Why Me ? (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> Why Me ? (5/11/2010 7:55:17 PM)

For some reason I seem to be one of those people who are natural targets, targets for officialdom, security guards, police and the like, as it seems despite doing nothing untoward, I always seem to be the one suspected or a stop and question target for security guards and police

Again tonight, I was challenged to produce i.d. by a university security guard when I gained entry in the normal manner to my dance class. No one else was challenged, during or after, only me. In fact reporting the issue, no one had even heard of this happening before. This is not the first time this has happened, it happens quite regularly in different places, each time taking chunks out of my belief in society and feeding the rage against the machine, a rage I do my level best to subdue. But what I have to ask, is why me, why is it I always seem to be the one picked for the shitty treatment ?

Now tonight I distinctly felt my civil liberties had been compromised and I had been grossly insulted, to which I am launching an official complaint, because I believe the security guard was incorrect in his actions, being abusive and hiding his own identification when I demanded it, and only for the fact he had called two other guards to back him up and the police did I back down and compromise my own standards, I gave in to injustice to avoid being arrested on the words of people that stick together in lies.

Now what rankled me, was I was told by the angry confrontational security guard that he did not want my sort in his building, I questioned what he meant by my sort and he evaded the question, thus leaving me to understand I was being discriminated against for whatever chewed his goose at that time. I then understood I was picked out to be challenged because of something about me, but what, what is it that attracts these confrontational badge wearers.

Ok, so I am kind of alternative in my attire, tonight it was a  1960's Baja Jerga and Aussy swagman's hat, I have below shoulder long haywire hair and I invaribly carry an old WW2 style gasmask bag, my man bag, I also wear the most comfortable boots I have ever owned, my issued combat boots and black jeans. I am an art student and I am at college, albeit the rival to the university and I have been attending the university for my dance tuition for over a year now, but never before challenged. Now, it occurs the venue being a fitness suite I was not wearing fitness attire, for I get changed there, nothing wrong in that, so I guess my sort has to be something to do with my appearance, not necessarily my mode of dress, but what is it, a question I keep asking myself everytime I go through these kind of situations, situations my friends never experience.

So, I have to ask here is there anyone else that experiences these problems, being made out to feel a problem when they are not, is it just me, or are there people in society who naturally draw the attention of the aggressor for just being them, who they are, without even opening their mouth or doing anything out of the ordinary ?

Just to note when I was challenged, I was saying nothing, feeling open minded and positive and listening to music on my MP3 player to get in the mood for my dancing, so as far as I can understand, I was not a problem, yet I was made out to be.

Am I alone in this, or is it I am seeing more than there is ?



slaveluci -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 9:00:51 PM)

It's the long hair. Always makes authoritative pricks assume you're up to no good. Stupid, ignorant but true in so many cases. Sorry for your bad experience.........luci



Arpig -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 9:22:23 PM)

Why you?....Why not?

I have long hair and am generally ignored by all and sundry...maybe its because I am short and fat, who knows



Dubbelganger -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 10:36:27 PM)

I have long hair, too, but I also walk with a cane, so I reckon douchebag authoritarian fuckheads are less inclined to hassle me.

No answer for you, Aneirin.



popeye1250 -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 11:19:04 PM)

I'm just the opposite in a way. I often wear ballcaps with "US COAST GUARD" or "US NAVY"- Veteran" on them and some cops will come over and ask me where I was stationed, what I did etc. I got out of a speeding ticket once because of that.[:D]
Do you "skulk" when you walk? Try making eye contact with them and nodding, that might help. Do you walk with your hands in your pockets?
You might be advertising the wrong kind of body language.



GreedyTop -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 11:24:10 PM)

what Popeye said.....



Aneirin -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 11:36:02 PM)

Ah, that just could be it;

I have  dyspraxia, eye contact is a difficulty for me except with those whom I know well and furthermore, the unvoiced facial communication I do not see. I know I tend to fix focus when I am out,, for I am very aware of what is happening without looking at everything. Walking with hands in pockets, yeah, tonight I was doing so, for it was the coldest May night for some ten years and this morning there is frost on everything.

