quote:

ORIGINAL: beej

"Service Styles" came up as a topic in one of my regional discussion forums, and i thought i'd bring it over here to get some perspective.

since dominance flows through all of the small details of an encounter, which elements in a sub's service style do you consider to be most important 1) to maintaining or cultivating your dominance, and 2) to enhancing and/or feeding your sub's desire to serve?

My answer would be both 1 and 2.  The power exchange takes two (or more if it is a multi-slave family); to give that flow back and forth. To give out one way and not get back a response that maintains the Dominant as well as the slave/sub/servant; and feeding the Dominant as well as the slave/sub/servant  and/or; the enhancing the Dominant as well as the slave/sub/servant; would not create the best platform for communication, openness to what is seen, heard and or felt in many levels of the two (or more ) in the relationship. Anybody can be "domineering" and or "helpful" --however, to live a lifestyle based on a Female power and those to whom enjoy serving under that power--all parties must be kept pleased but, always striving for improvement in the relationship, in my opinion.

by elements, i mean to clothe him or not to clothe him?

This particular element is very important, as a uniform -- be it in his/her nudity or not.  I would also mention that I don't feel those who seek "forced clothing, forced sex or forced femmie" is what it appears.  Nothing is forced in a consensual relationship.  If your heart isn't into sticking with a "rule/protocol" about clothing --there will be times slaves/subs/servants will do for themselves and dress how 'they' wish to and thus, removes just this element out of many under the uniformity of the "House Rules" and or the Owner's preferences based on a prolong rule, temporary rule, special rules as far as the dress code.  Slaves/submissives/servants should not be 'surprised' with a S/S/S' appearance.  I have my slaves informed what will be the uniform of the day...be it naked or clothed; and when these uniforms will change to appear in public.

keep him on a leash at your knee, or assign him tasks to do in a bowtie at a desk?

I use all of these things, within physical and circumstances.  Knowing a slave/sub/servant may need the connection of touch, texture/sensation, or position --these are and do feed both the Dominant and slave/sub/servant.  Just one of many elements needed in my relationship.  I want/need to always have a connection to my slaves...the strongest being their heart.

do you use formal language patterns constantly, or do you speak formally only during play and casually otherwise even when he is in service?

I do speak more formally to my slaves than I do my fellow Dominants.  I tend to borrow from the military in this way, as to maintain an established line between my dominance and their submission.  There is no 'equality' here.  Respect - Very much so! However, speech is an element that can easily slip into a much more casual and equal state.  When my slaves are collared, they must understand before that committment, that they will never be totally equal and though I may/can/will speak to them quietly or informal, my words are commands and to be taken literally.  It is my duty to make sure what intentions I have for them and how far to take what I say literally.  It is my responsibility to be a leader.  Further, being a good listener and listen to my slave's words and or feelings about whatever is discussed is necessary and wanted.  I know I am not a perfect dominant and a slave may have wisdom in an area where I may lack, e.g. mechanics, procedure, etc.  There should be no feelings of being threatened or challenged when a slave of mine wishes to inform me, educate me and or enhance me as a person and as their Dominant.  

are you particular about things as small as whether he opens your cola before he hands you the bottle?

Oh, I do admit I do have my preferences on how slaves serve me.  It also depends on how new they are to service to me and what the situation is.  For me, the slave is required to open the cola can or bottle.  A bottle though can be reclosed whereas, a can cannot be unless there are adaptors.  If I must walk hands free, the slave must carry that soda for me.  I also prefer that my soda, is always in his weak hand.  It goes back to military protocol history, in never handing a superior a weapon or item in the strong hand, which demonstrates submission/respect/non threating movements.  This in turn maintains the line between us, as Dominant and slave.

just hoped that some of you might share your scheme, as it were and the reasons why you set up your protocol as such, where it is an extension of your dominance and more than just personal preference. also, i would love to hear from the subs what you enjoy most, a meticulous protocol or something that allows for more spontaneous devotion on your part.