quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


One of the issues that police officiers contend with on a daily occurance is the scum of society.  The very inherent nature of their job puts them in contact with people that most of us never see or if we see them it is rarely.  It takes a constrant reminder that what they see on a daily basis is only a small segment of society.  That infact, their daily job doesn't actually allow them interact with a more balanced perspective of society.  For many, they find alot other off duty activities to balance against this very negative aspect of there life.

If young person is going to the bar, raves and such, well then being in these places doesn't give a balance picture of the group.  It's more a perspective of the people in that specific environment.  There is alot of young people that avoid these types of environments.  Frankly, there is not alot of difference of the young of today than their was in the past.  The environments to some degree has changed, if you don't like the people in that environment... GET OUT of the environment.  Find a environment that gives you the type of people you are looking for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
Depersonalizing this discussion a little, and getting away from Caitlyn's specific situation...

Yes, it would be good of you to depersonalize this discussion a little, especially since you were one of the people that made it that way in the first place.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Some truth there, amayos. Ever met a person that talks about how they appreciate someone because they "tell it like it is"?.............more likely they "appreciate" it as long as [the truth they're] telling isn't aimed in their direction. Few people can stand to be disagreed with.

quote:


Then, the clear connection is made. A dominant is just better! A dominant is just better, because at least you know exactly what you are getting. He isn’t going to lie to you … he doesn’t have to … he is out to use you. He doesn’t need to mentally hurt you … if he wants to see you squirm, he knows how to do it … and you know he knows. When he toys with your emotions, it’s ok, because you never really expected anything else from him in the first place.

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Yes, it would be good of you to depersonalize this discussion a little, especially since you were one of the people that made it that way in the first place.

quote:

It just seems to me caitlyn you want a BAD guy that is a GOOD guy! Rather like many men want a VIRGIN that is a SLUT! It's what many of us fantasize about but it isn't reality.

The fact is the good guy you want you might find boring and the bad guy, well...frightening but the truth is that most people are a mixture.

--meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I suppose I might call it the Catholic Intellectual's default mode. At least this kept me out of the meatclever dilemma:

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

 "What do you think?" was something I could always ask any girlfriend I ever had.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I agree Pollux's POV, which is that "its not the market, its one's buying decisions in the market" which determine success. Somewhat to that end is
 
 
 
the old saying:

How do you get GOOD JUDGMENT?

-BAD JUDGMENT.


Just to talk a little about myself in the "dating market" I always had one criterea at the top of my list with girls.

#1 has always been intellectual and tempermental compatibility. This did not lead me into an exciting sex life. In fact I pretty much repressed that, but it lead to many very satisfying, interesting relationships. "What do you think?" was something I could always ask any girlfriend I ever had.

I suppose I might call it the Catholic Intellectual's default mode. At least this kept me out of the meatclever dilemma:


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to cloudboy)

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Not long ago, I decided to start casually talking with my girlfriends about this lifestyle … you know, not coming right out of the closet to them, but just casually and subtly mentioning it.

Subtly is the best approach with delicate subject matter. 

I was stunned, because most of my friends, girls I would have never imagined … have many of the same feelings that I do.
 
Yes, their inner kinkster selves want to come out and play too!
 
This got me thinking about the growth of the D/s lifestyle and perhaps what has been fueling all this. Oh, I know there is the internet, and people in Hollywood wearing fetish gear … but quite frankly, I think the influence these things have on people is greatly overblown … usually by people wanting to censor something.

True, but the fetish gear is fun to watch and fun to wear.
Censors are people with too little sex drive.

So, what then is left? What is driving the shape of things to come?
 
When you’re my age, the dating world is just a meat market. I don’t know if it’s always been that way, as I wasn’t around “back then”, but my one older confidant assures me that there was a kinder, gentler time when you could somewhat trust the people you dated. She tells me you could tell a player when you saw one.
 
It was less socially acceptable to be a player a generation or so ago.
Now you get to hear all the nasty "bitches and ho's and cribs"
diatribes.

But you know … I really don’t care if it’s just a meat market … as long as you know what it is, you can probably deal with it. It’s the subtle slime that some men (not cracking on men, that’s just who I’m dating), think they have to use to get into your pants … you know, it’s bad enough getting slimed, it’s bad enough having someone do it to get into you pants, but the worst thing of all is how it spoils future relationships. I’m getting to the point where I just assume up front that all men are lying, conniving, pig, lowlife, slime of the fucking gutter … because at least it saves me the time of getting to that inevitable conclusion.

Ah, you are getting world wearing at a very young age.

I don’t want those feelings. I like men, and like to be the kind of person that treats each person as an individual, and gives everyone a level chance. So … how does one fight these feelings? I can’t tell a player from a good guy … and to be quite honest, for whatever reason, I don’t even know if good guys exist anymore.

Improve your social settings and loose any negative influences in your life.
The young nice guys are usually rather socially shy around girls.  You may
have to draw them out a bit. 

Then, the clear connection is made. A dominant is just better! A dominant is just better, because at least you know exactly what you are getting. He isn’t going to lie to you … he doesn’t have to … he is out to use you. He doesn’t need to mentally hurt you … if he wants to see you squirm, he knows how to do it … and you know he knows. When he toys with your emotions, it’s ok, because you never really expected anything else from him in the first place.
 
If you have no expectations, then you cannot be hurt.

The bizarre truth, is that in a D/s relationship, you don’t have to worry about all these issues of pecking order … you don’t have to worry about all those naughty things that you want to do, but are just too embarrassed to discuss. If you are like me (and I would bet a lot are), if you have to talk about them … you could just never do them, because even talking about them makes you so self-conscious, that the sensuality of it is completely ruined. I know when I’m on a date, if the guys asks me if he can touch me there … the answer will always be no, because consent destroys the sensuality. A dominant will know, that if he gets a second date, that means the answer is already yes … so he doesn’t even have to ask.

Dominant or no, he still needs to ask.  You will have to communicate and negotiate
the particulars of the relationship.

A dominant is just better, because you don’t have to worry about a guy that is just going to play you … telling you all these wonderful things … tempting you with a wedding dress, and a happy life with children, a dog and a picket fence. A dominant offers none of these illusions … it’s about the needs of the sadist and masochist, or the dominant and submissive.

No illusions = no lies = no heartbreak

A dominant is better, because you let him know what you won’t do … and have a reasonable expectation that he will “force” you to do everything else.

The limits are set up front.

I think D/s is growing as an alternative for girls of my generation, because it represents “the evil that you know” (not to infer that any of this is evil) … you know what you are getting, and know where it will take you. Contrast that to the meat market, where the story seems to always change, the moment you sleep with someone.
 
The abrupt change you speak of is a common problem with the insecure
and the immature, no matter their age or kink status.
 
These things were on my mind.