Lockit
Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Seeking, I think you are trying to make sense of a lot of things, some personal and some in general, but using what others say and do and what you see to make sense of personal experiences is a mistake I think. I could simply say, who care's what others think or how they live? Find what makes sense to you and be true to that. I know it isn't that simple, but it is simple. We complicate it with what other people do if we don't have a strong foundation in 'ME'... 'US'... or 'SELF'.
There are so many people with so many different emotional/mental and physical needs/experiences and takes on life. What works for one may not really work in my opinion because they haven't done their emotional homework or may have wounds. They may be perfectly happy living in what I call crazy making circumstances and have no wish to live as I would think right. Kinks and life are all different for people. What works for LA or LP or LH doesn't work for me, although we all might have many things in common. What works for Peon, Sea, Polite or whoever, might not work for you.
How is everything supposed to work? What is supposed to happen or be felt? How is it that we clump everyone into the same little box? We are all different.
While there are differences I see as healthy differences, there are many I see as unhealthy. Like the relationship you had with this woman you speak of. From what you have said, I see her as unhealthy emotionally. She wasn't strong in her 'self' and was confused and acted in that confusion. She wanted someone to obey but couldn't respect that person. She placed unspoken expectations upon someone based on her own 'lost' and then blamed them in ways that were hurtful because she was fucked up. Sorry I have no other word for that that I wish to use because the whole thing is fucked up! Look at how you are suffering now because of it. But at the same time... look at what made you who you were to accept that fucked up situation for so long. You had a part in it as well. Now you need to work it through and yet you cannot go about doing so by determining what others might do.
Why is it that if someone says something a foundation in 'self' can be so confused or changed? The answer is that there isn't a strong foundation in 'self' to start with if what someone else says or does can confuse us. There is something personal that needs to be done to assure that we are strong in who we are and no matter what anyone else says or does, until there is a strong foundation in 'self', one can be swayed, confused and lost.
I may love these wonderful dominant women, but I am not like them. We may share some ethics, morals, honor or similarities in our relationships and we are coming from healthy places I believe, but we are different. So while we may act or respond similarly in some things, we will be different in other things.
Having a strong foundation in who we are and being balanced emotionally, mentally and physically (sometimes) will create a situation where we can have healthy relationships with others. But first we have to be okay ourselves. If not, things will happen that get off balance and the wounds start multiplying.
Don't worry about whether a dominant respects their submissive. Worry about the dominant you are interested in and if she respects you. Who cares what domi or LA or I think or say? It only matters if it matters to you!
I see people making assumptions or concluding things in life that have come to that assumption and conclusion based on wounds, masks and so many other things. Then they step out and try to find someone while they have some misconceptions and pretty soon the confusion, the crazy making is in full bloom and everything is a mess. You have to start with a sound foundation in self, then another person and just go be happy. Struggling to figure it all out is complicated if we are starting from confusion or pain. Heal, learn, move on and be happy... your way and fuck everyone else. The fruit of your 'self' will prove whether you are healthy and happy. If you aren't... you have some more work to do.
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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!
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RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 
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