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Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 1:45:01 AM

allthatjaz

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I know a lot of fem Dommes but very few of them are in a full time, sexual relationship with their male subs.
I have been wondering lately about how many fem Dommes actually have a sexual relationship with their male sub.
I am not talking about male subs that come round to service your house or once a week boys that are there for your entertainment and I am not talking about long term subs that fit in with your other half, your primary partner.
I am interested to hear from the fem Dommes that have formed long term intimate relationships with their male sub and from those that are looking for a male sub as a long term partner.

It seems that male Doms want the whole shilling. Most are looking not only for a submissive female but for a submissive female they can have sexual interactions with. Fem Dommes (as far as I can see) are looking for a male submissive but not looking for sexual interaction. Why do you think that is?

I have thought about this for a long time and I can't help but wonder if it goes back to being a primal thing.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 2:08:22 AM

SweetDommes

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I think you'll actually find that most who post on this forum do have or want to have sex with their submissives (depending on if they have one at the moment or not).

There are a lot of Dommes out there who think that having sex with a male submissive makes them less dominant - I think that's silly ... but I do know that there are some like that out there. They just aren't on this site much.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 2:47:52 AM

allthatjaz

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I'm sure your right SweetDommes. It would be interesting to hear from the Dommes that don't ever go down the full sex route and it would be interesting to understand the reasons behind that.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 5:05:44 AM

LadyPact

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I'm not quite sure what you are asking, Maria, so I don't know if I can help.

Personality wise, I've just never been a casual sex kind of person. I'd rather not have sex if it comes down to it if there's no emotional attachment. I'm not saying that I have to be "in love" for it to work for Me, but I do have to feel bonded to the person in some way. Of course, I do understand that it is easy for someone in My position to say so, considering that I have both My husband and My collared slave in My life.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 6:17:30 AM

Lashra

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I want the whole cake, submissive, partner and lover all rolled into one. Some Domme's don't want that type of relationship, but I have to, it is just how I roll.

~Lashra

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 6:32:53 AM

dreamerdreaming

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I could see owning a slave that I didn't have sex with, but that's not the goal. Sex is a lovely way of objectifying my property. Why would I want to miss out on that?

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 6:36:53 AM

Miyani

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You're apparently not talking about poly relationships ("I am not talking about long term subs that fit in with your other half, your primary partner."), so I'm not sure I... count? But yes, I have sex with my boy. Our relationship is at least as romantic as it is kinky. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't own him, and in accordance with SweetDommes, I think limiting the expressions of that love because 'it isn't Dominant' is ridiculous.

I would ask that you define "full time sexual relationship," please. I mean, I would say I am in a full time sexual relationship with my boy, and we're not actually having sex full time. Sometimes we even go a couple of days without! And I would think that even the people who never have penetrative sex, but engage in activities with the purpose of being sexually fulfilling, have a sexual relationship. Which almost every Femdom I've ever met has certainly done. So what is it you're asking, really?

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 6:39:42 AM

allthatjaz

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When I had a full time lover and a male sub as well, there was an agreement between my lover and myself that I would never go down the sexual route with my male sub.
I have never had casual sex and if I had, had sex with every male I had ever dominated, that would make me a hell of a promiscuous woman.
I did have a long term male sub and it was sexual but then we were living together and so it was the most natural thing in the world.
Before Stephen and me found each other I was quite open to having that sort of relationship again. I didn't want to go down the previous route of having a main partner and a male sub just for me (with nothing sexual). I was looking for a partner and hopefully long term.

I have noticed a lot of single Dommes that want a male sub but don't want a partner and most certainly don't want anything sexual and although I appreciate that not all of this has to be sexual and not everyone is looking for a relationship, I can't help but wonder why this is so much more common with fem Dommes than it is with male Dominants.
Fem subs seem to enjoy having a sexual relationship with a male or female Dominant and I don't think we can call them promiscuous or loose women. Very few wouldn't be happy to be put into permanent chastity and yet the male subs (most of them) have to quickly accept that there's not going to be anything more.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 6:45:32 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

I could see owning a slave that I didn't have sex with, but that's not the goal. Sex is a lovely way of objectifying my property. Why would I want to miss out on that?

