Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: respect from a submissive


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: respect from a submissive Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/4/2006 6:53:42 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I disagree. Respect is given until you find that a person doesn't deserve it. I'm not going to be a bitch to someone that I don't know (or even a person I don't like!) because they haven't "earned" my respect.

Respect everyone equally. If they prove they deserve otherwise, deal with it.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to MstrDave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/4/2006 6:53:57 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold


I think the mix-up here lies in the fact that people confuse basic good manners or courtesy with respect.  I can be polite and smile at someone for whom I have absolutely no respect.   
It always come back to the way one presents him/herself. I see an awful lot of argumentativness and hot headed debate that sometimes boils down to plain old shouting matches.  And the excuse is "I am not your submissive, so I don't have to be submissive to you", or "I am Dominant, so you shouldn't argue with me." 
Being courteous while making a point is not being submissive.  Listening with an open mind to another well thought out point of view is not losing Dominance.   It is being reasonable and mature.
Welcome to the boards MstrDave.
     "Ditto".....and to KoM..a sideline...you were actually this ------!far from getting it.....(chortle).....Tempting

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/4/2006 7:27:49 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDave

 Respect is earned, not automatic. If you want a submissive to respect you, first prove that you deserve it. The people you see in the community, the people you see at play parties, who command widespread respect? They earned it. And by the way, just because someone is a submissive, that does not automatically mean he or she should submit to you. If you don't even know this person's name and have not yet established any kind of relationship whatsoever with this person, assuming you deserve this person's submission is a bit premature......comments!!


I agree that respect is earned. I try to be respectful to all I meet, unless they give me reason to not be.

(in reply to MstrDave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/4/2006 8:47:22 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		My momma taught me that there was never a reason to be rude to anybody. If you have social skills you can handle any situation without descending into rudeness. (My momma is always right!)

I agree that some people confuse courtesy with respect. Courtesy, to me, is a case of basic good manners, and you owe that everyone. Respect is when you look up to someone because of their character. That is something earned.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to alexus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/4/2006 8:59:37 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alexus

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDave

 Respect is earned, not automatic. If you want a submissive to respect you, first prove that you deserve it. The people you see in the community, the people you see at play parties, who command widespread respect? They earned it. And by the way, just because someone is a submissive, that does not automatically mean he or she should submit to you. If you don't even know this person's name and have not yet established any kind of relationship whatsoever with this person, assuming you deserve this person's submission is a bit premature......comments!!


The quote highlighted in red, I must disagree with.  There are plenty of Dominants at play parties, functions that demand respect, but that does NOT mean they have earned it.




Actually, if you reread what he wrote, he said 'command' respect, not demand respect and those are two different animals.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to alexus)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 10:29:31 AM   
BrianSenior


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I think or agree to the different levels of respect, like with manners, being respectful. I feel some look at respect as a form of submission, and it isn't. To be respectful, doesnt mean to submit, just good manners. Of course when some one is direspectfull, they recieve what they give. ~BK~

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 10:34:15 AM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDave
The people you see in the community, the people you see at play parties, who command widespread respect? They earned it.


Basic human respect i can see... IF this person commands windspread respect from me, he/she best damn well earn it from me...

Just because everyone else respects them doesn't mean i have to.!

And yes, i know the difference between demanding and commanding

< Message edited by MyCaptainsPet -- 4/5/2006 10:39:29 AM >

(in reply to MstrDave)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 10:44:28 AM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alexus
The quote highlighted in red, I must disagree with.  There are plenty of Dominants at play parties, functions that demand respect, but that does NOT mean they have earned it.


I have to agree. When in public *munches, play parties, etc* I follow protocol. Which means I treat everyone with curteousy and respect. Which does not mean I am submitting to anyone. Just means I mind my manners. This is, at times, confused by Dominants that assume my service from those manners. However, the whole "I'm a Dom, all bitches on their knees" routine that I see at times does not excuse my own behavior. I still have expectations that I must live up to. My actions reflect on my Dominant at all times. So demands for respect and service can be handled with the same curteousy and respect. For example, demands that I call another Dominant "Sir" are likely to be met with a simple statement that the title of "Sir" is reserved for the One that I serve and him alone. If the situation persists, I simply refer that Dominant to the One I serve. If it continues beyond that, I have the option of walking away.
 
My Dominant is the one that is to be in control of my behavior. When he can not be there for what ever reason, I am to control my own behavior within the perameters that he has set. Allowing another to push me out of protocol because of their own behavior, in my mind, means I am allowing another to be in control...and that is likely to get me very much in trouble :)

And while I recognize that the original quote says 'command', but this is often as confused as respect and submission :) 


< Message edited by starymists -- 4/5/2006 10:46:54 AM >

(in reply to alexus)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 10:52:42 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He enters, dips His lid,

I give courtesy as a person, expect it returned. 

