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Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 2:55:08 PM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		How many Dominant Women feel that they have been treated as an object by a submissive? 
 
Most of the submissives I meet seem to care more about the image the title "Domme" conjures up than the real person.  Unfortunately this pertains to those I know and love.  Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a voice in the wilderness?   
 
Staci


 
 
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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 3:38:40 PM   
Ariel


Posts: 244
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Staci,

You are indeed not the only one... I think much of what many ( I use that term loosely) submissives see in a Domme, is what they have read and/or seen on the net, they read stories, see the professional pictures, and think that the 1st time they meet you, all that they have seen and read will happen to them with that 1st meeting...



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Aw inspiring beauty comes from within

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 3:46:04 PM   
Jeniluscious


Posts: 53
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: Detroit metro
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

How many Dominant Women feel that they have been treated as an object by a submissive? [snip]  Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a voice in the wilderness?   
 


AMEN! 

I hate sounding so emphatic, but I also know this to be true.  *shakes her head*  I swear, I think one man I talked to had where he wanted me to stand in his head.

I understand the urge is great, but c'mon!  Are we not more than automatons?  I am not Ms RoboDomme. 

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 3:53:24 PM   
Your Queen


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		It happens and quickly become apparent if this is the case. With this in mind, my first few meetings with any sub are always in my vanilla clothing and never use my dungeon or my toys.
I want the sub to know and serve me, as an individual, not the person they think they would like me to be.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 3:56:31 PM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		A man is a man is a man. A true submissive man is a diamond in the rough but worth the wait and heartache. If in your life you meet just one, consider yourself lucky.

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 3:57:37 PM   
MsDominiquenz


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Staci.
No, you are not alone.
Actually this is a subject that I talk about often and get blank eyed stares..but I think on it this way.
Fetish is about objectification, and when that stimulation is around not too much else seems to matter, the challenge is to personify the fetish so fantasy meets reality.
Many subs/fetishists spend a lot of time dreaming of their interests and that overlays the realtime experiences because they slip into a zone, and that can be manipulated for satisfaction by the Domina.
I deal with this by making sure I am 'seen' too, like always making myself the focus, ensuring I get what I am looking for before they can feed, and thats with me attached to their interest.
When you say image, you are right. The biggest battle is to have them see this image as you are, and try to get it to be natural.  I think this can come from many Women who do the stand off Domination.. dont look at me, dont speak.. this I think re-enforces this image thing and removes them from you as a person. I keep my subbies locked on and involved, then they have to deal with me and not their fantasy head to fill the space.

Having said that.. if your subbies are resistant to seeing you as a person and are so rude as to ignore who is inside the leather or who is wearing the boots.. this is selfish and the wrong way round. I see it that they could be with anyone to do this, and that breaks my rule..its about ME !
This is the 'its not all about you subby' syndrome...but the pure nature of fetish is that this factor will always creep in, and you need to just remember to stand firm on re-inforcing your requirement to be seen, using boots as an example, I have let a subby spend time with 'the boots' only and not me in them as a way to show him that without me they are only things.
I also try to educate the dear souls on fetish, one argued that it was me not the boots, so I dressed him in them and put him on front of a mirror and watched his horror as he was turned on.. against his mind set. he then saw the power of fetish, and learnt that he needed to be aware of it.
If their image of a Domme is not what you fit into..its important to stay yourself and not be a puppet for their fantasy.
Understanding this helped me in the early days..hope it works for you.


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(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 4:05:54 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		How stange that this topic comes up (although it has come up before!) even as I am writing to two boys concerning objectifying a Domina. 
The first sent Me a detailed and erotic story of "his introduction" to this lifestyle.  It sounded like it came straight from a bestseller.
The second sent this...and only this:

quote:

I am male 27...never served before but want a change in my life...i am willing to come to you for one moth of service...no limits...and i want to be forced to do things that i dont want to do...interested?


*Sigh*

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 4:12:54 PM   
Ariel


Posts: 244
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
How strange.. I seem to get those types of emails quite often...
 
~shrugs~


quote:

I am male 27...never served before but want a change in my life...i am willing to come to you for one moth of service...no limits...and i want to be forced to do things that i dont want to do...interested?


*Sigh*


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Ariel

Aw inspiring beauty comes from within

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 5:40:49 PM   
talmar


Posts: 338
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline 		I enjoy getting to know the woman as well as the Domme.  I think alot of subs are only interested in the "fantasy" .  I realize that Dommes are people first and foremost. 

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 5:53:52 PM   
MsDominiquenz


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, and I agree with the Goddess Dianna..rare to find one who is wired correctly or can have his circuts modified !*chuckle* Good for you talmar..perhaps you are a little diamond ?? mm?

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 7:19:08 PM   
talmar


Posts: 338
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline 		I was once. I have been fortunate to serve & know several well known Life style & pro Dommes.  One always should continue to learn & grow....

