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Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 5:11:43 AM

subjan1962

Posts: 52
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

i have been with my Master for almost a year and am contracted and collared to him. We do not live together but he is only 30 mins away. He visits me regularly and often stays over when he allows me to sleep with him. my delema is, i have fallen deeply in love with him. i am not sure if this is a good thing or not.. He is a very kind Master but i have no desire to turn our s/D relationship into a vanilla one. i love to serve him and take his punnishment gracefully, He has once mentioned the L word and I know he does love me but i don't want being lovers to spoil the dynamic of a great s/D relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 5:14:09 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Why does love have to spoil a good D/s relationship? My husband is my slave, we are very much in love and still very much a D/s relationship. Unless you are worried about getting into the "I love her, I cant hurt her" camp, love shuldnt ruin things. And if you are worried about that then it is a little too late since you know he loves you as well already. Love is not exclusively a vanilla relationship trait.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to subjan1962)

Post #: 2

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 5:19:52 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You CAN have D/s and love at the same time. It's actually damn nice when things fall together like that.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 3

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 5:35:29 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

My true submission doesn't come without love. My Master will also be my partner, lover, best friend, confident...

I'm a greedy bitch... I want it all.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 5:46:00 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You CAN have D/s and love at the same time. It's actually damn nice when things fall together like that.

AGREED!!!

_____________________________

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GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 5:53:01 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

i do understand - i myself have a strong need to always be "slave", not "girlfriend" or "wife" - even though ultimately i will fill those roles as well. This is why i only talk with others who have the same need to Own a slave - no matter how much they may ultimately love her.

There are those that once they fall in love they let the D/s structure and the BDSM play fall by the wayside. The only way to prevent it is to talk, be honest and open about your needs, and he be honest and open about his. As others have said, it sounds like he has fallen in love as well, so this may not be an issue for the two of you.

Have you talked with him about this yet? Sharing your fears honestly and simply can be a powerful experience. And yes, the dynamic will change once you both recognize your love for each other - as love will become part of the dynamic - but hopefully it will be a happy and fulfilling change.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to subjan1962)

Post #: 6

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 6:38:51 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

My Master and I are deeply in love, and the D/s elements of our relationship have become more intense as our love has deepened. If he wants the same thing you do, I don't see any reason it can't work.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 7

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 6:44:35 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

Love never ruined anything.

(in reply to subjan1962)

Post #: 8

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 7:22:53 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjan1962
i have been with my Master for almost a year and am contracted and collared to him. We do not live together but he is only 30 mins away. He visits me regularly and often stays over when he allows me to sleep with him. my delema is, i have fallen deeply in love with him. i am not sure if this is a good thing or not.. He is a very kind Master but i have no desire to turn our s/D relationship into a vanilla one. i love to serve him and take his punnishment gracefully, He has once mentioned the L word and I know he does love me but i don't want being lovers to spoil the dynamic of a great s/D relationship.

Like a lot of others here, I see no particular reason why love shouldn't enhance and reinforce an authority dynamic. Yes, just as UniqueRaven said, if you add love into the mix it'll change... there'll now be love. But for most people, myself included, that is a good thing, not a bad thing. I sincerely doubt that the addition of love is the cause for loss in the dynamic. I would expect it's usually more related to laziness as the new relationship energy wears off.

Now, from the master's chair, I will say this. It is always more difficult to be the disciplinarian when you are emotionally bonded to the people you are leading. This is true at the work place as well as at home. There is a reason managers at work are advised to "not get too close to your team." When I was a more junior manager, people would say to me, "What are you going to do when you need to discipline or terminate some employee and they are your friend?" My answer to this was to just do that which needed to be done... painful or not to me. I would rather bear the emotional pain of the occasional firing of a friend than suffer the loss of the deeper leadership bonds available when you emotionally expose yourself. In short, it IS possible to do the discipline thing when you are bonded to the other person... it just hurts to do it. It's a real test of the leader's mettle. So? What sort of stuff is YOUR master made of?

Like others, I advise talking this through with your master. In the end, only you two can know which path is right for you. As much as it's incomprehensible to me, love isn't for everyone. Of course, it's worth pointing out that your fears are a day late and a dollar short. If you two already love each other, is it really possible for you to just stop it? God knows I couldn't.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to subjan1962)

Post #: 9

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 7:28:48 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I'm too cynical for my own good. *sigh.

Sorry for the interruption.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 5/1/2010 8:08:47 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 10

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 8:03:03 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

Love has enhanced our M/s dynamic, not taken away from it. Enjoy yourselves - life is short!!

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to subjan1962)

Post #: 11

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 8:15:01 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I'm too cynical for my own good. *sigh.

Sorry for the interruption.

come sit with me then, Sunny.. I'll make popcorn.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 12

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 8:16:59 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

If you both want the same thing then imo this is a very good thing.

We love each other in our relationship and imo it gets better every single day.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 13

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 8:20:14 AM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

I think this is just the most wonderful turn of events! Don't be afraid of love. Just don't forget your place and all will be fine.

(in reply to subjan1962)

Post #: 14

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 8:22:06 AM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Love doesn't mean your Master has to go all soft and mushy on you! In fact, there's something decidedly twisted and deliciously evil when he says "i love you" while caning me hard. I find that I will endure more because of my love for him. I want to feel worthy of his love. We didn't say those words right away, but when we did, I think we turned a corner to something more intense and meaningful.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 8:33:03 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Everyone already covered the "love" aspect (how it's a good thing) ...

However ...

If your thrill is the exhilarating game of the playfulness of it all ... if there's a bit of taboo involved ... if the abstraction is what excites you ... if there are niggling complications (ex wives, live-in situations, etc.) ancillary to your play here ... etc. --- then unexpectedly falling in love might impair those sensations and real-world complications.

May I intrude to ask, bluntly perhaps, if you fuck him? The reason I ask is not of voyeuristic curiosity --- I ask because, as Desmond Morris taught me ... the mere act of "making love", for men at least, makes them "fall in love". Yes. you truly "make" "love", at least for men (according to Dr. Morris' books).

I don't have enough data to propose a hypothesis - but I will anyway! :) ...

I hypothesize you were "playing" before and the variety and newness and endorphic feelings were absolutely wonderful ... but now ... over time ... especially if you've been copulating ... one or more of the two of you is changing the dynamic by "falling in love" (purely by the act of "making love") ... and that's just not the same as playtime. It's more serious. More responsibility. Less play.

Am I on the right track?

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 16

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 9:10:43 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Personally I have never fathomed being able to submit to someone who I don't love and who doesn't love me. I know that works for some people but it doesn't for us. We need the added intimacy of love to enhance an already full relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 17

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 12:36:47 PM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

Are you talking about love or the day to day grind of living with each other? For example. Now you can prepare when he comes over. It;s always exciting, because you both look your best, etc. When you live together. He sees you on your good days and your bad. When your hair is mess and your breath is bad and him too. Bills to be paid, grocery shopping, etc.

Are you afraid that if you move in together that those things will take away the magic and the excitement you feel now? if so, then tha's very understandable.

What is not understandable is that there are millions of people who would give anything to find love and can't. You should count your lucky stars that you have what you have.

i have been with my Owner since 1977, we married in 1978. We have three children and there's nothing in this world that has not been thrown at us. We survived them not only because of our love for each other, but our committment to each other and our committment to our D/s.

There is more than one aspect to a relationship then just one thing. You need all parts to be a whole.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 12:46:01 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

For me, its having the D/s without the love that is hard to do.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 19

RE: Deeply in Love with Master - 5/1/2010 1:03:47 PM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Love is a wonderful thing :)

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

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