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For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 4:01:40 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

Hi there! My question is primarily for owned submissives, but I would welcome any intelligent answers. Essentially, I want to know who controls your body image. For example, like many people, I have things about my body that I perceive as flaws. My sir on the other hand, loves several of these "flaws". He particularly likes to touch my feet and my stomach... The two areas I am most self-conscience about. I don't care for having them touched, and will even get somewhat shy when those parts are touched. He says that because I am his, and he finds me beautiful, that I should not be shy over my flaws, since he does not see them as such.

What I would like to know is, in your relationship, who sets your body image? If you are uncomfortable with some physical characterist that your partner loves, do you learn to love it as well? Or do you always feel that sense of ickyness?

Post #: 1

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 4:06:11 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

there are things I don't like about my body. I accept those flaws but I still don't like them. If I want to change something about myself I ask him first. If he says "no" then I live with it and drop it. Life goes on and there are more important things to concern myself with.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 2

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:04:02 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

OK, this is speculation. But I'd have to say that I control her body image.

I think in large part, that has to do with being the guy who loves her. I mean seriously, who else really gets a vote? If I find her attractive, I'm the crowd she's playing to.

I've never actually tried to exert specific control over her body image mostly due to there not being a need. But given some of the other internal things I can shape, I don't think that'd be particularly difficult.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 3

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:04:31 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

There are things about my body that i am not pleased with, yet i know there's not a whole lot i can do about them. When i've been in a relationship, though, it's been with Someone that was looking for someone like me & He loves me the way i am.....and i feel beautiful. i'm still working on getting that "beautiful feeling" from within.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 4

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:14:44 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Go without touch for a longgggggggggg time, and you will be delighted for stomach and footsie touch!

Let me rephrase your question, Rose.

My Sir loves things about me that I see as flaws. When he tells me that I am beautiful, I know he is lying. Why does he lie to me?

Just a thought,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 5

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:28:53 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Let me rephrase your question, Rose.

My Sir loves things about me that I see as flaws. When he tells me that I am beautiful, I know he is lying. Why does he lie to me?

perhaps I did not phrase my question very well, for this is not what I meant at all. I fully believe that he finds the things that I dislike to be beautiful. He is not lying, but speaking from his genuine opinion. I was merely seeking opinions on how others deal with their dominant loving a physical characteristic they see as a flaw. For example, a woman may hate how wide her hips are. Her partner may love that about her shape, seeing it as womanly. Should she then be simply pleased that her partner finds it attractive and strive not to worry about it when he compliments it, and try to learn to find it beautiful as well?

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 6

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:31:47 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

Thank you, sweetsub. That's about where I am at, as well!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 7

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:46:01 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Rose,
I knew what you were saying. And I actually gave you a bit of food for thought (an important technique). In the end, you are not trusting his judgment. We can dance around it all we want, but that is really what it ends up being. That is a technique that I use and that I've taught people to use - by disagreeing, you are saying that the other person is a liar (general you, not you specifically).

I generally find that the thing a woman hates most about herself is the thing that makes her unique and beautiful. Stereotypically beautiful women are boring to look at - ask any artist. Which brings me to another thought. What we think changes how we feel (there's a whole type of psychology - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy ... or CBT

about that).

I found that posing for artists can absolutely change my body image. I love to pose for them now. They lurve mah body, all round and curvy.

That part of you that you don't like, rub it while saying (out loud) "thank you" for all that it does - your feet carry you through the world, they save you when you are frightened by letting you run away, your poor feet work so hard holding you up, etc. Meditations on the part that you don't like can help, speaking gratitude helps, treating them with love helps.

Same with meditating on *his* words. "I'm grateful that he sees the beauty in me. I trust his view of me and know that this part of me is beautiful."

Get a massage, ask for specifically, gentle touch on your stomach (not massage) with wonderful smelling oils, get a pedicure, allow yourself to be pampered. Give them some love.

Remind yourself that he is speaking the truth and that these parts of your body *are* beautiful.

You asked this:
Should she then be simply pleased that her partner finds it attractive and strive not to worry about it when he compliments it, and try to learn to find it beautiful as well

I want to counter with this... You should learn to find it beautiful because it is! (I am sorry about "should")... but really... gosh I just want to take you and show you how!

Your body is amazing and beautiful. (I looked). You are what a woman looks like. You are curvacious and lovely. He's no fool.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 8

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:49:30 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

*gosh I sound so bossy. it wasn't my intention. Sorry if I was off base or overstepped.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 9

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 5:56:00 PM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

it's rather easy with my Master and me we both have exactly the same tastes so He sees my flaws as flaws( this is from the slave point of view not sub but you said other opinions were fine as well). it's much easier to have a dom who will tell you you're fat and your boobs are too big when it's true then have one who will sit there and force feed you cookies 6 hours a day(i've had both types) .... i do love cookies though...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 10

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 6:51:12 PM

AllLockedUp

Posts: 33
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline

You are in control of your image. S/He should be there to help you to get over those ill images you have of yourself.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 11

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 7:15:04 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I am in control of my body image but he helps me accept it.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 12