So this victimisation thing I experience could very well be the dyspraxia at work, a so called learning disability. Looks like I will just have to get on with it and experience the shit in life,as there is no cure, nor help available for adults with this thing.

And people wonder why I rage against the machine.



Resnick -> RE: Why Me ? (5/11/2010 11:49:11 PM)

I would say that it was a confidence thing, but from your description, you didn't seem like you were insecure. I have a baby face, and when I go to the movies, I always expect to be carded, so I always am, but when I walk in like I own the place, I never am. But you don't seem to have my problem.

Maybe next time this happens you should ask them what it is about you that sets them off?

And  what that man said was way out of line. Sorry he was so mean to you. [:(] I hope he gets what is coming to him.



myotherself -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 12:11:40 AM)

Aneirin - I'm SO sorry that you had to encounter this officious little prick [:(]

As someone who works a lot with dyspraxic teens, I tend to agree with what you and Popeye said. I have a particular teenage student (male) who is a goth (individuality is a wonderful thing, lol) and when he is having one of his less coordinated days, he tends to tuck his hands in his pockets and keep his head down and focus.

He and I know that he's doing it to avoid trips/falls/bumps/whatever, but he does look like an 'angry/intense young man' - the kind you don't want to meet in a dark alleyway [:)]

It's absolutely not what he's like - he's an absolutely wonderful young man, but it's how he can appear. Anyone with observational powers and an ounce of empathy would soon spot that he's not angry, just concentrating hard. Sadly the moron you met doesn't have the mental capacity to look or to empathise. And he has a uniform, which makes him 'special' in his own lonely little world.

Ignore him - most of us are a little more mature [:)]



SirPumpy -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 12:20:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Ah, that just could be it;

I have  dyspraxia, eye contact is a difficulty for me except with those whom I know well and furthermore, the unvoiced facial communication I do not see. I know I tend to fix focus when I am out,, for I am very aware of what is happening without looking at everything. Walking with hands in pockets, yeah, tonight I was doing so, for it was the coldest May night for some ten years and this morning there is frost on everything.

So this victimisation thing I experience could very well be the dyspraxia at work, a so called learning disability. Looks like I will just have to get on with it and experience the shit in life,as there is no cure, nor help available for adults with this thing.

And people wonder why I rage against the machine.




Im a fairly brutal judge of character, its not something I every studied its a gift I guess.

Im also a keen student of sociology and people because it holds a fascination for me and along the way Ive made a few observations.

Based on the highlighted portions of your post I can see why the rentacop picked you out.

Because you fit the body language profile for a stoner or someone high or about to get high.

And with this comes the assumption that you were looking to score or steal.

You haven't mentioned if you were neat, what sort of clothing you wore, what kind or if you were carrying anything, if you had any motif or slogans on your clothing, body mods, jewellery, piercings.

Any known political affiliations or activist history and even what you are studying at University as people and often students are profiled based on their activities especially since 9/11.

Personally id keep a laminated card handy explaining exactly what you explained here and when stopped hand it to the authority.

Dont be hostile, be amicable and resist the urge to be a smartarse (Im not suggesting you were but its one of those things).

I used to get pulled over regularly because I did a lot of night driving and Id always pull to the curb, shut down the engine, remove the keys and then get out of the car and walk to the back of the car with my license in my hand.
Id then greet them (How ya goin fellas) and hold out my license.

Worked well for years in Australia, Nearly got me shot when I was in the US..... although youd think watching all those episodes of "Cops" would have given me a clue. (I think reaching into my breast pocket for my papers spooked them a tad)

I think that another avenue to follow may be to read some body language books, the stuff works and works well and it will help you to project a different external image.

Sadly in this day and age "The Machine" can (And does) profile you from video footage and this profiling is part of most LEO and Mil training.

Id hope that with some introspection you should be able to fake it till you make it.

Good luck



Aneirin -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 12:40:22 AM)

I have stayed up all night again, too tense to kip, but have used the time wisely, for I have constructed a well thought out email and only just blasted it off to the University Equality and Diversity Policy people, cc'd to the Principal of the University, and one to the Learning disabilities people who made me aware this life long problem has a name.

