the 'pic' exchange question

the 'pic' exchange question (Full Version)

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odalisqueslave -> the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 1:26:31 PM)
i have been conversing with a dominant who is unwilling to forward a pic. mine is posted with my profile. his explanation 'he does not send his photo to strangers'. as i believe there is a natural progression to these exchanges on Collarme, if one is intending to meet a potential partner...a pic exchange at some point is a valid request. i would appreciate imput on this.

Chaingang -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 1:33:01 PM)
A polite and private request for a photo should be honored immediately. Refusal is most probably the usual HNG shit - as always. My advice is to never allow online roles or roleplaying to take over your own basic common sense. How long would you speak to a stranger in the real world without being able to see their physical features?

Tempestspet -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 1:36:39 PM)
Perhaps there's something shady going on, perhaps not. But if you feel like you are at that stage, and he's still not there....the two of you may simply not a compatible. If you can't match up when to exchange photos, then what else are you two not going to see eye to eye on? Ask yourself how long has it been, that you think it's reasonable to exchange photos? Are you being anxious? If not, then I would think again about the first portion of my opinion. Take your time, but don't be afraid to say that you don't think it's good, or a match, or whatever. Therre's a match out there for everyone. It just takes time. That's hard though...I know. lol...trust me, I have heard plenty of somedays to sympathize with you. Good luck, and take care!!!.. Sincerely, Tempest's pet jennifer

givemyall -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 1:47:45 PM)
Hi, Well I know what i'd tell him to do but, then again im very outspoken.... moving on......lol. Lots of questions arise when people act like this...eg.. do they have 2 heads, are they a real minger, is it really a spotty teenager getting his rocks off, is it a work colleague having a laugh - not great for building a trusting relationship really! Talking of trust, I would have to consider if I wanted to be involved with someone that seems so untrusting, try and find out why he is like that - maybe he has been hurt in the past or had some small minded person threaten to tell all to his employees that hes a Dom. Perhaps you should ask him at what point in your 'online/telephone friendship' you will nolonger be classed as a stranger - if I had been conversing with someone on a regular basis I would hate to be classed as that and I can imagine his behaviour must appear bewildering and slightly hurtful... trust speaks volumes at the end of the day. If he is never going to come clean with you and never going to open up, then I would remind him that his mummy told him not to talk to strangers!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 1:54:49 PM)
If a person is serious about meeting offline, they should have no problems with sharing a pic. This is 2006, there's no reason to not have a pic unless you're not willing to meet offline. If he doesn't want to send a pic, then it means he's not ready or desiring to go offline. That's fine. If you want to court someone online, you've got to accept what that means.

SirKenin -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:05:38 PM)
Heh. My gut feeling is that he is either ugly and/or grotesquely obese or something or he is an HNG. He clearly has something to hide at any rate and I just would not be bothered with him. No trust, no relationship. That is as simple as it gets. Unless you are hopelessly flawed, I am sure you can do better.

Gauge -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:21:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: odalisqueslave i have been conversing with a dominant who is unwilling to forward a pic. mine is posted with my profile. his explanation 'he does not send his photo to strangers'. as i believe there is a natural progression to these exchanges on Collarme, if one is intending to meet a potential partner...a pic exchange at some point is a valid request. i would appreciate imput on this. I would proceed with caution. Do not rule this guy out totally, but a yellow flag is waving and it deserves attention. If his statement is that he doesn't send a picture out to strangers then ask him why he is talking to you to begin with. There is a certain give and take that has to go on in an online courtship... if he is unwilling to take those risks then I would say thanks but no thanks and move on.

SirKenin -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge quote: ORIGINAL: odalisqueslave i have been conversing with a dominant who is unwilling to forward a pic. mine is posted with my profile. his explanation 'he does not send his photo to strangers'. as i believe there is a natural progression to these exchanges on Collarme, if one is intending to meet a potential partner...a pic exchange at some point is a valid request. i would appreciate imput on this. I would proceed with caution. Do not rule this guy out totally, but a yellow flag is waving and it deserves attention. If his statement is that he doesn't send a picture out to strangers then ask him why he is talking to you to begin with. There is a certain give and take that has to go on in an online courtship... if he is unwilling to take those risks then I would say thanks but no thanks and move on. What he said.

slavejali -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:39:53 PM)
I had the same attitude, Master didnt see a picture of me at all for the first 2 months of chatting, I had privacy and protection issues going on, there was nothing underhanded going on. He has worked a lot with me over my self preservation issues, I think its one of the reasons he eventually had me using my real name as an internet ID..and it was a leap of faith for me to do that when he asked. I think part of me opening up to reveal myself in this way was because Master had been involved in the scene in a very public way and felt no shame about being exposed..where my past experience was that my participation in BDSM and D/s had been used against me professionally and personally. Not saying this person your chatting with is being altruistic, who knows on the internet? grin...but sometimes there are good explanations for not wanting to expose ourselves too fast or too early.

cabernet -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:40:45 PM)
How long have you been talking to this guy? If it's been two days I wouldn't be too worried yet. Has it been a couple of weeks or more? I'd move on.

