RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 6:16:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
Do have any Idea how bad 30 cats are gonna smell?


Score!



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 8:16:31 AM)

you are young, and i swear to you that you will change who you are a few more times in life.

imho, you need to learn to like you, and be comfy in your own skin and comfy sitting alone, in the silence, before you can even begin to think about having a relationship with someone else.

be where you are, enjoy it, make the most of it.  the future will take care of its self.



ishyB -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 10:12:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

To be honest, I should've stopped long ago, because my desperation level went up and my being a good mate went down rapidly when I was past my hmm, romance prime. 


That's your own doing thought, that doesn't happen with other people.
More usual is that people, the older they get, have more to offer as partners because they have grown into more stable, mature, well-rounded individuals, who know who they are, what they want and what they have to offer.
Younger people, on the other hand, are often still too fickle and self-absorbed and thus are less likely to make good partner.

An older couple is usually more prone to make an actual partnership with give and take, while a younger couple will more often have two individuals living together without an actual partnership being formed. (This is by no means the case for ALL younger/older people, just talking about averages when it comes to maturity and such.)

It seems that you have held on so much to your dream of the ideal man, that you've kept yourself from developing into the person that this mature, ideal man would actually be interested in.
What do you have to offer you Mr. Perfect?

Surely experience isn't one of your offerings.
Nor is willingness to compromise.
Nor a willingness to accept certain human flaws on his behalf.
Nor a realistic idea of relationships.
Nor realistic goals, terms and demands of the relationship. (Not if you want him to propose to you in such a short time.)

So the only reason your "good mate" potential went down is because you let it go down.
It's almost as if you deliberately set your goals and demands in such a way that you made it impossible for you to ever find love, because besides the fact that you have shaped your perceptions in such a way that you cannot even see love should it hit you in the face, you have also turned yourself into the kind of person that the man you are looking for probably doesn't want to be with...

I wish you well,

ishy
 



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 10:28:58 AM)

The main reason I think you haven't found anyone yet -
quote:

I don't think I'd know exactly how to school myself in being independent



I'll go out on a limb and say that generally, most men that are worth your time want strong, independent women who aren't clingy and won't drag them down.

Maybe you would be happy with someone who is just as dependent on your dependency as you are on his, but if that's what you've been looking for until you've decided to just give up, no wonder you haven't had any HEALTHY ADULT RELATIONSHIPS thus far.



Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 1:04:07 PM)

It makes me wonder if the reason you posted this so close to your self imposed deadline is because you WANT your mind changed, even if you won't admit it.

There have been many suggestions that you seek therapy.  This is sound advice.  It won't be a quick fix and will very likely go past your deadline, but regardless of the drama in your posts you are screaming out for a change.

Non of us can do that.  You have to decide that you are tired of living this way and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT because untill you do, your life will only become more unbearable and I would hate to see ANYONE run their existance because of indecision and procrastination.

Go seek therapy. go with an open mind and be prepared to accept that you really know nothing.  You have lived inside your dreams for so long that the real world and its lessons were lost on you.

I sincerely wish you luck and I did message you with an offer that I hope you will concider.



ShadowsLap -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 10:29:19 PM)

hermione83,

You have received some very good advice in this thread and even some tough love up there in Post #42.  But those are all operative words - good advice and tough love.  People don't try to help you unless they care about what happens to you.  There are a number of people in this thread who don't know you anymore than what they see on this screen and in your posts - but they care about the person you are now ... and the person you are yet to become.

PLEASE - Give yourself a chance!  Don't turn your back on yourself or your future.  The person you are going to hurt the most is not the Mr/Ms Right that you've not found yet ... it's the Gal in the Glass that you see every day.  I wish you all the best in your search for ... you!