I have resisted the courtesy of sending a copy to the security management at the university for the simple reason the person, persons have given me no reason to trust them to treat the complaint in a fair manner. My compaint can filter down from on high, they get to know about it last and the little turd that caused me the problems can just wonder what it means for him, as I have perused the University security criteria, and the situation that warrants a challenge describes a person who is obviously with mal intent and it gives likely things to look out for, none of which I believe applies to me.

All through the confrontation, I was calm, polite and courteous because in situations of that manner, I think slowly, my thought processing speed is I am told slower than average, even though I was shaking and fighting the desire to destroy him or run away, an adrenaline experience with the fight or flight chucked in too.

In the security policy, they are expected to show their identification at all times and when asked, they have to respond with their name, this tit refused, so I can only assume, he knows he was acting outside of his jurisdiction, perhaps he felt he will flex his badge  for his own pathetic little power trip, but it went wrong, for now he has an official complaint lodged against him encompassing such terms as discrimination,victimisation, abuse and  harrassment, not forgetting failure to comply with the operational terms of his own position.

That is the actions of a pissed off scorpio.



Vendaval -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 1:08:34 AM)

There are certain individuals who work in security or law enforcement who use their power to bully and intimidate others. Sounds like you attracted the attention of one.

I agree with the advice of making eye contact and taking your hands out of your pockets, etc. An odd or unconventional type of dress and appearance means that these sorts will notice you and some will assume that you are using or selling drugs, under the influence of alcohol, etc.



Aneirin -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 1:17:04 AM)

The odd thing is, the university itself has a very diverse population of students who dress in all manner of weird things, and some of them I have seen are into cosplay, skin tight spandex animal suits and animal made up faces, yes they can be seen walking around like that.

But hey ho, I am semi reclusive as it is and when I do go out, its local where I am known well. I do hate to think there is a possibility I will become reclusive due to fear of confrontation, I have to find a way of managing this, now I know it has become a problem.



Vendaval -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 1:44:30 AM)

Take good care of yourself and don't let the nasty people get you down.



RCdc -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 3:12:58 AM)

As someone who knows you A, my suggestion is that you don't bring this to an online forum for advice or ideas when they don't know what you can be like.

Yes, people can be stupid and people aren't always aware of difficulties associated with learning disabilities or other aspects of mental health.  It's not any worse than it has ever been but there is an unrealistic expectation that things should be better these days.

The clues are in your post.  You already know that you look different - you purposefully dress to provoke a response and that is something you and I have discussed before.  If it really was dress that came 'naturally' to you - you wouldn't have to make a point about it.

You know for a fact that D has long hair and he never has issues because he has a very gentle demeanor and always looks people in the face.  You are uncomfortable and aware of peoples judgements and you are already on the defense, not making eye contact with people you don't know.  As much as you protest you don't care, you do, whereas someone like D doesn't even realise people might care and so it doesn't come as a second thought.

Until you get off your idea of 'I'm different so I'm picked on' and deal with your paranoia, it's always going to happen - or at least you will feel it will or notice more.
And your posting frenzy again.  You know what that means - whether this incident was the trigger or not.

the.dark.
(.edit for spelling and rubbish sentances.)



OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 3:26:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

The odd thing is, the university itself has a very diverse population of students who dress in all manner of weird things, and some of them I have seen are into cosplay, skin tight spandex animal suits and animal made up faces, yes they can be seen walking around like that.

But hey ho, I am semi reclusive as it is and when I do go out, its local where I am known well. I do hate to think there is a possibility I will become reclusive due to fear of confrontation, I have to find a way of managing this, now I know it has become a problem.



This is an excellent attitude.  You've received some good answers as to why incidents like this may seem to recur in your life.  Let me just try to give you a piece of advice about dealing with security personnel in general, from mall cops to school cops to cops walking beats.  This is something I figured out for myself when I was a kid with my hair in big (sometimes purple) liberty spikes who thought anyone who carried a flashlight and a walkie talkie was a bloody fascist.