CanadianGuy -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:43:46 PM)
At first I thought it was referring to me (when I skimmed the contents) but I've never talked to you. :p I just thought I'd post and say I don't give my picture to anyone here. I'm well known online (in other circles) and would only give my photo to someone I've known and trusted for a while. It's not because I'm a fake, or ugly, or fat. But if you don't get a photo soon, assuming you and he know each other fairly well, then tell him you're not going any further. And get him to hold up three fingers and a slice of cheddar or something, so you know he didnt just take a picture from the net. ;)

JohnWarren -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:44:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: odalisqueslave i have been conversing with a dominant who is unwilling to forward a pic. mine is posted with my profile. his explanation 'he does not send his photo to strangers'. as i believe there is a natural progression to these exchanges on Collarme, if one is intending to meet a potential partner...a pic exchange at some point is a valid request. i would appreciate imput on this. Just tell him "I don't meet strangers." It's a good rule. After all, if talking to someone online, sharing ideas and confidences, isn't enough to remove you from the category "stranger" then it's probably not a good idea to meet him.

foxnotinsox -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 2:48:13 PM)
quote: i have been conversing with a dominant who is unwilling to forward a pic. mine is posted with my profile. his explanation 'he does not send his photo to strangers'. A reasonable request, with a perhaps reasonable response. I mean, how strange are you?? <grins> but seriously, if you have been conversing for a while, I would start to wonder what he is afraid of ... of being found out? What is he protecting? I'd be curious.... oxox,foX

MistressStchWich -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 3:08:42 PM)
As a member who does not have Her pic posted, one of the very first things I am asked by those who contact me is whether I have a pic. Of course I do! They are fuzzy ...the usual $30 web cam resulting pics...I cannot clean them up and make them crisper and sharper. besides, they are a year old and I was 20 # heavier! LOL. The point is, I have them and am willing to send them to any interested party that I have found a reciprocal interest in knowing better. I am no raving beauty; but I make a damn nice arm decoration and would love to have some shots showing that...then I'd post a pic with my profile! LOL Any way, this guy could be afraid you will reject him based on his appearance...and to you he may be fantastically gorgeous; but if he has "appearance" hangups of his own, he may be transferring them to you and creating a circle of insecurity about it...try working him into it. Ask him questions about himself (we all love to talk about ourselves)...how long is his hair? is it a rich mocha color of brown or more on the auburn side? Oh, that sounds beautiful! I can't wait till we meet so I can see it....blah, blah, vanilla blah...and then ask if he has scars, "Oh, my uncle Steve had a scar on his face where a bullet zinging him in vietnam...", etc..."Will you show me?" from there you just guide him on until he is ready to show you his face pic... Oh, and to get better results getting them to do what you want, always....well. message me and I will share this with you...it is after all an open forum and we cannot give away too much...lol My Sister refers to this as "finesseing a man." And I have watched her get the desired results out of men all my life...she is awesome! I am not telling you to manipulate him. That is deceitful and underhanded trickery. I am advising you to help him find a comfortable place with you so he can feel ok about sharing it. It won't hurt to mention that you feel very safe with him...and hope He finds you suitable to move into the next stage of the qualifying process... Just a couple of thoughts that you might like to consider...Hope they help. Freedom is an expensive enterprise; but well worth the cost. Especially when extracted from the enemy. `Erehc Krueger

UtopianRanger -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 3:12:39 PM)
quote: My advice is to never allow online roles or roleplaying to take over your own basic common sense. How long would you speak to a stranger in the real world without being able to see their physical features? Some of the best advice I've read on this board in a while - Be straight up. - R .

windchymes -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 5:09:37 PM)
There's not much that makes me cringe more than having my picture taken, let alone show it to strangers. But, I do it, in the interest of fairness and the nature of the online pursuit beast. While I won't post it in my profile publicly, I will email it on request. Grudgingly. It's good to exchange pictures early on, because that way you don't waste a lot of valuable time and emotion falling in love with someone's personality and intellect, only to have them reject you because they didn't like your photograph. There is a SLIGHT chance that he's in the witness protection program or is a CIA operative. But he's going to have to share it with you sometime.

perverseangelic -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 5:38:39 PM)
I don't mind someone not having a picture posted, but if they want to meet me, I need a picture. Not 'cause I care what they ook like so much as I want to know who I'm looking for when we meet.

Misstoyou -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 5:46:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren Just tell him "I don't meet strangers." It's a good rule. After all, if talking to someone online, sharing ideas and confidences, isn't enough to remove you from the category "stranger" then it's probably not a good idea to meet him. Actually, I guess I do the opposite. I do meet strangers...I recently met a prospective sub sight unseen (he had internet photo phobia, too.) It was at a busy cafe in the middle of the day, and he did live up to his cuteness promise. {smile} Of course we had talked. But while I share ideas, I don't share confidences with people online that I haven't met. I only give emotional investment into people I meet real time. I understand being a Domme may slightly skew my perspective. {smile}

Arpig -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/3/2006 6:14:04 PM)
quote: Heh. My gut feeling is that he is either ugly and/or grotesquely obese or something or he is an HNG. He clearly has something to hide at any rate and I just would not be bothered with him. No trust, no relationship. That is as simple as it gets. Unless you are hopelessly flawed, I am sure you can do better. Huh? I'm an ugly fucker and I have pics on my profile, I'd rather anybody actually going to meet me is ready for the shock [;)]

TheShadows -> RE: the 'pic' exchange question (4/4/2006 2:37:26 AM)
Sounds to me like he's playing games, if he gave you no indication whether or not he would ever give you one, when that would be, or if you two would ever meet offline. We don't choose to post our pics on our profile for professional reasons, though we will exchange pictures with those people whom there is a definiate possibility of meeting offline.

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