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LadyNTrainer -> RE: What if a Domina really likes sex (4/21/2010 7:32:23 AM)
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What if a domina really likes chocolate? But she gets so caught up in worry and concern that it might not please other people if she has chocolate that she always picks vanilla for fear of offending them? I imagine it happens, but at that point, how dominant are you if you've sacrificed your personal preferences for everyone else's approval? Here's a bit of a repost excerpted from a much earlier discussion.
When the height of submission and humiliation is supposed to be making a man more like a woman, specifically like a sexually active woman who enjoys normal penetrative sex, and the apex of female dominance means that you have a (fake) cock, that mindset can be a problem. What does it really say about your sexuality when you believe those things? When you believe that PIV sex or sucking cock is bad, dirty, degrading, humiliating or lowering to the woman, or to the person getting fucked or doing the sucking? Why is sex bad, why is cum dirty, and why is a woman (or a man dressed as a woman) a whore or a slut if s/he wants some?
This shit really doesn't smell any better if you turn it upside down in the toilet bowl and attempt to mold it into a stereotype of sex-negative, man-hating femdoms. The difference between this and Andrea Dworkin is what, exactly? The difference between frigid femdoms and "Nice girls don't like sex" is what, exactly? Yeah. I'm not seeing it.
I like getting fucked too. I mean, hello, I was born with this set of plumbing, and that's how it was designed to work and feel good when you have a normal healthy sex drive. No, this is not a submissive act, and I'd like to grab the people who automatically assume that by the throat and rape them with a ten foot long strapon. Penetration does not equal submission and penetrating does not equal dominance. In some cultures, the verbal metaphors for sex involve the vagina "eating" the penis or "taking" the man's essence, and it is considered a potentially dangerous submissive act for him to offer up his most vulnerable part that way. Like a submissive wolf baring his throat to a dominant wolf, it is an act of trust and vulnerability. I like this metaphor a lot better than the ones we have in our culture. Bitchy Jones has some nice things to say about it as well, even though I really don't like the word "slut" to describe someone who has a normal, healthy appreciation for sex. Putting a negative spin on the idea of liking sex is really pretty fucking sick, if you think about it.
Sex feels good. It is a celebration and a joy. It can be dominant or submissive or vanilla depending on the emotional associations you and your partner have with what you are doing. Giving a blowjob can be an incredibly powerful act of domination and control. The D/s roles just aren't cemented onto any particular sex acts. Basically if it's fun for me and it makes me hot, then I am going to do it or make you do it to me, when I want it and how I want it. That's dominant. Conforming to somebody else's fucked up Puritanical ideas of what good little dominants do and don't do is not my idea of a good time, nor is it very dominant.
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