RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good?

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (Full Version)

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hermione83 -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 1:00:20 AM)
hah, Domiguy, how do you feel about the fact that I am well known for my weird hatred of soup because it is is "too fluidy?" This is legit. I'll have a dog, horses, and world traveling, a home library with tens of thousands of books, every Coldplay collectible ever made, a wicked music collection, and some sunday school teaching... aw. :P

lally2 -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 1:14:33 AM)
you just deal with the things as they go along. if you need to make a list of things you want to do and achieve then do so. sometimes i give myself a kick up my ass, when i realise things are sliding and i pull them back from the brink. ive been on my own for ten years, ive had partners, relationships in that time,but i was, pretty much on my own, living my own life. i have a business of my own a kid, animals and a life. it might not always go smoothly but who cares - i can relate to what youre saying completely. ive gone through what youre going through and in a way im going through something a little bit similar now. i like my own space, i enjoy my own company, i dont want to be told what to do. but i do want to submit myself to someone. its just about telling youreself that you are going to do these things, youre not going to look back in ten years and wish you had. once youve made that first step into the areas youre 'dependent' about youll realise you can do it and youll feel so proud of youreself itll go from there. just take a deep breath and push forward, youve nothing to lose oh and the bit about coming back to this later - who knows, you may have grown, changed and find you need something different. i know that i travelled extensively, lived abroad for about 3 years, met alot of people, done alot of things, but me, the person, my personality type didnt change im still me. just go for it

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 2:49:41 AM)
You have your reasons. I don't know you and can only comment from what i have seen in this thread but allow me to share some things I have observed whilst stumbling mostly blindly through my 36 years on this god forsaken planet. your teenage years are when you have fun, blow off steam, the world is something that is mostly outside of your on bubble. Your 20's are when you learn about life and social interactions, the time you begin to really discover who you are. your 30's from what I have found is when you begin to realise that you are really NOT invulnerable and that you're rapidly approaching the half way point. In my case i have been ready to settle into a relationship for a good 5 years or so but have only found vanilla when I wasn't vanilla so tried to be something I wasn't which in the end destroyed those relationships. If I were to offer you any advice it would be these 2 things: 1. Be yourself. if you're vanilla be vanilla, if you're a slave be a slave but be true to who YOU are and ignore those who would tell you that you have to live in a pigeon hole. You will never be happy with yourself untill you embrace the fact that quirks flaws and all you are you. 2. I respect that you have set yourself a deadline. but once the 21st arrives don't shut yourself off completely to any possibilities. It was touched on before that true love could hit you at 37 but due to your vows, promises and mostly stubbornness you might just miss out on the one chance you have to be truly happy. Life has a funny way of throwing things at you when you least expect it so be prepared to catch it and run with it when it does. It worries me somewhat that you are going to shut up shop on your birthday and that's it. no-one in life is perfect and therefore no-one can know the future or even know for sure that Mr Right (or even Mr Right-now) isn't waiting around the corner so you have to at the very least remain open to the possibility that you might just have gotten it all wrong. You sound like a lovely girl. I would hate to think of you missing out because of stubbornness and pride. I wish you luck in whatever it is that you ultimately choose to do but please, for your sake (and for the sake of the one who you are meant to be with), go there with an open mind and open eyes.

alhamdullilah -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 4:16:39 AM)
quote: RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 2:49:41 AM I know precisely what you are asking, I believe, and had to smile, bittersweetly, when I read your post because I have been asking myself that very question for quite some time now. I look forward to addressing it further after I get off of work but, for the moment, I need to go back to bed and try to get some sleep - even though no one is commanding me... and I really hate that. Some would say that's too "dependent" to need someone to tell me when to go to bed. Well, I suppose I don't. I find my way there eventually out of necessity. Want and need are different. And yes, I want someone to tell me to get my ass in bed. I look forward to addressing your query but, in the meantime, Domiguy's right. None of us should get married before 30. Maturity is the visceral as well as cerebral awareness that you don't know sh*. And in your 20's, women especially, is when you're still passionately mapping out your life but have enough experience to be jaded. I like the quote, "Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans." You will break your promise* eventually, because life, destiny, love will prevail over your notions of grandeur, this idea that you are the greatest force in your universe. Your path will be more aligned with God's plan, Fate, the predeterminations or whims of the Powers that Be. The question arises as to just how submissive you'll be to Him or It or Them versus a promise you made without the gift of omniscience. But that isn't what you asked, so next time I post, I'll stick to the very good question you posed. I know that as I go about my day today, as is the case every single day for me, that very question will be on my mind. In my business attire, correcting my skirt as I step out of the office for a break or to hunt down a file, I'll be asking myself who I am - am I still a slave? I'll pass the guy in MDS who seems to have taken an interest and I'll smile brightly, wondering whether he can see in my expression that I'm submissive, that I have this about me, that it's who I am. I'll send a text to someone who does have some idea who I am if only to stay grounded. I'll bear someone in mind, in particular, and wonder if he couldn't be "the one". But I'll be questioning the intelligence behind clinging to the identity of a slave or at least not dismissing it from my sense of self-perception because I have to get through this day, one way or another, without the guidance and control that I crave and if I don't bestow all of that power on myself, holding it in reserve if only in my own mind for someone else, will I be as strong as I need to be? Looks up at the lengthy post So you can see how self-disciplined I am! Hey, you know what would be great? If I had multiple personalities and one of them was a male Dom, that could be so self-fulfilling! "llilah, get your ass in bed!" "Yes, Master!" Come on, you have to admit, that'd be cool. Later, llilah

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 4:22:08 AM)
Hmmm D/s Schitzophrenia.... Now THERE'S an idea. I might just have a think about that for a bit. I see a sit-com coming on.

