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Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:15:17 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		When seeking a secondary sexual partner...what's the etiquette in asking about a full screening? Most individuals may only get checked for HIV or Hep. But there's SO many STDs on the rise right now that I feel a full screening would be important. Syphilis is one of the big ones and people often forget that herpes and warts can be contracted even when there's no out break. I'm researching condom alternatives that have more coverage area because of those specific issues.

Anybody have some advice?

boi


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:19:03 PM   
sweetboundesire


Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		cling wrap

truthfully the only way to really know, is to know the person enough to trust them and ask for there paperwork on the tests. you can only be tested for everything by seeing your ob/gyn or for a man a dr. They take 3 vials of blood and give you a swabbing...at least for us women...they do mail paperwork with the results.

the fastest hiv test is thru planned parenthood. you get the results in 10 mins but in my area they only check for clamidia for stds...and gonneria if clamidia is positive. Those are the prevalent ones.

Sure makes a person not feel like ever having sex again with all this to think about doesn't it?

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:26:13 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Etiquette?  I've never been big on things like that when it comes to situations of my health and the health of those I love.  My version of "etiquette" tends to be, "If you think for a moment that there's going to be any kind of sexual activity with me, you're going down and getting tested.  Don't like it?  Fine.  Don't waste my time.  But, if it makes you feel better, here's my last test results, and I'll be fine going with you and getting tested as well, just to be fair."

If they have issue with getting tested completely, that sets off alarm bells for me, big time.  Especially if I'm the one willing to pay for it.  Makes me think, "Okay, are they trying to hide something?"

It isn't that I don't trust them when they say they're clean, per se, but more the case of me not trusting the unknown.  Things happen, and sometimes we don't know about it.  Worst case scenario, someone has something they didn't know they had, and now they do, so they can work with it in the future.  If things come back all hunky dory, well, so you lost an hour or two of your time getting tested.  I've lost more time than that on movies that sucked.  Whoopee.

And Jen...  Why can't you be male?  And not taken?  LOL *HUG*


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:26:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
Anybody have some advice?

Get a full panel done, yourself -- and Ms KB gets one done too if she's part of this.  When you're talking to someone who might be a real candidate, yum yum, you hand that person a copy of your (both of yours) test results.  You say this means you're disease free, and show in a normal voice where the HIV result is, the syphilis result, the warts, etc.  Not a big deal, takes maybe one minute of conversation.

Then you hand the person a sheet that has info on where to get tested up to your standard -- addresses and how much it costs.  You offer to cover the cost, or to subsidize, if either is appropriate.  (You can even say something like, "We'll pay for this as long as you cover dinner the next three times we go out," or something like that.)

Anyone who gets offended if you present things that way has something to hide.


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:30:26 PM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

When seeking a secondary sexual partner...what's the etiquette in asking about a full screening? Most individuals may only get checked for HIV or Hep. But there's SO many STDs on the rise right now that I feel a full screening would be important. Syphilis is one of the big ones and people often forget that herpes and warts can be contracted even when there's no out break. I'm researching condom alternatives that have more coverage area because of those specific issues.


In any kind of sexual encounter, with anyone, I need to see paperwork.  Obviously once I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone this changes but in a casual encounter, or the first time I'm with someone even if we both think it's going to turn into a long-term thing, my philosophy is "You've had other partners.  I've had other partners.  We both need to be sure."

I don't know if it's "polite" (I do say "Please" and "Thank you") but nobody has ever been offended.  At this point, I just assume that most adults who are active are being tested regularly, and if they're not then suggesting that they be tested is doing them a kindness.  The risks of messing somebody around who has (maybe without their knowledge, maybe without symptoms) an STD are, for me,  just too great and gruesome to be overly delicate about the issue.

Everyone has their own opinions, naturally.  But this policy has kept me out of trouble even in my 20s when I was taking pretty much every other dumb risk you could think of.  It goes without saying that some STDs are among those consequences that won't come out in the wash.