Yes it can be but are we talking permanently?

Funny but we see very few Doms saying that and we also see very few fem subs saying that they want to be permanently sexually objectified. Fun for a while but not long term.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 7:04:10 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

I would ask that you define "full time sexual relationship," please. I mean, I would say I am in a full time sexual relationship with my boy, and we're not actually having sex full time. Sometimes we even go a couple of days without! And I would think that even the people who never have penetrative sex, but engage in activities with the purpose of being sexually fulfilling, have a sexual relationship. Which almost every Femdom I've ever met has certainly done. So what is it you're asking, really?

Hi Miyani, I worked as a pro Mistress for many years. During that time I didn't have sex with my clients. If I sat on their face I had clothes on, If I touched their cock I had gloves on. Yes it was sexual for them but for me it wasn't. If it had been then I couldn't of done the job.
At the same time I had a submissive partner. I say partner because that's exactly what he was. I didn't close my bedroom door on him or make him sleep on the floor (well not always

) because I needed my sexual gratification from what I considered to be 'my chosen one'.
Over that period of my life I got to know an awful lot of fem Dommes who were not professional. Femme Domme munches, Femme Domme parties and Femme Domme clubs ensured we had lots of get togethers. Out of all those women I have known, I can only think of a handful that had a male sub in their bed with them or that had a male sub partner. I know 2 Dommes that are married to their subs but only 2 is a very small number considering the amount of Dommes I have known. The highest majority of Dommes I know have partners that are cool about her dominance but not really into it. They are neither sub nor Dom.

If we look at the fem subs on here we can see big numbers of women that are in on going and long term relationships with their Doms. We see them moving in and often both parties making big commitments. We see very little of that regarding the male sub.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 7:28:54 AM

slavekal

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Many do, but most only have sex with their main guy/husband. Ms. Mlicious has sex with me, even during her cuckolding phases.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 8:12:47 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Many do, but most only have sex with their main guy/husband. Ms. Mlicious has sex with me, even during her cuckolding phases.

Are you saying that many Dommes are married to sub guys or have a main sub guy that they have sex with?

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 8:35:41 AM

ReginaMirus

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Most prodommes CAN'T have sex with their clients, as it's clearly illegal and considered prostitution. At least here in the states it is.

There is a vast disparity between maledom and femdom, much of it still revolves around very sexist moorings. I'm not playing for money (I'd starve to death if I were!), so my demands revolve around his pleasuring me however I want him to. And if that means sex, WITH HIM ON TOP, then so be it. I'm the domme.

I win.

< Message edited by ReginaMirus -- 4/12/2010 8:37:56 AM >

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 9:18:08 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
I know a lot of fem Dommes but very few of them are in a full time, sexual relationship with their male subs.
I have been wondering lately about how many fem Dommes actually have a sexual relationship with their male sub.
I am not talking about male subs that come round to service your house or once a week boys that are there for your entertainment and I am not talking about long term subs that fit in with your other half, your primary partner.
I am interested to hear from the fem Dommes that have formed long term intimate relationships with their male sub and from those that are looking for a male sub as a long term partner.

Sure, that's called "poly". I don't have sex with every guy I spank just for fun, but if I collar and own a man, that's a serious commitment, and a real relationship. If he's hot, tests clean, and I trust him enough to commit to that level of D/s relationship, then hell yeah I'm gonna fuck him silly.

Currently I have a primary partner who is my alpha sub, and a secondary partner who doesn't live with us but whom I have collared and do own. Our dynamics are basically those of any other "V" configured poly family. The BDSM doesn't wholly replace the standard poly relationship dynamics or indicators of relationship health, constructive communication and negotiation of boundaries, etc. They are both my partners as well as my collared submissives.

I would not have casual sex with someone outside the boundaries of my established long term poly relationships because of the risk factor. You can't prevent everything with a condom (herpes and HPV can jump condoms) and it just doesn't make any sense, risk management wise, for any of us to stray outside the trusted and tested circle.