You seem to be harmless, kind, and non-threatening.  If you're all of these things, the vast majority of authority figures don't particularly want to hassle you.  They have better things to do.  They make check you out if you look a little suspicious, but they're not likely to even approach you.  What will probably happen is you'll get a hard, scrutinizing look.  That can be irritating, but you have to understand that much is part of their job.  They want you to notice that you've been noticed and to see how you react.  If you don't do anything that sets off any red flags in their head, you'll both just go on with your nights.

The way you've described things it doesn't sound like you were exhibiting any red flag behavior and the guard came over and hassled you anyway.  My guess from your writing style is that you tend to be both accurate and literal in describing incidents, and the way you described this guy's actions and words it's pretty clear that he's a jackass.

There's a difference between a hardass and a jackass.  A hardass generally says "Please," and "Thank you," and asks questions and gauges responses.  They're professionals.  Interactions with them tend to be quick and relatively painless if you're not doing anything wrong.  Jackasses, on the other hand, think they're hardasses when they're really blowhards and buffoons.  They dominate the conversation.  They throw their weight around.  Once they start to hassle someone they've already decided that it's a power struggle that they're going to "win" whatever that means.

The secret to dealing with jackasses is to remember that everyone, especially their coworkers, generally hates them.  They make life difficult for everyone.  They bully everyone they think is weaker than they are.  They create paperwork for everyone.  They complain bitterly about coworkers behind their backs.  When you're dealing with these people, just keep telling yourself that no one, and I mean no one, is going to take them seriously as long as you remain calm and friendly and polite.  Remember that it physically hurts them to have a conversation in which their victim doesn't become rattled, frazzled, or aggressive.  Every time they poke at you and don't get a response, it's like having a needle shoved in their skin.  Better still, every confrontation they have in which they're clearly just wasting everyone's time is just going to add to the merciless ribbing from their coworkers they're going to have to put up with.

The only other piece of advice I have is that if you ever find yourself in a position where you're complaining about someone like this to one of his superiors, avoid words like "civil rights" or "civil liberties."  These phrases automatically mark you out as one of "them."  Say things like "He was really rude for no reason, in front of other people."  Say, "He gave me the impression he was trying to escalate the situation rather than resolve it."  Say, "I was doing my best to cooperate.  I was sober, respectful, non-confrontational, polite, and at a certain point it felt like it was just an ego game for him  I hate to say it, but even after he knew the situation was under control I think he had decided to just waste everybody's time out of spite."  These comments all accurately reflect your situation and they convey more information to the appropriate figures.  They paint a picture of an incident in which this guy was a bully who was bad at his job and behaved with a lack of professionalism.  Maybe he was an okay guy having a bad night.  But if he really is a jackass and a bully, his coworkers and superiors already know that and a description like that is likely to at least lead to him having an embarrassing sit-down with one of his bosses.



Aneirin -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 4:57:54 AM)

Thank You, good advice received, but the guy being employed  with a university where there are students with all sorts of political agendas the majority of us mature students have grown out of, or can at least see the futility in. I know you were responding to confrontations with the general assholes in society who seek an authority to make them feel hard, but a university which has strong statements against discrimination and speaks of diversity and equality, the guy is clearly in the wrong job, and it is with hope he may be looking for a job elsewhere very soon, as in my email to the college equalty department, I used the university diversity and equality policy laced into my construction, I used the words and phrases contained in that document to describe what happened to me, in short I believe I spoke in their language.

I have since received a few replies to my mail. one from the director of the equality services, the director of the disability services and an email from the head of security services to whom the mail was circulated by other authorities. The director of security services has assured me my distrust of the security services due to my experience has been noted and my very serious complaint will be investigated fully in a fair manner, but it might take a few days or longer due to the shift patterns of their contractors. Yes, contractors,  for it seems even they had farmed out security jobs to lower paid individuals who I understand being in a low paid contractual position reveals they are not the best quality. I have also mentioned in my email that as it was pointed out to me that there are security cameras that record all, they will if they check see my actions, and that of adolf, and they will see I was not acting in an aggressive or threatening manner and the response of seeking back up, and police prescence was disproportional and a waste of everyone's time and money.

