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InvisibleBlack -> RE: People freak when you tell them looks matter (4/25/2010 8:30:32 PM)
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Good heavens! It's another one of these threads. After the last one, I spent some time ruminating about physical attraction and relationships and I think I may actually have some useful insights.
In my experience, aside from the most short-term of casual encounters, attraction to appearance isn't a sliding scale where the more attractive someone is the greater is the appeal of going out with them. It's much more a single clear line. Someone is either attractive enough to go out with or they are not. It's kind of like the boiling point. Either the water is boiling or it is not. After that, it doesn't matter how high you turn the temperature - the water is still boiling. Where that line of "adequately pretty" is obviously varies from man to man, but once a woman's appearance is above it - looks don't matter.
So, to the guy looking for romance and adventure - either a woman is attractive enough to go out with or she is not. If she is not, then she falls out of the equation and the rest doesn't matter. If she is, then a second set of criteria come into play, which involve things like chemistry, mutual outlook, compatibility of personality, attitude and the like. This second set is on a sliding scale and so if one prospective girlfriend matches these requirements to a higher degree than the rest (assuming all are "attractive enough" to pass the first hurdle) she will win out.
What I'm saying that the "acceptable pretty" girl who is loaded with wit, charm, charisma and is honestly into everything that Bachelor #1 is will win out over the "gorgeous" girl who has a personality like a brillo pad and a mind like a dead possum.
In my experience, again, there are three exceptions to this:
1) If the goal is simply "who am I going to fuck tonight and dump tomorrow" - then the only criteria that are pertinent to most men are appearance and sex appeal.
2) Everyone has a certain phenotype that (due to their own personal background, history, upbrining or id) they find wildly and compellingly attractive, despite the fact that they are consciously aware that this particular person's appearance would normally be considered below their "attractive enough" bar. Some men fight this attraction, some embrace it. What this means, however, is that no matter how you look, there is someone out there who will find you madly and exotically attractive and will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.
3) The very young and very inexperienced often equate appearance with other good traits such as compatibility, integrity and the like. They will frequently pursue someone whom they know absolutely nothing else about based solely on looks and disregard all other factors which might make the "hot girl" less appealing. This is the form many high school crushes take. Typically after a few encounters, the realization dawns that if you want to be spending any significant amount of time with someone, they have to have a lot more to them than a "pretty face". A very small percentage of the male population never outgrows this stage, however, and maintains a never-ending string of "hot girlfriends" all of whom last an amazingly short time in a relationship and all of those relationships are tumultuous and end badly.
To summarize - being amazingly hot is not more advantageous to obtaining a good long-term relationship than being "adequately pretty" is and in some cases it may be disadvantageous.
quote:
ORIGINAL: JessicaSavage
Even if I believed for a moment that you wouldn't really be drooling all over Me if I gave you the time of day in a club I still wouldn't be offended.
The inability to accept the fact that there may be someone on the planet who finds you unattractive is not a sign of strength - it's indicitive of a fear so powerful its very thought has to be rejected. Let it go. What do you care if Panda wouldn't date you? Why do you feel that your appearance is such an asset that it so outranks every other aspect of who you are?
There are scads of gorgeous women I turn down because I find them vapid and insipid. There's a second group I turn down because they don't have enough in common with me that I enjoy their company. Looks aren't enough to seal the deal - not with anyone of quality.
As regards the OP - no one wants to be told they're ugly. That's a no-brainer. Of course, they take offense. But I suspect that wasn't the real purpose of starting this thread - that was just the excuse to break the ice.
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