What should I do now...

What should I do now... (Full Version)

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[Poll]

get several stiff drinks?

30% (4)

blow my happy place up?

0% (0)

Bite my tongue until it bleeds?

0% (0)

borrow Wulfieis shackles?

15% (2)

bury my head in the sand?

0% (0)

order 2 pizzas and fuck up my diet?

0% (0)

call a p-doc because I am really pissed off?

30% (4)

just hang my head in shame?

15% (2)

get me a new daughter?

7% (1)

Total Votes : 13

(last vote on : 4/26/2010 7:48:54 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

ShaharThorne -> What should I do now... (4/26/2010 11:33:14 AM)
Lizard has really done it this time. She keep telling me that everything is fine in school. Mom just read me her report card and again, she is passing only Latin and Music. Why ITH is she lying to me? I cannot be here 24/7 because my treatment is back home. I have to watch the household when Mom goes to Florida and Arkansas in May. Also, she is missing too many classes. She has so many absents I am just hanging on a thread here. I am not allowed to get her to a p-doc. She needs one really badly. Bo does not give a damn and blames it on the teachers. I have to deal with the school yet he is the one who has membership with the PTA (and he raises hell with them). She has to take summer school, 2 semesters, for algebra. The total price is $235. I am having a wee MI due to this. She has failed her freshman year and has to repeat it. Someone just get me amaretto on ice...make that a triple..

mnottertail -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 11:42:07 AM)
You need to see about starting paperwork for special needs assessment, talk to the school social worker or whatever they call them. Go to the principal and have him have all the teachers email you weekly with homework assignments. Buckle in with the kid and don't budge, you need to say to the kid, no---you made the decision to not do this, so that forces me to make the decision to (or to not) action consequence.

dreamofthemoon -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 11:47:10 AM)
Hi, Shahar, i'm confused. You're not allowed to get her to a p-doc? So, if you can't, could your Mom? [image]local://upfiles/387536/5E98097407AE44D8BB026C36640371CE.jpg[/image] Edit: Yes, lol, what Ron said.

Phoenixpower -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 11:55:30 AM)
Remove her computer games when necessary [8\|] when I was a bit lacking of school my sports coach stepped in and refused to take me along to my favourite sport sessions on wednesdays except once a month...I could rebell how much I wanted he did not take me along to it (at that time I exercised 3-5 evenings a week but wednesday was by far my favourite session and due to the distance I was dependent on him and I knew it would not be pretty if I would dare to go the journey by train on any of the other weeks by myself where he did not take me along, apart from that it wouldn't have been easy anyway by train) except once a month until my grades improved....that was enough to get my ass up to think serious about what I want to achieve with school...

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:00:17 PM)
You need to step up to the plate & act like her mother. My daughter did a similar thing right before her high school graduation. I took charge & told her that she would raise her grades & she did & graduated with her class. Tell her that she is going to do chores & earn the money for summer school. Bo is an idiot for blaming his daughter's bad behavior on the authority figures. You need to stop running & hiding whenever there is an issue with her. You can't help her by neglecting your job as her mother.

WolfeTone -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:02:46 PM)
Sorry to hear all of that. My parents would have just knocked me sensless lol. What is a p-doc if you don't mind me asking? Here, maybe these will help. Healthy for you too. [image]local://upfiles/988800/F0F8911E78B341E2A3101EB22A5CD760.jpg[/image]

ShaharThorne -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:03:43 PM)
I live with her and it is 326 miles away in NE TX. I always make it a point to visit Lizard about every month, with May being the exception. I tried to have her looked at 2 times and both times, Bo comes in with custody paperwork. He does not like doctors of any kind and is not letting her get the booster shots (claiming the mercury can hurt her). Lizard is begging for help and Bo thinks it is just a phrase (apparently her cutting herself is not a sign of a troubled teen to him). I learned a few tricks from the p-docs and have her on Bendryal to calm her down. Bo thinks it is just to keep the allergies at bay. I also have the school counselor keeping a eye on her. I take that stiff drink now...she just took her pill and is listening to Queen. (bleeding situation)

FelineFae -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:04:09 PM)
How about those little chocolate bottle with liquor in them ?

