RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Femdoms?

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 10:14:44 AM

PeonForHer

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FR,

It's worth pointing out, every now and then, that being dominant (and sadistic, especially) doesn't necessarily mean that a femdom hates the person she's trying to control or to hurt. It's not just vanillas who don't understand this because they don't have those desires - submales may not understand it either. I myself didn't, at one time. In fact, I still don't, insofar as 'understanding' in the deepest sense arguably implies 'empathising' - feeling at least a little of what another feels.

Startling thought: In a way, I can understand terrorists better than I can understand femdoms. I know how it feels to be angry about a political matter and want to lash out as a result. There's only a difference of degree between my occasional anger and that of the average terrorist (albeit a big difference of degree). On the other hand, I have no idea at all what it feels like to get a sexual buzz out of causing someone pain.

(Heh. Maybe it's precisely because I don't understand that last that I get so fascinated when I see it. Fascinated enough to get a buzz out of it, in fact. Screwy.

)

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 1:00:38 PM

madderrose

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quote:

Okay I just want to say this first I am not making any attacks on Femdoms I'm just trying to understand this common stereotype. Okay here it goes is it true that there are many Femdoms that hate men. I ask because its a common stereotype and there can be a lot of negative attitudes toward men in profiles and on Femdom sites.

I can't speak for everyone but like the majority here I don't hate men. I love men! I like to pet them and watch them and play with them, I like to hang out with them, to talk with them and to them and get to know them. The more the merrier! Just because I'm a Dom and 'bossy' doesn't mean I don't think less of men, or dislike them. If I do dislike anyone I'd be more inclined not to even look at them. Bearing a grudge or hating takes too much energy away from other more important things. Like... loving play. Teaching someone to 'sit pretty'. Or play 'fetch' or other useful or pleasurable things. :D

I agree that it seems to be a stereotype perpetuated by porn, instant gratification, especially sadistic scenes, and yeah, I get off on that too sometimes but I know that it's just acting. It's not real, (I hope..) and it's not an actual relationship that is portrayed.The problem with truly hating someone and being in a relationship is that it is destructive to everyone involved, and I can't really see a longterm relationship of any kind like that lasting very long. Even just hating someone and not being involved is wearing and destructive. Of course there are profiles and femdom sites using those negative attitudes, and I've seen it in play and other performances (burlesque, cabarets), but again, I think they are playing into the stereotype. I can't imagine a Domme who truly hated men actually wanting to do anything with a man.

But, if you thought a woman really, really hated men, would you consent to let that person have a whack at your balls? I wouldn't...

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 22

RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 3:53:31 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

Okay I just want to say this first I am not making any attacks on Femdoms I'm just trying to understand this common stereotype. Okay here it goes is it true that there are many Femdoms that hate men. I ask because its a common stereotype and there can be a lot of negative attitudes toward men in profiles and on Femdom sites.

I don't even hate my exhusband! Granted, he is one of many people I won't cry over when I learn of their death but that does not mean I hate them. It means I either feel nothing for them or believe the world will be a better place without them.

There are a lot of men I absolutely adore.

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 4:11:49 PM

blmtrsne

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Me to, I adore men. Especially when they have good manners, help out women...

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 6:58:19 PM

SaharahEve

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Joined: 6/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I don't hate men, I love them so much I own one. However you will find some Femdoms hate men, just as some Maledoms hate women and so on and so on.
It comes down to the individual rather than an entire group.

~Lashra

Agreed. :-)

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 8:44:53 PM

cloudboy

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Funny, there are dominant men in the film THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATOO, and the Swedish title of that movie is, "Men who hate women."

One man in the movie is a sociopath, and the other wanted a combination of total power and sadism. I don't think either was representative of the garden variety CM DOM or S&M Kinkster -- but maybe that's just a matter of social adaptation and repression.... who knows exactly.

I would argue that kinky dominance is an embedded (genetically driven?) sexual preference and turn on, whereas hatred is a learned, social behavior. Ergo, hatred and dominance are not inextricably linked but clearly there could be a dovetail there.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 4/26/2010 8:57:45 PM >

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Post #: 26

RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/26/2010 10:35:34 PM

SweetDommes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I had the impression he was asking if it was a common *mistaken* impression, not if it was true! I'd say that yes, some pro-Dommes and porn does foster that misconception, and so people occasionally ask if it is true, or expect all Dommes to call men worms, or be hateful and bitchy or whatever.

I believe the two answers are linked - it is a common mistaken impression, because it's not true ...

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 12:53:35 AM

MsMillgrove

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Note the poster says.. he sees negative attitudes on femdom sites and in profiles--and these have made him wonder if there is some truth in the sterotype.
The sites can be explained as pro-domme or porn but the profiles reflect something else, I think. After a couple years on CM, I honestly don't want to open my mail anymore. Because--it has run, consistently 10-1..to stereotype. In other words--the males are treating me as that "mistress, bitch godess" icon in their minds--not as a Person.

After a consistent battering, you have to fight against the negative attitude. Fight hard, too. When femdoms get together.. all you have to say is "CM" and there will be a group sigh float thru the room. Because we all have variations on the same story... we are treated here often in a way that brings tears of frustration to our eyes. I can't meet a femdom who has a CM profile who will not have a dozen ridiculous letters.. on the tip of her tongue.. and often a string of "no-shows", cancels, excuses. If you wanted to make an appointment for a meeting with a business associate, a fellow student.. Anyone.. the plumber--in your vanilla sphere of life, you'd never behave the way so many male "subs" of CM do.

No. we don't hate men. If we still have profiles up here, looking for males, it means we believe that there are some who could be wonderful. But the negative attitudes you might see on profiles come from experiences that are miserable.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 28

RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 4:07:57 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

Hell, that must be s**t.

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 9:25:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Thanks, MsMillgrove, you are SO right! Hence my "negative" profile!

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 10:32:57 AM

PeonForHer

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Your profile doesn't look negative to me. *Chuckle* - you never were much good at being negative, Lady Hib

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 10:37:00 AM

PeonForHer

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FR

This has just struck me:

What about the opposite kind of stereotype? That is, the one that has it all women, no matter how dommely, severe and fierce they look and sound, are actually as vulnerable and fragile as flowers underneath?

But I guess it's not so easy to perceive that in a man's cmails . . . .

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 11:38:21 AM

LadyOddsworth

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I Looooooove and adore men...

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 5:24:23 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Peon, are you implying that I am NOT a delicate flower? I AM, and have the custom embroidered cami to prove it!!

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Post #: 34

RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 5:42:09 PM

PeonForHer

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Of course you're a delicate flower, Lady Hib! But even if you weren't, I probably wouldn't see it.

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RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 5:52:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I love THAT kind of selective vision!!

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Post #: 36

RE: Is this a common stereotype/misconseption about Fem... - 4/27/2010 6:03:00 PM

PeonForHer

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Thanks. That cheers me up! :-)

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Post #: 37

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