"Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes...

"Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (Full Version)

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OrpheusAgonistes -> "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 9:51:48 AM)
A friend sent me a photo in the mail a few days ago. It was from years ago, in a resort town in the southeast. We're both tan and wearing Wayfarers (mine are white, hers black). Added fact: I remember when the photo was taken being concerned about whether the ligature marks on my throat and neck would be visible in the picture. On the back, she had written "I see the boys of summer in their ruin/Lay the golden [sic] tithings barren." That phrase has been turning itself over in my mind "The boys of summer in their ruin." In my 20s, I was acutely aware that my hot youth was ticking away. When I thought of aging, I thought of losing my edge. Of selling out, buying in, resigning myself to quiet desperation and casual phoniness. It hasn't turned out that way, exactly. In my 30s, I'm not the person I assumed I'd be when I was in my 20s. In my 20s, I was not the person I thought I'd be in my teens. There's a weird disconnect in the evolution of my identity--maybe of everybody's identity--where the math doesn't quite work out. The ledgers don't balance. Even given all the facts and given a general knowledge of how personalities and personae are shaped, something quirky happens and I constantly turn out in surprising ways. I blame gremlins. What do you think the "you" that was there ten years ago would think of you now? What do you think of yourself ten years ago? Are you ever surprised by the way you've turned out? Do you think you have any surprises in store for yourself? Edit: I just woke up, and managed to post this in the wrong forum. Should have been off-topic. Sorry about that!

LadyAngelika -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 10:10:00 AM)
I could say ibid to a great deal of your OP actually. And I could also write a book to answer your question. I think the bottom line is in my 20s, I thought I knew everything and in my 30s, I know I will never know everything. Also, in my 20s, I thought I always had to rebel, swim against the current to be authentic. In my 30s, I realised that I to be authentic, I had to disregard which direction the current was going and swim in the direction that was right for me, and that sometimes it would be easier (with the current) and other times it would be harder (against the current). As a result, I'm much less exhausted and enjoy a little floating ;-) - LA

catize -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 10:50:49 AM)
quote: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... Yes, I've made mistakes and learned from them; but I count my successes as experience too. Every decade has had its highs and lows. I was in my 30's before I began to learn some very important things about life, about myself. Looking back, my 20 year old self would not recognize who I am today, but most of the changes have been good. I am having a great time in the here and now. I never dreamed that at the age of 57 I would still have the capacity for the kind of fun I have in my life. Who woulda thunk that at my age I could scamper, giggling, down the hall toward the bedroom with a dominant man in pursuit? Granted, when I feel and act like a youngster now, the next day I am stiff and sore like the 'oldster' I am, but I grin even as I wince!

DesFIP -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 11:03:29 AM)
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment. Life takes us on strange twists and turns so of course we can't predict them. And can't predict what we will learn from them.

leadership527 -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 11:04:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes What do you think the "you" that was there ten years ago would think of you now? What do you think of yourself ten years ago? Are you ever surprised by the way you've turned out? Do you think you have any surprises in store for yourself? The "me" of 10 years ago would be very surprised at the "me" of now... and the "me" of 10 years ago wouldn't be surprised at that surprise. Perhaps when I was 20 I thought I knew enough to know what my life was going to be about. By the age of 30, I was much more savvy about how things. Now, at the age of 46, life seems to me to be a never-ending series of change.

ResidentSadist -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 12:48:24 PM)
Like you, I also blame gremlins.

afkarr -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 1:02:14 PM)
I can't think that deeply on a Sunday afternoon. I just am who I am, whatever age I happen to be at the time. Life is just happier when you stop trying to "be" whatever it is you think are are "suppossed" to be, and just be yourself.

alhamdullilah -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 1:22:02 PM)
quote: What do you think the "you" that was there ten years ago would think of you now? I should be more positive like other people but I'm not sure the me of let's say 11 years ago, given an overview of the me of today, wouldn't have committed suicide. That's before my kids were born, that's before a lot of things. But if I had known what I had to look forward to, the way I would be shaped by the events in my life, I would've been terrified of the future. Not saying I would have been making a good choice to have ended my life then, just that I should probably be grateful that I couldn't have known what lay ahead and how I would deal with it. As for what the me of today thinks of the me back then... I think she was even more clueless than I am!!!

OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 1:27:48 PM)
quote: Also, in my 20s, I thought I always had to rebel, swim against the current to be authentic. In my 30s, I realised that I to be authentic, I had to disregard which direction the current was going and swim in the direction that was right for me, and that sometimes it would be easier (with the current) and other times it would be harder (against the current). As a result, I'm much less exhausted and enjoy a little floating ;-) Ha ha, yeah. That's a good way of putting it. It's strange now looking back, because there was a time when I literally couldn't conceive of a future in which I'd hear a Clash song in a Jaguar ad and not take it personally, or have a discussion with a girlfriend's Republican father that didn't degenerate into name calling, or watch an inane high-budget comedy without worrying about what enjoying the film said about me as a person. Not everything is an existential crisis, it isn't war all the time. Some people learn this lesson at a much younger age than I did, but it's a relief to have (more or less) learned it. quote: Every decade has had its highs and lows. I was in my 30's before I began to learn some very important things about life, about myself. Looking back, my 20 year old self would not recognize who I am today, but most of the changes have been good. I am having a great time in the here and now. I never dreamed that at the age of 57 I would still have the capacity for the kind of fun I have in my life. Who woulda thunk that at my age I could scamper, giggling, down the hall toward the bedroom with a dominant man in pursuit? That's excellent. I often wonder what aging will do to my interests and appetites. It's good to have reason for optimism that maturation won't necessarily change my idea of fun dramatically.

LadyAngelika -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 1:39:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes quote: Also, in my 20s, I thought I always had to rebel, swim against the current to be authentic. In my 30s, I realised that I to be authentic, I had to disregard which direction the current was going and swim in the direction that was right for me, and that sometimes it would be easier (with the current) and other times it would be harder (against the current). As a result, I'm much less exhausted and enjoy a little floating ;-) Ha ha, yeah. That's a good way of putting it. It's strange now looking back, because there was a time when I literally couldn't conceive of a future in which I'd hear a Clash song in a Jaguar ad and not take it personally, or have a discussion with a girlfriend's Republican father that didn't degenerate into name calling, or watch an inane high-budget comedy without worrying about what enjoying the film said about me as a person. Not everything is an existential crisis, it isn't war all the time. Some people learn this lesson at a much younger age than I did, but it's a relief to have (more or less) learned it. Seriously, I think there will always be that little bit of a rebel in me which is good, but I think those around me are very relieved that I don't have to turn everything into a formal protest any more. This sort of phased out around 25 for me. As for Rocking the Casbah in an XJ, oddly enough, there is this place that I hang out sometimes after work for a drink where you'll see people in business suits and quite likely hear a Dead Kennedys song or the like in the background. We're all grown up now! - LA

lizi -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 2:03:08 PM)
Well, I think I turned out to be a lot more awesome than I ever thought. Seriously. I am way surprised at how I've turned out and how ultimately satisfied I am with the me of now. I don't have to try to be cool anymore...I am cool. Lol. The things I tried the most at have all turned out extremely well and I have learned so much along the way. I'd like to have a younger looking self, but there is no way I'd ever trade one day of my life to actually be younger again...and this older looking self isn't so bad really. I have to echo what catize said about getting up to things I never saw as possible at the age I am now. My sex life rocks as an older woman within a loving, committed relationship. Holy cow, my younger self would be shocked to know what I get up to in the bedroom now and that is pretty funny. Besides that, I've always had a propensity to jump into doing things and be adventurous in so many different areas- that has only gotten stronger with age and I enjoy the hell out of life. As a younger woman I guess I didn't see the degree that I would be like this and I'm kind of proud of that today.

lizi -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 2:17:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes Ha ha, yeah. That's a good way of putting it. It's strange now looking back, because there was a time when I literally couldn't conceive of a future in which I'd hear a Clash song in a Jaguar ad and not take it personally, or have a discussion with a girlfriend's Republican father that didn't degenerate into name calling, or watch an inane high-budget comedy without worrying about what enjoying the film said about me as a person. Not everything is an existential crisis, it isn't war all the time. Some people learn this lesson at a much younger age than I did, but it's a relief to have (more or less) learned it. When you are young you take things personally. You don't have the maturity to see things from a third person standpoint. Everything comes down to yourself until you have the greater objectivity that comes with age. It's a developmental stage that we all go through. quote: That's excellent. I often wonder what aging will do to my interests and appetites. It's good to have reason for optimism that maturation won't necessarily change my idea of fun dramatically. My idea of fun has changed in the way that I'm much more open to what that fun might be and I'm usually open to doing whatever it is. I've become more of a daredevil with age than vice versa. It's exhilarating really.

pompeii -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 2:46:06 PM)
I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I did then what I do now. And, I wish I had started then what I'm starting now. "Youth is wasted on the young."

