quote:

He knows that I wont pull out the "topping from the bottom" card simply because telling me what he wants IS an order.

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Example:

Sub: Mistress, I sure would look good wearing a maids outfit while cleaning

Mistress: Oh? Would you now?

Sub gets nervous by tone of Mistress and drops the subject.

Few days later:

Sub: Mistress, you should see this new maids outfit that I bought.

Mistress: I'm sure it is lovely

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ORIGINAL: subsfaith

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Example:

Sub: Mistress, I sure would look good wearing a maids outfit while cleaning

Mistress: Oh? Would you now?

Sub gets nervous by tone of Mistress and drops the subject.

Few days later:

Sub: Mistress, you should see this new maids outfit that I bought.

Mistress: I'm sure it is lovely

Most importantly, he isn't being honest.  He wants the Mistress to see him wearing this, yet he isn't saying that. He is manipulating the Mistress, teasing her perhaps, and on the second occasion overtly trying to control.

I was taught to express my wants clearly.  'I want....' or 'I would like...' It wasn't a question so I wasn't forcing him to answer me.  And it gave him the opportunity to reward me with things I want when the appropriate time came for him. 

If I did as the above did in the example, I would get completely ignored, punishment enough.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

I don't mind the round-about suggestion. I get it. Sub wants to play maid. Doesn't want to come right out with it. no problem to me. Would say exactly what the mistress in your example said. Then, maybe a week later. when the sub does something I think is quite excellent, will reward by saying.. oh.. why don't you wear your maid's uniform and we'll have a little tea party. ((sweet!))

We're not all open--talk talk talk types. Some people are more subtle. I don't miss much and am fine with gentle hints. Actually I think it's rather polite and sweet, and not manipulative.

Journals are great for understanding where everyone's head is at, particularly since I often comment on the journal or make a clarificaton or get ideas from the fantasies.
((My cub has a backload of journal entries from his time spent serving Me, how does One set a link to another's on collarme?))
 Every d/s dynamic is different. I tend towards dreamer's view that that mutual pleasure, fullfillment and self-realization make for a happy, satisfying relationship. Not everyone wants that style of life together, but it's one I've loved.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't hint around, my Master encourages me to ask for things I am interested in, although he may not indulge me. Often, the answer is, "after dinner" or "I have other plans for you tonight," but he never accuses me of topping from the bottom. Since this was apparently an issue earlier in your relationship, I can understand that it is difficult for him to be direct. My former submissive of 5 years, and my current submissive playpartner were/are very forthright about their needs as well. However, if one or both of them had approached it as you describe, I wouldn't feel they were being manipulative or dishonest. It would come across as shy and tentative, and I'd think it was a bit sweet that they were pushing themselves to let me know what their needs were, even though they were afraid of rejection.

I have to say that an amused "Oh, really?" type of response like you described in your OP would make me back the heck off of asking for *that* activity again, unless they were submissive toward me. I'd get the impression that the person who answered me that way wasn't interested at all, but was trying to be reasonably polite about it. So, unless they brought it up, since they were obviously aware of my interests, I would drop it.

Andalusite,
My OP wasn't about me personally. I was curious as to the thoughts of other's with regards to my examples. Yes, in my own past I have had some difficulties with submissives approaching me, but the examples I used were just examples. I am like you, if I were a sub and my Domina said "Oh, Really?", I wouldn't even bother asking for that activity again. I would see it as a closed door not to be opened again, until she decided to open it. It is a good thing I am not a submissive

Thanks for responding

MoGa

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

"thanks for sharing" is another useful response.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Then again, the "oh, really" or "thanks for sharing" type of response might just prompt someone to learn how to ask for things directly, rather than play this less than straight forward/ possible manipulation game.  If someone hinted that they wanted a particular activity, but didn't necessarily come out and ask if we could engage in it, and then didn't bring up the subject again because of My response, they really would have only themselves to blame for not getting what they wanted.  Since what I want is open and honest communication in the dynamic, I find that to be more important.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

We are so demanding...

..and bossy too

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

We are so demanding...

..and bossy too

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ORIGINAL: marshalp

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

We are so demanding...

..and bossy too

Totally, what do poor people like us do with You

Ah..the question is not what you can do with me, it is what you can do for me and what it is that I can do with you heh

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ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

ahhh but MoGa, my question is, "what can you do for me, that I cant already do for myself"?

Also, Lady Hib agreeing with me? Elizabeth, its the big one, the big one, ohhh elizabeth its the big one!

quote:

ahhh but MoGa, my question is, "what can you do for me, that I cant already do for myself"?

I have given this great thought. I have come to the conclusion that you could do anything you set your mind to do, for yourself. But isn't it much funner having a partner to do it with you?

*Checks the basement for pods* Hmm..nothing to see here, move along *burst out laughing*

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Then again, the "oh, really" or "thanks for sharing" type of response might just prompt someone to learn how to ask for things directly, rather than play this less than straight forward/ possible manipulation game.  If someone hinted that they wanted a particular activity, but didn't necessarily come out and ask if we could engage in it, and then didn't bring up the subject again because of My response, they really would have only themselves to blame for not getting what they wanted.  Since what I want is open and honest communication in the dynamic, I find that to be more important.