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDominiquenz

Oh, and I agree with the Goddess Dianna..rare to find one who is wired correctly or can have his circuts modified !*chuckle* Good for you talmar..perhaps you are a little diamond ?? mm?

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 7:40:29 PM   
Ariel


Posts: 244
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: talmar

I enjoy getting to know the woman as well as the Domme.  I think alot of subs are only interested in the "fantasy" .  I realize that Dommes are people first and foremost. 


It is nice to know there are those like you out here talmar

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Ariel

Aw inspiring beauty comes from within

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 7:41:37 PM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		"How many Dominant Women feel that they have been treated as an object by a submissive? "

 I do not believe it is uncommon, on a personal level I have had submissives attempt to objectify Me...but they only try it once *wicked grin*

< Message edited by MistressWolfen -- 4/4/2006 7:43:17 PM >

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 7:52:32 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

How many Dominant Women feel that they have been treated as an object by a submissive?

Most of the submissives I meet seem to care more about the image the title "Domme" conjures up than the real person. Unfortunately this pertains to those I know and love. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a voice in the wilderness?

Staci








Probably a pair of Birkenstocks will fix the problem *wink*
Smythe



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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 8:12:10 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

How many Dominant Women feel that they have been treated as an object by a submissive? 
 
Most of the submissives I meet seem to care more about the image the title "Domme" conjures up than the real person.  Unfortunately this pertains to those I know and love.  Does anyone else feel this way or am I just a voice in the wilderness?   
 
Staci


 
 


I'm not surprised this happens all of the time. It just means there are a lot of people who aren't really submissives but are in it for the personal satisfaction they can achieve at the expense of the dominant.

Rather than go through the "expected real submissive response" that consists of me saying, oh, I'm not that way, and therefore you should see people like me, I thought I'd rather just share a little story with ya, cause it kind of sets the mood for why sometimes even the sincere submissives give up.

You see, I came across a woman in a femdom organization to which I was a long term member, and she indicated an interest in me. She already knew me and my background, so she knew I was already sincere. She decided that she wanted to break into the relationship slow. So, it was usually jeans and comfortable clothing for her most of the time, and I had little problem with that. I've said so many times before that I'm all about serving the significant one to whom I pledge myself, not my own fetish desires, regardless of whether or not I actually have any. Well, for months this turned into an interesting NON-bdsm or even D/s relationship. After about four months, she revealed to me that she had come to know me so well that she didn't feel comfortable hurting me or even doing anything domly with me. We shared so many interesting and intimate thoughts together that she thought of me as her "bestest" friend. And that's as far as it would ever go. So, for years after that, she would show up at my place and hang out while she would complain about never finding the right guy. And I let her, mainly because she WAS my friend, and I figured that's all that was ever going to come from that.

She ended up marrying some Hollywood insider guy, and that was the last I saw of her.

So, I'm kind of left with the thought of "I really don't know what to do in these types of relationships anymore." I really don't. I have very long conversations with my stuffed penguin about it, and he thinks maybe I'm suffering from a vitamin deficiency or something like that, but then again, he's just a stuffed penguin, so he's not really licensed to make such a diagnosis. Stupid penguin.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 8:17:09 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree there are more than a few that have this Fantasy Domme thing going on.
Its not just on here...its everywhere.

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 8:34:29 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Not only is it common for males who call themselves 'submissive' to seek  Dominant Women to assist in checking off kinks on their wish lists, but sadly, it seems to be the majority.  A male who says 'Dominate me this way' is hardly  submissive in My eyes, and is not someone I would wish to get involved with.  I believe that males who are naturally submissive towards Women are this way early in life, even if they do not recognize it till much later.  It is a rare and wonderful thing.  I find that a male who gets his pleasure by being Dominated in specific ways by a Woman, is completely different than a male who is fundamentally submissive, whose pleasure is derived from giving all he has to the Woman he submits to.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/4/2006 8:35:10 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

How many Dominant Women feel that they have been treated as an object by a submissive?


I never actually get around to meeting the ones who approach me that way.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/5/2006 1:09:55 AM   
GoddessAlexia


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/1/2004
Status: offline 		Fair point, however in my opinion it always depends on your behaviour and how you deal with it.

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RE: Objectification by "submissives" - 4/5/2006 4:58:27 AM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I do some paid sessions, and in the beginning, I would find out their kink and cater to it...  but it went against my nature.  I got severly burned out.   Now I take only the true submissives who REALLY want to serve me, and I make it clear that they do not dictate sessions. I get to know them as people and let them get to know me, before we ever meet.  I admit that I do (at times) wear fetish clothing, but not all the time.
I am also not going to lie and say that I don't enjoy playing with their minds and creating fantasies.. but it is about ME, not them and their kink.
 
What bothers me, however, is how one of my subs (whom I adore) is fascinated by fetish websites, which I consider to objectify Dominant Women.  Are most submissives (particularly ones with fetishes) this way?   The sub I refer to has a foot fetish...  

(in reply to GoddessAlexia)
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