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stella41b -> RE: One foot out of the door. (4/16/2010 7:39:38 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Look at society and relationships in general. People have pisspoor communication and relationship skills in general and sadly, bdsm appeals to a lot of people who are even more dysfunctional that average society. The stereotypes of what D/s and M/s are about SEEM to offer an easy way out of dealing with an inability to form solid relationships.
Don't believe me, read the boards for a day or two...
Everybody is in some way dysfunctional as a result of their past experiences or dealing with relationships and I don't see any difference between the people who are interested in BDSM and the people out there in wider society. There's no visible signs of any such difference. The only difference from what I can make out is that some people decide to put less effort into their thinking prior to communication and actions and focus more on their emotional feelings, or worse still, whatever turns them on.
I don't see this as a general problem with people being unable to form solid relationships - anyone and everyone has the ability to form a solid relationship irrespective of who they are.
Nobody is able to form a solid relationship with everybody or the vast majority of people but only with a minority of people who accept and understand them.
Relationships are formed of cycles, different elements of interaction and relating repeating themselves over and over again. Relationships fail because a cycle of interactions breaks down and isn't replaced.
Relationships fail either through people being or becoming incompatible with each other and not being motivated to continue developing cycles of the relationship or through people deceiving either themselves or other people and that deception being discovered.
Stigmatizing someone through assumptions based on the impressions you form of them often serves as a barrier to being able to interact with them. This is something we all do in varying degrees.
Everyone is an individual. Unfortunately there's a lot of labelling, stereotyping and stigmatizing which goes on in the BDSM community and this important fact gets overlooked.
For some reason a lot of people try to form relationships with individuals based on stereotypes. When that individual in some way doesn't fit their stereotype of who that other person should be they reject them. Many additionally label them 'fake'.
Almost every thread you find on these boards will contain postings from people thinking this way. How many people use the word 'fake' in their postings? How many people blame this site for being full of 'fakes'?
How many people are trying to form an intimate relationship with someone when they cannot understand that everyone is an individual?
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