ShaharThorne -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:08:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WolfeTone Sorry to hear all of that. My parents would have just knocked me sensless lol. What is a p-doc if you don't mind me asking? Here, maybe these will help. Healthy for you too. A p-doc is a psychiatrist. I have trouble spelling and it is an accepted abbr. for patients who suffer from mental illness. I just used spellcheck that firefox has for posting.

dreamofthemoon -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:12:39 PM)
i think Lin's right, Shahar. You need to step in/up and be her mother. Besides, earning her own money for summer school can give Lizard something to focus on other than cutting herself.

WolfeTone -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:16:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne quote: ORIGINAL: WolfeTone Sorry to hear all of that. My parents would have just knocked me sensless lol. What is a p-doc if you don't mind me asking? Here, maybe these will help. Healthy for you too. A p-doc is a psychiatrist. I have trouble spelling and it is an accepted abbr. for patients who suffer from mental illness. I just used spellcheck that firefox has for posting. I'm sorry love, I had just never seen that abbreviation before. I'm sorry that you might have to take your daughter to one.

Phoenixpower -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:19:15 PM)
[sm=writing.gif] shoppinglist: Bendryal...gosh that sounds awesome for me [:)] Well, if she is asking for help...why don't you and her then get together to get her help? Then Bo can wave his custody papers as much as he wants, when she wants help herself...

DesFIP -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:35:15 PM)
Only the parent of custody can ask the school to do special needs testing. And Bo won't. But the court who appointed him parent of custody can overrule him. Call the family court, ask to speak to a child advocate. Explain about all of this, that he refuses basic health care. That he has refused the school's suggestion of testing, that he is ignoring cutting and self harm. Ask them to step in and mandate this. Bo won't be happy with you and you may not be welcome to stay with him anymore. But your daughter's life depends on this. Alternately suggest she take summer school with you and Mom. You will need to register her in your county as a student. Once she is, then you are parent of custody and you can ask your school system to test her. Get soc sec card, birth certificates and copies of this years report cards plus health test within last year from either the school or the doctor. And keep her there on proper treatment or send results to her school if she returns there in fall. And WolfeTone, there is no reason to be sorry that a child needs psychological help any more than there would be a reason to be sorry that they needed glasses. This is a basic neurobiological problem with genetic involvement, just like you might be nearsighted having inherited that from your parents.

WolfeTone -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:42:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP O And WolfeTone, there is no reason to be sorry that a child needs psychological help any more than there would be a reason to be sorry that they needed glasses. This is a basic neurobiological problem with genetic involvement, just like you might be nearsighted having inherited that from your parents. Actually, I am nearsighted, very much so, and I did inherit it from my parents. I said sorry as I'm certain no parent would wish that for their child. My parents didn't want me to have glasses, and I certainly don't want to give it to my kids.

soul2share -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 12:59:07 PM)
I agree with Celeste....the child needs MEDICAL/PSYCOLOGICAL help, if Bo isn't getting it for here, then you need to work with the court system to get it for her. Just because he has custody papers does not mean that he can overrule any decisions you make seperately from him. Make him go to court and explain why he is failing to provide for Lizard's well-being. And it's even better if you can provide proof that there is a medical history for mental health issues.....not nutsy-cuckoo, but rahter depression or ADD. And I've seen courts force the custodial parent to get immunizations and other needs seen to, regardless of what the custodial parent says. All that agreement means is that she stays with him primarily, it doesn't give him free rein to do what he wants. And keep working the school system....you do have the right to ask them to do whatever testing she needs as far as her educational issues go. My son lived with his dad, yet all I had to do was contact the school, and they gave me whatever I needed. (I had given the school a copy of our decree.....that way they knew it was his mother they were dealing with.) And I know that you have been trying to deal with this issue for quite some time, so it's not about you stepping up as a parent. If the school won't help you, look into other systems that may be available. I don't know what's there, but the child advocate that Celeste spoke about might be a good place to start. Good luck, hun.....

pahunkboy -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 1:02:03 PM)
It sounds like she needs a tutor. Tho, it may actually help to hold the kid back a year. Algebra builds on each lesson- so to fall behind- it harder to catch up.

