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What do you do? - 5/2/2010 7:48:10 PM   
Will143kaitlin


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/30/2010
Status: offline 		I was talking tonight with my Boyfriend/soon to be Master (we are together, but im not owned yet, but i will be soon.) We talked about possible problems that could arise when i was owned. my friends seemed to be the biggest one that came up. My friends (all vanilla) get irritated when he calls and im on the phone when im with them. they will rush me off the phone or just constantly interrupt (not always meaning to) My friends also like to pop over unannounced, and "kidnap me" and take me with them and they very rarely take no for an answer. But when im owned, and he says i cant go out for whatever reason he may have, they arnt going to like that... i also cant just flat out say "because Master said no" when they ask why i cant go out or do whatever it is that day... Now to my question...
How do you deal with your vanilla friends when it comes to fallowing orders?
What do you tell them when your told you cant do something or go out that day/night?
Does fallowing orders ever cause problems between you and your friends or does anything with your friends ever cause problems with your Master?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What do you do? - 5/2/2010 7:55:45 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Ive never run into this problem. However I can tell you how I have dealt with the situation in the past.

A) to be my owner, you must understand that while you are very important You are not my world, meaning i will go out with my friends... i will not accept isolation.

b) to be my owner you must be my friend first, meaning your most likely already known by my group of friends....and understand my relationships with each.

c) to be my friend you must learn that im always going to be there when theres an emergency... however i might not always be around for "kidnapping and the like"

d) both my owner and my friends sat down and talked out what they didnt like about the other when it was an issue. I stepped out of being in the middle and let them hash it out between them and they came to a mutual agreement.

e) (a possible solution... try explaining to your nilla friends that your into bdsm... )

(in reply to Will143kaitlin)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What do you do? - 5/2/2010 8:04:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've run into it a few times where my friends get kinda pushy when I'm on the phone with Master and I'm with them but He usually cuts our conversations short so that i can spend time with my friends. I've also had friends who wanted me to go out on dates with someone they know or go to a singles party or something like that even though they know I'm seeing someone. I usually just strongly tell them again and again I just don't have any interest in going since I'm more than happy who I'm with and I wouldn't be much fun going along. They usually get a little upset but they get over it. I've had oher friends who didn't get over it though and excluded me as one of their friends which for me was just fine. It proved to me they weren't really a friend at all.

If your so called friends don't like that you have other priorities besides them now then imo they aren't friends to begin with.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What do you do? - 5/2/2010 8:08:32 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be with a man, vanilla, kinky, or otherwise, that wanted to restrict my social interaction. I will change priorities, schedules, reduce outings, etc because I choose to do so to allow more time to devote to a relationship. I will not lose friends over it, however, and I will never be told who and when I can see.

That's just me. Some subs dig the whole micromanaged thing.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What do you do? - 5/2/2010 8:09:24 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		when im spending time with my Mistress i focus on Her. i keep all interruptions short. when im away from my Mistress if i am unable to speak openly i will let Her know it. for me as i do not get to see my Mistress as often as E/either of U/us would like i try to keep outside things to a minimum so i can better focus on my Mistress

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What do you do? - 5/2/2010 8:20:46 PM   
sweetboundesire


Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		you are way way too young to get married. all these questions arise because you are only 18 years old! for the love of god, your friends are trying to save you. it's a mistake a total and complete mistake to get married at 18 regardless of the relationship dynamics you have. Just the basic questions you ask spells out your youthfulness. You are young, immature and ignorant and that is not fault of your own. It is the way everyone is at 18. You have much to learn, young grasshopper. Do you understand what legally binding yourself really means? I think not.

_____________________________

and every broken line seems to have a particular design~
and the universe can only expand.
gotta pocket full of dreams and cash in my hand.
and i know, money ain't real...

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What do you do? - 5/2/2010 9:24:55 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		I don't see any reference to the OP getting married at all, I see her talking about becoming owned, different entirely. I agree she's probably too young to decide he's the one and only always and forever; but young love has never listened to anyone or anything before, probably won't this time either. Some things just have to be learned by doing.

(in reply to sweetboundesire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 1:48:48 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Well... if you ask me, you need to make a choice, either submit to your Master or submit to your rude and inconsiderate friends. Vanilla is not an excuse for the absence of manners and basically, your friends do not treat you or your Master with respect. They suck, get new ones. and while you are out, find some damn self respect. Letting people shit on you like that is the first sign.



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Will143kaitlin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 2:01:12 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		First, I'm not usually the spelling police (especially since mine so often sucks) but the fallowing thing is killing me. I'm just feeling compelled to say something about that. Could be the steroids I'm on. They are making me kinda bitchy and I apologize.


If you really want to deter your BFF's from showing up uninvited, encourage your Master to walk around your place nude.

