RE: Looking for advice, experience in long distance relationships

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RE: Looking for advice, experience in long distance rel... - 6/19/2010 9:46:54 AM

PrettyJewel

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/18/2010
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Awkward first meeting! That was me and my L/d last week when we finally met in real time. Our play was very, very good, but when it came to just hanging out there were long pauses/moments of silence in getting to know each other. Online and on the phone, we had a good rapport, but in-person is was so... as you said... awkward!

I committed to putting a big red circle on my calendar some time ago, and it took a lot of struggle and scrambling to make it happen. But we did it... we got together... and now the distance (West Coast, East Coast) seems especially excruciating. I wish you the best of luck... just try to make that first meet happen and take it from there.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

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RE: Looking for advice, experience in long distance rel... - 6/19/2010 11:31:42 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: forevrownd

Back story:

I met this person several years ago, we hit it off immediately. He opened my eyes to everything I have always wanted. We live quite far away from each other and over the years it has been on and off between the two of us. But when ever we have fallen out of touch, inevitably he or I make contact again.

This is going to sound harsh but the truth often does, especially when you don't want to hear it.

Long distance is fantasy. The best fantasy has lots of reality to it but it isn't real. You struggle with relationships as you have had a number of them in the several years since you met this guy. This guy is seems so perfect because he has never farted in bed, never turned to kiss you and had bad breath, you have never had to deal with him when his is in a shitty mood. He becomes "the perfect" guy who you compare your real world dates too and they fall short, thus perpetuating the cycle.

Meet the guy, first meetings rarely go as well as the phone stuff because you are now seeing them for real and the real life stuff gets in the way. A bit of time and perspective helps, a lot of time and a bunch of perspective helps even more.

If you are serious, people find ways.

(in reply to forevrownd)

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RE: Looking for advice, experience in long distance rel... - 6/19/2010 6:02:21 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I do agree that LDR's can be difficult and may even unrealistic if you haven't met. However, the assumption that they are easier because you can avoid each other during your bad moments ignores the fact that there are so many positive things about relationships that you don't get the benefit of in an LDR I think there's a balance.

In any event, I wouldn't presume to tell someone how to keep an online only relationship alive. I think they have a shelf-life regardless of the best intentions otherwise. Life happens. An LDR with an online component is different. Do whatever you can to have as much contact with each other, phone, IM, text, cam, letters, pics...whatever.

It is definitely possible, although I do agree, it is difficult.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to forevrownd)

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RE: Looking for advice, experience in long distance rel... - 6/19/2010 10:40:23 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: forevrownd

Back story:

I met this person several years ago, we hit it off immediately. He opened my eyes to everything I have always wanted. We live quite far away from each other and over the years it has been on and off between the two of us. But when ever we have fallen out of touch, inevitably he or I make contact again.

I call bull shit. You have had several years to hook up and have not for The "reasons" dont matter. What matters is the fact that you haven't. That's a should be a pretty big CLUE. So spare me the drama.

If I was that connected to someone it would not take me "several years" to see if that online connection was real or not!

BadOne

I gotta say. I think the Bum is right here. People spend time, energy, and money on the things that are important to them. Maybe you are the exception, but I keep thinking of the book He's Just Not That Into You. Maybe the reality is that you aren't into him? It seems that he was a mentor for you. Mentoring is just as respectable a relationship status as M/s, D/s, whatever. He opened your eyes. Nothing says you can't just be grateful for that. If you all are not making things happen, not creating the ability to get together, that says a whole lot about your emotional investment in this relationship.

I have been involved in LDRs... of all stripes - friends, lovers, family. And they require A LOT of work on both people's part. When I met Signore Wonderful, we exchanged about 3 emails moved right to chatting, skype and then he flew me to Rome within a few weeks so we could meet. It was not something we planned, I wasn't looking for a European, he certainly wasn't looking for an American, but staying away was just not an option... because we were INTO each other.

As a person who lives very far from almost every important person in my life, let met tell you. If it's important, they do it. You do it. You MAKE it happen. I know who in my family loves me by what's in my mailbox, my facebook account, the packages I receive, who has downloaded skype. I know who loves me the most by who visits me or makes sure to come see me when I'm in the States. There truly is nothing that can stop us from one way or the other meeting if we care for each other.

Your question is about how to maintain the excitement - you can't. You either maintain the relationship and the excitement happens or you have other things that are more important.

Not all relationships are meant to be more than they are. Is this one?

best,
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to SailingBum)

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Post #: 24