Practical timesharing logistics dictates that I not add any more boys to the harem, because it's already interesting splitting up my nights and weekends. Two's about the limit for me to maintain a full relationship with. I would consider a third under some circumstances, but he'd pretty much have to be bisexual and involved with more than one of us to pick up the time management slack. YMMV; these are not the right answers for everyone.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 10:28:20 AM

allthatjaz

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LadyNTrainer, I wasn't talking poly but long term, one woman one man situation.
I totally get what your saying and thats why this thread was never meant to be about promiscuous and un-cautious sex.
Just like your partner/s mine (present and past) have had to be tested and I have been along with them and been tested at the same time.

Its more about the desire to go there with a male submissive (obviously not just any submissive).
For me, sexual dominance with the right man comes high on my list.
I'm happy and settled now with my relationship but looking back before Stephen I can say that Dominating a submissive man either turned me on or it didn't. If it didn't turn me on then I may of made use of him in other ways but if it did turn me on I may of been looking towards something more serious with him.

Regina.. I mentioned my pro Domme side because it reflected on how I felt (non-sexual) towards submissive men. It was not to start a topic about pro Dommes being prostitutes if they did have sex with a client. It was also to say that once away from the professional side, I still dominated but very differently. I chose to dominate a man I desired and that is really what this topic is about, or meant to be.

Its good to hear that there are Dommes on here that desire their male sub and it would be interesting to hear from Dommes that are looking for that perfect male sub that will bring out that desire.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 10:50:23 AM

slavekal

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I am saying that many lifestyle dommes have a main or exclusive guy. This is often a husband or boyfriend/slave. Many of these women have sex with their primary slave. All of the dommes I have ever been in relationships with had sex with me. This is also true of all the femdom couples I know.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 11:15:59 AM

ReginaMirus

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Personally, I think that prostitution laws should be abolished and the pros should have free reign to do what they want and WHEN they want it without worries of literal JUDGMENT from the vice squad. I think that'd have a profound effect on the general face of femdom as to what's considered socially "allowable", and what would be demanded of subs.

I'll admit it's not my particular cup of tea, but I have a few friends that are pros. We've hashed this over at length, and they all agree with me. To each their own.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 1:51:40 PM

LadyAngelika

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I'm a healthy sexual woman. I'm also monogamous. So yes, my submissive partner will also be my lover.

I am not currently in a relationship but when I have been, it has been your average monogamous relationship with habitual male/female sexual practices with the exception that the dynamics were D/s and there was some S&M mixed in.

Up until a few years ago, I had submissive play partners, mainly masochists, with whom I did not share intimacy. However, I do not have those types of relationships any more.

There are a few good threads about this on CollarChat. I contributed to the following 3 about 5 years ago:
sex with a personal slave and/or sex slaves
A Domme's Sexuality
Dommes & penetration

And about a month ago, I started the thread:
A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2

Hoping those are helpful to you as well.

- LA

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 2:02:46 PM

Ladynslave

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I have sex with my slave on a regular basis. In our search for a second, we have had to reject many cuckolds as we want active participation from all involved on a very regular basis. I know I tend to objectify men and that I have an extremely high sex drive. Why fight my nature? So much more fun to just go with it.

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RE: Domme/male sub relationships and sex? - 4/12/2010 2:04:44 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
LadyNTrainer, I wasn't talking poly but long term, one woman one man situation.

When I'm only involved with one guy, it is a absolute certainty that I'm going to expect sex from him. Abstinence is not my thing!

quote:

I totally get what your saying and thats why this thread was never meant to be about promiscuous and un-cautious sex.
Just like your partner/s mine (present and past) have had to be tested and I have been along with them and been tested at the same time.

Its more about the desire to go there with a male submissive (obviously not just any submissive).

I agree. I have a normal, healthy sexual appetite and an eye for submissive pretty boys, so if STD's weren't a factor, I might be more inclined to relax my standards a bit and have more of them sexually. Since they are a huge, huge factor, it's not happening. The fun isn't worth the risk. Limiting my sexual use of pretty subbies is not really about lack of interest or desire on my part, but about practicality in the real world.

I fully appreciate and sexually desire male submissives. I don't feel sexual desire for men who aren't subby; the chemistry just isn't there no matter how hot they are.

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