I don't normally complain about others actions, normally I just get angry, winge a bit about it and then  let it fade into the back ground believing it is myself who is at fault due to my lack of understanding or some other possibility, but this is the first time I have taken this route of making an official complaint, as I know what will happen if I also let this one go, and having just come out of there, I don't want to go back this soon, that place, the constant cycling of anxiety, depression and issues of self worth. I am I believe in what I am doing this time, is trying to alter the chain of events that lead to the usual, so I may find a way to get out or at least avoid these self destructive passions.

But as an afternote, thank all the gods, goddesses, the heaven and the earth that we are not an armed country, for firearms in the hands of security contractors is a positively scary prospect.



Aneirin -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 6:14:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

As someone who knows you A, my suggestion is that you don't bring this to an online forum for advice or ideas when they don't know what you can be like.

Yes, people can be stupid and people aren't always aware of difficulties associated with learning disabilities or other aspects of mental health.  It's not any worse than it has ever been but there is an unrealistic expectation that things should be better these days.

The clues are in your post.  You already know that you look different - you purposefully dress to provoke a response and that is something you and I have discussed before.  If it really was dress that came 'naturally' to you - you wouldn't have to make a point about it.

You know for a fact that D has long hair and he never has issues because he has a very gentle demeanor and always looks people in the face.  You are uncomfortable and aware of peoples judgements and you are already on the defense, not making eye contact with people you don't know.  As much as you protest you don't care, you do, whereas someone like D doesn't even realise people might care and so it doesn't come as a second thought.

Until you get off your idea of 'I'm different so I'm picked on' and deal with your paranoia, it's always going to happen - or at least you will feel it will or notice more.
And your posting frenzy again.  You know what that means - whether this incident was the trigger or not.

the.dark.
(.edit for spelling and rubbish sentances.)


.Dark. you paint me in a poor light, for I must protest at your portrayal of me, for I no longer dress for aggressive impact, but now simply wear what I like and feel comfortable in, my choice of clothing, as it is others choice of clothing in what they wear, their style and therefore my style, the black leathers and armoured appearance, are now for the motorcycle not general wear. What I wear tends to be practical, comfortable, cheap, quite often pre owned as I cannot see the point of purchasing new when there is plenty of good things available pre owned and it fits in with my ethical stand point, that of recycling where I can, to lessen my impact on my planet and finally what I wear is quite often brightly coloured, usually multicoloured stripes as anyone familiar with Nepalese kurtas and  Mexican jergas can testify.

Clothing is of interest to me, I like clothes and I feel my move from black and austere to multicoloured and easy going reflects a change within myself, a change I am very comfortable with, so I wear what makes me feel comfortable and light of mind. Colour therapy I know, works and with that the colours we wear reflect and can influence mood, my mood is lighter these days for at last I am beginning to understand, and practical diagnosis has to an extent enabled that, for now I can recognise my ills, ( as has even happened in this very thread ), and as I desire to get better, seek routes to change my deep set negative behaviour.

I am by nature deeply analytical, I can if I let myself analyse the meaning of life, and I often do, but I am trying to seek the bigger picture these days and not so much the intricacies of narrow beam intense focus, which has impacted not so positively in other ways, but I am aware of it and need to learn the correct measure to be applied, opposite poles, my normal  approach clearly will not do anymore.

I have had labels applied ranging from Dyspraxic, Oppositional Defiancy disorder, AD(H)D and Aspergers syndrome, labels which have been suggested but like everything, they don't entirely fit, they never will as no one fits the entire spectrum of symptoms completely. They are labels that to me enable me to research the meaning of, characteristics and my approach to seeking an end or at least effective management of the difficulties I know I experience. and with sincere hope, release me to realise my potential in the practices I feel naturally drawn to.