I call myself Dom, you question that (I'll wear black pants, white shirt, or very colourful shirt with white leather sandshoes in hot weather and even do a jig at play venues, or in colder weather wear my all black, with a  full length vintage leather car coat with a fluoro pink t shirt- at all times with my black hat,  sometimes I'll even  throw out the campy queen handsignals and voice just to confuse others with their wide open eyes),, so if you question me being Dom, I'll laugh at you, tell you you're not in my league..... pretentious no... self confident...yes.  Pple that play with me or wish to know me- never question whom I am, yet admire me for my 'vitality for life'. 

I give respect and expect it in return.   I am Dom, you do not have to call me Sir yet neither do you 'top' me if submissive over the internet.  I'd tell you to read up on whether you seek the One you say you require.

In short- A Doctor is a Doctor unless he's a fraud.  A Dom is a Dom, a sub is a sub, unless their actions/words prove otherwise.

Sir Smugy takes His bow n'departs. 

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 12:51:49 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Meaning... how can you determine the difference between the Polite well-mannered interactions from the Respectful behaviors.


Precisely. I have polite, well-mannered interactions with people I don't respect all the time.  If I were only polite and well-mannered with people I respected I'd be rude to a hell of a lot of people and that's not my style.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 12:54:40 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		I know you're probably just speaking from your own perspective which is a  M/f one but I've known just as many subs who have abused and lost the respect that has been given to them by their Dominant as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

What sucks... is when one earns that respects... and abuses it... then loses it... but then again, it's the Doms fault for thinking just becaues he's getting respect, he can do whatever he wants, talk to that someone any way he wants to... <shakes head>

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 5:53:06 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Meaning... how can you determine the difference between the Polite well-mannered interactions from the Respectful behaviors.


Precisely. I have polite, well-mannered interactions with people I don't respect all the time.  If I were only polite and well-mannered with people I respected I'd be rude to a hell of a lot of people and that's not my style.



  I concur whole heartedly. However, like all other aspects of human interaction, the word “Politeness” is open to personal interpretation as to what each person considers polite. E.G, I do not consider it impolite for sole to make disparaging remarks to me or about me what those remarks pertain to something I have said or done, especially if the comments are made as part of a heated or passionate exchange between two people who believe passionately in what they believe…. However outside the “Arena” there is no reason why the two combatants can not observe some form of socially accepted decorum and politeness.. Often enough, such opponents have earned my respect and strangely, our heated passionate discourses, have formed the basis of a friendship albeit one in which we agree to disagree in some areas..  

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I know you're probably just speaking from your own perspective which is a  M/f one but I've known just as many subs who have abused and lost the respect that has been given to them by their Dominant as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

What sucks... is when one earns that respects... and abuses it... then loses it... but then again, it's the Doms fault for thinking just becaues he's getting respect, he can do whatever he wants, talk to that someone any way he wants to... <shakes head>




I agree with this from personal knowledge.. However the reality is that in the life of people of what ever persuasion, people will gain love, respect, trust.. Some will abuse this and loose it. Some may even regain it again, Sadly some of these will re-abuse and loose all.. They are not necessarily bad people but probably do need help to change their ways if they are open to such help..    

Thank you MsIncognito for two posts in which we can found something to agree on.. This is refreshing.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MsIncognito)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 6:46:50 PM   
E110


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline 		hell we all want respect.. men/women/dom/subs.. earned? i sorta get a kick out of that term.. how bout its somethingone has .. once you get to know someone.. you want to do.. or it grows the more you know someone or perhaps sadly diminishes... but lets not forgot folks we are all people 1st .and lets respectt each other

(in reply to MstrDave)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 6:53:32 PM   
JoeBlack


Posts: 25
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline 		Funny thing is,those worthy of respect,seldom need it...

(in reply to E110)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 7:06:30 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		As a human all deserve some level of human respect... Respect within a lifestyle or professional group for things pertaining to that group is something different and needs to be earned.. there is a bloody great difference... I know many in a whole range of professions and life styles who I respect as people but whom I do not respect within their specific group...... On a human bases I can always something to rescect even if it is how some one is such a perfect prick or how they face their accusers/ punishment. Even the most craven coward can be resp[ected for being the most craven coward you know.....  I agree with JoeBlack.. Some awsome people I know have no concept how respeted they are.. They also are very humble people yet some are astounding Dominants/Alpha people.. their egos are never an issue..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/5/2006 7:07:21 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to JoeBlack)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/5/2006 7:18:30 PM   
treazure


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeBlack

Funny thing is,those worthy of respect,seldom need it...