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 7:25:44 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

@ FetishRose....
I think I get where you are coming from with this post. When my Sir and I were first getting together he had this horrible habit of when we were driving he would reach over and rub my stomach. I seriously could have climbed out the window and flown away on the anxiety alone. Then it increased to when we would be watching television, laying in bed, doing anything.....To be perfectly honest with you the way I interpreted this was I felt like he was mocking me..... Maybe telling me, "hello!!! Can you not see this!!!! You need to do something with this huge area!! It's disgusting!!!"
So, finally I said something to him. He informed me that he loved this part of me and that's why he kept touching that part of me....
In regard to your qurestion, " If you are uncomfortable with some physical characteristic that your partner loves, do you learn to love it as well" I don't have an easy cut and dry answer... It's been kind of an ebb and flow what I've noticed is the more we talk about it....the more it's not this expected *magical thing* that I'm supposed to accept on my own in my head...
For what it's worth,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to AllLockedUp)

Post #: 13

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 7:42:16 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

First of all, I heard a long time ago that 98% of women dont like our bodies irrespective of how we are shaped.

Even if that is an inflated statistic, I truly believe that the vast majority of us do not like our shapes. Why should we? There are several multi-billion dollar industries that conspire to make us feel bad about ourselves, so that we then buy their product: the fashion industry; the cosmetics industry; the women's magazine industry; self-help books (ever see a man in the self help section of a bookstore?); the diet industry; and the plastic surgery industry. So, OP, this is not JUST your issue; back in the 60's we used to say "The personal is political".

Some body issues are health related. If that is the case, both you and your Dominant should work together to change that. But if it is an "aesthetic" issue, well, I may not like my but butt, but I love that he loves it. Ultimately, I agree with AllLockedUp. Sounds right to me.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 14

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/25/2010 11:25:47 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
And I actually gave you a bit of food for thought (an important technique). In the end, you are not trusting his judgment. We can dance around it all we want, but that is really what it ends up being.

... slight correction... "not trusting his judgement in at least this one area".

But yes, I'd say sunshine hit the nail on the head. Let me spin this out in a theoretical way if it was Carol and I so that you can see it from the dom's eye viewpoint.

Carol doesn't like her body image and fusses over certain aspects. I notice this and make a judgement call that, for whatever reasons, actually improving those areas isn't worth the trouble. So I tell her to rethink it. She does not. Now what we have is two problems. First, there is a constant and needless drag on our happiness. Her unhappiness with these aspects of herself.. not matter how small... is a negative, not a positive. Secondly, and much more significantly, she is at this point disobeying. And for what?

Seriously, I'm not stupid. I understand that reshaping your own thoughts is not easy work. But it's doable with applied effort. How much do you trust the judgement of your Sir? That, exactly as sunshine said, is the real nature of the question here.

EDITED TO ADD: Just to make this perfectly clear. I'm not even beginning to suggest you're a bad sub. I'm trying to highlight why it's important and hopefully, like sunshine, give you a better mental perspective. I frequently find that Carol is much more successful at things when she thinks of them in terms of "obedience" than whatever the original topic was.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 4/25/2010 11:44:52 PM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/26/2010 3:40:06 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

My Master is not just intelligent, He is wise. He is not less intelligent when He says I am beautiful.

I don't worry about body parts. I mean it makes no sense to me at all. I have never been beautiful based on body parts. In the end the worm eats it all anyway. I am beautiful just because. Not for any body part. When you get old you realize that every moment spent in negative self-talk is a moment squandered.

Who controls my body image? Why have a body image to control?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 16

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/26/2010 3:54:02 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Oh - I love this answer!

and i have a big butt and big other bits and my Sir loves that about me. And i feel beautiful when he smiles at me when i ma au natural.
How can i not feel beautiful when the man i love shows his love.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 17

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/26/2010 6:58:07 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

He's very encouraging when I fuss about my body and says he likes it as is but if I feel like improving certain areas he's all for it

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Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 18

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/26/2010 8:12:39 AM

favesclava

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

He controls it. He has made see my beauty.He shows other girls theirs. we are not allowed to see ourselves as flawed. we dont see our flaws. thats why i can disrobe in a roomful of people and not feel embarrassed. i feel proud to show off what's His.

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weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to VirginPotty)

Post #: 19

RE: For the owned subs...a body image question - 4/26/2010 9:42:21 AM

Wolf2Bear

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Joined: 9/6/2009
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and sounds like to me that your sir is trying to show you through his words that he finds you beautiful and attractive; he did choose you to be his, right? Funny thing is the flaws we see in ourself are often what attarcts a partner. My guess is he isn't lying or simply trying to may you feel better but honestly stating his true feelings when he says loves you for you.

edited to add: Yes I was in a Master/slave relationship and he who owned me did assume authority over my body image issues and what I wrote is exactly what he told me. When I agreed to be his slave, I had agreed that he would be taking complete authority of all aspects of my life - including modifying my own thought processes that he deemed negative or inappropriate. The one thing he would not tolerate was me thinking of myself as being nothing special.

< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 4/26/2010 9:46:12 AM >

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 20

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