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LadyAngelika -> RE: Timing is everything. (4/11/2010 7:31:06 AM)
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quote:
Somehow I knew that this thread would end up about sex even though that wasn't the intention. Sex maniacs, I say!
Well calling us sex maniacs is no news ;-)
To me, the issues you presented in your category fall into 3 categories:
- someone's past (having been a stripper, having been a soldier who might have killed someone)
- someone's current personal struggle (PSTD, abandonment issues, mental illness)
- someone's sexual health (erectile dysfunction, STDs)
I'm not sure where the "being very rich" as it is not a struggle, unless the fact that they are very rich causes them to only meet gold diggers and in which case, it falls under struggle. I actually understand very well why people with money tend to underplay it and I think sometimes it's the only way for one to be seen for who they are. I'd be more annoyed if I found out someone was broke, up to his chin in debt and went around pretending he was independently wealthy.
Lets look at what fall under someone's past. Can they do anything today to change the past? No. Is there a possibility that they have changed? Absolutely. The most important question is what has this person become today. With time, I think it is important to reveal our pasts to someone we are getting involved with because it helps us understand them. You mentioned the soldier who had killed someone. I dated a guy who 2 months into the relationship told me that in his 20s, he was a sniper as part of his mandatory military service and he still has nightmares to this day. That helped me understand a great deal about him as well as understand why had some of the nightmares he did. I guess part of this was PSTD that has never been properly dealt with (he is in his 40s now). Is this a deal breaker? Not on it's own. In these cases, I look at the bigger picture of who the person is today. But the bottom line is, regardless of this, if I find out after a while that someone isn't dealing well with their past, then I can walk away probably disappointed but relatively unscathed and with no permanent damage.
Let's look at someone's current day personal struggle. How are they dealing with it? I mean we all have struggles, right? To me, it's not "does someone have a struggle" but rather are they dealing with that struggle. Some things are harder to talk about than others. But the bottom line is, regardless of this, if I find out after a while that someone isn't dealing well with their current personal struggle, then I can walk away probably disappointed but relatively unscathed and with no permanent damage.
Let's look at someone's sexual health. I hesitated about putting erectile dysfunction under personal struggle or sexual health because the reality is that it is easily medicated in most cases and like many other things, if dealt with, someone can have a very healthy sex life. So lets move on to STDs. If someone doesn't tell me about this and I catch it, I have it too. So the bottom line is, regardless of this, if I find out after a while that someone has an STD and they knew about it, then I will walk away and it is very likely that I will be infected and have to deal with this for the rest of my life.
Here is the deal. I look at the examples you gave in your OP and of those and any that I can think of, nothing else can be transmitted but the sexually transmitted diseases. In the case of all the others, if I found out and it didn't suit me, I could walk away unaffected, maybe disappointed a little, but that is what a girl's night out & Martinis are for.
And that is exactly why this thread turned into a debate about STDs. It is the only issue that is actually dangerous.
- LA
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