Am i doing this all WRONG??

Am i doing this all WRONG?? (Full Version)

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MyCaptainsPet -> Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:07:24 AM)
i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this.... Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Do i have this wrong??

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:11:20 AM)
You are correct, and if you run into any D/M who does NOT do this, you want to run for your life. quote: ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this.... Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Do i have this wrong??

Jasmyn -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:19:24 AM)
i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this.... Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Do i have this wrong?? There has been a bit of discussion about how bdsm.d/s differs from vanilla in that d/s affords 'clearly defined roles' with a set of behaviours and attitudes attributed to each role. Alas the romanticism of promising the earth in that 'role' is a double edge sword ...yes according to literature a dom does have an obligation to take into account their sub's mental, physical, and emotional state...though some could raise the sub vs slave debate and state a slave shouldn't need or place such limitations on their dominant, while a sub wouldn't submit unless there was. So instead of getting into a true or false or what is right and what isn't debate I'll just advise to choose a *partner* who holds the same belief system of d/s as you do.

BrianSenior -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:26:41 AM)
I agree with Lady Morgynn ~BK~

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:30:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Depends on the relationship. Some masters consider the role of the slave to be something akin to a bodyguard and put them in charge of getting their meds, reminding them of medical appointments, throwing them out of the way of moving cars, being the DD at a party with alcohol, etc. And obviously, sometimes keeping someone from harm just isn't possible, and sometimes some harm must be done in order to prevent worse harm later. quote: Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Their decisions should take into account the possible consequences. You'll see lots of subs and doms on this site that, at least occasionally, they really like making the sub suffer and push through the suffering in their pursuit of obedience. I'm agreeing with Jasmyn- just make sure your own partner is sharing your values and priorities.

truesub4u -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:30:52 AM)
I guess this is where I draw the line in any type of relationship. I am going to make sure i'm safe from physical and or mental harm. I refuse to put that trust in another.... this is where I decide what is best for me. I know others will not agree with this. But then hell, I don't agree with others on surrendering that much control. Because no one can seriously know enough to know if something will mentally fuck someone up. I'm responsible for my physical and mental well being... and no one else is.

SirPrize -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:38:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this.... Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Do i have this wrong?? You are assuming there is a right or wrong. There isn't. At least not a universal one. Do what's right for you. Find a man who's view of dominance matches your view of submission, and make each other happy. Doesn't that make a lot more sense then trying to fit yourself into someone elses definition of what you should be?

RavenMuse -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:42:54 AM)
OK the usual provisos apply in that I speak from MY PoV only, not some OTW... There is no obligation to do any of that, however you would IMO be silly to submit to a Master who didn't see it as part of his own responcibilitys to look after his girls mental and physical overall wellbeing. The Master isn't accountable to any other than himself and the law of the land, however if a girl finds herself in real and irresponcible danger, she should leave... preferably run like hell.

BitaTruble -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 11:50:33 AM)
quote: Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? No, there is no obligaton. If there were, Masters would keep their pets in little boxes so there was no possibility of harm ever coming to them. quote: Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Another no. Their decisions don't have to take anything into account. Neither do a slaves or those living a vanilla lifestyle as opposed to an alternative lifestyle. quote: Do i have this wrong?? Only if you try to apply those beliefs to everyone else. You have the choice to live that way only for yourself. Others can choose to do things quite differently and if it works for them.... or doesn't work for them, it's their responsiblity. Celeste

CERCKL -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 5:07:34 PM)
quote: I guess this is where I draw the line in any type of relationship. I am going to make sure i'm safe from physical and or mental harm. I refuse to put that trust in another.... this is where I decide what is best for me. I know others will not agree with this. But then hell, I don't agree with others on surrendering that much control. Because no one can seriously know enough to know if something will mentally fuck someone up. I'm responsible for my physical and mental well being... and no one else is. Now truesub, calm down and get My coffee started, I'll want it done by the time I'm up from My nap... You ARE responsible for everything you do, intend, etc...but on the other hand, the Dom will do everything to guide, protect, cherish... Still the end responsibility lies with each individual... C

treazure -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 5:16:41 PM)
Yes they do. If not run as quick as you can and don't look back. treazure

NeedToUseYou -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 5:32:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this.... Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Do i have this wrong?? I assume from the fact that you are asking about it, that it would be something you'd want in a Dom, so yes, it should be necessary and required for any Dom you'd be with. There are no universals of what qualities Doms have though. So select based on your needs as well as his.

MistressLorelei -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 5:47:50 PM)
I believe that a Dominant should always consider the mental and emotional effects of the submissive. However, I think that what is harmful for one submissive would not be harmful to another. In the early stages of a D/s relationship, communication is especially critical as a Dominant needs to learn the submissive. It takes time to learn his pain tolerance, how he thinks and will react to the stimulus, etc. While I want My submissive to handle what I give him, and do as I ask him to, I need to know how much he can do, and how what I ask of him will effect him. Once that trust and confidence is established (over time), I would feel as though I am in the right position to make the what is harmful, what is not decisions... and keep him safe and sane.

scratchingpost -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 5:51:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet i'm pretty sure this has been covered already, but i have no clue how to search for a topic like this.... Anyways... i just read a post on another thread, about how a sub/slave must remember that the D/M is in control... Yes, they have the control, but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? Do i have this wrong?? it is my firm belief that the first rule of dominance is to keep the emotional and physical well being of the submissive in the forefront of your mind at all times.

truesub4u -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 6:19:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CERCKL Now truesub, calm down and get My coffee started, I'll want it done by the time I'm up from My nap... You ARE responsible for everything you do, intend, etc...but on the other hand, the Dom will do everything to guide, protect, cherish... Still the end responsibility lies with each individual... C No hell you did not!?!?!?!?!............. I do not see a will you... or please... get your own damn coffee CERCKL.... [;)]

catize -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 6:31:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet but don't they also have an obligation to keep their property/sub/slave etc safe from harm? Don't their decisions have to take into account their sub's mental and physical well being as well as emotional state? In a word, no. Just as you are not obligated to submit to whatever you define as harmful to yourself.

ScooterTrash -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 6:38:12 PM)
I don't know if it's an obligation, but it certainly should be a goal to do what they can to protect and keep their sub/slaves well being as a priority.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 8:02:23 PM)
Yep!..just as I thought, could not wait til I saw if you had read what Cerckle wrote..heheheh...and of course your reaction was definitely truesub worthy!!..got the messy screen to prove it!....get him girl!....Tempting

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 8:04:12 PM)
I have to agree with scooter on this one..Tempting

truesub4u -> RE: Am i doing this all WRONG?? (4/6/2006 8:17:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Yep!..just as I thought, could not wait til I saw if you had read what Cerckle wrote..heheheh...and of course your reaction was definitely truesub worthy!!..got the messy screen to prove it!....get him girl!....Tempting LOL yeah can't wait myself to see his response when he gets up from his nap and no damn coffee waiting... [;)]

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