The reason I mentioned my attire because in the past, my mode of dress was I even admit and looking back on it now,  austere and  did  portray, a keep away from me attitude, which is the way I felt whilst I was finding myself after the most harrowing experience of my life. Gothic is where I left off before, so gothic was where I started off in my search for myself. I believe I have gone through a metamorphosis, entered another stage of life, a stage where positivity figures much, and my dancing has to a large extent assisted in that change. I have even ditched the pentagram and now wear a silver nataraja, the lord of the dance, I invoke for my dancing but I dance in black with red, sometimes forest green and silver, what I am comfortable with.

Eye contact is a problem for me, it has been in the past, and I know due to my natural inability with communication by eye in order to appear normal, I have made the effort to meet eye with the result others do not receive the communication they seek from my eyes, I am in fact staring unfocused, so meeting eye to me is pointless unless with someone I know well, for they are aware of my foibles and take me for who I am and ignore my inabilities. Eye contact, I am clueless with it, so why go to the point of appearing offensive by my unfocused staring, I know the results of that, so I try not to do it anymore.

Why am I here a lot, well, I did say I was semi reclusive bordering on reclusive, the internet, forums and such are communication and communication where some of the issues I experience in real life communication are not present, no eyes to meet or facial expressions to boggle at, just words and a person's ability with those words to imply what it is they are saying.

I also like to write and as I am a slow thinker, I think about what I write in terms of is what I write, what words I use correct for what I am saying, also my long writing here and other places presents me with different thoughts to consider, new perspectives to look at, I am in my writing continually learning and I see things not otherwise apparent in my day to day bumblings of real life.

And I do understand I can come across as curt and factual, sometimes it is perceived in a different way to what I intend, I am aware of that and to those who have experienced that from me you have my apologies, no mal intent or sarcasm or whatever else is implied, it is just me.



RCdc -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 7:11:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
.Dark. you paint me in a poor light, for I must protest at your portrayal of me, for I no longer dress for aggressive impact, but now simply wear what I like and feel comfortable in, my choice of clothing, as it is others choice of clothing in what they wear, their style and therefore my style, the black leathers and armoured appearance, are now for the motorcycle not general wear. What I wear tends to be practical, comfortable, cheap, quite often pre owned as I cannot see the point of purchasing new when there is plenty of good things available pre owned and it fits in with my ethical stand point, that of recycling where I can, to lessen my impact on my planet and finally what I wear is quite often brightly coloured, usually multicoloured stripes as anyone familiar with Nepalese kurtas and  Mexican jergas can testify.


Nowhere did I say or even suggest that you dress for aggressive impact so please do not suggest that I did.
I am well aware of your style of dress... from your gothy moments to your velvet lounge lizard moments and to your more hippy kurtas.
What I did say is that something that is constant in you is your continued stance at drawing attention to the fact that you do not dress 'the norm' (and I use that term loosely).  You always bring up the way you 'look'.  Considering how you know how I dress at times, and the people I know and who we know mutually - the style of dress is irrelvant.  However your demeanor does play a factor and the very fact that you are so intent in singling out 'that you look different' is a big contributing factor.

quote:

Clothing is of interest to me, I like clothes and I feel my move from black and austere to multicoloured and easy going reflects a change within myself, a change I am very comfortable with, so I wear what makes me feel comfortable and light of mind. Colour therapy I know, works and with that the colours we wear reflect and can influence mood, my mood is lighter these days for at last I am beginning to understand, and practical diagnosis has to an extent enabled that, for now I can recognise my ills, ( as has even happened in this very thread ), and as I desire to get better, seek routes to change my deep set negative behaviour.

The way you dress reflects your feelings at the moment.  For now, you have dropped the leathers and New Rocks and you are digging the colours and the whole dance thang and it's all cool.
quote:

I am by nature deeply analytical, I can if I let myself analyse the meaning of life, and I often do, but I am trying to seek the bigger picture these days and not so much the intricacies of narrow beam intense focus, which has impacted not so positively in other ways, but I am aware of it and need to learn the correct measure to be applied, opposite poles, my normal  approach clearly will not do anymore.

