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How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 3:59:49 AM

jbcurious

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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I recently read a post in which the sub was discussing how completly integrated she felt with her D/M...how she was no longer sure what thoughts and opinions were hers or a reflection of his.

This sparked a memory in me...of a Star Trek Next Generation episode... Yes, I'm a fan...but only of the first 2 series. I love G.R.'s wonderfully optimistic view of what the human race could evolve to... but I digress...

In the episode there was a humanoid species in which the females were "imprinted" by their partner, thereby becoming the perfect mate for that specific man.

I related strongly to this idea and am very aware of this tendancy within myself, when in close company to someone who is emotionally stronger, smarter and more intelligent then I am.

My question to s/s is "How imprintable are you and how comfortable are you with it?"

If D/M's want to respond... How desirable is this?

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

Post #: 1

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 4:15:08 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I can't imagine how incredibly boring our relationship would be if my thoughts and opinions matched his.
There has to be some compatibility in order for a relationship to work. If I only liked to sit at home inside reading a book and he liked to roadtrip with a camera then we'd most likely not match. But to have such influence over someone where individuality blurred is, to me, equally as unhealthy. It also indicates to me that one half of the equation is very weak.

We are compatible with each other in so many aspects and yet we are still unique in our thoughts and emotions.

_____________________________

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Post #: 2

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 4:35:12 AM

MonPetitChaton

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/9/2010
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I am seriously going to hand in my Domme badge here ...

It isn't overt....
He states that he likes something and it's filed away and maybe the next day or it might be 6 months later I'll pull it out of the hat.
His reaction is always worth the effort.
I pay attention to what he says and his reactions to situations.
Molding and modifying my actions to win his approval.
I see it as a way of pleasing him.....
Not because he demands it.
Not because he is my Master.
Not because of his obvious dominance....
But because it make me deliriously happy to please him.

< Message edited by MonPetitChaton -- 4/17/2010 4:36:06 AM >

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 3

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 4:43:49 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I started a thread a little while ago about how he had rubbed off on me. I realized, basically that I had started to gravitate towards common interests that we had.
I see that as different as this. I'm concerned about the loss of individual thoughts and opinions. Maybe I'm misinterpretting since I haven't had my coffee. I love to do things that I know please him. I even do things that I can't stand because it pleases him, but I never suddenly "love" that in my head just because he does.

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Post #: 4

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 5:24:49 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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I'm pretty malleable myself as long as it doesn't compromise my core values. I even found myself watching March Madness with him and getting into it. I won't watch Criminal Minds though.

I don't know that I like the term imprinting though. I prefer Aileen's, rubbing off on me.

On the other hand this is pretty common among all couples, to learn to enjoy stuff because of the enthusiasm the partner displays. He now enjoys miniature golf which he hadn't before me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 5

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 5:50:55 AM

jbcurious

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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If he values that part of you that forms her own opinions...then possibly that might push you to research, study... in order to form those things for yourself?

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 6

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 5:52:39 AM

jbcurious

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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I love your last sentence...

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to MonPetitChaton)

Post #: 7

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:04:28 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm pretty malleable myself as long as it doesn't compromise my core values. I even found myself watching March Madness with him and getting into it. I won't watch Criminal Minds though.

I don't know that I like the term imprinting though. I prefer Aileen's, rubbing off on me.

On the other hand this is pretty common among all couples, to learn to enjoy stuff because of the enthusiasm the partner displays. He now enjoys miniature golf which he hadn't before me.

From reading your posts, it sounds like you have an amazing relationship... What to you seems common, I really don't see in a lot of couples. More often then not arguments seem to occur over, what to me, seems trivial, many seem to have a difficult time with the idea of give and take...or if someone does do something to please a partner they do it with such bad grace and complaints, that it would probably have been better that they hadn't done whatevef it was.

As far as core values go...I used to worry someone would make me a conservative... that's not going to happen...

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:06:43 AM

MonPetitChaton

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/9/2010
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I can't get him to like certain foods I adore regardless of my skills in the kitchen.......He can't interest me in True Blood (which anyone knows is a bastardization of the Sookie Stackhouse novels)
I can't interest him in bottoming AT ALL and I get a buzz out of strapping one on and driving a hairy male arse.

Meh...we find compromise.
We talk.
He pays attention to my whims and desires.
He knows my favorite flowers, my favorite corset makers, my favorite wine and knows how I like my steak done.
He knows the sound of his voice on my voice mail will make me melt.
He indulges my kinks, foibles and failings and I accept his.

Maybe we have "imprinted" each other.

< Message edited by MonPetitChaton -- 4/17/2010 6:09:24 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:07:31 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

If he values that part of you that forms her own opinions...then possibly that might push you to research, study... in order to form those things for yourself?

