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RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/8/2010 4:04:16 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I don't exactly live in a progressive area, my nonkinky friends thought I was a slut because I was dating two guys at the same time, I really don't think telling them it goes way beyond that would work for them or me. The beauty of it is, I'm not fucking them, so I don't have to be sexually compatible with them for them to still be friends and I have many kinky friends as well, so it works.

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Post #: 41

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/8/2010 8:43:09 PM

itsmeinLV

Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

I have yet to reveal anything BDSM related to my family or friends. We have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy set (on just about everything in our lives), haha. Actually, the only people (outside of the BDSM lifestyle, of course) that knows I am what (how?) I am are my sister and my significant other. I have not lost her love as her younger sibling but she has a difficult time trying to understand my liking behind it. I am very forth coming when it comes to this with my significant other so before we entered a serious relationship, he knew all about it. Although he is kinky vanilla (that thinks he understands the lifestyle but really doesn't...yet), he does an excellent job trying to understand and accommodate my liking of BDSM. I am very lucky.

(in reply to BerryDelicious)

Post #: 42

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/9/2010 1:54:10 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

In the world I live in, being kinky is actually considered to be quite cool so I've had no issues with that although it would be a different matter with family.

It is quite different when you're talking about a relatioship based on a D/s dynamic. Growing up in a time when womans rights and equality (issues I fully support) are such a strong part of our society many view this dynamic ass oppressive or degrading to a woman and it's much less acceptable in their eyes then being sexually kinky is, so there are very few people that are aware of this aspect of my life. The funny thing is that my very traditional family would be well pleased to see me acting in a more traditional feminine role in a relationship.

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 5/9/2010 1:57:12 AM >

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Post #: 43

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/9/2010 4:13:40 AM

PaddleMeuk

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Joined: 5/6/2010
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Two of my friends found out the hard way as I didnt know they were into some kinky stuff too and they were at a house party I was there sealed in skin tight pvc and high heels gimp suit and they only found out it was me once the hood was taken off for a breather, I rememer them being shocked that I was so twisted I haven't spoke the them scince tho other friends have found out by either finding online profiles or finding pics of me being used.

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 44

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/10/2010 11:35:51 AM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
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My kinky friends know....but others have NO idea.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 45

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/10/2010 11:48:47 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Almost no one knows.... it is really hard to explain this shit to people who don't get it.

On the other hand, I never a play by play of nilla sex either so.........

It's really no ones business

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Post #: 46

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/10/2010 12:15:51 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

"I'm sorry, was i supposed to be surprised?", "hmm...I could see that.", "when have you NOT been kinky?", "so THAT'S why you like being on top everytime we have sex! no wonder!" that was pretty much it.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 47

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/10/2010 12:34:04 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

If the friends are not kinky, they have no idea that i am.

right

c'mon Holly...even they should figure out that you enjoy pain after your last activity

I usually keep my stuff private, however over here (since I live in the UK) it slightly changed, simply due to the fact that I date guys overseas (as I won't stay in the UK) and there are times when so called friends ask where I met the guy whom I am going to meet (during which time they feed my cats)...and then they end up asking more than they ever wanted to know

Therefore 4 I lost that way but thats cool with me...

after one trip one person kept singing in my ears I should be grateful that she is worried about me when I meet someone in another country...leaving me shaking my head and just thinking

Why should I be grateful for something I never wanted in the first place

since then I don't tell her about any meetings anymore and dont ask her to look after my cats either...as one of the things to piss me off is when someone things she needs to teach me such gratefulness....

same with another person, after I came back from the US her comment was "when we meet I will tell you what I really think about that." Hello? I don't fucking care what anyone thinks about that...I didnt ask her for her opinion. I informed her what I am doing, and what I am up to, yes...but I did not ask for her opinion or advice...I know what I am doing, am happy with it and couldn't care less about what she is "really thinking" about it...

and two others are out of my life due to similar behaviour...

So whilst normally I am not that open about my private life over here I am and in general I think who ever has a problem with it can just stay away...thats fine to me :o)

Then on the other hand I have 2 friends in particular who are awesome about that, though have to say that one of them is used to it due to another colleague we both worked with in the past who is a masochist...so that person had already broken her into....therefore I could not shock her anymore anyway...

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(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 48

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/10/2010 10:15:03 PM

slavelynn95008

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline

they would be all over me

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 49

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/11/2010 9:12:15 AM

asiansubmissie

Posts: 47
Joined: 2/23/2010
Status: offline

:)

< Message edited by asiansubmissie -- 5/11/2010 9:13:20 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 50

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/11/2010 10:47:21 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I define "Friends" perhaps differently than the masses would , I have many acquaintances yet few friends , Those few friends I have dig me for me no matter who or what I am which is why we are fiends .

