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Just SEX - 4/30/2010 5:52:54 AM   
TomCypress


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/16/2010
Status: offline 		I need to ask this question is BDSM just sex! Ii hold the view point that BSDM goes beyond sex


NOT looking to be flamed just want to know your opinion




Proud Switch

It's only kinky the first time
If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 5:59:50 AM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		It's whatever the people who are doing it together decide it is.

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 6:10:19 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There's a strong industry of scammers and spammers that thrive off the men who believe that D/s is nothing more than kinky sex.  So there are a lot of folks who believe that way.  That said, I'm not one of them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to afkarr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 6:11:42 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i believe for a few people it isnt about sex at all.  after the play, they achieve such a level of release that sex becomes unneccessary.

in some relationships ive had, sex almost comes second to play or at least its just another thing to do together with nothing like the same emphasis as in vanilla where sex is the main event and kink if done at all is part of the foreplay.

ive had sex with no bdsm, ive had bdsm with no sex but i havent often had sex and bdsm together and by that i mean penetrative sex.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to afkarr)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 6:31:47 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If sex happens it can be jolly great and intense. However I rarely combine the two preferring to reserve my BDSM play time for fun things like lots of bondage (Rope and Chain) and copious amounts of needle play along with a judicious amount of using a crop or two, canes and multiple floggers. But then I may also have a slave who is simply a service slave with no kink at all either way it is all good.  

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 6:47:13 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Some people are in this for the sex only. I do think most people get interested in this because of sex. If it grows to more, great. If they're happy keeping this as bedroom kink only, also great.

There is no should here. It's whatever enhances both of your lives.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 7:08:08 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		For me, its a way of life...not a lifestyle to engage in when I am in the mood. People use the word "play" a lot. I don't see any of the activities I engage in as play unless it is a game of monopoly etc...The activities I engage in are part of my way of life. A slave is 24/7 whether he is with me or not. He does not cease being my slave just because he is at work, he just wears a different hat. Therefore, it is not all about sex in my world..actually sex plays a very small part....but then again sex to one person might be something else to someone else. Its all about how you define what sex is to you.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 7:46:49 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		If there isn't sex..... I just lost interest.

It may not be JUST about the sex.... But it IS about the sex. (imho)

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 7:49:11 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Its all about the sex ( imho)

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 8:03:13 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I use BDSM for a variety of reasons. Sex is just the fun one.

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 8:17:10 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Carol and I are odd ducks I think in that we don't do either SM or BD. For us, it's pretty much just the DS part and that has nothing to do with sex for us.

In general, I think you're going to find answers all across the board here. One thing I've learned in all my delvings into this is that human relationships are unique and varied.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 11:21:49 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
People are into it for all sorts of reasons but, for me it's not just about the sex, although bdsm does definitely get me hot & i want sex too. i'm an all-the-time submissive rather than a bedroom submissive, the whole package is very fulfilling for me. The sex is much more exciting with bdsm thrown into the mix but, when i belong to a Dom, i'm submissive to Him all the time, not just during sex. i also love the D/s and bondage aspects of it.

~sweetsub~



< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 4/30/2010 11:28:26 AM >

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 2:14:31 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TomCypress

I need to ask this question is BDSM just sex! Ii hold the view point that BSDM goes beyond sex

In a physical sense, a vanilla relationship is just about sex - which can still include toys and props etc.

While a BDSM relationship can fulfill sexual needs, too, I'd soon tire of a sub who was only motivated by sexual needs. I mean, where's the "sex" in having her groom, dress (or not) and present herself according to *MY* rules or whim? Where's the "sex" in having her obey a raft of *MY* everyday rules and guidelines and accepting the consequences for failing to do so?

Sex is a primal need that motivates most people to fulfill. But control and domination of one's partner is primal, too, but only in a relatively small percentage of the population. And for those of us who have that need without being abusive or criminal, we're driven to find complementing submissive partners. And yeah, the biology of our choices says we can still have sex together. It's just that actual sex is a smaller part of what really drives our greater intimate/primal desires.

When I'm between relationships, the hottest sexual words I miss hearing most are "yes Sir!" and "no Sir!" - and the sincerity of action to match. And it just ain't the same hearing it from the local shop assistant because it isn't primal coming from her....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 2:32:48 PM   
blueeyedbbwsub


Posts: 435
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline 		OP,

To some who want nothing but kinky sex, then yes it's all about the sex. If they want to keep it in the bedroom only, then again, it's all about the sex.

As a submissive it's so much more to me. I like to look after the one who has chosen me in all aspects of life. The D/s side is so fulfilling and sex is an added bonus. It's not the be-all, end-all, it's a *perk* that just adds another dimension to what should be the ultimate relationship.

_____________________________

fuzzballed goondorker

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 3:20:31 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For me it includes sex because bdsm is part of a long term committed loving relationship for me. But it isn't all about sex. Sex and bdsm are just parts of my relationship with the man I love.

(in reply to blueeyedbbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 4:02:54 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TomCypress

I need to ask this question is BDSM just sex! Ii hold the view point that BSDM goes beyond sex


NOT looking to be flamed just want to know your opinion




Proud Switch

It's only kinky the first time
If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all.


Yes and No.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 4:36:10 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		It can be about just kinky sex for those who like it that way... Or it can encompass sex and everything else, for those like my slaveboy and I. Still others may not have any sexual component to their BDSM at all. That's why the acronym BDSM is in use: it is an umbrella term.

I much prefer the acronym WIITWD ("What It Is That We Do") because it is even a broader term, meant to represent everything across an even wider spectrum than "BDSM". To me, WIITWD is much more applicable to the dynamic I share with my slaveboy, than "BDSM".

If I were to come up with an acronym that was more specifically descriptive of what my boy and I are into, it'd be something like MACROSH: where M= Mutual (pleasure/fulfillment), Mind/body and Metal, A= Adoration, Attention, self-Actualization, Authenticity and Ambition, C= Control, Comfort, Center, and Chains, R= Restraint, Reciprocal Relationship (and self- Realization), O= Obedience, Opening, and Ownership, S= Service, Slavery and Surrender, and H= Humiliation.



_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 5:14:09 PM   
ShoreBound149


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		I have fucked without BDSM

I have never been engaged in BDSM and not shot a load.

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to TomCypress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 5:16:08 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShoreBound149

I have fucked without BDSM

I have never been engaged in BDSM and not shot a load.


Twue dat!

_____________________________



(in reply to ShoreBound149)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Just SEX - 4/30/2010 5:23:28 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

~Fast Reply~
People are into it for all sorts of reasons but, for me it's not just about the sex, although bdsm does definitely get me hot & i want sex too. i'm an all-the-time submissive rather than a bedroom submissive, the whole package is very fulfilling for me. The sex is much more exciting with bdsm thrown into the mix but, when i belong to a Dom, i'm submissive to Him all the time, not just during sex. i also love the D/s and bondage aspects of it.

~sweetsub~

i would like to add to my above post that it's part of a whole, loving relationship for me. If there's no loving relationship, it's just not gonna happen. Period.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 20
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