I don't quite understand what you are asking here.

eta...research and study to form my opinions? I've done that all of my life with no intention of stopping. I'm trying hard not to think of the imprinting as becoming robotic. He was drawn to me because of my thought and opinions (and tits and ass and legs too). Why would he want me to lose that aspect of myself to become a "yes master" type of person? This is what comes to my mind from this thread.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 4/17/2010 6:14:01 AM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 10

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:12:14 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I wouldn't call it imprinting persay but with Master I have come to enjoy things that he enjoys. My personality has changed in slight ways to take on some of his quirks or idiosyncrasies but yet I'm still my own person with my own thoughts, opinions, views, likes, dislikes.

I think that happens with everyone though when they enter into a relationship...you both take on parts of each other because you're around each other so often and you both want to make each other happy.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 11

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:21:32 AM

MonPetitChaton

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Joined: 4/9/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I wouldn't call it imprinting persay but with Master I have come to enjoy things that he enjoys. My personality has changed in slight ways to take on some of his quirks or idiosyncrasies but yet I'm still my own person with my own thoughts, opinions, views, likes, dislikes.

I think that happens with everyone though when they enter into a relationship...you both take on parts of each other because you're around each other so often and you both want to make each other happy.

Exactly right LittleWonder.
I have found my D/s relationship more open and more soul revealing than any vanilla relationship I've ever been in.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:32:16 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
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i would like to believe that it is more a coming together of two people and making small adjustments to live harmonously. Not me changing to accomodate Him. but in the end.. as a sub/slave we want to be pleasing and giving so that our Master finds the Most happiness we can give to him.. isnt that them point here? and in doing so .. they will wish for our total happiness as well... i never have been a fan of say nascar but yet i found myself watching it and even rooting for certain drivers. so WE could have a conversation about that as it Pleased Him.. i wasnt MADE to do this .. it was a choice...

i liked this that MonPetit said " Molding and modifying my actions to win his approval.
I see it as a way of pleasing him.....
Not because he demands it.
Not because he is my Master.
Not because of his obvious dominance....
But because it make me deliriously happy to please him. "

and i agree that we learn to give without pouting or whining about things we do not like or prefer to do ..
Yet it is important for us to retain our core selves.. after all.. it is who they were drawn to in the first place.. but adjusting ones life isnt being brainwashed i do not think.
Perhaps some people do not have strong personalities in the first place and take on someone elses interests and thinking as their own more easily.. everyone is different! Me? i am and Irish Leo... i will always have an opinion and be a bit dramatic in the delivery of things i feel strongly about. like it or not. Believe me when i say there are few Dominants out there ( so far i have found) that can accept this....

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 13

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:51:46 AM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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I am pretty sure it is my post that is being referred to and I really wish I had had more time to flesh it out than I did. As an introvert it takes me a long time to find the right words to say what I want to say.

We refer to it as internalizing and I excel at it. I take a thought, idea, opinion and if it resonates with me or if I agree with it, then I internalize it and make it my own. In regards to behavior, emotions and thoughts, he and I were already very compatible to begin with. As for M/s relationships I was pretty much a blank slate when I met him. I have listened to him over the years and learned a lot to build upon the opinions and thoughts that I already had. I took what he shared, internalized it and made it a part of my natural behavior, thoughts and opinions. I am very good at taking an idea and putting it into practice.

As his slave, I have learned to let go of a lot of my expectations that I have of how things should be. That has freed me up to make his expectations my own expectations. As an example, he has a preference on how clean the house should be. His preference was actually different than my own, it was tidier and neater. I let go of my expectations on how the house should be kept and internalized his expectations on it instead. All around it just makes it easier to do things his way.

As and example, last summer Alandra went back to work full-time since having her first child over almost 16 years before that. Keeping the house the way he wanted it kept suddenly became a lot more challenging with both of us working. That stressed me out because his expectation had become my expectation and I found it difficult to relax. I had to talk with him then and reconfirm what he expectations are and because she started work, the expectations had changed some and after some mental gymnastics I was able to adjust to what he wanted and not be so stressed.

The core of who I am hasn't changed. I am still a person who values integrity, commitment, honour, but also at my core is a person willing and craving to give everything to their partner. That is who I am; what I do, think, feel only reflects that core and does not define it.

I am still not sure if those are the right words to describe it; feel free to ask questions.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 14

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 6:58:39 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: loverly

i would like to believe that it is more a coming together of two people and making small adjustments to live harmonously. Not me changing to accomodate Him. but in the end.. as a sub/slave we want to be pleasing and giving so that our Master finds the Most happiness we can give to him.. isnt that them point here? and in doing so .. they will wish for our total happiness as well... i never have been a fan of say nascar but yet i found myself watching it and even rooting for certain drivers. so WE could have a conversation about that as it Pleased Him.. i wasnt MADE to do this .. it was a choice...

i liked this that MonPetit said " Molding and modifying my actions to win his approval.
I see it as a way of pleasing him.....
Not because he demands it.
Not because he is my Master.
Not because of his obvious dominance....
But because it make me deliriously happy to please him. "

and i agree that we learn to give without pouting or whining about things we do not like or prefer to do ..
Yet it is important for us to retain our core selves.. after all.. it is who they were drawn to in the first place.. but adjusting ones life isnt being brainwashed i do not think.
Perhaps some people do not have strong personalities in the first place and take on someone elses interests and thinking as their own more easily.. everyone is different! Me? i am and Irish Leo... i will always have an opinion and be a bit dramatic in the delivery of things i feel strongly about. like it or not. Believe me when i say there are few Dominants out there ( so far i have found) that can accept this....