Edit:

I did read the OP and should have made clearer that, as far as I can tell, this is no less important in a secondary partner than in a primary partner.  Syphilis is syphilis.


< Message edited by OrpheusAgonistes -- 4/12/2010 5:33:22 PM >

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:46:41 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm asking because MsKitty went on Her first out of the relationship date and the concern came up prior to the date (She didn't go off and do anything...it was meeting and seeking out chemistry) about asking. The guy was a little taken aback at being asked about STDs other than HIV and stated that most being are just worried about the big one. He said something along the lines of "besides, I mostly deal with married couples cuz this is about cuckolding." MsKitty didn't push the issue but wanted to say something like "...and you think you're the only person they're fucking?" Because of other reasons, the date won't go past the first one with this guy, despite Her enjoying his social company. But it left us with the issue of needing to ask.

MsKitty gets tested on a regular basis in terms of a full screening and I'm monogamous. When we met I brought all of my own paperwork and just do the screening during my annual now. Ma'am is now scheduling to be screened every three months now because She is becoming more and more active in Her non-monogamy. Given that one of my limits around this is Her not coming home sick or hurt (funny...She has those limits too), we're both very concerned about not running off Her potential dates while making sure She stays safe.

I have some knowledge, though a little outdated (by about 3 years) of STD issues in a more "vanilla" (though gay) situation and how to go about dealing with that. I have no idea how heterosexual encounters work.

On the side note I found these latex sheaths: http://www.leatherpost.com/static/J1265.html but I'm not sure how it would work with someone with a latex sensitivity. They are reusable and would need to be cleaned on a regular basis. I would be willing to purchase one of these for someone MsKitty was involved with and the Satin (http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/Satin) microbial soap if Her latex sensitivity didn't become an issue. But this would of course come after seeing some paperwork.

Just wondering how to go about this in the most "proper" manner.

boi

P.S. Mr BK one of my club brothers would fit your bill just right ;-) Let me know when you're in south Florida.

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 4/12/2010 6:15:10 PM >

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 5:49:05 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Is he willing to relocate? ;)

Also, I'm not allowed in South Florida.  A friend of min has declared that if I get down there, we're going out and getting kicked out of the best clubs in 3 separate countries in a single night.


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 6:02:26 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		I hate when reality gets in the way of a threeway!

But seriously, I've never had any problems with getting guys to get tested for everything. Here in Canada it's free, and takes a week.
I ask for HIV, hepatitis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV and herpes, and I've never caught anything but a cold [and I wasn't very happy about THAT!].

And fortunately dental dams [sheets of latex] are bigger than they were even five years ago, so finally a practical size that covers vulva and anus at the same time. Just make sure you have wash off the talc first if non-flavoured, mind the piercings and rough nails, and use plenty of water-based lube underneath it [and pop a peppermint in your mouth if you're the lick-er rather than the lick-ee, unless you like fake strawberry flavour: blargh].
I haven't used a 'dammit' [dam harness] but I haven't needed one [dammit!]

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 6:39:07 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		One can be polite yet firm. To take offense at your request would indicate they are not health or safety conscious. Not a good match!

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 7:34:59 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You did say a cuckold, right? Which means he isn't going to have sex with her. If there's no sexual contact, then there isn't much chance of transmission. Or am I misunderstanding the situation?

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 7:40:24 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		As far as I'm concerned, there really isn't an etiquette other than being straight forward about the whole thing.  The way I see it, I have Myself as well as two other persons that I am fluid bonded with and the health concerns come before any worry that someone might become offended.

Yes, I ask for the full panel and no I don't offer to pay for it.  We're responsible for ours on our end and I feel that is sufficient.


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 7:54:11 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Aids and the multitude of diseases, both known and unknown out there has made me think of "cuck" as one of the stupidest kinks imaginable.

Perhaps that proper ettiquette is "not"?

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 8:01:19 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You did say a cuckold, right? Which means he isn't going to have sex with her. If there's no sexual contact, then there isn't much chance of transmission. Or am I misunderstanding the situation?


