Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (Full Version)

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Phoenix73Sir -> Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:28:59 AM)

There are those who are brought up to believe that you NEVER under any circumstances hit a woman.  For some that belief can make dealing out physical pain a struggle.  Bearing this in mind, do you believe it is possible to maintain control and dicipline without the need for any sort of physical interactrion?

Examples might be, ignoring an s for a period or asstertive talks and there are doubtless many other methods, but from experience does this work or does it eventually make the Dom look less authorative or weaker?

This is a general question and all views are welcome.



tazzygirl -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:31:06 AM)

I dont need a man to beat me to make me want to obey him. In fact, the opposite would be more likely in my case.



mnottertail -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:31:58 AM)

Lookit. You punch them dead in the goddamn face just one time, and they will be whistling entirely different tunage in the gap where their teeth used to be, and it makes for way better blowjobs as a side benefit.

It's pretty much mental control after that.

Ron



tazzygirl -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:34:23 AM)

[sm=jaw.gif]

so much for that!



countrychick -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:36:21 AM)

I'd tend to agree with tazzygirl, I'd be more likely to obey someone without the physical act of being hit... actually.. probably the only sort of physicality in that sort of sense that I'd be up for is in the spanking arena. If a man were to strike me out of anger that'd be the end of him knowing me.



pyroaquatic -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:49:43 AM)

It starts in the mind. So yes Phoenix Guy... you can. Non-physical control is stronger than any iron fetters.



littleone35 -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 9:57:16 AM)

My Master does not likr to hurt even punishment spankings that are supposed to hurt he does not like to do. he does it because he loves me. Hit me out of anger never gonna happen he would not do that. A big part of submission (at least in my case) is mental. So some can be controlled mentally espically for those who do not have a Physical punishment dynamic

Matt's littleone



peppermint -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 10:02:09 AM)

Punishments do not need to be physical ones.  However, I would try to steer clear of the ignoring thingy.  This lifestyle is based upon communication.  If you quit communicating then some submissives will feel that they have been abandoned.  I was punished once in our relationship by not being allowed to read books for 4 days.  However, wouldn't it be better to have a relationship where there are no punishments?  Couldn't/shouldn't a Dom and submissve discuss the problem, find out why it happened, and figure out a way to keep it from happening again?  It's a very adult way to handle it.  



Aileen1968 -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 10:05:40 AM)

He hits me because it makes him happy to do that. It's how he shows me he loves me. Kind of makes me smile too.
He doesn't hit me to control me or discipline me. He does that through his words.



DWCskitten -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 10:25:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir
do you believe it is possible to maintain control and dicipline without the need for any sort of physical interactrion?

Yes, i do. my ex-husband (vanilla, mind You) was an expert at mental and psychological control, without lifting a finger. He was extremely brutal about it too.

~kitten~



jbcurious -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 10:49:42 AM)

I´m with the majority here... physical is more likely to make me rebellious, if in anger, walk out the door... mental is the only way for me.



mnottertail -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 10:56:59 AM)

In all seriousness, now; in a great many of the female submissive's mindsets I have dealt with and seek out (and I dont endeavor to deal with bratty, mouthy whores or wide and brawling women anyhow) is that they are predisposed to be found pleasing, they want it.

So, there is little impetus to physically work them over, except in fun or lust or whatever, sure grab a handful of hair or a swat..........they like the idea of the mental swaddling cloth it lingers longer in actuality than the bruise, they can carry the brain around with them always.

Ron



leadership527 -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 11:13:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir
There are those who are brought up to believe that you NEVER under any circumstances hit a woman.  For some that belief can make dealing out physical pain a struggle.  Bearing this in mind, do you believe it is possible to maintain control and dicipline without the need for any sort of physical interactrion?

Examples might be, ignoring an s for a period or asstertive talks and there are doubtless many other methods, but from experience does this work or does it eventually make the Dom look less authorative or weaker?

Important note: These are my views only... some people clearly feel that negative incentives work in their relationship. Your mileage may vary

Sadly, all your thoughts are entirely in the category of negative incentives. Honestly, you've got a lot to learn. Negative incentives are, in fact, a useful motivational technique, but they come with some pretty strong downsides attached. Accordingly, such techniques are only useful in very limited circumstances -- notably when you need instant change and it is utterly critical. In any leadership context whatsoever, when I am reduced to using a negative incentive, I consider myself to have already failed at my job and now I'm just making the best of a bad situation.

Honestly, did you really think you could beat a girl into submission? How long did you figure that was going to last exactly? How deep did you think that was going to go? Think about how YOU respond to negative incentives (perhaps in the workplace) and then reconsider.

