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Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 5:28:20 AM

Varicolored

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

As a "dominant", as I know a lot of folks use this term around here, where is it that you think it's ok if someone sends you a respectful note, no "do me, do me!" included, that basically says, "Hello, I'd like to speak to you. Thanks for your time." (That's the SHORT (abridged) version, not all details are present, so, don't nit that to death, please.), why in the world would you not at least do the courtesy of a simple note of reply?

Hmmmmmm?

I can understand not replying to certain notes, because of their content, but, a repsectful note? And no, my first note to someone isn't going to include things about what I like or dislike (which I am not 100% sure of at this point, at any rate), prior experiences, and all that rot. IF you write to me and say, I like your profile, please tell me about this, and that, I'll tell you. But, if I am writing to you for the first time, why would I do that, if your profile doesn't specifically ask for it?

Post #: 1

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 5:52:09 AM

zebra

Posts: 64
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I've seen a lot of subs say that they get an overwhelming amount of mail, so maybe that has something to do with it. I don't get that much, and I tend to reply to all except those from men who are much younger than I am (my journal says specifically that I don't want to hear from them) or those who are crude. However, if someone sends me not much more than "hi" and has hardly any detail in his profile, I often don't write back. If I don't know anything about the person, and if he hasn't taken the trouble to make information available in one form or another, I figure he can't be all that serious.

But that's the only good reason I can think of.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 2

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 6:10:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

OK we've completely exceeded our 2 post per week quota of "why aren't people responding to me?" threads. We need to stop this before things get completely out of control.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 3

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 6:16:35 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

OK we've completely exceeded our 2 post per week quota of "why aren't people responding to me?" threads. We need to stop this before things get completely out of control.

THANK YOU LA...cause it is only Wednesday!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 6:23:32 AM

pedpuppy

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

I think that in the beginning, when someone first puts up there profile and starts to get notes mailed to them they may indeed respond to all the 'respectable' notes sent. Then after time, as you are flooded with more and more notes and you have filled out your profile in more detail, that it becomes obvious which notes are from time wasters and hence start to respond to less and less.

If someone writes a note to me, and it is well written and not just garbage .. they get a response .. even if it is a "no thank you" .. but hey .. im new here

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 5

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 6:57:53 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I wasn't joking a couple weeks ago when I suggested creating a category entitled "Complaints" just for that purpose. Since there are so many, it's justified, and the rest of us can avoid it.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to pedpuppy)

Post #: 6

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 7:03:52 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Varicolored

.... why in the world would you not at least do the courtesy of a simple note of reply?

Hmmmmmm?....

Possible reasons might include the fact that the respectful note appears to ignore critical profile parameters, such as 'R/T only', 'local only', 'female only', etc. Or the person sending the polite message may have something in their profile which disqualifies them in the eyes of the recipient.

A person receiving a respectful note still has no real obligation to engage the sender...any more than they have to talk to a polite telemarketer on the phone.

When I put up my profile, I made a joking comment to a friend as to how long it would be before I got a 'Hi, let's talk' message from either a man, or a woman a thousand miles away...both happened in less than 24 hours.

I also received a very respectful message from a woman in my geographic area specifically addressing a certain phrase I had put in my profile.

Guess which message got my attention.... and a reply from me?

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 7

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/5/2006 10:04:43 PM

Varicolored

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Or the person sending the polite message may have something in their profile which disqualifies them in the eyes of the recipient.

And this absolves you of courtesy in what way? Not being argumentative, I simply don't understand this kind of thinking. I would think if you had things you weren't looking for, they would be in your profile somewhere, yes? If they aren't, well, to my way of thinking, you could do me the courtesy of a reply.

S.

(in reply to Alumbrado)

Post #: 8

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 3:41:01 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I answer all email, short, or long. details or none.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 9

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 4:07:52 AM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

Well, I must have done something right, because I have not received any unsolicited emails for Me to ignore...I know you've been badmouthing Me to the other subs, just stop and make My Turkish Coffee, ts...<evil grin>

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 10

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 4:49:30 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Varicolored
And this absolves you of courtesy in what way? Not being argumentative, I simply don't understand this kind of thinking. I would think if you had things you weren't looking for, they would be in your profile somewhere, yes? If they aren't, well, to my way of thinking, you could do me the courtesy of a reply.

S.

Simple answer... we don't all think the same way.

You say you aren't being argumentative yet your posts here & especially your profile come off as rather challenging.

You just have to accept the fact that the internet is a very anonymous place & a written message is a very insignificant & non-personal item. Keep in mind that you are also a man most likely attempting to contact a woman & most women are extremely overwhelmed by email replies.

I use to make an effort to reply to all email. To keep this up I would have had to give up sleeping at night because a courteous decline would turn into several more emails of "why/what do I need to do to..." or bitter, derogatory, hateful come-backs. I would receive as many as 50 to 100 emails a day & not find any interest in any of them. Can you see where this would get a person to decide to not reply?

So I finally came to a decision that no reply was a good enough reply. I could really care less if someone gets their panties in a twist if I don't reply. It is my prerogative. I have made very specific entries in my profile that indicates what I look for in a first email & from what type of person. Outside of that... I don't reply.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 11

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 5:12:44 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Varicolored

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Or the person sending the polite message may have something in their profile which disqualifies them in the eyes of the recipient.

And this absolves you of courtesy in what way? Not being argumentative, I simply don't understand this kind of thinking. I would think if you had things you weren't looking for, they would be in your profile somewhere, yes? If they aren't, well, to my way of thinking, you could do me the courtesy of a reply.