When on the phone with your Master and your friends are being rude and intruding, enjoy a rousing and vocal scene of phone sex.

When they ask you to go and you can't, tell them you'd love to but he has you all tied up and it would be a waste of good whip cream and chocolate.

In case you aren't connecting the dots.....it is called aversion therapy

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 2:04:42 AM   
twistedwillow


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Have to agree with RS here,
regardless of your relationship being D\s or 'nilla, the fact that they want you to go out and see other men is not a sign of respect towards you, your boyfriend, or your relationship.
A lot of the other posters have said, 'nobody is dictating to me what i do and who i see' and calling it isolationism, in regards to your Master saying if you may or may not go out.
But I didn't read it like that, it does not sound like he wants to isolate you from your friends, but being your Master he does have the right, imo, to say no you are not going out tonight, i want you here with me. That is not causing you to be isolated etc.

Your friends can still be your friends and hang out with you, but you are growing up and moving into adult life, and having a relationship is an adult thing to do, and D\s or 'nilla, you need to act like an adult and put your bf\Master as a priority.



_____________________________

Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? —Jules Feiffer
Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.



(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 3:50:55 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP:
My friends don't do the kind of nonsense your friends do. Why? None is that kind of person. I would not be friends with that kind of person. They behave that way because *you* allow them to. This does not mean that you become isolated or without friends. It means that you grow some boundaries and a backbone to maintain them.

I know it sounds harsh, but that's what becoming your own person is about. It would seem that you aren't ready for the kind of relationship that you are talking about. Nothing wrong with that. If you are in fact young (as it seems you are), then you'll figure it out. Remember, thsi is supposed to be pleasant, fun!

Best,
sunshine


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 4:08:48 AM   
loverly


Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		If your Master was your "Friend" first .. then isnt He by now your BEST FRIEND? and thusly wouldnt You wish to spend as much time as possiable with Him? with or without your other friends? IMO when we are in a relationship of this sort we are then done with the singles scene as there is no longer any reason..( unelss your Master enjoys watching you flirt) , or we include our "date" becuause we want Him there more than anything or more than any other person out there! This is about a strong connection and loving above all others! Your friends are rude and immature to be so clingy and judgementle.. and like everyone else says .. If they cannot accept that there will be a different order of things now ( or when ) you are collared.. then they are immature and not your friends for real. They should be happy you have someone in your life and let you be happy. Not encourage you to stray.... perhaps it is time to take a look at your thinking and feelings and decide where you are at . again, like others have said, part of the Growing process.
Good Luck!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 4:18:28 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		It is quite simple. When you have a boyfriend, he comes first. They dont have to know he is a Master, just that he is a priority. He has asked you not to go out a certain night then they can either accept that or they can shove off. Who is more important to you? Are you going to let your friends dictate who you can date for the rest of your life, so that they can selfishly keep all of your time they want and let you have the rest of your won time to date when they see fit? You need boundaries, and if your friends dont take no you need to MAKE them. Dont wait for your boyfriend to tell them you cant go out, sa it yourself sometimes and stick to it. They will resent him for the change, but if they are really friends they will get over it. You need to make your rules and stick to them, and if they dont like it start locking your door. If you dont let them in they cant take you anywhere, and if they take you against your wishes then it is time to start seriously reevaluating your friendships.

Being on the phone I can understand them getting snippy because it is considered rude to be with a group and spending your time on the phone with someone else. Your Master should have some consideration while you are out, providing you start making times when you are not. Otherwise, He is entitled to your time and if they insist on being around constantly then thye have to deal with him taking it while you are there.

Tell them coming by unnannounced is no longer an option now that you have a relationship. Tell them he comes first and you will let them know when you are free, which wont be all the time anymore. Time to grow up and stop acting like a child on break from school running out to play whenever the kids get out the football.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to loverly)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 4:58:59 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Regardless of the type of relationship, whether it's D/s or vanilla, the relationship with my partner comes before my friends and any real friend knows that. I also don't believe someone who would try to isolate me or play power games would be someone I would have as a partner.

It's up to you to set the ground rules with your friends just as it's up to you to understand and decide if the ground rules your Master sets are something you can live with before you acceot his collar.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to Will143kaitlin)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 6:29:03 AM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Will143kaitlin

I was talking tonight with my Boyfriend/soon to be Master (we are together, but im not owned yet, but i will be soon.) We talked about possible problems that could arise when i was owned. my friends seemed to be the biggest one that came up. My friends (all vanilla) get irritated when he calls and im on the phone when im with them. they will rush me off the phone or just constantly interrupt (not always meaning to) My friends also like to pop over unannounced, and "kidnap me" and take me with them and they very rarely take no for an answer. But when im owned, and he says i cant go out for whatever reason he may have, they arnt going to like that... i also cant just flat out say "because Master said no" when they ask why i cant go out or do whatever it is that day... Now to my question...
How do you deal with your vanilla friends when it comes to fallowing orders?
What do you tell them when your told you cant do something or go out that day/night?
Does fallowing orders ever cause problems between you and your friends or does anything with your friends ever cause problems with your Master?


