LadyNTrainer
Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trueshadow
The only kind of sex I like with a Domme is if I feel she is controlling me, hurting me, and generally using and abusing me. I just don't like the old-fashioned missionary position. That makes me on top, and it just doesn't turn me on.
Good for you, but what if you're with a domme who happens to like laying back and being sexually serviced at her whim? Do you do it, or do you refuse because it's really all about what gets you off, not what gets your domme off?
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The Dommes I know just don't seem to want to have sex with their slaves.
All of the femdoms I know *do* have sex with their submissive partners, but what we don't do is have potentially unsafe or really intimate sexual contact with everybody we might be willing to casually spank or have on the leash at a play party. I mean, duuh. Most of us have varying degrees of play partners ranging from "I just met Bob tonight at the BDSM event and I don't know his last name" to "Long term collared houseboy, primarily nonsexual relationship based on service and friendship" to "Collared and married, primary partner as well as submissive". There are likely to be more people in the lower tier categories than the most intimate ones.
Generally you're only having sex with the people on the most intimate end, possibly a single primary partner, possibly more than one if you do the poly thing. For a lot of people, it's not really about D/s at all so much as preferring to limit one's need for visits to the free clinic. Or just being selective about who you choose to be that intimate with. Not every guy is going to make that cut, even if he is fun to play with or have a nonsexual but serious D/s relationship with.
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They may want a 'real man' to screw them, or something, but it is my opinion that it is very common in the scene for Dommes not to be that intimate with their slaves. Perhaps oral sex, touching, massaging, and the like- but not intercourse.
There is nothing more manly and true than someone who is willing to hurt and and suffer for love. There is no greater love than this, and no greater intimacy. I am profoundly awed by the depth of his gift to me, power and pain and passion. Under my whip he is all strength and nobility, the epitome of masculine beauty, and yet he humbles himself to me willingly. My name falls from his lips as a loving whisper underlined in trickles of crimson where he still bleeds for me. This is a real man.
This is seriously fucking hot. This is what rings my chimes, and this is what I want in my bed. This is what I get in my bed, too. Lucky, lucky me. Seriously. This stuff is awesome sauce, and I totally get off on it. Regularly, in fact.
Femdom to me is like a fairytale romance where I get the beautiful, suffering, parfait gentil knight to fuck me silly any time I want, where I want and how I want. Because, yaknow, I'm the dominant. Not to say that I don't like raping a tied-up guy with a blade to his throat. That's great fun especially when I cut him just a little and bite down hard over the wound to leave the world's most spectacular hickey. Nothing says loving like a throat covered in bruises. But getting fucked feels good too, so I am also in the habit of ordering up some nice hard stud service when I wants me some. And I get it too, because - remember this, it's important - I'm the dominant.
The whole sex-negative thing where femdoms are supposed to get off on how very unattractive and unfuckable a guy is, I have to suspect that's much more of a male fantasy than a female one. It is sure as hell not my fantasy.
Go read this; it'll help some.
< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 4/28/2010 11:13:22 PM >
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RE: What if a Domina really likes sex - 
When I had my submissive, my control over him extended to sexual and BDSM areas, but it wasn't based on my sexuality, or diminished when he was sated. If I wanted him to do something after he came, he'd do so, whether it was washing dishes or keeping going or getting thwacked.
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