S.

No one is under any obligation what-so-ever to answer anyone. It all comes down to the choice of each individual. A lot, when they do take the time to answer someone back, even with a no thank you, get a return of anger, and insults. It starts to get old after awhile, which leads to them just not answering at all.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 12

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 6:51:13 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Varicolored

And this absolves you of courtesy in what way? Not being argumentative, I simply don't understand this kind of thinking. I would think if you had things you weren't looking for, they would be in your profile somewhere, yes? If they aren't, well, to my way of thinking, you could do me the courtesy of a reply.
S.

Nobody owes anyone a reply, and the real discourtesy may lie in trying to manipulate other people into responding according to one's expectations.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 13

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 8:11:43 AM

Ceyx

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

I state clearly in my profile that I'm happily exploring a D/s relationship with my chosen miss, and that I'm not here looking for partners. If I were to recieve a note of interest (and generally I don't), I would feel myself under no obligation of courtesy to respond.

I'll return polite notes of friendship, or on different subjects, as time permits, but it's hard to say that it would be rude not to respond to these, either. People use collarme for various purposes, and may or may not pay a great deal of attention to their mail.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 14

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 8:31:27 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Just to give you an idea why some don't reply. For a long time I wasn't looking. Now that I am and my profile reflects it I have received no less than eight hundred emails within this past week and a half. It's impossible to answer them all especially when the majority have not bothered to read my bold journal entry which states the realities of my search and what criteria I'm looking for. Is it rude not to answer...maybe. It's also rude for someone to send me an email asking if I will relocate when my journal entry clearly states that I can't. If they are so interested yet can't be bothered to read my whole profile and single journal entry then I can't be bothered to answer them.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 15

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 10:13:33 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I was wondering....what the hell does being a dominant have to do with replying to an email????
have you considered that they just couldn't be bothered, maybe they are self-absorbed assholes, who can't be bothered replying to an oh-so well thought out message from another self-absorbed asshole, because that is what one would have to be to come onto the forum and whine about not getting their messages answered.
What the hell do you expect us to do about it/ What advice could we possibly give you?....don't send emails and then they won't go unanswered?....email different people, hang on now where did I put that list of caring and polite doms who always answer their mail.
Get over it, get on with your life and search, you obviously were not whatever they were interested in.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 16

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 12:14:56 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Varicolored

As a "dominant", as I know a lot of folks use this term around here, where is it that you think it's ok if someone sends you a respectful note, no "do me, do me!" included, that basically says, "Hello, I'd like to speak to you. Thanks for your time." (That's the SHORT (abridged) version, not all details are present, so, don't nit that to death, please.), why in the world would you not at least do the courtesy of a simple note of reply?

Hmmmmmm?

I can understand not replying to certain notes, because of their content, but, a repsectful note? And no, my first note to someone isn't going to include things about what I like or dislike (which I am not 100% sure of at this point, at any rate), prior experiences, and all that rot. IF you write to me and say, I like your profile, please tell me about this, and that, I'll tell you. But, if I am writing to you for the first time, why would I do that, if your profile doesn't specifically ask for it?

I, personally, find your profile to be rather rude and I only read the first small bit of it because it was a turn off. I wouldn't respond to any email from you. If you expect courtsey from others, showing a bit yourself is a good start.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 17

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 7:48:17 PM

ladychatterley

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

I have a rather different point of view. I've e-mailed several Doms with photos as my photos are not on my profile. I am quite glad that no one sent me a "thanks but you're not my type." I'd much rather not have a response than a rejection. Maybe I'd feel differently if there weren't so many great people here to e-mail, but, in my opinion, there is absolutely no need for someone to explain why they aren’t interested.

In fact, the lack of combative rejections is one of many things that this community seems to have going for it (as opposed to Craig's List, for example, when I posted an ad a couple of times and got some of the most cruel and cutting responses from people saying I must be mentally retarded to commenting on my body which they'd never seen--it was very odd--why would kinky men want to have less kinky women around? Why would they want to criticize me for saying I'm "plump-size 16-18" instead of just being glad I'm straight-forward? There's a million reason I may not be their type (or they may have picked up that they aren’t mine), but the anger at me for not being their type really surprised me. (I will admit that I have criticized the POTUS in harsh language, but I'm sorry, if you are kinky, you gotta accept that some people have trouble with the man! And if you stop to trash every kinky person who criticizes him, you won’t have much free time. It also just seems odd because if they were ‘successful’ at scaring me back to vanilla (which happened once, for very different reasons) it just means there’s one more Dom who is competing for the woman they may fall in love with—why would they want to reduce the size of the pool?)

But this has been a very warm, welcoming community and I think that not e-mailing someone you aren't interested in is a totally acceptable, if not classy response.

< Message edited by ladychatterley -- 4/6/2006 8:25:04 PM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 8:20:52 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I reply to almost every email.From another Country not getting a reply.

Whether the replies are polite or not is another question.
When someone writes and I have in BOLD letters what I dont want and they write anyway...
Well chances are I'm not going to be nice.

While I dont have to give an explanation why your not right for Me,I will sometimes.
Most of the time its just a No thank you.Which often results in a letter back full of name calling.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to ladychatterley)

Post #: 19

RE: Answering messages.... - 4/6/2006 9:16:45 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

Well, I must have done something right, because I have not received any unsolicited emails for Me to ignore...I know you've been badmouthing Me to the other subs, just stop and make My Turkish Coffee, ts...<evil grin>

C

..LOL....gotta sit down and watch the fireworks...goody..goody..goody..

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 20

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