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can you help? - 5/5/2010 10:51:36 AM   
subjim2010


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/12/2010
Status: offline 		hello everyone

after being brought back to the county officers head department they asked if they could run a background check. i was horrified to learn that my interests in bdsm were brought into question and what does all this mean.

after a 3 and a half ordeal of multiple drawings and re-inactments of the elemets i am interested in i was released with a warning.

i am now disallowed access to the local village where i buy my groceries and enjoy a afternoon walk in the park. my freedom has been taken from me and im now stuck on the farm by my lonesome self.

can anyone please advise me into how i can pursue this. i feel outcast. i feel dirty as if its my fault. my partner is deeply grieved and is considering moving out. i will be here with many mouths to feed and holes to fill and no support. (as you know i own a farm and deal with livestock)

if can also bring to light a development. i recently bought some ear plugs which are like small floresant plugs which are shaped like corks. after ramming them up my anal passage to relieve the ictiness i am now in need to remove them. although i am worried if i remove them the hole will close and i will not be able to use it as efficiently as i do now.

please write back as i need direction with this.

Yours
Subjim
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 10:57:07 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		can't you get some non-flourescent corks to pop in your anus so that it don't glow in the dark?  isnt that a dead giveaway after all?

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:08:51 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Go to the ER. At the hospital, they'll put you in a gown that leaves your ass fully exposed, and they'll do a set of x-rays on you which will clearly show the hamsters, dildos, bottles, cucumbers, corks, etc. that have taken up residence in your ass lately. All of the hospital staff will be giggling over your images in no time, and then they'll put you ass-up and manually remove things. They'll probably need to go elbow- deep to get everything out of there, and all the while you'll know that everyone is having a good laugh at your expense, and you'll be the stuff of legend there for years to come. Tip: If you go to a teaching hospital, several medical school students, interns or residents will be watching in addition to the other staff. This should all be extremely humiliating for you. Have fun!  :o)

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:12:49 AM   
pegbundy


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/3/2010
Status: offline 		I have nothing of use to offer here. Just thank you for sharing.

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:19:17 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		OP - you need company. Buy a goose. Some are really demanding and could help distract you from your recent strife.

Or you could buy a hammer and nails (mail order of course) and see if your other half is willing to try something a bit different.

Make sure you have plenty of band-aids available.

~happy to help~

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:25:45 AM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		subjim,
My suggestion is as banal as to suggest you eat some fiber and try to poo (They're earplugs, not the traffic cones I'm sure you've had dalliances with in the past. Should be like pooting vienna sausages down the Large Hadron Collider ! ), but I want you to know that despite the fact  that I will probably never bum you (preferring something a little more virginal), I am becoming a fan.

< Message edited by Voodali -- 5/5/2010 11:33:25 AM >

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:27:34 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Have you thought about procuring some tongueless lesbians from Kentucky to stub them outta there?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:36:00 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Dear Jim... It seems there is nothing wrong that the clever use of a shop vac wont fix.


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I give good thread.

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:39:21 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subjim2010

i recently bought some ear plugs which are like small floresant plugs which are shaped like corks. after ramming them up my anal passage to relieve the ictiness i am now in need to remove them.

How do you get them past your head?

~stef


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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 11:45:09 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjim2010

i recently bought some ear plugs which are like small floresant plugs which are shaped like corks. after ramming them up my anal passage to relieve the ictiness i am now in need to remove them.

How do you get them past your head?

~stef




LOL! 

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 1:26:10 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Go to the ER. At the hospital, they'll put you in a gown that leaves your ass fully exposed, and they'll do a set of x-rays on you which will clearly show the hamsters, dildos, bottles, cucumbers, corks, etc. that have taken up residence in your ass lately. All of the hospital staff will be giggling over your images in no time, and then they'll put you ass-up and manually remove things. They'll probably need to go elbow- deep to get everything out of there, and all the while you'll know that everyone is having a good laugh at your expense, and you'll be the stuff of legend there for years to come. Tip: If you go to a teaching hospital, several medical school students, interns or residents will be watching in addition to the other staff. This should all be extremely humiliating for you. Have fun!  :o)


 

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 1:46:35 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you.........just thank you!

It is always nice to read something like this to remind myself how delightfully boring my life really is. Delightfully being the key word.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 2:12:36 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Who needs television drama when jims about.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 2:22:38 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Go to the ER. At the hospital, they'll put you in a gown that leaves your ass fully exposed, and they'll do a set of x-rays on you which will clearly show the hamsters, dildos, bottles, cucumbers, corks, etc. that have taken up residence in your ass lately. All of the hospital staff will be giggling over your images in no time, and then they'll put you ass-up and manually remove things. They'll probably need to go elbow- deep to get everything out of there, and all the while you'll know that everyone is having a good laugh at your expense, and you'll be the stuff of legend there for years to come. Tip: If you go to a teaching hospital, several medical school students, interns or residents will be watching in addition to the other staff. This should all be extremely humiliating for you. Have fun!  :o)


I'm seeing Mary Poppins and her carpetbag....

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 2:32:06 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Unfortunately I have allowed my licence to practice psychiatry to lapse and so am unable to help.

E

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 2:55:14 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The first thing you need to do is drink a quart of oil - mineral preferably, but engine if mineral is unavailable.
The second thing you need to do is go for a looooooong car ride - somewhere where you can't pull off to the reststop. Its the jiggling of the car that will help the oil to work - yeah, thats it!!!

Once everything is cleared out - repeat, just to be sure.

As for support - consider building a St Andrews cross.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 2:56:34 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		falls over laughing and runs away from this thread before she pees her pants..........carry on.......

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RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 3:33:14 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

can't you get some non-flourescent corks to pop in your anus so that it don't glow in the dark?  isnt that a dead giveaway after all?


_____________________________

yep

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: can you help? - 5/5/2010 4:20:57 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Who is this?

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: can you help? - 5/6/2010 9:56:48 AM   
subjim2010


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/12/2010
Status: offline 		hello everyone

i am concerned into the number of people who now see my postings as nothing but a humorous affair. i am saddened to think that the life experiences i encounter day by day are a cheap joke to many people. may we take this time to reflect hard on the fact that i am simply another human being trying to express myself and make friends.

i am still considering the event i am holding. a few people have emailed me. and worryingly, no i wont be offering goodie bags with porcelain tupperware...

Yours
Subjim

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Profile   Post #: 20
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