trying to direct their dynamic. 

i just wonder sometimes whether the whole handing over all the control and switching off that little voice is always manageable all of the time for everyone - im sure it isnt.  the difference is that some subs find their little voice compelling and other subs have enough trust in their D to keep it hushed up.  but i dont think its always the fault of the D



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to allthatjaz)
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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 5:03:31 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		-FR-

From what I understand, the terms 'top' and 'bottom' are used exclusively to deal with BDSM or fetish activity - in other words there are no power dynamics involved. The top is generally the one performing an action and the bottom is generally the one receiving the action. If a bottom picked up a flogger and started swinging away, they wouldn't be "topping from the bottom" they would be the top, plain and simple.

Of course there are a lot of idiots who can't tell the difference between a bottom and a submissive and for some reason think that being a bottom makes one a submissive, so we have this stupid phrase that might better be expressed as "being the dominant one in the relationship when you are expected to be the submissive" but that takes too long to type and generally people whining about how hard it is to find someone to suck their cock on demand don't want to type all that out.

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 5:17:59 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

-FR-

From what I understand, the terms 'top' and 'bottom' are used exclusively to deal with BDSM or fetish activity - in other words there are no power dynamics involved. The top is generally the one performing an action and the bottom is generally the one receiving the action. If a bottom picked up a flogger and started swinging away, they wouldn't be "topping from the bottom" they would be the top, plain and simple.

Of course there are a lot of idiots who can't tell the difference between a bottom and a submissive and for some reason think that being a bottom makes one a submissive, so we have this stupid phrase that might better be expressed as "being the dominant one in the relationship when you are expected to be the submissive" but that takes too long to type and generally people whining about how hard it is to find someone to suck their cock on demand don't want to type all that out.

^^^^^THIS!^^^^
Topping from the bottom should be a phrase relegated to play partners, and banned in all other circumstances. If I have agreed to submit, and then refuse to do so, we don't have a D/s dynamic. If he chooses to give me authority over certain aspects of our lives, isn't that his choice, and he still has the authority?
And in dire circumstances I'm not going to worry about who is in charge (There's a gas leak, get out of the house NOW!

< Message edited by catize -- 4/6/2010 5:18:43 AM >

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 6:02:01 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The submissive who tops from the bottom is in my opinion an unhappy one.

And that's an equally valid answer to that most exasperating topic of all - "who really controls the relationship, the dom/me or sub?" Show me a sub in control and I'll show you an unhappy sub....

Focus.

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 6:07:42 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

And that's an equally valid answer to that most exasperating topic of all - "who really controls the relationship, the dom/me or sub?" Show me a sub in control and I'll show you an unhappy sub....

Focus.


That would depend on whether the submissive is controlling what is done or what is not done.

A sub controlling what is done would likely be unhappy, a sub whose safeword is not repeatedly ignored would likely be quite happy.

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RE: How to end Topping from the Bottom - 4/6/2010 6:15:41 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

-FR-

From what I understand, the terms 'top' and 'bottom' are used exclusively to deal with BDSM or fetish activity - in other words there are no power dynamics involved. The top is generally the one performing an action and the bottom is generally the one receiving the action. If a bottom picked up a flogger and started swinging away, they wouldn't be "topping from the bottom" they would be the top, plain and simple.

Of course there are a lot of idiots who can't tell the difference between a bottom and a submissive and for some reason think that being a bottom makes one a submissive, so we have this stupid phrase that might better be expressed as "being the dominant one in the relationship when you are expected to be the submissive" but that takes too long to type and generally people whining about how hard it is to find someone to suck their cock on demand don't want to type all that out.

I get your point but I think you're also taking it a bit too literally.

I regard tftb in the context of being a metaphor. That it can basically cover any behaviour where a T/b, D/s or M/s dynamic has become skewed and the bottom/sub/slave seems to be controlling aspects of their particular relationship that they shouldn't be - and everyone involved is miserable for it.

Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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