This statement seems to say it all for me.

treazure

(in reply to JoeBlack)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/7/2006 7:14:18 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello All,
For me manners and treating people kindly and respecting them is two different things.
I can choose to interact with people based on the level of respect I have for myself with good manners and not respect who they represent themselves to be in their lives.
I think when Doms take the general well mannered respect of our right to civility in social groups and decides you should serve him or his word is law that I am not required to act on his requests unless we have a deeper personal respect and friendship first.
I think unless you have a personal relationship with a person to expect your title alone to make general public yield to you is a joke.
For me the playing field is even Dom or sub and if I choose to hold you in high esteem based on your works, not words that's my option to make, not someones to shove down my throat.
Suzanne

(in reply to treazure)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/7/2006 7:45:25 AM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

He enters, dips His lid,

I give courtesy as a person, expect it returned. 


As i said, common, human respect yes.  WIDESPREAD.. no.. THAT needs to be earned from me.

quote:


I call myself Dom, you question that (I'll wear black pants, white shirt, or very colourful shirt with white leather sandshoes in hot weather and even do a jig at play venues, or in colder weather wear my all black, with a  full length vintage leather car coat with a fluoro pink t shirt- at all times with my black hat,  sometimes I'll even  throw out the campy queen handsignals and voice just to confuse others with their wide open eyes),, so if you question me being Dom, I'll laugh at you, tell you you're not in my league..... pretentious no... self confident...yes.  Pple that play with me or wish to know me- never question whom I am, yet admire me for my 'vitality for life'.
 

What this has to do with anything i don't know... cloths don't make a man, a man makes the cloths...

quote:



I give respect and expect it in return.   I am Dom, you do not have to call me Sir yet neither do you 'top' me if submissive over the internet.  I'd tell you to read up on whether you seek the One you say you require.


i may be submissive, i am not YOUR submissive... until you have gained my trust, widespread respect, and you have placed your collar on me, THEN, and only then will i kneel to you and then, only then, will the D/s rolls come into play AT all... Until then, you are just another man/woman... simply, another human.


quote:


In short- A Doctor is a Doctor unless he's a fraud.  A Dom is a Dom, a sub is a sub, unless their actions/words prove otherwise.

Sir Smugy takes His bow n'departs. 


So, you are saying that because i am a sub, i need to submit to anyone, anytime, anyplace under any situation??? 

Sorry, i don't think so!

(in reply to Driver1961)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/7/2006 8:42:28 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I concur whole heartedly. However, like all other aspects of human interaction, the word “Politeness” is open to personal interpretation as to what each person considers polite. E.G, I do not consider it impolite for sole to make disparaging remarks to me or about me what those remarks pertain to something I have said or done, especially if the comments are made as part of a heated or passionate exchange between two people who believe passionately in what they believe…. However outside the “Arena” there is no reason why the two combatants can not observe some form of socially accepted decorum and politeness.. Often enough, such opponents have earned my respect and strangely, our heated passionate discourses, have formed the basis of a friendship albeit one in which we agree to disagree in some areas..  


I tend to agree with you on this as well. I'm much more likely to overlook "rudeness" (however that is defined) in a debate or heated discussion than in everyday interactions. In fact, I like to see that people have things they are passionate about  which do get them fired up but maybe that's just my European blood or Taurean influence talking

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito
I agree with this from personal knowledge.. However the reality is that in the life of people of what ever persuasion, people will gain love, respect, trust.. Some will abuse this and loose it. Some may even regain it again, Sadly some of these will re-abuse and loose all.. They are not necessarily bad people but probably do need help to change their ways if they are open to such help..    


Again, I agree. Having been involved in just that kind of situation in my last BDSM relationship it's a very difficult situation  to not only be in but I've come to realize it's also more difficult to get past than I'd thought. Though I'm not one to make current partners pay for the mistakes of past partners the mere mention of  "that person" still causes a twinge of....I don't know what it is...dislike? disdain? for that person even though It's been months since I dissolved the relationship for good. He's not a bad person but he does have some serious issues he needs to deal with.

quote:


Thank you MsIncognito for two posts in which we can found something to agree on.. This is refreshing.


Hmm....it must be because spring is finally making it's appearance here in cold, dark Canada. Just imagine how pleasant and agreeable I'll be by the time summer rolls around

< Message edited by MsIncognito -- 4/7/2006 8:43:58 AM >

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: respect from a submissive - 4/7/2006 10:05:00 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I know you're probably just speaking from your own perspective which is a  M/f one but I've known just as many subs who have abused and lost the respect that has been given to them by their Dominant as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

What sucks... is when one earns that respects... and abuses it... then loses it... but then again, it's the Doms fault for thinking just becaues he's getting respect, he can do whatever he wants, talk to that someone any way he wants to... <shakes head>



True... the door does swing both ways on this. I may lose respect from one, because of me being me, but I maintain my self respect but not allowing someone to command of me that they have no rights to. Just as one can lose the respect from me, by trying to command of me what they have no rights to either. So yep.. door swings both ways on this.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MsIncognito)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: respect from a submissive Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.095