Tantriqu
Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006 Status: offline
|
Absolutely, my mother raised me to be submissive to men, and there but for Canadian secular humanism go I! I saw very clearly how my mother deferred to my father yet manipulated him: she was literally more intelligent than him [I know both their IQ's] and such passive-aggressive behaviour frankly disgusts me, so I vowed never to dumb myself down like that. Of course, her father was an army sergeant and she was a teacher in an era where she lost her job as soon as she got married, so for her it was environment as well as inclination. My brother married a pretty woman who looks like and acts like my mother: spoooooky. Nurture +/- nature for him! Most of my best friends and heroes have always been male, but my environment tried some of the same BS with me: in Grade 11, a teacher chose a boy over me as a team captain: when I questioned the teacher privately he said openly although I was better, it was because I'm a girl. Get mad and get even, I say! Such events hurt and try to weaken us [whatever doesn't kill us leaves us maimed and in pain], but fortunately for me, eventually did the opposite. So absolutely for me, it was nature not nurture, but because I live in Canada, I was never denied my place in academics or work because of my sex, and I was able to flourish. At first, I tried to play out my first sexual relationship along the only lines I'd seen, those of submission, passive aggression and manipulation: but it didn't work until I stated quite clearly what I do and don't want. So from then on, not only did I discover that clearly expressing my desires and dislikes gets me what I love in and out of bed, but also was shocked and delighted that good vanilla and sub men love pleasing, and love having clear direction without vanilla subterfuge, bratty whining or sullen silence. I certainly wish the internet or equivalent had been around when I was younger, so I could have read about other Dommes and sub men. But as always, there's a silver lining: if I'd found out about strap-ons with vibes in the base as my sexuality blossomed, and that good-looking alphas and uber-beta males are commonly subs, I likely would have skipped every class in high school to just ass-fuck and Queen the prom king who confessed years later to having a crush on me! My mother once approached me in tears that I wasn't married. I was poleaxed, and said simply I would never want what she wants [and privately thought I could never settle for what she settled]. However, like my father, I would be a very good husband: good job, good friends, stable family, exercise, rarely drink, have hobbies, so I don't need a husband myself. If I find one: great! In the meantime, I'm still enjoying the hunt, and love meeting good men. I just won't settle. And she's not all negative: as an adult, I deprecated my ability to draw when my mother overheard me, and she scolded that I shouldn't hide my talents under a bushel basket [her generation's equivalent of 'You go, girl!'] which is certainly not what she does, so I believe she's starting to see the value of telling the truth. But I would still never tell her what my leopard-print lace-up harness, quick-release double-D rings, gaffer tape or the straps that run under the four-poster are for. And she just loves how courtly and attentive my men are, so she never notices that sometimes they prefer not to sit!
|