I'm speaking here as a mother and a Domme who had a 19 year old female as a pet. You are 18 years old. He is 26. Although that is not a lot of difference in years it's a lot of difference in life expierence. What you and your friends are doing is just what teenaged girls do and I do not see it as a problem at all. My pet had lots of teenaged girl time away form me. It is important you have these life expierences as part of normal development. There is no reason he can not leave you alone when your with your friends or accept the very normal habit of teenagers just wandering in and out of each others homes. I am also VERY disturbed that he says you will be unable to go out with your friends at times. It's unhealthy to keep a young person in that way and I'm worried this can become less and issue of the lifestyle and more an issue of unhealthy control. If he is going to be a good Master he has to make allowences for your well being. From what I see here he is not doing that. It is also a fact 18 is far to young to commit to any relationship to this extent. At some point your going to feel resentment that your friends are all at the beach or mall or where ever and your sitting on the floor at his feet all day while he watches TV or only doing what he wants.

(in reply to Will143kaitlin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 6:48:00 AM   
BeIgnited


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline 		Hello OP,

I've had some experience dealing with a problem nearly the same as yours. Since you asked for personal experiences, I hope you can get something out of mine.

One of a few standing rules my D has for me is to ask him before I go out with friends. He doesn't tell me 'no' for no reason, and I think he's only ever told me not to go out once, when I had to get up early the next morning.

We both agreed that it was not necessary (and generally undesirable) to tell my friends about our relationship dynamic. So, I started running into trouble particularly when I was home from school. When I'm home for the summer and not working I generally have a lot of free time to go out and socialize, and my D is about 6 hours away in another state. As I saw it, there was no way to explain to my friends why I needed to check with him before I went out with them. This made doing things on the fly--say, I'm out to lunch with a friend and she asks if I want to go see a movie, I'm stuck waiting for a text message from him before I got the go ahead--very difficult. There would be only so many times I could make excuses for not giving them an immediate answer before they would think something strange was going on (and honestly, I didn't try as hard as I could have). When I did ask him, he generally wanted more information than I could give when plans were tentative.

We argued about it a number of times. He thought I was being deliberately disobedient, and I thought he wasn't giving me a way to deal with a problem his rules had created. Eventually, it came to a head, but we were able to reach a compromise. He agreed to relax a bit on the information he needed before he'd give me an answer and is generally ok with me making a good faith decision when I can't get in touch with him, and I've made a conscious effort to keep him more informed about where I want to go and what i want to do.




(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 8:05:23 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Regardless of the type of relationship, whether it's D/s or vanilla, the relationship with my partner comes before my friends and any real friend knows that. I also don't believe someone who would try to isolate me or play power games would be someone I would have as a partner.
Yup, that. With Carol and I, these sorts of conflicts are very short-lived because our priorities are clear. WE come first. The entire rest of the world gets considered after that. "Friends" who do not fit into that priority scheme are not friends.

That being said, I cannot imagine myself making a global command to the effect that she cannot socialize without my approval. I might say such a thing for a specific evening for with a specific person, but not generally. The "life" part of lifestyle is just too varied and complex to allow for such sweeping pronouncements to be wise. As BeIgnited said, I expect Carol to make a wide variety of decisions on her own in good faith... keeping in mind what I would want. That's not really an M/s expectation... in my mind it is a part of being in a relationship.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 9:20:12 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe ou can do what i did. granted i am older then you and authough my vanilla friends do not understand bdsm they understand about my lifestyle cause i explained it to them. They know i have a Master and if he makes me happy (which he does very happy) they are happy for me. he does not restrict me going out with my friends when feasable i tell him ahead of time. Like tomorow i and a friend going to get our haircut and a manis/pedis, the only thing he said to me was ok sweetheart don't get it cut short. So he is ok with me going out. Don't let you Dom isloate you that could be a bad situation. Try talking to him you have to be able to alk about thing BEFORE you are owned (after too). If you can't talk things out now you really should not be thinking about being owned.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 10:35:25 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Well... if you ask me, you need to make a choice, either submit to your Master or submit to your rude and inconsiderate friends. Vanilla is not an excuse for the absence of manners and basically, your friends do not treat you or your Master with respect. They suck, get new ones. and while you are out, find some damn self respect. Letting people shit on you like that is the first sign.



This.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What do you do? - 5/3/2010 10:38:15 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		You need better friends.. they seem annoying

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 20
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