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gone to ground - 5/1/2010 6:51:07 PM   
rto75


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Hey all, would like to get your 2 cents here.  I had recently met a great girl on CM.  Our interests lined up pretty much perfect and I was very close to giving her a collar, something she also wanted.  Would have been a mix of vanilla and bdsm. 

One night after quite literally thanking me for her rules and obedience training, telling me how lucky and happy she was, she just dropped off.  Days go by with no contact.  With all that we shared I have a very hard time believing she was faking everything.  I suppose it is worth mentioning that this sort of happened very close to the night I planned to meet up and verbally agree to the collar.    She was forced to reschedule due to work. 

She had very little experience coming into all this, but took to it instantly and eagerly.  Is it common for a new and inexperienced sub/slave to get a little freaked out and take a step back?  I have left a message outlining my disappointment and letting her know that after an appropriate punishment she still has a place with me, but I'm not interested in pushing her any harder if she got spooked... or chasing her for that matter (compatibility notwithstanding). 

I have met a lot of flaky women, but never anyone that has done so this far in.  Anyone have some insight from your own experiences?  I can tell you that I did check up on her just a little and she isn't hurt or otherwise unable to re-establish with me. 


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 6:54:09 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		i'm assuming you two never met in person?

There are a lot of women on this site that do not have authentic photos of themselves on their profile, i.e. in reality they are very overweight or some such other difference.  When it comes time to meet in person, they often simply disappear because they will be found out.  i have male friends who have experienced this repeatedly - unfortunately.

That, or she has some other personal circumstance that means that she just wants to play online, and can't make it real, no matter what she may have said otherwise.

i do get overwhelmed as a slave, and am capable of hiding, but would not just disconnect from someone - that generally means something else entirely.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 7:02:10 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Consider yourself baptized, I think it happens to almost all of us at one time or another.  A LOT of people play online and then do what we call *poof* when it comes time to walk the walk.  It's VERY common, don't take it personally.  She's probably married or attached in some way, just having a little fun, or, it might not even be a "she".  In the future, when you meet someone who is perfect for you, everything seems magical and wonderful and too good to be true....slow down and put your guard back on. 

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 7:03:23 PM   
rto75


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		We had not met in person, but I know the pics were legit.  Thanks, definitely appreciate the feedback. Nice to know it is common lol.  


< Message edited by rto75 -- 5/1/2010 7:04:50 PM >

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 7:05:38 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		It may not have been the pics - as i mentioned some other circumstance (like windchymes said, quite possibly married or something else).

Unfortunately lots of people are very good liars, especially when acting out a fantasy. 



_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 7:08:40 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		How do you know? She could have used someone else's pics. Next time don't overinvest like that. Once you find each other congenial, meet for coffee. Just coffee, nothing else.

As to whether she is actually a he or just got scared, does it matter? You've learned that going from never having met to collar on first sight is a bad thing.

So next time don't do that. Don't get everyone hyped up to a point where they're afraid to meet. Going for coffee early on is a low stress way to do it. And when it comes to meeting someone online, especially if you have no experience, low stress is better.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 7:36:27 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I learned my lesson on vanilla sites getting all worked up about someone online and then finding out they weren't all that. You never see it coming. I've learned to get to a real life meeting as soon as possible to save myself from overinvesting. I think that online the tendency is to get to know someone intimately too quickly and it leads to deeper feelings than you should have at the preliminary stages.

She could have a lot of reasons why she didn't follow through on things with you, possibly she really wanted to but couldn't when it came to crunch time. Unfortunately it hurts and it happens. You were lucky to find out now, the alternative is you could have met and she'd have been wonderful and 6 months down the line you'd have finally found out that she was married, or whatever. It sucks but it's good you found out now without being strung along any further.

(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 7:53:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Next time why don't you stop with all the online playing and just get to know each other and meet in person first and even then...gain a relationship first before jumping in head first. It usually works better that way..unless all you're seeking is some play and casuality.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 8:01:40 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You never met in person.  That's it right there.

She freaked out because it was about to become real.  It was getting to the pint where she was going to have to meet you.  It could be that she's married, or that she sent you pics that were from before her gaining 120 lbs, or because she suddenly realized that her parents would never approve... any of a multitude of reasons.

My sympathies.  I've been there too.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 8:13:05 PM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		want to meet for coffee steven? let's meet halfway. say... hawaii?

not always possible to meet when interest is piqued. not investing is hard, but hurts less in the longrun if things go bad.

_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 8:31:22 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		You never met her.  Consider it experience. 

