SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline
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For me, I am considering putting a line in my profile stating that - for now - it might be best for me to get to know people just by reading what they write on these boards and responding to them there. But maybe not always and forever.
I've only been back here 2 weeks.
Things can sink deeply into my mind and soul that someone says sometimes - whether I respond to it directly or not. And if I don't respond in writing it doesn't necessarily mean it didn't (it might, in fact, mean it did - in a deep way, sometimes).
It might not be fair for someone to write me, have me feel guilty because I might not have as much time as I'd like that day to write a long letter back (and I do feel guilty about that. I also realize we all have the same 24 hours and people do what they want. But it's occurred to me they may think I am not interested in them at all as a person then. Not true. I suppose you can surmise something from someone who just writes a one line e-mail, but not always (how would I know what their life is like or their schedule is? I don't know them).
How do I get to know them unless I write back?
*Well, I can observe what they write and do on the boards.
Why would I write back if I "wasn't looking"? Maybe I am "guilt prone" but -
I noticed myself hitting the "Busy" response a lot to messages (and not because I was necessarily un-intrigued by what people wrote).
There is a way one can note who writes that you want to "get back to" later, but after days of trying and doing that, I can honestly say - I think it still going to be a time-management issue (for me). I don't consider myself "relatively popular" and don't even care if I am or not. I am trying to find a solution that works for me and not hurt anyone else (maybe not possible but hope some give me credit for taking a stab at it please)? I do know I like to read the boards because the topics make me think. I like to read what people have to say.
After a few days here, it's occurred to me this is my problem to deal with (maybe should have figured out a way to deal from day one) that someone writing to me may think I am being "gamey" if I don't write back right away. I am Not. And I'm of course not in charge of what other people think or their reactions (doesn't mean I can't try to be sensitive to them).
I guess one solution would be to say something like:" I tend to get to know people more on the boards". People can observe a lot about someone just by reading what they write and what they respond to on the these message boards. If I don't write back to a person who has written a personal e-mail, it doesn't mean I don't like them, or want to know who they are - and I try to do it; I like these folks, they are fascinating and wonderful.
It doesn't cut off the possibility of writing letters to people either, or writing them back.
I need to maintain some control over my own time-management (and that's not horse-pattootie, it's the truth). I've still got lots of stuff I am dealing with left over from the past 9 months in my life and I have relatives and friends in vanilla life, and I have to clean my house and walk my dog and like to have the so-called "other part of my life" to explore and experience.
***And so does everyone else, I assume.
Maybe people don't take time to read profiles and consider what a person is saying in them (or might be saying) by what is in them. Maybe this entire paragraph doesn't matter. Everyone is different as far as individual specific preference and I maybe I analyze "too much". I am thinking I will know when I am "ready" (or at least when I am willing to take a bigger "risk". I'm scared but don't plan on becoming a nun and I don't want to screw w/people's heads. I trust my gut, too.
But - it's crossed my mind people might get "mixed messages" when I see topic headings about people hurt someone didn't write them back. People are busy, some more than others. I don't think people intentionally hurt other people - unless they know them well and they want to be hurt, of course. It might not matter. I don't know. Minor contemplation where I state something some already know, some don't care about and might not matter. Go figure.
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/14/2006 3:44:51 PM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Answering messages.... - 
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