Insofar as making the dom LOOK less authoritative... you either do or do not have authority... there is no "look" about it. You might consider how, exactly, one obtains authority, how it is expanded, and how it is lost again. People who are concerned with what something "looks" like clearly do not have actual authority in play -- and I don't mean that specifically in regards you. I see it all the time on this site from doms and subs both.



kanina -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 11:16:18 AM)

what hurts more, when the dom wants it, is the psicological pain rather then the phisical one



Mercnbeth -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 11:21:59 AM)

quote:

do you believe it is possible to maintain control and dicipline without the need for any sort of physical interactrion?


Outside of any 'gamesmanship' or casual based D/s relationship, requiring "physical interaction" to maintain control exhibits a failure to dominate or, at minimum, failure to communicate and have the submissive partner comprehend their responsibilities within the relationship's expectations.

"Physical interaction" is the FUN part of a D/s relationship. When punishment, or the threat of punishment, is needed often it represents not only the fundamental failure of the dominant partner to dominate; it is also an indication of a failing D/s relationship.

It can also mean one, or both parties, is getting 'tired', bored, or feeling 'ignored'. Instead of dealing with the larger issue, whatever it is, the hope is to rekindle the 'spark' by employing a 'punishment' scenario. Generating sensations through punishment is easy. Generating dominance, beyond the ability to produce physical sensation, through punishment - is impossible.



UniqueRaven -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 11:57:36 AM)

If he has to beat me to make me submit to him, something is wrong. [;)]

i could have an Owner/property relationship without any physical interaction - i actually spoke with a wonderful man for a while who's a quadraplegic, and a wonderful Owner. Ultimately we weren't a good match, but the physical restrictions weren't the reason why.

i see the physical interactions as fun, necessary for my headspace, and suit my needs to serve as an object of my Owner's pleasure, amongst other things. However, they aren't necessary for me to submit - that happens because of who he is.



lally2 -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 12:49:59 PM)

its possible and sustainable IF you find youreself a sub who does not need or desire punishment to be the archetypal CP you see role played all over the net.

that is the crucial separation i think.  the vast majority of subs on here and me included do not seek punishment and seek only to please and provide pleasure.  but there are s'types who do need physical punishment as part of their dynamic, though i would say, almost invariably its the newbie subs coming on here with fresh fantasies of being overwhelmed, taken harshly, beaten cruelly for some minor infringement because it takes away the responsibility or embarrassement of actually asking for what they want. having said that, i have been punished physically and it did have a powerful effect on me, however i did not seek to be punished again and again - the effect was lasting.

the way i see it you can find alternative ways to control and discipline,  but if you find a sub who wants to be physically punished you are quite literally on a hiding to nowhere.

some subs need it, its the way theyre wired and with those it isnt possible or sustainable i dont think.

so pick wisely [;)]



HisSub1213 -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 1:49:00 PM)

~FR~

All it really takes for me is the Look. The raised eyebrows and peering over the top of the glasses... "The Look". [;)]



DesFIP -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 4:44:49 PM)

We don't have a punishment dynamic. That just scares me away, makes me close off from him. Since he wants me open and vulnerable, he isn't going to do anything that would cause the opposite.

We're boring. We sit and talk. Occasionally we've yelled and cried. But with time what we've discovered is that every damn time it came down to miscommunication. He didn't explain, I didn't understand and since we've both had sinus/ear infections on a semiregular basis, it isn't uncommon to come down to simply not hearing each other. Fluid in the ears can cause temporary hearing loss.

"You didn't tell me that."
"Yes I did"
"When?"
"Last night while you were doing the dishes"
"Don't you know by now I can't hear with the water running?".

If we are upset and therefore unable to think clearly or express ourselves clearly, we go to bed and hold each other tightly. The skin to skin contact is very soothing for hurt feelings. And sometime the next morning we figure out how to say what we mean and the other person goes "Aha, now I understand".

But I'm not in this to annoy him. He isn't going to bark unreasonable orders to have an excuse to spank me. I'm not going to act up to get a spanking.

However, since hurting a woman isn't an option for you, even if she wants it, you need to be very clear in your profile that there will be no play involving that. Which is going to limit your pool of possible partners. Or do you think that with time, you could become comfortable with giving an erotic spanking, for instance? Because the societal ingrained stuff about not doing it can be overcome. Takes about six months with a supportive partner who also thinks this is sexy, and tells you so frequently, and begs you to spank her again and harder and tells you how hot she is before she starts rubbing against you and so on.



whiteslavebitch -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 5:59:53 PM)

He maintains control without any physical punishment at all.

Any other physical interaction is for our mutual enjoyment.

edited for spelling



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