ShaharThorne -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 1:03:08 PM)
Believe me, she does want treatment. If I try it during the school week, she is all for it, but if it is the weekend, she does not want to do it. I do try talking with her but if I bring up the situation with her failing school, she gets defensive with everyone. She has been suspended for cussing in front of her math teacher. She was also suspended for a fight that she says the other party started (transfer student, sent back to her original school. I know there is something there that she is refusing to talk about. She claims that no one has touched her in that way. When I had the molesting happen to me, I failed school. I did have to repeat 9th grade English because I was passing everything else (Geezz...put me into an AP english, there would be some other students as well.) I just took everything in stride and made honor the next yet without my parents harping on me. Lizard loves her Latin and Orchestra. She could be first chair if she just learn that no pass, no play does affect everyone. If I try to take away any privileges, Bo would just give everything back to her (he did back me up when she wanted to take her minibook to NYC) . His way of thinking that giving her these things can prove his love to her. I am the 'bad' parent for wanting to be sure that she passes school. I am really thinking of not going to Dallas for the A-Kon on the first weekend of June (anime convention). I will discuss this with Bo and see what he says (it will save him a lot of money). I can cancel my reservations at the hotel. This trip to NYC was a stretch for all of us. I am calling the counselor in a few minutes. TAKS starts tomorrow morning. Maybe she can pass it (I hope).

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 1:16:32 PM)
I may have sounded harsh in my previous post. But I had looked at your poll choices & nowhere in there was a responsible parent choice. What you just said is the first thing I've read where you are actually taking some action steps to try to solve the problem. Good luck & don't give up or run & hide. It truly will simply make the situation worse. And remember, you are the parent, not Lizard. ETA: Treatment is very scary!! It means talking about things that we'd rather not talk about. It means coming face to face with our demons. It means change & change can be really scary. If she's going for it during the week, build on that.

pahunkboy -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 1:36:06 PM)
What does she like to learn?

Daddysredhead -> RE: What should I do now... (4/26/2010 1:50:38 PM)
My Thing 1 was (and still can be at times) a real pain in the ass about getting treatment for his mood disorder. His dad was a bigger pain in the ass, until he went to stay with him for 2 weeks without meds. School problems, social problems, family problems, etc. went through the roof. Once my ex realized that it wasn't just me "trying to make the kid crazy," he was on board with me. As a team now, we make sure that things are followed in a certain way. Meds are taken, appointments are kept, even if all Thing 1 does is roll his eyes in the meeting. Kids are not the ones with the responsibility for their own care, the parents are. As others have said, the court system and the schools are ready to help parents who make the problem known. If they don't know, they can't help. As to your daughter not wanting to go to treatment on the weekend, so what? Yes, she'll gripe and bitch and moan if that's the only time available, and be a pain in the butt. Ok, so? She's not the grown up, she doesn't get to make the decisions. The family courts do not see withholding medical or psychological care as being responsible, regardless of who has primary legal or physical custody. If necessary, they will step in and decide that the child isn't being properly managed and will order that all parties be evaluated in the best interest of the child, and then decide where she should be placed for proper care and treatment. Not saying anything to Bo, or to the courts about Bo, or about the care she needs will only come back and haunt you later, because it will look like you are condoning his bad parenting. Just sayin... and I wish you all the luck in the world. And like Ron said, talk to the school about getting an IEP (individualized education plan) test done to help ensure that her schooling is not adversely affected.

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