DesFIP -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 4:29:15 AM)
Get some therapy. Learn how to be happy in your own skin. Because until you are, no healthy person will want to be with you. When you become the person that the person you dream of would want to own, only then will he find you desirable.

jbcurious -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 6:32:15 AM)
First off... I don't think it's good to make absolute decisions...you should always be open to the possibilities that present themselves...things you may never have considered. Saying that... there is nothing wrong with being single. I made that choice after my divorce...I didn't want the distraction of a relationship while I was raising my daughter and running my business. I've been single for 26 years now, the longest relationship during that time was 9 months. It is very possible to have a full, active and happy life as a single. It starts by knowing and liking the person that you are...of being content in your own company as well as enjoying the company of friends and family. It doesn't mean cutting yourself off from the world out of fear or expectations not met. As far as non sexual sub needs...there are so many avenues to meet some of them. I cook for friends, I'm the one who bakes everyones birthday cake, I give makeovers and facials to new moms... the list is endless when you truly derive pleasure from giving to others. The celibate part I can't help you with...I've always had a lover, friend with benefits etc.

Kana -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 7:07:55 AM)
2 comments for the OP 1-There is nothing wrong with opting for singleness/celibacy rather than settling. But keep your options open. LittleWonder was single by choice for 5 years before we got together. 2-Never is not a word humans should be allowed to use...as in "Never date again." The future is too unpredictable, the person you are at 32, 37,42 and 47 will be radically different than the woman you are now. Unless you are planning on entering a monastery on your stated deadline date or something similar, it is an act of almost ludicrous egoism to think that you will have the same feelings and see life through the same eyes then as you do today.

littleone35 -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 10:47:43 AM)
You are 26 and you are past your prime? Man i am 40 and just hitting my stride. When i was your age i was busy figuering who i was and what i wanted from life. I know you made a promise so you would blow off a promising relationship to keep a promise you made when you were younger? No flames here but you seem to be restricting yourself too much, you are still young , too young i think to shut yourself off from a chance of a relationship. True i don't know what your life was like or why you made this promise. As for being celibate if that is your choice good for you. I was for 1 year it sucked. I has some play partneresfriends with benfits. You are youngeand cute if you don't want to be should not be a problem finding some special friends I stress FRIENDS. Best wishes and you can CM ne on the other side if you want to talk. Matt's litleone

ishyB -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 12:55:33 PM)
Hi herminone, Honestly, from reading your profiles and your posts here, it seems that you've never giving yourself the chance to experience love before. The way you describe your childhood dreams and your current dreams of your perfect Master, it almost sounds like you've already lost your hearth.... to a dream image in your head. It's very hard for a man to come in and sweep you of your feet when you are already in love with another, especially when that other is a perfect dream image that doesn't exist. You seem to be so obsessed with the way things should be for your, that you dismissed everything real that comes along that doesn't exactly fit your perfect relationship. Because of this, I would advise you that yes, it's a good idea to step away from the idea of finding a partner, and put yourself in the mindset that you are single by choice, instead of "looking for the perfect man". When you let go of your desperate need for perfect, it's very possible that you will finally open yourself up enough to experience and find the real "perfect" men that have been right in front of you all these years. I'm a little worried about the idea that you will never date another man past the age of 27, because by putting that idea forward, you are again placing yourself in a death black and white situation which will prevent you from even seeing the perfect man, should you find him. Instead, it might be a good idea to put forward that after the age of 27, you will no longer be looking for a man, and are perfectly happy with never dating ever again, without adding the qualifier to that that you won't date if the perfect situation presents itself. If you promise yourself you won't date, you are just closing yourself off for possibilities again, like you've been doing your whole life already. Instead, just stop looking for the perfect situation, enjoy life, accept that you are single, live life to its fullest and let happen what happens. I wish you well, ishy