True, but, depending on what else goes on, there may be accidental fluid transmission, such as blood, etc.  Not saying this IS the case, but... yeah...  It's a possibility.


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 8:35:10 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		For starters, you're all forgetting about hepatitis C, which is not included in a routine STD screening, is transmittable through sexual contact, and is virtually uncurable. Any available treatment merely retards the advance of the disease process; you're still going to die glowing like a radiation exposed alien.

As far as etiquette, how about offering to bring the condoms? I actually did this with current kinky man, and he didn't bat an eye. A little background- we're both married, as far as we know the spouse aen't straying, at least I know I'm not currently doing anyone else- and he still didn't flinch. It hasn't been an issue.

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:12:28 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I guess I'm gonna need to be clear with those not familiar with the situation. MsKitty is seeking bulls. I am the boi She is subjecting to the cuckold position because I am Her primary partner. I want nothing to do with these bulls so this isn't going to turn into a three way situation either.

Condoms don't always work even when used properly and some diseases can be transmitted through skin to skin contacts or sweat. Which is why a condom doesn't cut it.

Specifically, Mr. Smut, your post only proves a certain lack of education around the subject.

Afkarr, while Hep isn't part of a standard screening, I have made it plainly clear that Ma'am and any potential partner would need to tested for it and other Hepatitis strains as well as a standard screening.

LadyPact and others, of course health becomes the most important part of this quest and what we're looking for is keeping that boundary is a way that feeds to potential for the ideal situation rather than the remote possibility of it taking away from the situation. I believe that, with the right presentation and situation, that everybody can get their needs met without having to compromise themselves. We're just looking for a way to do that.

Finally, Mr. BK, my brother can't move, he's about to win a title in a couple of weeks and has family obligations. But we know some cops in the area and can make sure you hav sufficient escorts as to keep you "safe" while having such a good time it should be illegal lol!

boi


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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:33:48 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		just say up front that health issues are a great concern and give them a list of things that need to be cleared. the latex sheets thinner than a dental dam but larger are good for female oral but are latex and would cause a increasing reaction to it each exposure. for female condoms they are made with pvc and can be placed in up to 8 hours prior good for most positions except rear standing

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:41:58 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Your std screens are only as good as the time the blood was taken.

Condoms break.

How much risk are you willing to take for her amusement?

And why do you think I'm "uneducated" on the issue? Just because I'm not agreeing? I sure as hell would not subject My sub to this kind of shit.

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:47:18 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

How much risk are you willing to take for her amusement?

And why do you think I'm "uneducated" on the issue? Just because I'm not agreeing? I sure as hell would not subject My sub to this kind of shit.


What?

The part not copied is understandable...but this....what? I can't even follow that.

I'll start from point one: I'm not taking risks. STD transmission is at it's lowest rate between females. Since, Ma'am is cucking me, She's the one being exposed to the risk by Her own choice. I'm monogamous.

Secondly, how does the risks you're willing to expose your s-type to compare to the risks MsKitty is willing to take in Her sexual adventures? Ya know...the ones She chooses to participate in cuz She's the one in charge...not me.

And you seem to be uneducated on the process of contracting an STD, the reasonable precautions taken, and even the simple to understand process of a cuckold relationship (see points one and two).

boi

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 4/12/2010 9:51:11 PM >

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:51:00 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		What I am saying, is that this entails needless risks to your health. Why is a *lesbian* couple indulging in something like this? Just for some sort of gratuitous thrill?

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RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:51:55 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

What I am saying, is that this entails needless risks to your health. Why is a *lesbian* couple indulging in something like this? Just for some sort of gratuitous thrill?


What makes you think we're a lesbian couple?

I gotta say...that's been the hardest laugh I've had in a long time.

ETA- I didn't ask for an opinion on cuckolding, I asked for advice on etiquette. Besides, what's wrong with someone else's choice to have gratuitous sex?

boi

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 4/12/2010 9:54:02 PM >

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