DomImus -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 3:31:47 PM)
The one thing I marvel the most about is how different I am from my parents (and pretty much everyone of their generation) as I am about to turn fifty when compared to them when they were about to turn fifty. In addition, the relationship I have with my eighteen year old could not be any different from the relationship I had with my parents when I was that age.

loverly -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 3:47:20 PM)
when i was 20something i thought 50something was old.. now i know that at 20 something i knew nothing while thinking i knew it all .. and at fiftysomething i am thrilled i made it from there to here .. and like myself! :-) and still have so much to discover.....! and 50 something is not old at all... lol

AAkasha -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 4:30:20 PM)
I don't think a lot of what I do or am right now is what I imagined in my 20s or 30s, etc., but I think with age our priorities change. I think that's just part of life. What was important to me as a 20 year old, and I thought would be important in my 30s, isn't. Things that are important to me now are things in my 20s or 30s I would not consider very important. I've been pretty good about keeping consistent goals with regards to my career and happiness. In my 20s I knew I wanted "success" at all costs. In my 20s, success may have included a nice car and jewelry. What I choose to spend my materials rewards on now has changed based on my life experiences - I prefer freedom, flexibility and travel over monetary wealth and large purchases. The one thing remarkably consistent has been my kinky urges and femdom side. My fetishes have not changed all that much - the core ones. My appetite hasn't decreased or increased, but remained steady. And when I feel at the peak of desire for it, it's just as distracting and compulsive. Akasha

OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 5:02:22 PM)
quote: Like you, I also blame gremlins. You still read Uncle Aleister, so clearly the gremlins have at least allowed you to remain cool. quote: As for Rocking the Casbah in an XJ, oddly enough, there is this place that I hang out sometimes after work for a drink where you'll see people in business suits and quite likely hear a Dead Kennedys song or the like in the background. We're all grown up now! The first kid to put a DK song on a mixtape for me now works in banking. Actually, I'm pretty sure I got into Gang of Four through him, too. quote: The one thing remarkably consistent has been my kinky urges and femdom side. My fetishes have not changed all that much - the core ones. My appetite hasn't decreased or increased, but remained steady. And when I feel at the peak of desire for it, it's just as distracting and compulsive. This is another thing that has always kind of surprised me. In my 20s, I tacitly assumed that my urges would slowly fade and, at the very least, become less complicated, outlandish, and distracting. This hasn't really happened yet. Strangely enough, even though the rest of my sense of style and aesthetic taste has evolved, the sets/settings/aesthetics/flavors of my fetishes and perverse scenarios have changed very little.

Level -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 6:53:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Like you, I also blame gremlins. They deserve all the blame and scorn we can heap upon them. [image]http://images.businessweek.com/ss/07/08/0824_uglycars/image/6amc_gremlin.jpg[/image] Then again... [image]http://allworldcars.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/13-amc-gremlin.jpg[/image] I'm far stronger than 10 years ago, less happy, more certain that I know far less than I thought.

jbcurious -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 7:08:19 PM)
Reading this thread has made me smile and do a lot of thinking... My life turns Maslow's Hierarchy every which way...there's been no smooth stage by stage progression for me. I can honestly say that I was at my most self actualized at about 19 or 20 years old. Having my first real job at 13 probably contributed to this by giving me more independence and confidence in providing for myself. I lived my life on my terms and didn't let what other people thought have much effect on me. I was in an amazing relationship with a wonderful man...to this day it's the longest and most fulfilling relationship I've experienced. I was into meditation, studying psychology, martial arts training and taking various workshops on a variety of things that interested me. By 21... I let the world start creeping in...started judging my life by the standards others set...as I was becoming an adult I thought I needed to form myself and my relatioship on the traditional views of how a "grown up" acts...I didn't realize at the time that I was probably more grown up then many adults. So I ended my relationship because he was a rebel, a free spirit and didn't fit the picture of marriage, 2 kids and a white picket fence. I went on to marry someone who did fit that image had a child and got divorced. The next 17 years were so busy with raising my daughter, going back to school, paying the bills and becoming successful that the idea of personal growth never entered the picture. Then I turned 40, my daughter left to live in Australia with her boyfriend and for the first time in years I stepped back and looked at my life. By societies standards I had been sucessful... but outside of the joy I had in raising my daughter... none of it had any value or meaning to me. I had defined myself as a mom, a business owner...I really had no idea who I was outside of those roles. So I sold everything and walked away from that life and the expectations that came with it. The past 10 years have been spent traveling and getting back in touch with my own standards of how I should be living my life...and I'm almost back to the stage I was at 19. [:)]

lally2 -> RE: "Experience" is the name so many people give to their mistakes... (4/18/2010 7:45:25 PM)
the primary question here reminds me of when i was at sixth form college and we had a guy come and give us a talk, i dont remember on what, but i do remember him asking us to imagine the child we were ten years ago was standing right next to us and what would that child think of us now. ive often used that as a refferrance point in my life at various stages. it might sound a bit daft, but because of that i think ive stayed in touch with her throughout my life and im not that much different now really. im still kinky [:)], - so because of that i take myself back to her and i think we'd be friends for sure, we still have alot in common.

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