I think your post most closely resembles my own feelings... At the core I am what I am and hold certain values very strongly... saying that... there is no activity that I am so passionate about that it would destroy me not to have it in my life nor is there anything I hate so much that I would refuse to be apart of it... if it made my partner happy. Again we´re not talking robbing banks, or unethical acts... (just thought I would make that clear).

So I do find myself to be a bit more imprintable as far as a partners likes and dislikes go then the average person

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to loverly)

Post #: 15

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 7:03:21 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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I think there are different aspects to this question. The idea of having a relationship with another generally means you are looking for someone to fulfill certain needs, desires, preferences. We usually don't match up perfectly with another right off the bat, I think that's part of the growing process of becoming a couple. There are some things in place right away that serve as the initial attraction and then with more knowledge of the other person the similarities can grow. I mean doesn't it make sense if you care for someone you want to please them? On either side? In some ways I think we can improve ourselves by looking for someone with admirable qualities so you more or less rise to a higher level as a result of you knowing them.

Since being with my guy I've done lots of new activities. Biking...I'd do that again on my own if we ever separated but kayaking...probably not. I find kayaking ok, nothing to get all excited about but he does - gets excited about kayaking so hey I do too. I respond to his heightened interest and mood and it's fun for me then too. Without him and the pleasure he gets out of it, I doubt that I would find the need to kayak, so my enjoyment when we go is directly driven by his interest in it and the fact that I love seeing him so happy about something. Seems more like a chain of events type thing in situations like this more than an imprinting. But either way it works as something that binds us together. He's said he is a kid in a candy store these days with me because I will always give whatever he wants to do a try. I like being with him...he likes being with me.....the stuff we share brings us together and gives the relationship a new dimension. So isn't the imprinting idea in the beginning more or less being open? Open to various forms of becoming more intimate? You don't enmesh with someone right from the start, it's a process.

One other aspect that came to mind was age. I think being older has something to do with being able to give yourself over to another and being able to adopt the 'imprinting' thing without being afraid of losing yourself in the process. I know now that I am who I am, no matter what I do for someone or how closely I resemble them that I am still me and if I want to change direction or put a stop to something I certainly can. I choose a good leader and then I'm along for the ride and I try to become what my leader wants. If it's a happy productive relationship those are good things as far as I'm concerned, I'd know if I were unhappy that I should re-examine what is going on overall.

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 16

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 7:05:37 AM

ShoreBound149

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
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Everyone is imprintable.

We've become more and more imprinted on each other since we've been together.

More to come.

We're both better as a result.

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 17

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 7:09:29 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

jb.... lol no not robbing banks here either!!!

i think al lin all it is just that i am pretty laid back and easy going.... i dont mind making the adjustments that bring on harmony and happiness... i am willing to change and grow and become one with my Master. and well do what makes Him happiest... they say that Two minds are better than one! lol so i go with that... ALSO totally in agreement with lizi!

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 18

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 7:11:49 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShoreBound149

Everyone is imprintable.

We've become more and more imprinted on each other since we've been together.

More to come.

We're both better as a result.

Excellent point.
My 'golden rule' about relationships is that you should make more together than you do apart. That it makes you a better person to be with your partner and vice versa.

(in reply to ShoreBound149)

Post #: 19

RE: How "imprintable" are you? - 4/17/2010 7:20:56 AM

jbcurious

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I don't quite understand what you are asking here.

eta...research and study to form my opinions? I've done that all of my life with no intention of stopping. I'm trying hard not to think of the imprinting as becoming robotic. He was drawn to me because of my thought and opinions (and tits and ass and legs too). Why would he want me to lose that aspect of myself to become a "yes master" type of person? This is what comes to my mind from this thread.

No... I´m not talking about becoming robotic... hell if that´s what someone wants, it will probably be available online soon.

I guess that I am looking at things a bit differently and appreciating some of the accommodation and honesty that seems to be a part of so many of the relationships portrayed here. I think if you´ve been in this lifestyle for a period of time you can forget that not everyone approaches and conducts relationships in the manner often seen here.

I´ve actually taken flack from people for being so open to a partners likes and dislikes.

This isn´t a right or wrong answer thread... or a getting advice thread, it´s just about seeing the different opinions and thoughts of others here. You´re definitly one of the stronger personalities and have attracted a partner who values that in you... and I´m sure that your views will be somewhat different then others.

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 4/17/2010 7:24:11 AM >

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 20

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