Be well and at peace, SL



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 10:43:41 PM)

OP, being single is wonderful, and so is being celibate- instead of getting with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. You can be truly joyful, being single. Its all in your state of mind. If you want to be happy, and if you feel you deserve true happiness, then you'll let yourself feel it. It does take thought control, and letting go of the negative tapes playing in your head. You must jettison the negative thoughts, in order to experience the positive.

From this post and especially from reading your profile- you are soooo messed up that it would be irresponsible and just plain wrong of you to get with anyone else until you've made some major progress on your issues. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need major work.

You are not an unowned slave. YOU own you. Be the kind of owner that you would want, for yourself.

Want a loving, sweet owner? Act like you love yourself.




domiguy -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 10:47:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming



From this post and especially from reading your profile- you are soooo messed up that it would be irresponsible and just plain wrong of you to get with anyone else until you've made some major progress on your issues. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need major work.





I agree, maybe a tummy tuck and a little work along the lips and the eyes.

Then when you are hot you can start dating and get married right away.



graceadieu -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 10:52:28 PM)

I understand the need to be single for a while.... I stopped dating for a couple years in my early 20s because I, too, wasn't in a place where I could have a healthy relationship and didn't feel like I had much to offer to partner. In that time, I went through a lot of life changes, got some therapy, and eventually got my shit together. It was a lonely time, but I think it was for the best. I came out of it having much more mature, adult relationships than before I did that.

So it might be good for you to take some time to find yourself and work through whatever issues you're having that make you feel like you wouldn't be a good mate or that you're past your prime. Just don't discount the possibility that you might get yourself sorted and find that special someone someday. You really might. :)



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/8/2010 11:11:42 PM)

*shamelessly helpless to domiguy's charms*

[:)]



winterlight -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/9/2010 5:16:22 PM)

Sometimes the cat is the best choice



pyroaquatic -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/9/2010 5:33:11 PM)

I do not see it as Celibacy.
Call it Waiting.



Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/11/2010 6:50:26 AM)

In a way I'm hoping to read some sort of resolution from the OP here.. probably won't happen but theres something nice about a story on a board going full circle



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (4/11/2010 12:18:13 PM)

Yeah-huh. A lot of them just disappear, and leave us here to have fun amongst ourselves.


OP, I'm going to repeat what I said above, for emphasis: The fact that another person does not own you currently, never means that you are an unowned slave. It just means that YOU own you. A slave is never really unowned, see? So instead of focusing on that ache you have inside, to be owned by another- focus on your ownership of yourself. Embrace the deliciousness of this chance to be the kind of owner that you want and need.

When you're truly having a good time with it, truly happy being the sole owner of yourself, someone is sure to come along and mess that up for you.

Real confidence and healthy self- esteem, a sense of humor, a positive attitude, an attitude of playfulness and fun, and true happiness... These are all very attractive traits! To reiterate: your next owner is sure to come along in short order to mess up your fine life, once you are truly happy being owned by YOU.

Don't waste this chance to be the kind of owner you need and deserve. If you don't feel you deserve a fantastic owner, then work on that. Pump up your self-esteem! Right now you're presenting as someone who's not happy, doesn't have a very positive attitude or much of a positive outlook on life, and takes herself waaaay too seriously. Get over yourself. Its time for you to shed that tight skin, that's holding you in. Its time for you to have a growth spurt! This is your day! This is your time! This is your chance! You have a beautiful, smart, capable, loving owner. Act like it.

Enjoy! Savor the sweetness of this chance. [:)]



Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (5/7/2010 5:40:27 PM)

Well, the date has been and gone now... Wonder what really happened?



laurell3 -> RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good? (5/7/2010 9:08:34 PM)

Same thing that has always happened when she posts and hasn't dealt with her mental health issues......

Hermonie is a bright girl that posts occasionally among the same lines, although this one is much more coherent than previous ones. It's most likely she still needs professional help and no relationship in the world, d/s or otherwise is going to do that for her.

I have found it to be the case in my life that in order to make two work, each one has to work on it's own.



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