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 51

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/12/2010 8:00:07 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Seeing all my friends are kinda freaky too, it hasn't been an issue since I moved to Long Beach. In fact some of my buddies want to go to fetish clubs with me. I feel really lucky, my friends these days accept people for the way they are

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(in reply to BerryDelicious)

Post #: 52

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/12/2010 10:07:23 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

I've been kind of "eccentric" most of my life and nothing I do seems to surprise many people. I have outed myself to one of my sisters and several vanilla friends. I haven't lost any friends over it, and most either shake their heads and laugh or they ask me about it. I even have one uber-vanilla gal pal who asks me sometimes if I'm going to have handcuffs and a whip in the nursing home with me when I'm old.

My Dad knows that DB and I are more "traditional" in the way our relationship is set up, and that suits him just fine. He also knows that I have friends I know from online and that we get together to go to a club at times, and that no, it isn't the type of place he would be comfortable in. That's about it. I'm lucky, most of my friends now ARE lifestyle people.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 53

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/12/2010 11:59:32 PM

tigreetsa

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/30/2010
From: SW London
Status: offline

I've never fitted in so it's never been an issue.

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So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.'
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(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 54

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/13/2010 5:14:53 AM

LatexCrusade

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline

Like several on this discussion, I can't see the purpose of a "coming out" session almost with my friends and or family about my kinks and fetish's. At the end of the day, for me, its part of my sexual world and I do it because I find it sexually appealing. It's my private life so why would I broadcast it to my friends and or family. The equivolant I can think of is my friend calling us all together and saying "Guy's theres something I've been meaning to tell you. I bite my fingernails and leave the nails underneath my mattress"
Good for you! I'm not for or against it but why do you think I paticularly want to know that?
This doesn't mean some of my friends don't know, but they've either guessed, found out by accident or drunken conversation, and to answer the OP's question, they were all posative or curious; if they would intentionally rip the piss out of you, to seriously try and upset you (as oppossed to just taking the mick), then they shouldn't be your friends. Just because they know now, however, it doesn't mean they paticularly become full converts or want to know every intimate detail of my sex life...
My parents are on a similar level. I know they're sexual being, hell I'm the evidence of that, but that doesn't mean I paticularly want to know they're bedroom habits. I can only assume it works the other way round and that most parents don't paticularly want to know what they're children are doing in the bedroom, as long as it safe. Again I do think my parents know, but again only by accident; this hasn't led to alienation and denial, just one gripe when I've been accussed of spending too much money on it all.

In short I don't paticularly hide anything from anyone, if they ask they'll get a straight answer, but it doesn't mean I'm inclined to rub it in their faces (unless they ask REALLY nicely ;) )

(in reply to tigreetsa)

Post #: 55

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/13/2010 5:19:55 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Within a few days of meeting a new group of people *someone* will start teasing me about being kinky-it's some kind of vibe.

I get that too! (filth-pheromones I guess..)

In my professional life next to no-one knows, it would be damaging if some of my clients did. That said, I've been "detected" by a couple of people I've worked with over the years and the results have always been delicious.

I guess like most people I socialise in a number of circles - my yachtie pals, political pals, social pals etc - and of course there's some overlap between groups.

A few of my friends know I get up to naughtiness, a few don't know but wouldn't react badly, some - however - would run a mile.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 56

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/13/2010 5:31:11 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

For me it is more about the dynamics and interactions of the two ppl in the relationship .. so its easy to explain that " OLD FASHIONED" type thinking about the Man being in charge and the woman being His "helpmate" .. in general everyone understands respect and some ( not all mind you ) agree with the thinking that relationships used to be much happier and successful a long time ago when this path was followed. When moms stayed home and did things that catered to the family all day and Dad came home to a happy evening of dinner and a wife Happy to see Him. Add to that the thinking that any intimacy He would wish would be a yes! not a No i am too tired .. have a headache.. or whatever excuse people come up with now a days... I don't use Titles.. but explain things along the lines of ONE being charge of most things and the other the one who creates a beautiful home that is happy for them with His help and guidence. This seems to go over well.. and Most seem to agree tho some are still stuck in the role of being of the one in charge ( male and female ) and even tho not happy or fullfilled... they cannot seem to understand. Sometimes i mention spankings or a paddle and they just basically laugh and get all funny about it.. tease me about it or act all indignant.. its amusing for me!
i Do try to explain that it ( this type of thinking or living in relationship ) is NOT ALL ABOUT whips and chains as they think of at first.. that is just the Bonus of being open minded! lol and in the end .. realllly? Most ppl like getting or giving a spanking if they are honest when it is coupled with hot passionate sex! lol but they are not brave or adventurous enough to step out of fantasy! too bad for them! lol
My family knows.. and gets it... my mother understood the best as it was basically the way she and those before her were raised to think... i don't know if my dad spanked her ever.. but there was a swat! or two i am sure.. even just in fun!

... i am not concerned with approval.. but rather would wish others can find the same fullfillment and joy!

(in reply to LatexCrusade)

Post #: 57

RE: How did your friends react to finding out you are k... - 5/13/2010 5:55:15 AM

rideemwet

Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

So in the world of somewhat segmented lives, who's had a long-time "vanilla" friend that turned out to be kinky? Any good laughs when you found out?

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Post #: 58

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