QuirkyAnne -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 3:08:47 PM)
At about age 23, I was doing some very stupid things, engaging in very risky behavior and I made the conscious decision to go single and celibate for at least 3 years. Many people told me that it was foolish and unrealistic but to this day, I still believe it was one of the best decisions that I ever made and was what I truly needed to do. At the tail end of that 3 year period, I met a very nice young man whom I fell inlove with and had a very fulfilling relationship. Yes, it ended and that was painful, but I bear him no ill will and hope that he has a happy life. As for myself, I'm open to falling inlove again and someday I hope to have a family of my own. Having read your profile, it sounds very similar to where I was at the age when I made that decision as well as emotional stages that I've been at different points in my life and so I'm going to say this to you. Based on my own experience, your outlook is very unrealistic. I'm not trying to make you feel foolish or stupid and I'm not trying to sound snide, but here are my thoughts... It's obvious that you've been hurt very badly and it's completely normal to take yourself off of the market for a time, whether it be three months, three years, or three decades. You need time to heal and take time to look into yourself and start to decide what it is that you really want in a partner. You're still in your twenties, and have many more years to find the kind of man/woman you truly want. You have NO IDEA how many women I've met in their 30's, 40's, and even 50's who have all said that, at one point, they all thought the same thing that you do right now and it wasn't until ten to fifteen years later that they met their soulmate and were proven to be liars. You do not make the decision when you will and will not fall in love or meet the person who fits you. Take yourself off the market for awhile. That's obviously what you need to do at this point. I would suggest, however, changing your profile to something that sounds a little less melodramatic and simply state that you are open to new friends but until further notice, are not actively seeking any sort of relationship.

RCdc -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 3:16:44 PM)
quote: To the one that said offer submission to a deity kind of thing, that actually is a really helpful reminder, and I do.. being single strengthens my dependence on God, but my lack of faith etc. etc. can be stunning, and though I wish I had the self-discipline or connection to hear His guidance, I am a lost one at this time, and I want to go from craving complete control in the flesh over my life to knowing how to thrive alone without it. You cannot depend of God if you lack faith, and if you are saying that you lack faith, then being single isn't strengthening your dependance. It's just making you more lost. If God is so important in your life, then making the pledge to be single because you wish to know something different, would be going about it the wrong way. What you may find more useful is meditating and praying to your God and asking for guidence there because you might just be doing the opposite of what is required of you. I know that you say you lack self discipline or connection to hear his guidence, if this is the case then why not just drop God too? Can you see the comparrison there? Meh. Just some spiritual ramblings... the.dark.

LaTigresse -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 3:25:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana 2 comments for the OP 1-There is nothing wrong with opting for singleness/celibacy rather than settling. 2-Never is not a word humans should be allowed to use...as in "Never date again." The future is too unpredictable, the person you are at 32, 37,42 and 47 will be radically different than the woman you are now. Unless you are planning on entering a monastery on your stated deadline date or something similar, it is an act of almost ludicrous egoism to think that you will have the same feelings and see life through the same eyes then as you do today. This is perfect.

youngsubgeoff -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 3:31:32 PM)
I personally have chosen to stay single since november, so about 6 months now. I have re-discovered my own power in this short time, and it grows on a daily basis. If, or rather when, I decide to get into a relationship, it will be on my terms, no one elses.

QuirkyAnne -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 3:33:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff I personally have chosen to stay single since november, so about 6 months now. I have re-discovered my own power in this short time, and it grows on a daily basis. If, or rather when, I decide to get into a relationship, it will be on my terms, no one elses. Very well said. This happens to so many people who make this decision and they are much more mature and sure of what they want, how they wish to be treated, and what they absolutely WILL NOT "settle" for when they do decide to start dating again.

windchymes -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 4:43:00 PM)
It's gonna be a shame when, at age 28, the proverbial man of your dreams suddenly walks into the room (or the bar, or the church...whatever) and you're too immersed in your own melodrama to notice.

Andalusite -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 6:56:01 PM)
hermione, your post comes across less as submissive per se, or dependent upon others, and more as perhaps being a little shy or having difficulty in taking that first step to get involved with things. I used to be very shy, and avoided new activities because they involved having to interact with large groups of strangers. It was tough at first, but the more I pushed myself to get out there, the easier it became, and the more fun I was able to have! Developing those skills will serve you well, whether or not you stay single.

takemeforyourown -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 8:36:07 PM)
Oh, Goddess of flame-throwing thread hijackers protect me....I came to the same place as you did in my life once. My vanilla relationship was dust, my kink relationship ended abruptly. Suddenly, I began to have this feeling that the desire to submit, for me, may be originating from something deeper than the need to serve a human man. Call it what you will, I couldn't help but compare my need to submit to a Man to my wish to submit and become close(r) to God.

leadership527 -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/7/2010 8:59:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hermione83 No, that's not really what I'm asking at all.. it's how do you manage to be a completely independent and single person, as a by definition needy and dependent type who needs the guidance and control over their life of another naturally? Carol is not needy and dependent. She is submissive. quote: I want to know, is there ways of dealing with life without that control indefinitely, and remaining true to yourself, and who you are and not changing....... or, a way of becoming independent but not losing one's slavey qualities somehow (I doubt this, with those that were born with that deep quality, but I am willing to listen to wisdom!!).... or, do you toughen up/harden up/ try to pretend to be dominant, what,.. how? It's not easy.. Carol would be able to function independently just fine. Carol cannot "lose" her slavey qualities anymore than she can lose her left arm.

Jeffff -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 6:11:32 AM)
I havn't read the entire OP. It seemed to go on and on. Still I also live in Chicago, about 2 hours maybe 2.5 away. I could run down and bang you, just to help you get it out of the way. I am thin, but not too "fluidy" Do have any Idea how bad 30 cats are gonna smell?

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