I only wish you could be happy with yourself and not worry so much about how you dress and look and come across to others and their reactions.

quote:

I have had labels applied ranging from Dyspraxic, Oppositional Defiancy disorder, AD(H)D and Aspergers syndrome, labels which have been suggested but like everything, they don't entirely fit, they never will as no one fits the entire spectrum of symptoms completely. They are labels that to me enable me to research the meaning of, characteristics and my approach to seeking an end or at least effective management of the difficulties I know I experience. and with sincere hope, release me to realise my potential in the practices I feel naturally drawn to.

That paragraph above pretty much sums up what I was suggesting.  We have had countless discussions on your trips to therapy and doctors and your issues with authority figures.  You are so intent in the labels and not comfortable just being you.  And you know just have fantastic and beautiful and fabulous I know you are.  How much my children adore you and just how fantastic my parents think you are.  I know that your friends find you kind and loyal and so non judgemental it rocks - but when it comes down to you - you judge youself and analuse yourself way above the norm.

quote:

The reason I mentioned my attire because in the past, my mode of dress was I even admit and looking back on it now,  austere and  did  portray, a keep away from me attitude, which is the way I felt whilst I was finding myself after the most harrowing experience of my life. Gothic is where I left off before, so gothic was where I started off in my search for myself. I believe I have gone through a metamorphosis, entered another stage of life, a stage where positivity figures much, and my dancing has to a large extent assisted in that change. I have even ditched the pentagram and now wear a silver nataraja, the lord of the dance, I invoke for my dancing but I dance in black with red, sometimes forest green and silver, what I am comfortable with.


Again, this isn't a past thing.  This is something you still do.(See above for example).

quote:

Eye contact is a problem for me, it has been in the past, and I know due to my natural inability with communication by eye in order to appear normal, I have made the effort to meet eye with the result others do not receive the communication they seek from my eyes, I am in fact staring unfocused, so meeting eye to me is pointless unless with someone I know well, for they are aware of my foibles and take me for who I am and ignore my inabilities. Eye contact, I am clueless with it, so why go to the point of appearing offensive by my unfocused staring, I know the results of that, so I try not to do it anymore.

You are damned either way really A.  If you don't look your doing it wrong, if you stare, your doing it wrong! (According to society standards).

quote:

Why am I here a lot, well, I did say I was semi reclusive bordering on reclusive, the internet, forums and such are communication and communication where some of the issues I experience in real life communication are not present, no eyes to meet or facial expressions to boggle at, just words and a person's ability with those words to imply what it is they are saying.


I never said you are here a lot, nor do I think you are.  However you know that I have said to you before that I can tell when you are cycling by the amount of posts you make and what you post about both here and on the Politics forum.  I could list it and even tell you how you will be in a few days.  I'm sure any regulars here can attest that I've spoken about this on the forums before.

quote:

I also like to write and as I am a slow thinker, I think about what I write in terms of is what I write, what words I use correct for what I am saying, also my long writing here and other places presents me with different thoughts to consider, new perspectives to look at, I am in my writing continually learning and I see things not otherwise apparent in my day to day bumblings of real life.


Blogging would be a good outlet for you, I've said that before.

quote:

And I do understand I can come across as curt and factual, sometimes it is perceived in a different way to what I intend, I am aware of that and to those who have experienced that from me you have my apologies, no mal intent or sarcasm or whatever else is implied, it is just me.

You are second guessing people in how you come across.  You have no need to apologise for something you haven't done.
As you say, it is just you - and again and lastly - I just wish you could accept that for yourself.

the.dark.



popeye1250 -> RE: Why Me ? (5/12/2010 11:27:34 AM)

It's easy to pick out drug dealers by their dress and body language.
They stand around street corners or doorways hands in pockets, sunglasses, a ballcap pulled low and a hooded sweatshirt on top of that.
It's almost like a uniform. And for some reason they think this makes them "invisable."
I knew some people from years ago who were aware of "body language" before it became widely written about.
For "fun" they'd go to areas where there were high robbery rates and walk around like "pusseys" and when the bad guys tried to rob them out would come the .38 Cal. snubbys and it would be the bad guys who got robbed and beaten up. They made some good money and the crime rate plummetted after a week or so. Some funny stories!



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