Does it really matter why she disappeared?  She could have been a he.  She could be married.  She could have been doing it for the role play.  She could be someone who gets kicks out of faking a life that she can only dream of having.  Maybe her own life is sad, so she pretends online.

Next time you don't get emotionally involved until you have talked on phone and met for real.  When you have a real name, a real address, a real face with real expressions across the table from you, then you can figure that you might be starting a relationship. 



(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: gone to ground - 5/1/2010 8:42:06 PM   
tigreetsa


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/30/2010
From: SW London
Status: offline 		There's hundreds of thousands of people on this site. You're looking for just one woman.

That woman is the one who is prepared to meet you, get to know you, and develop a relationship with you.

The rest don't figure. Why do they not follow through? You can ask them, but you'll get a different answer or excuse even every time. People are individuals. Therefore asking why isn't really that relevant unless you have some sort of a connection or relationship with them.

Don't worry about them. They'll figure it out in their own time.


_____________________________

'There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I we've been through that
And that is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.'
All Along The Watchtower (Bob Dylan)

(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 1:17:35 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

want to meet for coffee steven? let's meet halfway. say... hawaii?

not always possible to meet when interest is piqued. not investing is hard, but hurts less in the longrun if things go bad.


If you are meeting in Hawai'i, I could seriously do that. Wanna have a 3 way?


*ohhh to the OP: Reality bites.

I've had a number of on line relationships - generally they are friendships that have then moved into phone calls and eventual meeting (I've met over 60 people from this site). Making the move from online to true relationship (of any sort) means having people see the real you. Even something as simple as.... I have stunningly beautiful green eyes. And I send the best picture ever taken of me to people. However, today, right now. I need a haircut, I have bags under my eyes, and I'm sweating from my walk in the park today. Dang. I don't want y'all to see me! (see what I mean?)

Anyway, good luck. You seem like a pleasant enough bloke. You'll move on... a little wiser hopefully.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to KMsAngel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 2:45:27 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I had something simaler happen when I first signed up here. I met someone I instantly connected with, we went right to chat and then to phonecalls... There was no training or play, it was simply getting to know each other. The last time we spoke he was looking into flights to come over...then silence. I sent a couple of emails asking if he was alright, what had happened, was he married, had he found someone else... and about a week later received an email saying he had some issues to deal with and didn't want to make promises he wasn't sure he could keep but that he wasn't married nor was their anyone else.

Basicly a form of the old "it's not you, it's me"...as I wasn't expecting any promises, only a chance to meet and see if we had a connection.

It still bothers me, I spent weeks going over everything, trying to figure out what I had done or said wrong. Not that I would want to continue...but I would like an honest explanation of what happened, I'll never get that, so you just have to let it go and move on.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 4:46:07 AM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Let me just weigh in on the whole on line, cyber, ldr thing. These relationships fall, for the most part, into the fantasy spectrum of relationships. A person can be whomever they want to be. They can be skinny, attractive, wealthy, younger or older or unattached. It's also a part time thing so it dosen't interfere with your real life. When it gets all to real it starts to interfere with reality. A "slave" can't do as they please anymore and a Dominant can be found out to be a disgruntled spouse with less than a grand image. It's not fun when the fantasy is gone.

(in reply to rto75)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:01:05 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Heck - they may have just chickened out - i imagine it may be hard making the jump from fantasy to reality - especially since fantasy is so ... malliable. Fantasy always goes just the way you need it to be most fufilling , and real people aren't quite so intuitive as fantasy people. *le sigh*

(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:09:38 AM   
ThatDaveGuy69


Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Off-topic question:
How is it that some profiles who post here cannot be found when clicked on?
For example, I know I've seen SunshineMiss' profile before but when I click on it now it doesn't show up. And that is not the only one - it happens with opthers, too.
I know people can get into Chat without going through CM but how can you post to the Message Boards w/out a profile?
Seems weird...

We now return you to your regularly scheduled discussion.

~Dave

_____________________________

He said I'd blown a seal. I said fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of this!
What happens in the event horizon STAYS in the Event Horizon!
I have zero tolerance for Zero Tolerance

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:14:08 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		they have profiles, but they have selected the 'hide profile' option.

Cuts down on the troll mail...

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to ThatDaveGuy69)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:15:39 AM   
ThatDaveGuy69


Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		DOH!
Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that...
Thanks for reminding me :)

~Dave


_____________________________

He said I'd blown a seal. I said fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of this!
What happens in the event horizon STAYS in the Event Horizon!
I have zero tolerance for Zero Tolerance

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:17:59 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Some people, like myself, hide their profile.  When you edit your profile, there is an option (hide profile) available. 

(in reply to ThatDaveGuy69)
Profile   Post #: 20
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