When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait ... - 4/17/2010 12:19:48 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

you find someone that you are compatible with or should you engage in play at public BDSM events.

What I am getting at does it make the sub look bad if all she does is play at public events when she doesn't have a Master.

Is their a stigma to this.

Post #: 1

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 12:44:24 PM

kadine

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline

If there is, I don't know about it, and if there is, there shouldn't be. I'd do what felt most comfortable for -me-. I hope you do too. Who knows, you may find your happily ever after out there. Best of luck! :)

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 2

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 1:08:34 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

not in my experience. I've done a little public play, mostly to find out it's not really 'me'

I have sub friends (male and female) who play in public, and who have subsequently found good relationships.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 3

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 2:01:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

There are a lot of tops who don't play publicly either. Honestly it depends on what you enjoy. Because if you aren't comfortable playing casually in public, then your discomfort will show and be communicated to others there. If you enjoy playing in public, then you should do so and hopefully meet someone else who enjoys that.

It's about what works for you, there are no rules.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 4

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 2:16:28 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

She is right, there are a lot of tops that do not play publicly. In fact many bottoms do not play publicly, even if they go to parties. I often see tops and bottoms hanging out in the social areas and just getting to know each other. A party does not mean you must play, only that if you wished there might be an opportunity for play. For the most part a party is social and a nice way to see what people do without making a committment beyond an attempt to have a good time.

I spend a lot of time just hanging out and networking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There are a lot of tops who don't play publicly either. Honestly it depends on what you enjoy. Because if you aren't comfortable playing casually in public, then your discomfort will show and be communicated to others there. If you enjoy playing in public, then you should do so and hopefully meet someone else who enjoys that.

It's about what works for you, there are no rules.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 4/17/2010 2:17:26 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 2:42:00 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Someone else just posted a thread on this topic, http://www.collarchat.com/m_3163897/tm.htm which might be helpful to you. Personally, I didn't get into the public scene until I'd already been in a couple of LTRs involving BDSM. I have played casually in the past when I was between partners, and currently I belong to my Master, and have a submissive playpartner. She and I mostly play together, and occasionally all three of us do so. I've never had anyone turn me down as a potential partner or otherwise felt stigmatised over playing publicly. I set boundaries on what I was comfortable with doing, and got to know people before playing with them, rather than showing up at a party with no date and trying to find someone there at the last moment. Most of the people I've played with I've known for months and have been friends with beforehand, and we'd hang out and do vanilla stuff as well.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 6

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 2:52:12 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until you find someone that you are compatible with or should you engage in play at public BDSM events.

This makes about as much sense as asking if you should engage in one-night-stands and orgies etc until you find someone to have a caring/loving relationship with...!?!

You're (presumably) an adult so *you* decide which path you wish to pursue. Doing shit just to fit in or impress a group of mostly strangers would be a sad reflection of who you are.... Conversely, if you're doing it because you really do wanna do it, then go nuts and enjoy.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 7

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 6:53:39 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

I was basing my question on a comment i heard from another sub at a munch.

I wouldn't just jump in and start playing without knowing anybody, their background etc. She has been in the l/s longer than me and I just wondered if others felt the same way she did.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 8

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 9:42:42 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

if you enjoy meeting others and do not feel discomfort in public play then play on. it is how i met my Mistress and now i have been wearing Her collar for nearly 3 years now.i would recomend public play to any who can attend as there are so many folks in the lifestyle and so much to see and learn from munches and demos. things to try new ways to use different things. myself i enjy play both public and private as does my Mistress. so go play and keep looking you never know where or when you might meet the one that you will belong to

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 9

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/17/2010 11:03:16 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

There isn't a should to this question beyond you should do what you want to.

When I was single, I wanted to play so I did. My owner never restricted me from playing with others so I've never stopped playing with others at events. If anyone ever looks down on me or him for me scening when he isn't around, for me scening when I was single or that he doesn't care about these things... we really don't care. Oddly enough, neither do the people I scene with.

In this lifestyle/community/collection of people, someone is always going to disapprove of what you are doing and tell you you are a fake for doing it. It's just a matter of what you want to do.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 10

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/18/2010 1:30:13 AM

sinandhoney

Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline

When I was first getting in to all of this I joined one of the local groups, and am glad I did. It gave me the opportunity to find out more about my likes and dislikes. I've never had it come back to haunt me, and playing in public feels a bit safer to me since I know there are others around should things go south for me. We have an emt in our group so sometimes knowing that allows me to play knowing he's there if I have an adverse reaction, which has never happened. It's a great way to learn more about who you are as a submissive with out it being defined by someone else, and makes it that much easier for me to know what I am looking for in a Dominant partner.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/18/2010 5:39:44 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

No stigma. Don't be fragile in ego or mind, have fun, go play.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to sinandhoney)

Post #: 12

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/18/2010 2:47:16 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Play, play play ... play all day. Enjoy.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 13

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/18/2010 2:56:57 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

You are going to have to do what is right for you. I don't do public play as it's not at all what I'm into.

If I met a man who had done public play, I wouldn't reject him based on that. However, if he had serviced every Domme in town, then I'd feel like I was getting everyone's leftovers. Not my cup of tea.

Use your judgement and follow your desires.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 14

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/18/2010 9:23:25 PM

GinoVega

Posts: 81
Joined: 4/14/2010
Status: offline

Just as many in here have said, it's about what you feel comfortable with. Not everyone is the same when it comes to these things. Some people enjoy public play while others don't. Even though moderate play may lead you to finding someone whom you wish to pursue something deeper with, if you aren't comfortable with public play, you may be better off searching and trying to find someone; possibly in your same situation. But like most have said, it's what's comfortable for you

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 15

RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to w... - 4/19/2010 6:21:31 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

It really is about what works for you. Are there those who look down on the ones who choose to play publicly and/or casually? Yep, run into a few. I don't care and don't tend to associate with anyone who looks down on me for doing something that fulfills me on a few levels. I am happy and enjoying myself and growing and learning. I make no apologies for it. Overall, the people I associate with, whether they play in public or casually or not, accept me and don't bat an eye at my choice.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to GinoVega)

Post #: 16

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094